Fly Sell:

I sold 10,000 shares of nothing for break-even.

A job well done.

I bought 10,000 shares of nothing, at the market.

Disclaimer: If you buy nothing because of this post, the PH balance of your water will be altered. And, you may make or lose money.

Some choose to beg for the apocalypse and ride in FAZmobiles. They are called permabears. Others snort looooooong lines of coke and carry margin documents in their side pockets. They are called permabulls. I have invented an entirely new class of investor, not too hot or cold. Nothing quite excites or agitates me. I don’t snort coke and I try to avoid the apocalypse at all costs. I am PERMA-NEUTRAL.

That’s right folks. Buckle up your seat belts, for we are going nowhere. I have the car locked on “N” and I am just sort of sitting here, waiting for clouds to pass over me, since those fuckers might carry rain. As you know, I try to avoid rain at all costs.

Today I am enjoying wins in my equities, while enduring losses in bonds and Vix. However, do not fear, for I am not making or losing any money. I am doing exactly what I aim to do every single day: break even. I keep my stacks neatly preserved and try to avoid any action that can change the status quo.

More on this later.

The baby boomer generation aka “the worst generation in human history” is responsible for the mess we are in now. Those hippy bastards were too focused on fornicating to realize they done fucked up the country something awful, with all of their “stupidness” (thanks for the BOE teu!). Those motherfuckers invented drug abuse and subsequently, later on, invented credit default swaps—as well as number of other weapons of mass destruction that can precipitate Armageddon.

Fuck you and your tortoise rally, pal. Prices are coming lower, in the near term; and I, Senor Tropicana, will be able to buy your margin calls for 70 cents on the dollar.

Good day.

Concern over Federal deficits is rocking bonds, sending yields higher. [[TLT]] is getting smashed to the tune of a staggering 1.7%. Gold is NOT a safe investment, when it pertains to the “wall of worry.” Gold is a play on inflation, period. What we are seeing today is a seismic shift into dollars, as predicted. What I did not expect was the move up in yields. However, I am fairly confident today is an anomaly and should the market continue to weaken, funds will shift from cash to government debt.

Let me be clear: despite the tepid 45 point move to down downside (as of 3:00 et), there are some very troubling undercurrents with this tape, all stemming from the move up in the dollar.

On a lighter/sweeter note, [[SGG]] is up more than 5%. What an oddity.

In short, get ready for some downside “fuck you, you’re dead” action.

[[TLT]] is down a buck on PIMCO witchcraft. The stage is being set, ever so quietly, for a flight to quality, with Portugal getting downgraded by Bitch, the dollar ripping to the upside and stocks expensive as shit.

LOL. I’m just kidding. What was I thinking? You know damn well this market is sucking the helium balloons, produced by the trading robots at Goldman. There cannot be a pullback, especially before the April 15th tax deadline. Don’t be silly.

However, in the event stocks take a temporary pause, [[TLT]] will recover from today’s voodoo induced sell off and charge into the mid-90’s.

Separately, John Corzine, former Governor of NJ and President of the United States via CEO title at Goldman Sachs, is now CEO of MF Global Ltd. [[MF]] . Without a doubt, MF will receive some sort of oddball stock appreciation, thanks to the appointment. Keep an eye on that one, as well as CIT Group Inc. [[CIT]] .

Finally, Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] smoked numbers, as they always do in March. I am not selling, especially since my long exposure is so limited. With my idle cash, for now, I will just sit here and stare at it, marveling at the prospect of receiving sub 1% money market rates. Life is pretty fucking boring right now, as far as my stock market life is concerned.

All citizens of the United States (including children over the age of 6) must smoke menthol cigarettes, else endure a 50% income tax penalty.

That is all.

So far, the market has advanced in 16 of the 18 trading days in March. The volume has been nothing short of pathetic, which incidentally is the best environment to jack prices higher. As prices move higher, the market advertises itself to the unwashed degenerate OTB guy. The end of this rally will be marked by speculation on a grand scale, within all of the lowest end names, like all listed Chinese companies.

If you must plow into the market, take a look at POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Korean steel company, down at these levels. Also, play the short squeeze in SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , sub $8, ahead of the speculative money. The keyword for the market is “degenerate.” So, with that in mind, stocks like CIT Group Inc. [[CIT]] , Lloyds TSB Group plc (ADR) [[LYG]] and E TRADE Financial Corporation [[ETFC]] stand to do well in this environment.

Industrials stocks are “locked higher,” thanks to our Chinese overlords and their devoutness to all things material. From coal to iron ore, the Chinese want it and they want it now. Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] , Emerson Electric Co. [[EMR]] and Flowserve Corporation [[FLS]] will never trade down again.

In summary, this is so easy it’s scary.

NOTE: Going with the lottery theme, I am playing Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] into earnings.

UPDATE: I bought some Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] and [[SD]].

This is a lovely market, supported by all of the finest people. You people are like small babies, with retarded brains, when it comes to investing in stocks. Take offense when I say “you have zero to offer the world,” just prior to seeing you try to burn it down. Never go to the website of a space alien magician and pretend to know the first thing about investing.

For example: many of you are so dramatic with your “critique” of my [[VXX]] position, as if it was a personal offense to you. You behave as if I said “your Mother is a Great Whore, who lives under a trailer homer, servicing convicted felons, in her spare time.” Relax yourself and go eat a greasy pork chop, lathered in lard. The discussion of ^Vix versus VXX is inane and unimportant. What’s important to know is that volatility, as measured by the Vix index, is near historical lows. Now, if you are so inclined to test out the brand new race track, in a brand new Ferrari, sans the breaks, be my guest and purchase call options on the Vix, that expire inside of a month. This way you can really get a nice great pop, or drop, for your money. Personally, I am perfectly content utilizing the slow moving vehicle, albeit flawed, that does not expire worthless next month.

It’s no secret that The Boeing Company [[BA]] is kicking ass, so far in 2010. Apparently, we are in, yet another, aerospace boom. Stocks like BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] and Spirit AeroSystems Holdings, Inc. [[SPR]] have responded in kind and titanium plays are ripping higher too, namely RTI International Metals, Inc. [[RTI]] and Titanium Metals Corporation [[TIE]] .

All of the metals are charging higher, due to [[VALE]] proposed price hikes. Without a doubt, that is very bullish for the sector.

In short, this market is so fucking tempting to sell short; but it’s just not feasible, considering how much momentum there is to the upside. That pretty much sums up my thoughts aka “deer on Wall Street.”

It is being reported that [[VALE]] is asking for a minor 114% price increase from its good paying customers for iron ore. Health care stocks rip to the upside, as the government takes over the fucking industry. And, commodity bulls dig in their heels, preparing for the inevitable $100 tomato.

The only thing we are missing is a little private equity boom, topped off with a horrendous natural disaster, that will send natty aka “nat vegas” soaring above $15. Quite frankly, I yearn for the days when my local utility was telling me to go fuck myself, vis a vis a monthly bill.

If you little trollops are looking for cheap stocks, take a gander at Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] and Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] , both positions of mine (full disclosure).

As an aside, you must admit it is funny as a fiddle trapped inside of a falafel, seeing Marvell Technology Group Ltd. [[MRVL]] , Broadcom Corporation [[BRCM]] and SanDisk Corporation [[SNDK]] trade at these levels. God bless capitalism and all of its authoritarian discipline!

Despite my bearish demeanor, I have zero short positions and 30% of my assets tied up in longs. With my longs, at the moment, I like Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] , [[CBD]] , Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] , Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] and [[MWW]] . However, ultimately, I will outmaneuver most of you, via my burgeoning [[VXX]] and [[TLT]] positions.