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Twenty Plus Injured, Multiple in Grave Condition, After Man Goes on Ax Attack in Germany

No word on whether or not the religion of peace was responsible for these attacks. Maybe it was another repressed homosexual with psychological pork eating problems?

A man attacked a train filled with people in Wuerzburg, Germany and starting swinging a fucking ax into them. The internet rumor is that he was shot dead while attempting to flee.

UPDATE: A 17 year old Afghan has been identified as the attacker, according to the internet at least.

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Reed Hastings Tries to Explain Ungrandfathering Induced Subscription Disappointment in Bruce Lee Styled, Wonky, Earnings Interview

This is some real retrograde shit. On top of throwing a bag of steaming shit at investors, the rocket scientists at NFLX can’t even get the tech right to stream a fucking conference ‘interview’. I don’t know about you, but I am perfectly fine with the old fashioned conference calls. Remember back in the days you had to actually pick up a phone to hear a call?

Well, thanks to modern efficiencies, we can now enjoy an earnings interview with the same fidelity of the 1972 Sunday afternoon kung-fu movie.

Truly embarrassing. Oh, his excuses were bad too; but I was mostly too distracted by the Bruce Lee styled lip synching to heed any attention.

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A Bunch of Bears Gather Around and Talk Shit About $NFLX

Remember when everyone loved NFLX? Not anymore. This is the most reprehensible company since Mercedes Benz made vehicles for the Nazis. The UNGRANDFATHERING of the subscriptions have, hitherto, not been an issue–until now. It is with the gravest of consequences that I inform you that Pokemon Go and the Olympics will drag on Netflix’s misery. The greedy nature of Reed Hastings, CEO of NFLX, will, ultimately, lead to its delicious and final downfall.

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$NFLX COLLAPSES ON LOWER THAN EXPECTED SUBSCRIBER NUMBERS, WARNS FOR THIRD QUARTER

Netflix stock is getting annihilated in the after hours, to the tune of 15%, after the company turned in abysmal subscriber numbers. In a statement by the company, Reed Hastings chalked it up to the companies decision to ‘un-grandfather’ old, low priced, subscriber accounts–exposing millions to fresh price hikes, and not to competition.

nflx

Gross additions were on target, but churn ticked up slightly and unexpectedly, coincident with the press coverage in early April of our plan to un­grandfather longer tenured members and remained elevated through the quarter. We think some members perceived the news as an impending new price increase rather than the completion of two years of grandfathering. Churn of members who were actually un­grandfathered is modest and conforms to our expectations.

On earnings, we slightly under­forecast the quarter, ending Q2 with operating income of $70 million and net income of $41 million against a forecast of $47 million and $9 million with the variance largely due to lower­than­expected content and other costs.

Similarly, we don’t believe market saturation is a key factor in the US given that we experienced similar performance over the same period in multiple countries with differing levels of Netflix market penetration.

Our global membership forecast for Q3 includes an impact from the spectacle of the Olympics, on par with what we experienced four years ago, and does not include any boost in the US from the Comcast X1 launch due to uncertainty on timing.

We expect US contribution margin to improve year over year in both Q3 and Q4 and we anticipate meeting our 40% US contribution margin target by 2020, or even earlier.

Unfortunately, this year the regulatory climate in China for our service has become more challenging. Disney’s streaming service, launched in conjunction with Alibaba, was closed down, as was Apple’s movie offering. We continue to explore options and, in the meantime, have plenty of work to do in our newly opened markets.

Continued US growth will be a part of it and there is no change to our view that in the US Netflix can reach 60­-90 million members. We continue to expect to run around break­even on a net income basis in 2016 and to generate material profits in 2017 and beyond.

We still plan to raise additional capital through the high yield market later in 2016/early 2017.

I see no reason to buy this dip. The company, apparently, fucked itself again by raising prices, reminiscent of 2011.

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Dead Mall Retail Stocks Lead Today’s Barnstormer of a Rally

Who said the shopping mall was dead? Has anyone looked at the price of crude lately? It’s awfully cheap and Amazon isn’t going to shut down all of the malls at once. So we might as well partake in a little bit of debauchery, while afforded the opportunity to do so.

