Enjoy the Umbrella Made From Bricks

You stupid bastards have it all wrong— always have, always will. We have a 3-5% correction coming and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it. I warned you yesterday to raise cash; but you chose to margin out your accounts like a crackhead on ritalin. While it’s true, I am bullish on stocks due to the resurgence of “global growth.”It’s also true that we are due for a dip, in order to wash out the excesses aka “fuck the retail investor with a large cactus.”

Relax. The market will not swan dive; it will only dive a little. Do yourself a favor and raise some cash, then go eat a large sandwich with lots of olive oil on it. And, while you’re at it, put some sun dried tomatoes on it.

With my money, I’m into buying stuff cheap. I’ll make it a point to buy more Corinthian Colleges, Inc. [[COCO]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] and Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , whenever the fuck I feel like it, or when the shadows near my favorite urinal tell me to buy with both hands.

In short, enjoy the brick umbrella, without the luxury of a helmet. Markets were not designed to let stupid fuckers like you get rich. It’s time for you to give some coin back, as a sacrifice to the stock Gods.

NOTE: You might want to avoid going short too, as the market has a tendency to rape bearshitters with great ferocity and frequency.

Prepare for a sell off that will blind many and “de-sack” most. The Dow Jones will slide, under a “brick umbrella” of egregious sell orders, as money mangers yell out : “GET ME THE FUCK OUT NOW!”

While it’s true, I am not prepared for a decline. It’s also true, I do not need to be prepared.

For the day, I enjoyed more gains and took advantage of such “greenery” to raise some cash. Over the next few days, despite the temptation to buy everything under the sun, I will exercise some prudence and raise more cash, perhaps as much as 35%.

In short, I’m still retardo bullish on the markets. However, let’s call a spade a spade here, being up 15% inside of two weeks, in a moderately aggressive asset allocation model, is a little much. Believe me, I know I have the skills of the space alien magician when it comes to picking stocks. But, I’m not going to return 600% in 2010, unless of course I tossed my whole book into aggressive call options and said “fuck it,” just prior to my removal from the general population.

Now that I’ve raised a little cash, it is burning a hole in my pocket.  Already, I spent some buying up a few block of TEKELEC [[TKLC]] . Now, like a treu [sic] drug addict, I have like 10 stocks on my immediate buylist, whispering to me: “buy me, buy me motherfucker, buy me.” I have taken it upon myself to just walk away from the desk, in order to resist the temptations of the devil. The appropriate course of action is to raise cash here. However, the river boat gambler in me wants to throw some dice “one last time.”

It really is ridiculous, now that I think about it.

The problem that I have is too much energy. Most of the time, I’m hopped up on 30 cups of coffee, just pacing back and forth, randomly cursing at stuff that makes no sense.

For the remainder of the day, I will go for a drive, trying to run over people in wheel chairs or some shit. Or, I might speak to a few people, regarding how lucky they are to know me.

I bought 30,000, north of $16.

Disclaimer: If you buy TKLC because of this post, Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] will cancel production of the iphone, rendering shares of TKLC “insanely overvalued.” And, you may lose money.

In light of my year to date retuns knocking on 15%, in two short weeks, I am paring back on some names here, in an effort to not get evicerated should the market dip.

As a result, I sold the following:

All of my [[MWW]] and Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] for big gains. And, I sold some of my [[CBD]] and CGG Veritas (ADR) [[CGV]] positions, for monstrous gains.

In total, I raised about 12% cash. My target cash position is 15%.

Developing…

If you live in America and are without proper employment, it may be time to get on the Government dole and check yourself into a “re-education program,” courtesy of the Government. When times are tough, people like to go back to school, in order to find another skill  or waste some time doing dick. Nevertheless, with 10% unemployment and the job landscape rapidly changing, dumb fuckers from the Midwest, as well as other parts of the U.S., need to get their learn on.

I would like to take this opportunity to reintroduce Corinthian Colleges, Inc. [[COCO]] and a basket of other undervalued education stocks.

Names like Apollo Group, Inc. [[APOL]] , K12 Inc. [[LRN]] , Career Education Corp. [[CECO]] , [[LOPE]] and DeVry Inc. [[DV]] have been ignored by investors,  as if they were riddled with some rare form of infectious aids. It’s a brand new year people and it’s time for you to quit being so stupid. Get yourself some school stocks, then proceed to do incredibly dumb shit, like crack a 40 oz of malt liquor over someones head (just kidding).

My favorite in the group is Corinthian Colleges, Inc. [[COCO]] .

