Traded Like a Retarded Fucking Jackass

The last few days only by God’s grace am I still at record highs. In another reality where I am not favored by celestial beings, I’d be hammered into an early fucking grave — trading loose and poor. I find myself chasing whimsical fairytales like a fucking pussy. What I need is, I need religious fervor back to solidify a backbone to my idealism in my trades.

I blew a +170bps gain and finished +67bps, HIGHLY FUCKING LEVERAGED at 141% of assets — pared with some fucking $UVIX and $TZA hedges. Late in the day, I was tricked and fooled into buying $VMEO, some retarded third tier video platform after seeing an immense volume and price spike. I was almost sure there was a takeover rumor causing the shares to spike. Fifteen minutes later, I’m down 5% and it ruined my day.

Even though I finished the day with gains and am merely 1% off the session highs, I feel like I lost 10%. Tomorrow, I am cleaning house in a number of ways and will be switching up my trading methods to conform with, but not limited to, conviction beliefs emanating from my very high IQ — eschewing the refuse and the autistically evil day trading gambits which too often consumes me.

If I don’t step away from the computer, I find myself glued to the screens, whoring my money out to any stock shaking its ass for any number of screens running on any number of my monitors. The madness ends now.

Back on March 15th, I warned the fucking readers here of impending rotation out from tech and into basic materials. I blogged about potential rotation for weeks afterwards, warning you of its eventuality based upon the laws of seasonality. Hopefully, a few of you didn’t chase the other dodo birds off the slide of the cliff and into hot tar pits and instead enjoy the comforts I now enjoy long the oils.

I do not need to explain these things to any of you reading. Giving you information to trade on is like throwing it away. If you want to trade better and watch me do it in real time, join Stocklabs while I am still here for you. Very soon I might get bored and moved onto other things, and you’ll still be there like fucking morons attempting option gambits with half your accounts — blowing the fuck up and out of the business for good.

I am +127bps today, focused on basic materials and trading freely in this session. I have a small 6% position in $UVIX which is largely ceremonial and it makes me feeeeeel better having something there to protect me in case of imminent nuclear war. Meanwhile,

Look at me, +18.6% for 2024, coming off +55.5% for 2023, +61% for 2022, +218% for 2021: who can fucking stop me?

Good day —

I was positioned courrectly and stand before you +125bps for the session. I caught some winners early and pared them down, then hedged with a $UVIX position into the crevasse, booking a 6% gain in the process. I am now unhedged, long mostly commodity stocks, 63% cash.

I am sanguine on this tape and believe it to be ok, in spite of the shit quality of the runners. Even so, I am not compelled to buy just yet and will bide my time waiting in the tall grass, in hopes of spotting a weak zebra straying from the pack, at which point I will chase it down and bite it’s fucking head off — enjoying a delicious meal and feeling good about it because of my effort.

Sirs —

With a heavy heart, I’d like to report losses for the session of 43bps. I tried, and failed, to extricate myself from this fate; but in the end I succumbed to a most heinous day.

In other news, I defied the wishes of Mrs. Fly and discarded her retard eclipse glasses and looked directly into the Sun to bear witness to whatever the hell was happening up there. As a man, I felt it was my duty to find out and if I’m being honest with you — my eyes hurt a little.

No worries — as a small boy I often played baseball and stared directly into the heart of the Sun many times — using my glove as cover. Even though I had no glove today, I feel confident that I can wade through this ordeal and come out the other end with my 20/10 vision intact.

To be honest about my vision, I do find it to be a little blurry in the mornings — an annoying thing to happen to a person, such as myself, as I have always had fighter pilot vision.

Into tomorrow, I am confident my portfolio of garbage will produce gains, at least I hope. I say “garbage” because that’s exactly what I got roped into — chasing chasers and attempting to catch some lightning inside of my bottle.

Nevertheless, this risk profile I am now embedded in is in fact temporary and I’ll get back to comporting myself with some dignity very soon.

Good Day —

Today is the day of the GREAT SOLAR ECLIPSE, whereby the psychopaths at CERN rev up another one of their occult projects. Meanwhile, the entire State of California is to collpse and break off from American and perhaps float all the way to N. Korea, where they’ll all be placed into prison camps by General Kim.

After the eclipse we are almost certain to bear the brunt of fantastical natural disasters and subsequent earthquakes, flattening out of the olde topography, as they used to say during biblical times. It really could not happen to a more deserving state, California — mostly all reprobates and mountebanks — an area of the world concentrated with swindlers traversing one another with the intent of injury. I have been there once in my life for about a week and was easily allured by its beautiful weather, people, and exquisite cuisine. I made sure to never visit California again, as I deemed it to be a place of evil incarnate — a garden of eden if you will filled with pink cocaine clouds and vast and lush fields of cannabis.

But it’s all over soon and when California BREAKS OFF AND FLOATS TO NORTH KOREA — America will be better for it, minus the part where we’ll miss their wonderful wines, avocados and money.

I am just getting started with my trading day, off by 10bps, doing lovely in my strategic, as I am long $BITX into this $BTC melt up.

Relax — war is coming — just not yet. I know many of you attempted to profiteer on potential war between Iran and Israel — thinking a premium might be affixed to crude in the event. My sense is, nothing will happen until after Ramadan, which ends Tuesday night.

