A Special Message From Michael Myers

Hey bears, I’m gonna cut your heads off.

-Mike Myers

Hey kids. Along with some free government candy corns, how about buying some bank stocks? We can take your 401k’s if you don’t listen or cause you to be paralyzed from the neck down. Play nice and buy some banks, or we will kill you.

Hank Paulson, U.S. Bailout Chief, Goldman Sachs

I don’t have time for this investing shit today. As you know, it’s Halloween. “The Fly” has all sorts of trick or treating to do with his kids. Then, he has all sorts of tricks in store for the neighborhood kids, via his elaborately decorated haunted house.

The kids eat it up.

As you can see, we have a real time scarefest taking place in the market today, for the bears—that is. Those fuckers are trapped inside a worst case scenario financial haunted house, where they are forced to renege on their Dodge Viper payments, the preferred car of all short sellers, by the way. I don’t know when the rally will end (Thanksgiving); however, I will tell you, the inverse etf world is getting rocked.

[[EEV]] , [[FXP]] and [[SKF]] have suffered mightily the last few days. Maybe, just maybe, they are due to bounce.

Just saying.

But, most likely, with my money, I will hold cash (50%) and wait for my BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] win to materialize.

is on CNBC right now.

Developing…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoLJJRIWCLU 450 300]

There is no debate. The stock Gods bless “The Fly” aka Plutonium Petey aka Senor Tropicana on a continuous basis. Much to your chagrin, my wins seem endless, as everything I touch turns into solid bricks of gold.

Even my sales were done near session highs. I bought a large amount of BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]]; and you know damn well, I will be banking coin on that fucker soon.

Look you, the assholes at the The Boeing Company [[BA]] union need to call a fucking audible here. They want more money, but instead, deserve to lose their jobs. We’re in “The Great Depression the sequel” and these fuckers want a pay hike? Are they fucking nuts?

Fire them and hire trained gorillas in their stead. Take away their millstone and replace it with a very bad homeless situation.

My money says the strike ends this weekend. Come Monday, “The Fly” will be selling BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] for a $300,000 gain.

Finally, did anyone notice the insane run in National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] ? I am the God of all things NOV, due to it being my largest holding. While that bastard runs higher, just know this: “The Fly” is better than you because he is smarter. It is not coincidence or high end connections that puts me in the winners circle. It’s my egregiously high IQ, coupled with my very large sack that allows me to outstrip you at every turn.

UPDATE: Gasparino sleuthing around a fake Lehman story.

UPDATE II: Gasparino-Ratigan drunken stupor.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTr7_aJyQuE 450 300]

I just took down a million dollar position in BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , based upon the pending resumption of business at The Boeing Company [[BA]]. Those fucking union bastards are scheduled to vote on ending the strike, this weekend. With that in mind, it’s possible to see some positive headlines for BA and their fucking counter parties, like BEAV.

Looking at today’s tape, if forced to make a prediction, I’d say we will close near the highs of the day. It makes perfect sense. Nonetheless, I am comfortable with a bountiful cash position here (50%), following the huge run up in some of my favorite names.

Just so you know, I did not sell any National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] . Listen to me you cocksuckers: “The NOV” is going to rip the faces off of those who short it, then proceed to bash their skulls in with frozen cans of soda pop, preferably Monster.

Also, I did not sell any Arch Coal, Inc. [[ACI]] .

In short, I will plan my next move carefully. I will hold my current longs and average down on them, if needed, while laughing at you red nosed clowns who got caught short during this greatly televised, and often spoken of, melt up.

NOTE: Nice call by Cramer, telling everyone to sell United States Steel Corporation [[X]] at $30.

UPDATE: Via PPT, the highest rated ETF’s:

1 [[AAXJ]] 2 [[SHV]] 3 [[PVI]] 4 [[FXY]] 5 [[DTO]] 6 [[FBT]] 7 [[BBH]] 8 [[VIG]] 9 [[NY]] 10 [[SSG]]

I bought 100,000 shares of BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] @ $12.05.

Disclaimer: If you buy BEAV because of this post, the Boeing strike will last forever. And, you may lose money.

As an aside UPDATE: I sold the rest of my The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , north of $36.25. And, I sold another 1/4th (making that half of my position) of my [[UYG]] , north of $9.10.

Don’t give me the horse shit about taking profits. I know my bias is bullish. That is not going to stop me from preparing for an exogenous event, such as “The Fly” being wrong.

I sold off a variety of names, with exception to the homos at [[M]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] . At least for now, they are keepers. But, it would be asinine not to take some coin off the table on The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[ROM]] , [[DIG]] , [[UYG]] or [[EEM]] , after their 30% jumps.

I see oil is trading off here, due to gay oil traders. On that news, I want to stay on the sidelines, smoking a large Cuban, while throwing water at people down below in the street.

I have a new watch/buy list, directly from The PPT. I need you to understand something: “The PPT,” despite what your opinions may be, is a fucking God send for me. I put all I know into this little analytic engine and it is saving me hours upon hours of research time. With the extra time, I am able to do all sorts of egregious shit, such as throw empty coffee cups on my neighbors lawn, throw jumping jacks at piker brokers on Wall Street and draw mustaches on the ugly man who dons my $100 bills.

In short, I think it makes sense to take some profits, but avoid going short. The bias is still up. Moreover, do not be surprised to see this market hit 10,000 by turkey day.

NOTE: My cash levels are now north of 50%.