THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

A FAZmobile was seen zipping down the street. Inside of it was a bearshitter, clad in a burlap hoodie and florescent orange velcro pants. This FAZmobile I speak of traveled at frightening speeds. Onlookers cowered as it “zipped” by.

Back on Wall Street, Benjamin Bernanke was fireside, smoking a blunt filled with Moroccan hashish, mumbling to himself “I’m gonna get those bitches.”

The FAZmobile headed towards Wall. The occupant fancied he’d crash his mobile into the building where Benjamin Bernanke resided, with designs of destroying The Bearded Clam and his army of printing presses.

As the FAZmobile approached, Ben stepped outside, gazing at the insanity on wheels that was the FAZmobile. From the skies a large object appeared. It descended upon Wall Street with such force, the ground trembled, tipping the FAZmobile over on its back.

Benjamin entered this object, which happened to be The Federal Reserve helicopter, flicking his blunt down below at the FAZmobile, which was paralyzed and stupid, drenched in its own gasoline. As the flames plumed into the NYC skyline, Ben smiled and said “I got you bitch.”

The end.

Fuck the “old economy.” The “new economy” is all about connecting to other people via inane web comments, text messages and Tweets. I like to “Instagram” my evening cups of Earl Gray tea, whilst figuring out how the government faked the lunar landing.

All of the HORSESHIT that you folks call “commodities” have been, umm, commoditized.

Shares of copper stocks are decidedly lower.

Shares of oil and gas stocks are decidedly lower.

Shares of gold and silver stocks have made Jakegint scarce ’round these parts.

On the other hand, 25 year old punk kids are getting “rich as fuck” via social media, selling their dot coms for billions–allowing them to build castles with real fucking catapults, surrounded by moats–guarded by teutonic knights. Life isn’t fair. I know. After all, if there is anyone more deserving of a moat or a fucking catapult, it is me. Unlike the retards from Facebook, “The Fly” would put those weapons to use, bombarding his neighbors like they were Berlin and I was Great Fucking Britain.

Here look at this:

Now look at this:

Those are custom indexes that I built inside of The PPT, for social networking and commodities. Month to date returns tell the story. No one gives a shit about Dr. Copper anymore. It’s all about disseminating real time information through eclectic mediums. Get it?

Unlike others who suck the balls of these social media dogs, I am here to tell you this is a fantastic bubble to take advantage of. I believe this may be the sector that can make people a lot of money, something we haven’t seen since the dot coms days. We’re just getting started.

Back in 1994, I was buying and researching early stage internet stocks, namely AMER. When I entered the business, I began to invest in dot com stocks with all of my life force. The only problem: it was 1997 and I was early. We all knew the internet was gonna be huge; but the volatility crushed so many people before they got started, in earnest. The same shit is gonna happen now. There will be MONSTER winnners; but the volatility will shake you to your fucking core, making you want to light your face on fire with BBQ coals.

If the world is still around in 3 years, you will look back on this period as the nascency of social media and regret not buying one or two YELP’s for the long term.

I didn’t blog today because I was busy all day holding the hands of cowards.

The market did exactly what I wanted it to do today, small melt up, nothing too pretentious. This sets up for the next phase of “OPERATION ROAST SHORTS” sublimely, where they step into the fold, thinking the coast is clear, only to get run over by a speeding tractor trailer (no roadrunner). All of my positions, save TDC and YELP, were higher today. But because YELP is so heavily weighted, I had an average day. The initiations are out of the way and YELP is free to trade wherever the caprices of overzealous speculators permits.

TDC is just a side effect of the carnage that has been transpiring inside of the commodity sector: pure horror on a biblical scale. I believe these companies are setting up nicely for new investment, as the weak hands flush out, firmer value oriented hands will grab and swallow these companies whole.

In the small scheme of things, today was shit. It’s just one drop of absurdity in an ocean of fuckery. I look forward to the slow boiling of shorts tomorrow, same Fly place, same Fly channel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HOSuZxYRQE

A bunch of homosexual firms started coverage on YELP today with price targets ranging from $23 to $28. The lead underwriter, Goldman Ballsachs, started them with a neutral and a price target of $26. In other words, they are playing the game. Despite YELP’s crazy price/sales valuation, they weren’t thrown under the bus by Wall Street’s brightest and best because social networking is the new telecom. In other words, they are all competing for lucrative investment banking deals and rather not fuck up their credibility with prospective clients than make ballsy valuation calls on one of the industries key names. With Twitter, Foursquare, Pinterest and others, at some point, scheduled to come public, these dicksuckers (brokerage firms) are clamoring for deals. Hence, you will not find any big bracket firm overly negative on any social media company.