So the trade is as follows: lean into the 1.5% WTI dip, keep buying gold/silver/bitcoin — make sure to hedge for downside action in stocks — wait for happenings. Pardon the macabre commentary on potential loss of life — but this is my coping mechanism: I profit from it. I can lament and whither in the wind or I can use my God given talents to read the tea leaves and make money off it.

I choose the latter.

Futures are obliging and odds are Iran will do something very mid, a feeble attempt at war, as it customary amongst people in the Middle East who seem unable or unwilling to defend themselves.

On the much bigger issue: Russian Urals crude is only 5% from WTI, indicative of TIGHT supply. Ergo, buy the fucking dips.

It wasn’t a week to sit back on your laurels in risk and let the market do its thing. Some of you might feel comfortable with a long term outlook — able to bear witness to tragedy unfold and do nothing about it. I cannot do that, as I am a financial super-hero, an apex predator. There is never an instance when I am relaxing. I am 100mph 24hrs per day, 5 days a week.

I capped off an exemplary week, +440bps — juxtaposed against market losses of ~2%. It’s important that you bear witness to this week of mine, as it tells a story that’s important for my body of work, which is I do not fucking lose. When markers spiral lower, I am there to sell it short into the fucking ground. When it turns up and cooks the bears, I am the first one at the scene with my fork in tow.

I suspect we will see an escalation of the war in Israel this weekend and because of that I hedged my longs against a 12% volatility position — which will bank in any black swan event. Other than that, life is good and it’s going to stay that way, especially for me — +18% year to date and once again, interminably, pinned to recourd highs.

I really wanted the market to COLLAPSE today. Last night over Earl Grey martinis, I gave it deep contemplation and had visions of the fires to come and I could almost feel the warmth by them. I sat there in my study relishing the idea of spiraling markets and subsequent returns that I would enjoy, at the expense of almost everyone else — which would be an additional bonus.

Alas, markets opened this morning and it went higher and I was faced with a decision.

Do I cry and kick my feet in a tantrum, waiting for things to move in my direction — or do I close out my shorts and join the party? I of course did the latter, not because I wanted to, but because honor and professionalism mandated it.

At the moment the big story is gold and the way it’s spiking has me believing WAR LOOMS. But war seems to always loom, so I bought a bunch of other stuff too, reversed my losses, and now I am up for the day. I’m not up too much and there is work to be done. I also don’t want to get caught flat footed in a 20 fucking red candle move to the downside. Ergo, and this goes without saying, I will comport myself with extreme caution and keep both gains and losses tight in order to maintain returns.

I won’t draw this out into an elaborate missive about my feelings and what I believe to be happening. I was very long into the open, sold it all into 10am. I flipped to net short in the afternoon after viewing the tape. I made several long attempts and got fucked every single time. I closed out my losers, kept my shorts, comprising of 18% of my book in LEVERAGED ETFs — and closed the day +49bps. At around 3:30pm I was talking extreme shit IRL, telling friends and family not to address me informally and how to speak to me was in fact an honor and a privilege. At that time I was up 1%.

I gave half my gains back into the close, mostly due to this fucking $ZPTA, some Mexican AI, an oxymoron if I’ve ever seen one. NEVERTHELESS, I remain, inexorably, at RECOURD highs, in spite of all of the tumult and grift and misdirection. It’s important that you understand that I am the very best trader alive. You will never meet someone better. Although you will try to best me and believe yourselves to be the main characters of the simulation, I in fact am him and you attempting to fade me only serves to injure you.

Do not harm yourselves by way of idiotic gambits.

The macro is all very convoluted and the wars to come aren’t truly understood. For all we know, war with Iran might bid stocks higher, since we’re all so very comfortable across the Atlantic, safe from missiles and capital ships. Although I have my hardened biases, which are mostly nationalistic, peaceful, and filled with ideas of building a nation of content people producing things for the betterment of society, I am keenly aware that those things are racist now and to hold many of you to high standards would, in fact, impose my white culture onto you — a horrible predicament to be in — especially when considering your forefathers rampaged the jungles of African in search of gold hidden inside the heads of albinos — riding heavily throughout the unpaved roads with wheels made of triangles.

The homosexuals in Brussels and DC said Ukraine is to join NATO. This is quite literally the fever at the decision centers of the west.

And this is the Russian response.

Due to the incompetence of our leaders, endless Ukrainians have been killed in a war against Russia and now with their army teetering on collapse, western leaders are bluffing with provocations to enter the war against Russia. The only problem with this idea, frankly, is that the west is entirely gay now and without industrial heft to produce enough weapons to fight. The left are the one’s most ardently in support of war vs Russia because they’ve been brain-fucked by their masters and would inject their 1 week old babies with highly toxic vaccines if told to do so. For the most part, the left are a worthless cadre of post modernism, caricatures of how a people turn from great to garbage in a generation thanks to success.

A great man once said “Success has defeated you.”

If there is a war against Russia, the west will lose it. Perhaps this is what the west needs to demonstrate to its people that those in control of every decision aren’t all knowing evil geniuses, but in fact incompetent dysgenic spiteful monsters in need of justice.

Oil is up, gold is bid, the Dow is down 400 counting into the bell, red heifers readying for slaughter.