A Direct Message

I am typing this from my iPhone, as I am on the road. I see YELP trading lower has encouraged a certain miscreant to talk shit, decrying my investment strategy as something to mock.

Does this individual, who is now banned, realize I sold out of OPEN way before the collapse and came out flat on the name? Does this small brained pleb understand that I sold FOSL and LULU for 20-30% gains, long way before anyone else got onboard?

What’s better, owning LULU at $42 and selling in mid 50’s or chasing it in the 60 and 70’s? They were never part of a long term strategy, so I sold it when profit presented itself.

Some of my long term holds, GSVC and WNR, did exceptionally well for my investors, both making me more than 25%.

So now YELP is down 30% after a 50% run up. Sure it sucks to ride this lower, surrendering easy gains in exchange for the long haul grind. But I’m not done with the stock, not by a long shot. For the love of industrial disasters, they haven’t even reported earnings since coming public. The story is new and there will be doubters. Hell, it took years of patience to turn my 6k into 250k, long AMER, back in the day. At one point, I was down $20 from my cost.

My point is this: shut the fuck up and quit shitting in my parlour.

Today is the final day for the annual iBC March Madness Contest. It can go anyone’s way, with Zephler being the favorite. The winner will be well deserving of the small $1,000 prize (what other finance blogger gives away money?). Be sure to root and cheer, clamor for the death of the person who displeases you, all in the spirit of the games.

“Maybe your face is too small.”

On the way to dropping my kids off at school this morning, Mrs. Fly had a mini-crisis with her $400 sunglasses falling off her face. She’s been meaning to get them fixed at the mall; but we’ve been so busy looking for new homes, she hasn’t had the time. Because I was annoyed by the manufactured crisis, I offered her my condolences with the above quote. My suggestion to you men out there dealing with similar scenarios: avoid any reference to a woman’s face. It is not a topic that should be broached, even in jest.

Well, futures are lower again, due to the reemergence of the European debt crisis. Oh how I missed the EU crisis, like poison ivy in my fucking tree house. Portuguese yields are blowing out, as well as Spain’s. But my question to you is this, very simply: are you man enough to sell short ahead of tomorrow’s employment data? The market is closed tomorrow; so if you short here, you will have to deal with the singular nature of a bull market, fully rested, coming off of a Obama manipulated jobs report.

The risk-reward of that trade doesn’t work for me.

What does work for me are the retailers. Same store sales are coming in much better than anticipated. At the top of my list is JWN, with TIF a close second. And, for the spring auction season, I am long BID.

Bottom line: things aren’t as bad as they seem, nor as good. The imperious demeanor of the bears would have aliens from other planets, who were totally ignorant to our world, believe the Earth was on the verge of explosion–with their childish banter. But the market has proven over and over again that it is, indeud, the honey badger. Betting against the honey badger is like wagering the cobra can swallow the badger in its sleep. No fucking way that will ever happen.

Today, a few people that I know were telling me of the horrors that is the stock market, declaring “several key stocks broke their 50 day moving averages today”. Being that I digitized your fucking charts inside of The PPT, I decided to mine the data. It appears there are several names “vacillating” the 50, most of which are far, far away from their 200 day averages.

Having said all of that, does any of this HORSESHIT mean anything, when the market is phantasm and reality is nothing more than a blink of an eye in between long lines of cocaine?

I think not.

Going into a long weekend, the market should trade down tomorrow. Let’s face it, we’re overdue a sell off of serious magnitude. I’ve alluded to this point numerous times over the past two months. But my prognostications were ignored, even by me. The long and the short of it is: I am no more scared of a sell off than a thermal nuclear weapon detonating in my garage.

Here is the list.

Say, for example, the market went down for a period longer than 5 days. The pancake faces on CNBC, disheveled by the panic, displayed stories of anguish and despair–all for the sake of ratings of course. The Obama campaign gets derailed and with it the career of Federal Reserve Chairman, Benjamin Bernanke.

Now everyone is paying attention to the choice words of some meaningless Fed guy. The reality is this, so listen to what I am about to tell you, ever so closely: FREE MONEY FOREVER, BITCH.

The Fed Chief will implement QE3 at the first sign of panic. The stated goal is to defend the economy from deflation. Until we get sizable increases in the values of homes, the Fed will continue to be extremely accommodative.

Now you may choose to ignore my words of wisdom for something of lesser quality. You may also make some money by betting against prevailing trends, logic and reason–things of that nature. But at the end of the trading session, the bulls will win again.

I have a list of stocks that have underperformed, all of the high growth caliber, seemingly on sale, for your perusal.

In other news, DAL mulling the purchase of a COP refinery to reduce jet fuel prices is fucking genius. I find it refreshing when common sense rules the roost inside big corporate America. Far too often, fucktards steer large bureaucracies into manure piles.