Shares of one day defunct American retailer SHLD is leading the fray, with a +4.5% showing. Other standouts include JCP (+2.5%), M (+1.8%), MW (+4.3%), ANF (+3.3%), GPS (+2.6%), BID (+6%), FIVE (+5.5%), BUFF (+5.5%) and ZAGG (+3.77%).

Clearly, I can go one for days, ranting and raving about all of these retailers who’ve, seemingly, found new life at the bottom of the alligator infested pool. But that’d be grapes, of the soured varietal. We should all embrace wanton shoppery of the glamorous sort, as Americans droll on through shopping malls in tow with 70% off coupons, clamoring for the latest designs.

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RNC Delegate Reveals Plot to Deny Trump Republican Nomination

Beau Correll, a good old, genteel, southern, RNC delegate from the common wealth of Virginia, intends to lead a faction of the republican party to deny Donald Trump the republican nomination for President. His reasoning was vaguely mentioned. In between revealing his plot, he scattered a few comments about Hillary Clinton raising more money and Trump operating on a ‘skeleton staff,’ something that is absolutely ABHORRED by the political whores on K street.

Moreover and deliciously Orwellian, Correll painted the GOP insiders as the ones protecting Trump, trying to force his nomination down the throats of the ‘grass roots’ movement, as if the votes of the people meant nothing at all. Let’s not forget it was the RNC and establishment republicans who fought the Trump ascendancy every step of the way, ebbing and flowing and sucking the skin off Jeb to Ted’s man parts, even Kasich, anyone who could preserve their schemes and diabolical plans to sell out American interests to a global oligarchy.

BEHOLD.

And he did it with smile on his face.

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Merkel to Erdogan: Everything Else is Cool, But You Can’t Have the Death Penalty if You Want to Join Our Club

Now that Great Britain is leaving the EU, Merkel and the Bundesbank need someone else to fill the void. Why not the Turks? They’re domiciled at the gateway of the middle east. They enjoy a prosperous living and have access to plenty of good, strong, slaves for German factories. Merkel called Erdogan today, likely to congratulate him for his great coup production, and to inform him that if he reinstated the infamous Turkish death houses, it would be entirely unacceptable.

“The chancellor also urged the president to abide by the principles of proportionality and rule of law in the Turkish state’s response (to the coup attempt),” she added. “The recent wave of arrests and dismissals in Turkey are a matter for grave concern.”

“Reintroduction of the death penalty would prevent successful negotiations to join the EU,” Steinmeier said.

Merkel’s spokesman Steffen Seibert told a news conference earlier on Monday that Germany and the EU categorically reject the death penalty.

“A country that has the death penalty can’t be a member of the European Union and the introduction of the death penalty in Turkey would therefore mean the end of accession negotiations,” Seibert said.

I am certain Erdogan and Merkel can come to terms, permitting the Turks access to the ECB fund and QE bond buying program. Do any of you understand how much ISIS oil the Turks could buy if they were able to enjoy EU styled interest rates? Pfff. Wow.

The Turkish 10yr is yielding 9.5%. Compare that to the Italian 1.25% and you can see why Erdogan might want to just kill these ‘coup leaders’ in secret.

This is a recent photo of the Turk coup soldiers under arrest, placed without clothes in a horse stable.

soldiers

Since the coup failure, Erdogan has arrested 3,000 judges, 8,000 police, 3,500 soliders and over 100 generals and admirals.

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Bloomberg Logic: The Nice Jihadist Wasn’t Truly an Islamist Because He Ate Pork

I’m sorry, true jihadists only throw gay men off buildings and fucking stone women to death for getting raped. God forbid a woman should get raped and not have 4 men nearby to testify to her victimhood, it’s lights out for her. True jihadists torture and behead people for their religious beliefs, crucify catholic priests and even destroy thousand year old artifacts because they don’t conform to their sick, perverted, and criminally minded way of thinking.

They suspend school for all children in their cities and give them the koran in its stead. They’re slavers and force young girls as young as 12 to become sex slaves–because that’s what true, pious, non-pork eating men do. Right?

Nice

You fucking morons.