As an aside, it’s still cold as fuck in the United States; it must have something to do with the fact that it’s fucking winter time. Nonetheless, look for big draw downs in natural gas inventories, effectively giving people a real reason to go long natty plays, like Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] and NGAS Resources, Inc. [[NGAS]] . I am talking some low end shit here.

Also, gold is worth buying down here, as the dollar rally seems to be dead. My favorite play is U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] . My best guess, those fuckers raised a fuckload of cash, over the last quarter, especially since their funds have done extraordinarily well.

Finally, Chipotle Mexican Grill, Inc. [[CMG]] is rolling towards $100 like a burrito on steroids (I have no idea what that means). Get some.

The following stocks represent top 100 ranked stocks in The PPT, with exceptional short interest ratios. The result: a fine list of high quality short squeezes, not that low-end shit that you get on Twitter.

Ticker Rank
BWLD 9
LNY 13
CSH 17
INWK 34
SYX 37
LRN 38
STRA 48
BRLI 51
BIG 54
APEI 66
JOSB 67
CYH 85
UNFI 89
BKE 90
AMG 97
ARO 98
SAFM 100

iPhone Wars UPDATE: iBC has vanquished the cocksuckers at Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and have their HOWITZERS pointed, rather belligerently, at the bozos at Bloomberg.

Developing…

Just when you thought Senor Tropicana was flush out of wins, he comes back with a HOWITZER to your face, or “facia,” depending on geographic locality.

For the day, I enjoyed big dicked wins in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] , Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, Inc. [[MSO]] and Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] , just to name a few, effectively erasing yesterday’s losses.

If you are curious about what to buy next, look no further than stocks with massive short positions or small float fuckers. To be honest with you, I am in the mood to withhold information from many of you, since you turn on Le Fly at the first sign of danger.Traitorous bastards! Many of you are despicable human beings, not worth the trimmed fat on my 2 1/2 inch thick rib eyes.

All you need to know is this: I am in a constant and perpetual state of winship. Imagine yourself in a baseball game, trying to strike me out with a fastball. You keep throwing 89mph split fingers and I keep hitting 600ft grand slams. That’s the sort of winship I speak of, when discussing this delicate and important matter.

Top pick: The PPT

Pardon my tardiness, I’ve been extraordinarily busy these days, dealing with the important business of responsible money management, unlike most of you clowns.

I’ll make this very, very brief.

We’re going higher people. Get your salsa shoes ready, because we’re about to dance on some bear graves here. Since I’m already fully invested, I am not buying anything at the moment. However, I can tell you with a certain amount of “vigor,” Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is boot stomping higher old friends. The stock is out of the dog house and it’s biting marbles, as we speak.

Also, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] is the fuck out of here. See you short sellers at $120.

Finally, on this dip, I’d be a buyer of Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] . I offer no story or elaborate reason as to why CMI is cheap. Just know, while you’re home annoying your pretty wife by snoring like a pig, “The Fly” is in space rockets finding cheap stocks to buy.

Finally, in true space alien magician fashion, I’m calling for $106 on W.W. Grainger, Inc. [[GWW]] by Friday. Let’s write these fucking ideas down and quit wasting time.

UPDATE: Look who’s on fucking fire.

As I type this message, from the luxury of my oversized mahogany desk, I am reminded of an old saying: “bet against “The Fly” and get your marbles bit off by a pack of rabid pitbulls.” Pardon the expression, but the fucking pussies over at iPhoneland are getting the stuffing kicked out of them by none other than: The Godly folks at iBC.

At the present, the iBC app is ranked #23 in the United States (and climbing) for finance, just under the friendly faggots from E-trade.

I digress (an annoying expression, indeud [sic]. So, I digress, yet again).

This may seem like a small victory in a sea of the countless wins for “The Fly”; but it’s much more than that. Now, instead of simply discussing market events with morons from the internets, I get to cast aspersions upon the people of the iPhone world, a disgusting and revolting crowd, indeud [sic].

So, for those of you from the phone world, wondering who the fuck “The Fly” is, know this: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when you think he is losing. His winship cannot be compared, or paralleled, to anyone on these here internets— or in your pathetic phone application world, where you spend most your lonely days downloading “apps” in a heinous attempt to entertain yourself, instead of talking to people in the real world. You people are bereft of honour [sic]. If at all possible, I’d make an app to punch your fucking mustaches off, while laughing all the way to “Le Bank.”

Hurry up and remove the iBankCoin app from your iphone at once,  before the crazy man from the internets punches your chest hairs off and makes fun of your face.

Aside from all that, I think the market goes higher tomorrow.

Back to eating a box of pretzels.

NOTE: Sometime soon, you wil be able to leave comments from your iPhone. I am sure the iPhone people have an opinion or two on this subject matter.