It’s Hard Keeping Up With Le Fly

I used to have a lot of internet haters out there, but now everyone loves me. People used to go out of their way to discredit and soil my good name — because they thought I was like all of the other internet gurus, talking extreme shit without any real talent. But they stopped — because I’m the real deal with actual talent and a trading hand that can and will smack your jawbones loose.

Look at me yesterday, for example, stepping into faggot retail stock BBBY at the end of the session — BOOM sold it today for a quick 1.5% gainer. While that might sound like a trivial rounding error type of bullshit return — ANNUALIZE THAT.

I also booked an overnight gain in FSLY for 7.1%, for an annualized return of 1,779%.

FUCK YOU STAY HOME WITH YOUR KIDS.

Now everyone knows, after so many years, that “The Fly” is a genetic superpower and hero, always doing selfless shit, like convincing members of Exodus to UPGRADE TO ANNUAL, when everyone knows he makes so much more on monthly subscriptions. Now that I’m down south, amongst the grits and the cornbread, it’s important to understand that I will acclimate myself to their customs, lazily strolling into work whenever the hell I feel like it and drinking bourbon at the desk — chased down with some sweet tea.

I do feel the urge, or might I say, the inclination, to improve my health. This past year has been dreadful for Le Fly, as I toiled hard against the rocks, gaining weight like a barrel’d ass and staying away from the gym — permitting his muscles to soften and grow weak. All of that is about to change now — strict regimen of steroids and oats, I will be punching holes in the wall in no time at all — raging out throughout the south, menacing my neighbors with giant portraits of General Tecumseh Sherman.

“The Fly” cannot permit himself to ever look ridiculous.