“Several testimonies paint the picture of a man far removed from religious considerations, not a practicing Muslim, who ate pork, drank alcohol, took drugs and had unrestrained sexual activity,” Paris anti-terrorism prosecutor Francois Molins told reporters Monday

Still, Mohamed Lahouaiej Bouhlel had grown a beard eight days before the attack and had explained he did it for religious reasons, Molins said, citing another witness. The prosecutor also added that the man recently had a “clear interest” in jihadi movements and had made several Internet searches about the Koran since the beginning of the month.

Bouhlel, a 31-year-old Tunisian with French residency, was killed by police after he drove a rented 19-ton refrigerator truck for about 2 kilometers (1.2 miles) down Nice’s seafront Promenade des Anglais on July 14, killing 84 people and wounding more than 200.

By discussing whether or not this scourge of the earth ate pork, drank swill or took drugs, the insane person who wrote this article is placing the “true” jihadists on a pedestal, giving them a standard of sorts. No. I’m sorry, but none of these jihadists are pure in any way, whatsoever. They’re all hypocrites, liars, thieves and untrue to the basic decency and morality of mankind.

The Nice killer was a jihadist, even if it doesn’t fit into your distorted narrative of the world. He’s a jihadist, in spite of the fact that he ate pork, donkey punched in his spare time, and drank from Budweiser cans during the readings of the holy koran.

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New Fantastical Near Death Stories Emerge From Erdogan’s Propaganda Ministry

It’s like a James Bond movie, but with bad Turkish actors doing a poor job with special effects. News is flowing out of Erdogan’s propaganda ministry, the Turkish press, that the good President cheated death on several occasions during the coup. He was blessed by Allah to continue leading the Turkish people towards greatness, dodging bombs, dipping out just before special forces raids, and most impressively, telepathically comvincing a rebel fighter jet to not shoot his Presidential jet down.

All very impressive stuff.

At the height of the attempt to overthrow Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan, the rebel pilots of two F-16 fighter jets had Erdogan’s plane in their sights. And yet he was able to fly on.
The Turkish leader was returning to Istanbul from a holiday near the coastal resort of Marmaris after a faction in the military launched the coup attempt on Friday night, sealing off a bridge across the Bosphorus, trying to capture Istanbul’s main airport and sending tanks to parliament in Ankara.

“At least two F-16s harassed Erdogan’s plane while it was in the air and en route to Istanbul. They locked their radars on his plane and on two other F-16s protecting him,” a former military officer with knowledge of the events told Reuters.
“Why they didn’t fire is a mystery,” he said.

A successful overthrow of Erdogan, who has ruled the country of about 80 million people since 2003, could have sent Turkey spiraling into conflict and marked another seismic shift in the Middle East, five years after the Arab uprisings erupted and plunged its southern neighbor Syria into civil war.

A senior Turkish official confirmed to Reuters that Erdogan’s business jet had been harassed while flying from the airport that serves Marmaris by two F-16s commandeered by the coup plotters but that he had managed to reach Istanbul safely.
A second senior official also said the presidential jet had been “in trouble in the air” but gave no details.

Erdogan said as the coup unfolded that the plotters had tried to attack him in the resort town of Marmaris and had bombed places he had been at shortly after he left. He “evaded death by minutes”, the second official said.

Around 25 soldiers in helicopters descended on a hotel in Marmaris on ropes, shooting, just after Erdogan had left in an apparent attempt to seize him, broadcaster CNN Turk said.
Prime Minister Binali Yildirim had also been directly targeted in Istanbul during the coup bid and had narrowly escaped, the official said, without giving details.

Flight tracker websites showed a Gulfstream IV aircraft, a type of business jet owned by the Turkish government, take off from Dalaman airport, which is about an hour and a quarter’s drive from Marmaris, at about 2240 GMT on Friday.

It later circled in what appeared to be a holding pattern just south of Istanbul, around the time when a Reuters witness in the airport was still hearing bursts of gunfire, before finally coming in to land.

Gunfire and explosions rocked both Istanbul and Ankara through Friday night, as the armed faction which tried to seize power strafed the headquarters of Turkish intelligence and parliament in the capital. At one point it ordered state television to read out a statement declaring a nationwide curfew.

Who do you think should play Erdogan in the upcoming cinematic blockbuster feature, When Turkish Coups Fail?

I’m thinking Erdogan can be played by Robert Deniro or maybe even Brian Cranston. That’d be great.

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