Feel free to enjoy the music, courtesy of Mr. Copland.

UPDATE: I added to my YELP position.

By order of decree, the market has topped. The Federal Reserve has ordered the spigot of free flowing counterfeit money– flowing into the economy– to be shut. The majority of Congressmen are now long TVIXdicks and VXXtits, hedonistically eating grapes on the way to theatre.

As a result, European stocks got hammered today, lending to a full fledged panic out of US stocks, now off by a staggering 1.15%.

“The Fly” timed the market top to the minute by selling his VXXtits north of $20 and buying YELP at $21. The 7% appreciation enjoyed by his person is about to be seized by his local Congressman. The money will be transfeured [sic] to the Representative, so that he may conclude the proper renovations for his Georgian style mansion in the Washington DC area.

In short, the ‘Cocaine Chuck Wagon’ has been turned over by bandits. The Pinkerton men who were guarding the wagon where shot and killed and the treasure has been stolen. Said bandits are now running loose throughout your communities, laughing and drinking stupidly, wearing FAZ uniforms, shitting in plain site outside of crowded movie theatres.

This data is being hand delivered to you this evening, with a wax seal, from the confines of The PPT. You can thank me later.

GLD flagged OVERSOLD today on all of our algorithms.

Over the past 12 months, this signal has yet to fail when holding for 5 days or more.

For the record, there isn’t a single bear who has made money in this market since 2008. Having said that, it is imperative that you reserve your doomsday predictions for websites that cater to such things. I don’t have the time, nor the inclination, to address the mentally ill. I, unlike many of you, am trying to make money here.

It’s becoming a little frustrating on the long side, with the market bumping up against resistance. All of my bullet points about the economy are bearish. But I’ve been trained in lunacy to ignore what is real in favor of the mirage. I find myself living in a virtual world, where up is down and bad is rewarded with awards. It’s real easy to get sucked into the rabbit hole of negativity and it is slippery indeed. I try to remind myself that the market isn’t interested in trading lower. Providing I am invested in well to do companies, with better than average prospects, I should do fine.

It’s the lull before the storm that shakes people out, not so much the storm itself.

I am tempted to cut losses on a few ideas; but then I remember the reasons why I own them. Sometimes it pays to be patient. Other times patience is a waiting line for execution. Based upon recent history, I gather this sell off will not gain much traction. No one gives a fuck about QE2, as long as the economy is improving. You’d have to be a fucking lunatic to crave for more faux money, at a time when gypsum prices are on the rise.

I bought more YELP towards the end of the day because I am in accumulation mode. I have thick skin and an even thicker skull. The end of bears is nearing and this lull is nothing more than a snare, designed to capture and bleed out the remainder of you disgusting caricatures of life.

Wait for it.

I really want to buy a few stocks, like DDD, SSYS, KEG and RAX, but find myself fully invested. The little bit of cash I have left is reserved for crisis, knife jabs to the scrotum types of pin action. Nevertheless, I’ll find a way to buy what I want, when I want, with animal satisfaction.

The coxcombical nature of many of you make my job easy, disproving the flawed laws of gravity, showing the world the wonders of top shelf money management. My blog is read by many in the business of money management, professional hucksters, weavers of fallacy and misdirection. I take it upon myself, every single day, to teach you the ways of a gentleman, through example and by the superiority of my digital pen. Sadly, a great many of you fall by the wayside, only interested in doing gross commissions, little fee goblins, whilst swallowing large containers of lower to middle class beverages.

I can only do so much.

The mainspring of this post is to re-alert you to the fact that I am the Ajax of this financial blogging scene. You are the solar sector of blogging, while I am Apple, bowling on you fat fuckers until the cows come home.

As the day progresses, I will have more meaningful things to say. That is all.

Think about the possibilities. Print nuclear missile casings in your own home. Teenagers will print iPhone covers and perverts dildos. Without looking at the valuation or projected revenues, this is going to be huge.

There are two companies that I know of who specialize in 3-d printing: DDD and SSYS. DDD is set to launch their 3-d printer for retail on 4/10.

I want 40-50 points per day. I also want YELP to skyrocket, not for my own advancement, but to solidify steep losses in the accounts of those who sell it short.

Volume was light; but who gives a shit? The way I see it, the market is good until mid-May. I will make sure to be out of stocks by the end of April. So, in many regards, this is it! I need to take my +19% and segue it into a +30% by May. The way I figure, I can eek out another 2-3% from May through September, then drive rail spikes through the heads of my enemies from October to New Year’s eve.

I intend to make at least 50% this year. If I fail to do so, on the eyes of Woodshedder, I will resign from Blogfather at iBankCoin and live out the remainder of my life in the green and rocky hills of Romania, tending to goats and drinking un-pasteurized milk and shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7VD5UpAXPo