Prepare Yourselves For the Storm — Join Exodus Now!!!

Happy Labour Day gents, Jungle.

Summer is over and it’s time to get back to work, which means crash this fucking market — leaving zero survivors. Well, that’s not entirely true, since me and my cadre of like minded gents inside Exodus will be thriving throughout any and all market seasons.

On this day of sloth and idleness, I bring forth to you a commercial for Exodus — my market intelligence platform built for men of leisure and industry. Yes, we’re building a BRAND FUCKING NEW platform and all present members will be grandfather’d in. There will be a new pricing structure, which entail high prices — because hard work and toil is being integrated into the process.

Reasons to join Exodus today.

1. Markets are on the verge of belly-flopping into a sea of morons soon.
2. It is the only place you can receive real time Fly trades, or any Fly trades for that matter.
3. AWARD WINNING stock message board, dubbed The Pelican Room, a denizen of high IQ gents discussing worldly events and how to cook eggs and how to trade.
4. The Exodus predictive algorithms have never been better. (see below)

Lastly, you get access to the Exodus Quant, a monthly updated portfolio designed to CRUSH the market and hedge the downside during periods of duress. The process is entirely mechanical and Le Fly offers free demos to explain the process. Not a fucking problem.

See you soon, fucked faces.

The notion of cooler heads prevailing took a backseat to a new volley of tariffs out of Washington and Beijing.

Here’s the latest.

Via ZH:

However, that did not happen, and with no trade deal in sight, at 12:00am on Sunday, the Trump administration slapped tariffs on $112 billion in Chinese imports, the latest escalation in a trade war that’s ground the global economy to a halt, sent Germany into a recession, and given the market an alibi to keep rising because, wait for it, “a trade deal is imminent.”

Only, it isn’t, and 1 minute later, at 12:01am EDT, China retaliated with higher tariffs being rolled out in stages on a total of about $75 billion of U.S. goods. The target list strikes at the heart of Trump’s political support – factories and farms across the Midwest and South at a time when the U.S. economy is showing signs of slowing down.

The 15% U.S. duty hit consumer goods ranging from footwear and apparel to home textiles and certain technology products like the Apple Watch. A separate batch of about $160 billion in Chinese goods – including laptops and cellphones – will be hit with 15% tariffs on Dec. 15. China, meanwhile, began applying tariffs of 5 to 10% on U.S. goods ranging from frozen sweet corn and pork liver to bicycle tires on Sunday.

Nasdaq fits are -62. Here’s why you want to be long gold. Inflation will get forced down our gullets, courtesy of the trade war.

Gold futures are +0.45%.

A giant fucking hurricane is barreling towards my new estate. Naturally, this is to be expected, as the black cloud follows me striking me with lightning everywhere I go. My only respite, my only sole source of winship, in my entire life, is the stock market. Never ever feel envious of Le Fly, no matter how much shit I talk, for my life is plagued with drawdowns on a scale you can only begin to imagine.

For example.

“The Fly” took out a rental the other day — because my fucking Benz is still in the shoppe. I opted for NO INSURANCE — because I was being cheap, and also because I am a MASTER DRIVER, super safe, defensive, and wonderful. My wife, on the other hand, is a menace to the road.

I was casually dining in Durham the other night when my mechanic called to tell me he had a loaner car for me.

“How very nice of you Sir”, I said. And he left the car in front of his shoppe, with the keys under the dirty old mat. I told me wife “let’s go pick up the loaner and then you take the leased car and we’ll drop it off in Cary”, to which she replied “ok.”

We got the car, smelled like a box of crayons — 2004 Benz without a camera or anything resembling normal tech for our era. My wife was so tired we had to stop by Chapel Hill to get some tea and coffee (she only drinks tea). We head onto the road and closing in on the rental store, but we’re meandering down a tight road with fast driving southerners in their fucking pick up trucks. It was one of those two way streets that are supposed to be one way. I was driving in front and I saw she was over-compensating by veering to the right, into the bushes and shrubs. Since my kids were in her car, I was watching closely and hoping she’d keep the wheel straight.

Then I heard a “PFFfffffffff” and her car jumped up like Dukes of Hazard escaping the long arm of the law. She pulled onto the side of the road and it was soon revealed she dipped into a crevasse and flattened the tire, bent the rim, and probably fucked the alignment, all of which will come directly out of my purse — since I was too cheap to opt for the $10 per day insurance package.

The storm is coming and I’m sure it’s coming right for me.

September is the worst month of the year, as junior from the trading turret gets pushed aside for Mr. Big Shot fund manager returning from his summer at St. Barts.

All of the wonderful things are present for a crash — insane twitter account at POTUS, inverted yield curve, Zerohedge readership at record highs etc. The democrats are running around talking about bullshit, and the integrity of the Federal Reserve has been decimated to be less than the N. Korean regime of torture and murder.

Over at the Exodus Quant, my monthly adjusted quantitative investment stratagem, I gained 1.2% for the month of August — 15% weighted GLD. Going forward, the quant will be 20% GLD and 5% TLT, the balance in growth stocks.

The sole purpose of this stratagem is growth, but with a hedge. During times of duress, the quant barrels in headlong into GLD and TLT — because of their historically defensive posture against SPY.

YTD, here are the results of this strategy.

