JACK MA IS COMING TO YOUR HOUSE

Now that the market has firmed up, I am sure the sages at Goldman will speed up the Alibaba s-1 filing, introducing the alien troll, Jack Ma, to America’s dinner table.

When on Alibaba, you can buy all sort of meaningless crap, such as tape cassettes and “inorganic chemicals.” Hell, you can even buy used cars. I am sure this is where I will buy my son his first used car, through some chinese e-commerce website operated by some chinese alien spy named “Jack Ma.”

What could go wrong?

Nevertheless, it will be the world’s largest IPO ever, so you better get used to saying his name.

Slightly off topic, Markit is going to IPO soon, maybe even today (I haven’t checked). The ticker will be MRKT and they are major players in financial information, much like BBG. I will probably buy MRKT at some point in the not-so-distant future.

Futures are slightly higher and I’m surprised to hear the jackasses on the teevee still talk about the Fed raising rates. The Fed will never raise rates because that wouldn’t be beneficial to the ball-jugglers in Washington who enjoy bankrupting the country. There is debt to service and interest on said debt. It is my belief the government couldn’t care less about the 70 year old retiree, who can’t make ends meet because his CDs are paying less than 1%. The godly folks in Washington only care about themselves. It is in the best interest of politicians everywhere to keep interest rates at zero, in order to maintain the status quo and to spend the people’s money with reckless abandon, which in turn is good for stocks.

I’m a huge advocate for spending the people’s money with reckless abandon, as long as I make money too. It’s a zero sum game and I’m into ‘scorched earth’ as a general rule of thumb.

Then again, I’m a bit of a cynic.

NOTE: Don’t forget to acknowledge our Facebook page. I will be actively updating it, killing people, and generally partaking in unchecked debauchery on there.

With “Yayo Yellen” backing the market, I’ve decided to reenter the orgy of speculation, hosted at my olde harem. In this place of purpose, I’ve made and lost millions, hedonistically, without a care in the world. Truth be told, I have a rather humiliating admission to make.

Yes it’s true, I’ve been drinking Iced Vanilla Machiatos (sp?) from The Starbucks. Normally, I’d never delve into such delicacies, always preferring the blackest coffee humanly possible, without effeminate additives, such as sugar or cream. Proudly, I’d chew on coffee beans and suck down 8 ounces of French Pressed coffee. But now, I’ve gone astray, waiting on lines for some jerk to make me a beverage that’s as distinguished as a 40 ounce of St. Ides malted liquor. The shame, it’s almost too much to bear.

Now that I got that off my chest, I am happy to report my winning streak continues. One of my smaller holdings, but an olde favorite, IFON, took off today. I expect it to trade nothing less than $7, within the year.

Also, I sold out of my MET position, for a 4% profit, in order to buy RUBI. The Rubicon operates a solid business and its stock is trading absurdly cheap, still $2 below its IPO price. At a minimum, RUBI trades to $15, then probably higher, as risk, for lack of a better word, continues to beat the brains out of all the Rick Santellis of the world, much to their chagrin– indeud.

NOTE: We launched a new iBankCoin page for Facebook, one that I intend to keep updated in the most egregious way possible. Make sure to “like” it. For some reason, it makes me happy.

I swapped out of MET for RUBI.

Target: $15.50

I am going to do something unprecedented this morning. I am going to make a distinction between those of you I am going to kill and the one’s who will be spared. Most of the reading class on the site are good, honest, hard working American bus drivers, sanitation workers, pharmacists and/or lawyers. You go about your days, with your blue collars, scrounging around to make ends meet. You come here to iBankCoin to blow off some steam, glean from my genius, and generally ingratiate yourselves with the splendour and excellence that is iBankCoin.

Persons of regular cloth know and understand we all go through bouts of weakness, even I. Temporary lapses in judgement can lead to terrible, terrible things. But we must pick ourselves up from the dirt and make hay.

HOWEVER, there is a dark under-belly of the unseasonable variety lurking around these halls, like goblins trying to grab your feet in the dark as you attempt to sleep. Pests. These malcontents, misanthropic trulls, are the very worst of mankind. They have the souls of demons, parasitic fainteantise, clog-hopping here and there– for the explicit purposes of busting my balls.

If there is one thing that you can rely upon, being a hard-working, industrious, utility worker/IT services rep/ programmer, is that I will make it my duty to cleanse this site of all vagrant mountebanks. When coming to iBankCoin, understand something: this is my home. Behave as if you were just invited into someone’s home for dinner, and not some wild beast whose intentions are to fribble away aimlessly until you are tossed out on your head.

When it’s all said and done, you can never win, old chap, so quit while you’re still alive.

Futures are flat; but I’m sure today will be another fun filled day for short sellers.

You are all well aware of The Option Addict’s unparralleled skill during roaring bull markets. I’ve never seen anything like it, quite frankly. ChessnWine has established himself as a man who knows when to play his cards and when to fold them, as evidenced by his avoidance of any drawdown–whatsoever–when most were taking line drives to the scrotum about a month ago.