Jan: +6.6%
Feb: +7.2%
March: +2.6%
April: -0.2%
May: +0.6%
June: +3.5%
July -0.8%
August +1.2% (preliminary)

A wonderful Sharpe, believe me.

For the first time in my life I’ve gotten a stiff neck. I bought a new mattress and fancy fucking pillow and it destroyed me. Now I can move my head about 5 degrees in each direction. If you’re talking to me, I’d need to move my entire body to see you — because my neck no longer accommodates such movements.

This is typical and also ridiculous, and here I am in pain — blogging like the wind.

I sold off some stuff today, booked gains and losses, and generated cash. With said cash I will do nothing. It’s also worth noting, I took out a hedge, in the hopes the market will plunge very hard into the close.

Bottom line: Markets do not bottom and Friday’s certainly not ahead of Labor Day weekend.

I’ve been working like an absolute dog for years straight, high strung lifestyle designed specifically to send me directly into a deep grave. I’ve been trying to unwind and get some sleep, but it seems to be an impossibility. I missed out on my overnight trade bump this morning, due to issues pertaining to the new house and now I’m just looking at it angry that I didn’t take the time to trade it.

The trading lifestyle is wonderful, if you have time and skill to play. But if you only have skill and no time — it’s one of the most frustrating things ever. Missing trades becomes a habit and next thing you know — you’re doubting you’re own skills — which is deadly for survival in this wacky business. Starting next week, I am going to ensure my schedule is fucking clean from opening bell to close.

I see the Nasdaq is shitting the bed today, typical of a Friday, a day that was born is disappoint longs. Sure, you get to enjoy the weekend soon, but you also get to enjoy SHARPLY LOWER share prices.

Gold miners are bouncing, oil is hammered, stocks are in limbo — sandwich time.

The next trade I’ll execute will be my over weekend hold.

IT SHOULD BE NOTED, the great big breasted algorithms of Exodus called the bottom to the exact day, yet again. Your systems are shit, in comparison.

How does this happen?

A Sublime Harmony of Mathematical Precision (SHOMP) is how it happens. We measure stress points in the market and adjust. The algorithms are now humming along, rather sublimely, nailing market bottoms to the exact day — gifting this prize to a select few lads and lassies who’ve come upon iBankCoin for a nominal fee that is both absurd and charitable.

On my trading end, I can only insist that you establish a ledger to track my wins — truly astounding. My quant, bar-none, leagues and scores above anything your retarded advisors have to offer.

Markets do not bottom on Friday’s — they soar!

Not much to add, other than the obvious. The fucking market wants higher. You can try to fade the close and hope for one morning weakness. But overall, that’s probably a dumb thing to do.

I think the next trend in the market is to buy shit, highly leveraged, indebted, piece of shit companies, especially in retail.

Retail has been tossed into the flames this year. But look at BBBY today. Look at the sector, on a whole, and there are some interesting cross currents.

Long day here, once again, at House Fly. I’ll try to blog tonight after seeing what the Asians do with their stocks.

I kicked out of most of my gold positions today, save two silver ones. Normally, I reserve these missives for the gentlemen and Jungle inside Exodus — but I felt it incumbent upon me to relay this warning.

Yields are fucking low and can run a good bit higher from here. Bonds and gold have been trading hand in hand. If you’re being tactical now, sell gold and buy back later. Preserve your gains and go spend some money at the local Harris Teeter.

Here is the bounty that I gathered in gold.

NUGT +17.6%
MUX +16.1%
RGLD +6.3%
AUY +15.9%

Proceeds have been reserved and my end of day trade fast approaches. Yesterday’s pick was BBBY. You’re welcome to those who followed me in.

I used to have a lot of internet haters out there, but now everyone loves me. People used to go out of their way to discredit and soil my good name — because they thought I was like all of the other internet gurus, talking extreme shit without any real talent. But they stopped — because I’m the real deal with actual talent and a trading hand that can and will smack your jawbones loose.

Look at me yesterday, for example, stepping into faggot retail stock BBBY at the end of the session — BOOM sold it today for a quick 1.5% gainer. While that might sound like a trivial rounding error type of bullshit return — ANNUALIZE THAT.

I also booked an overnight gain in FSLY for 7.1%, for an annualized return of 1,779%.

FUCK YOU STAY HOME WITH YOUR KIDS.

Now everyone knows, after so many years, that “The Fly” is a genetic superpower and hero, always doing selfless shit, like convincing members of Exodus to UPGRADE TO ANNUAL, when everyone knows he makes so much more on monthly subscriptions. Now that I’m down south, amongst the grits and the cornbread, it’s important to understand that I will acclimate myself to their customs, lazily strolling into work whenever the hell I feel like it and drinking bourbon at the desk — chased down with some sweet tea.

I do feel the urge, or might I say, the inclination, to improve my health. This past year has been dreadful for Le Fly, as I toiled hard against the rocks, gaining weight like a barrel’d ass and staying away from the gym — permitting his muscles to soften and grow weak. All of that is about to change now — strict regimen of steroids and oats, I will be punching holes in the wall in no time at all — raging out throughout the south, menacing my neighbors with giant portraits of General Tecumseh Sherman.

“The Fly” cannot permit himself to ever look ridiculous.