But Ragin Cajun has been killing it since the site launched, back in 2007–almost unnoticed. He’s very quiet, almost mouse-like, going about his business of picking supreme winners whilst bench pressing 400 pounds of iron (he owns two gyms). There is something to be said about a person who dedicates his/her life towards the betterment of their body. I find these people to be motivated, disciplined, and most of the time successful.

Have a look at the recent winners by Ragin Cajun inside of the confines of 12631.

If any of you are on the fence about joining 12631, pay attention to the graphic I just posted above. As industry professionals, it’s imperative that you invest in your research to help buttress your sales, otherwise clients will simply leave–head on over to Bill “Montauk” Ackman’s joint. This is not to say that The PPT (investment tools), After Hours with Option Addict (After Hour’s trading wrap up) and 12631 (real time trading room) aren’t suited for the everyday Joe, desperately seeking to make enough money to take his family to the local Red Lobster. However, I can only relate to those who wear the same shoes that I am wearing and you’d be remiss to not tap into the wealth of information and industry experience that is being shared on a daily basis– within our private halls.

With today’s move higher, my losses are now under 20% for the year, up 17% over the past 6 weeks. I am very outsized TSL and have made sacrifices to the olde gods and the new, so I am not concerned with the future of my endeavor here. I treat each and every purchase as a “deal”, different from how I’d treat trades or investments. Some stocks are designed to be held long term, like MET, ACE and GSK. But everything else is simply temporary, purchased with the sole purpose to further my comeback.

Once I made back all of my losses, I intend to kill a great many of you, some shot through my trebuchet, others skinned alive and catapulted off castle walls.

The markets are good from here until mid-July. After the dip, we will buy it up until late August, when we will go to cash, seeking refuge in government bonds.

Until then, happy hunting!

NOTE: How’d you like my ECYT purchase?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRWVxiXOMbc

So many of you small men were fixated on my losses a few weeks ago. You spent inordinate amounts of time trying to figure me out. I will keep this very simply and clean for the lot of you to understand:

“The Fly” wins all the time, especially when it appears he blew his arms and legs off for good.

Control yourselves and please withhold the applause for later. I have work to do, all pertaining to the art of a comeback.

Top picks: TSL, ANGI, MET, DRNA

I sold out of my TEDU, locking in magnanimous 30% gains, swapping into an average up into the wonderful and whimsical shares of TSL.

Target: $14-15.

NOTE: I started a small position in ECYT too.

I heard on BBG radio this morning, as I drove my kids to school, that France is enjoying the lowest rates since the 1740’s? If so, I want to know why rates were so low back then, with all of those barbarians running about cutting each others heads off?

Anyone?

Markets are soft on the open; but do not expect them to stay down for long. On the other hand, do not expect any significant upside either. We haven’t had a 1% day in over 40 trading days, which is lending to the steady deterioration of the VIX. By the way, is there any better investment than XIV (inverse VIX)?

I’m just a little skeptical here. I don’t like to follow the herd for too long, as it makes me very uneasy. When the markets were dropping, I refused to jump onto the world is ending bandwagon. Now that everyone loves stocks again, I am on edge. I’d feel a lot better if I could buy a shallow dip. Nonetheless, I almost fully invested here, with less than 5% cash. I am overweight biotech and will be vigilant to take profits and cut losses quickly.

Let’s assume that the wretched decline in ‘bubble stocks’ a few months ago was a harbinger of a greater doom to follow. I believe it’s fair to say there was nothing ordinary about it. The result was CATASTROPHE! strewn out across a Wall Street more accustomed to ribald field parties than preservation of capital, myself included. A minor drop of 50% across the board will make people change perspective, seek out a higher being, and generally despise the day they decided to take the series 7.

But here we are, a month or so removed from the second coming of the dot com crash, and everything is firing on all cylinders again. The monsters who once infected my comments section, declaring that I’d never pick a winning stock again are all but a memory now, following a string of wins reminiscent of last year. The base ingratitude that unleashed a hell-fire of death threats from yours truly has morphed into happy tidings and greetings from atop the capstone, bestowing a cornucopia of well-timed investment ideas.

Let us assume this is all a pre-requisite for a much larger, hideous drop, one that intends to catch all sleeping and with pants down. I believe there is a roadmap to be followed and I am about to give it to you.

NASDAQ Circa 2000

Feel free to peruse the data in the link provided above. For those of you who are unable to read, being stupid, raised outside of barns and small Canadian towns, feel free to ask others in the comments section to describe it to you. It’s important that you understand your history, young Prince, for I believe we are going to repeat it.

I will squeeze what I can from the market and heed caution by mid-July. After a small dip, I will redouble my efforts 100% long and squeeze some more until late August, when I intend to reverse course and go short. The circular narrative will be complete by October, as the homosexuals on CNBC trip over themselves to describe devastation designed to relieve retail from their dollar denominated assets.

In the meantime, I like PRTA, TEDU and SGEN for the win.