Just my two cents.

Futures are sharply higher, as concerns in Europe eased a bit. Yields tightened and their fucking markets ripped higher; hence, we are following suit–buoyed by robust earnings at AA. The tone and tenor of this morning’s tape is good. However, I am not going to jump to conclusions and suggest the coast is clear. What we witnessed over the past week was likely a garden variety correction, something completely normal in any tape. The specter of Europe delving back into a liquidity crisis is too unbelievable, like a sick, twisted Alfred Hitchcock movie. I can’t deal with end of days trading scenarios; it’s too much to bear.

Gold and silver stocks are both extremely attractive to me. But with 107% of my capital invested, I don’t have room for another investment. Clearly, commodity related stocks have been beaten to a pulp. The lion-share of the losses have been in precious metals and oil stocks. It’s as if the expensive and lucrative prices of the underlying commodities were meaningless. Eventually, something has to give. Either raw commodity prices are coming way down or the stocks are going way up. There is no middle ground.

Will I lighten up if we rally hard today?

Frankly, it all depends on what stocks run the most. If I get a few 5-7% runners, I might sell them in order to make room for something of higher quality that has sold off recently. Or I may eat a sandwich and take an afternoon nap, happy to make back some of my lost treasures.

I report to you for the first time today, here on iBC, I stepped in using leverage to buy the dip. For the first time since 2009, I exercised margin agreements to add to positions. This is what life is all about, after all–throwing good money after bad.

The Gods winked at me today, bidding YELP higher, alleviating the pressure exerted to my neck. At any rate, “The Fly” is not only speeding in a car made from dynamite sticks, heading towards the Sun; but that shit is on fire too.

Here is my allocation, on the table. Critique it all you want. It is what it is and it’s a big fucking bet.

YELP 30%
TDC 20%
BID 10%
JWN 10%
GLW 12%
CPST 10%
MAS 10%
CLR 5%
———
7% levered into the teeth of a mean correction.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPDw817npFw 603 500]

I warned myself of ‘Dark Clouds Emerging‘ overhead. The symmetry of fucking myself in the exact way of last year was and is sublime. Last year I missed the top by a few days, this year a few weeks. Once again, I find myself in the untenable position of sucking when the chips are falling off the table into the sewer below.

Today hurts and hurts bad. Even though my top two positions, YELP, TDC, are doing okay, my retail positions, JWN and BID, are getting fucking clobbered today. The amount of money that is flying out of the window is somewhat staggering, even more so because I knew this was going to occur. Nothing lasts forever, not even calculator brains and plutonium powered time machines.

Barring some sort of perverted come back, The PPT will likely close OVERSOLD today for the first time this year. I tell you this, not out of the generosity of my soul, but because I am a man eating a plate filled with potato chips as if they were health snacks. I eat them like vitamins, ignoring my proclivity for high cholesterol and blood pressure because I am KAMIKAZE and the world is my Pearl Harbor.

If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a lot of pent up anger, boiling inside of me, waiting to come out. I try to comport myself like a gentleman at all times, preferring the softer sounds of classical music when in the public view. I hold doors for ladies and old fuckers and adhere to all of the laws of the land, like a good sheep. But one of these days, I am going to go “Hulk Hogan” (no homo) on the world, ripping off my shirt, leg dropping the faces of countless people/neighbors in my vicinity. My arms will flail in the wind, knocking out jaws and teeth, as if they were cheaply made toys from SHENZEN, CHINA.

I am going to stop writing now and resume droning on at the altar made from potato chips, quietly in the dark, musing to myself the perplexities of atomic energy. Feel free to sell everything and hide under your covers for the remainder of the day. First thing tomorrow, the selling will continue in earnest, causing you to sell some more.

Here we go again. European indexes are knifing lower, with Germany and France off by more than 1.7% and 2.4% respectively. The big deal is Spanish and Italian sovereign bond yields, with Spain approaching the ominous 6% level. In the short term, this can definitely shake people out of their stocks, especially since we’re heading into earnings season anyway. With the S&P up 11% year to date, there are profits to be taken. Unfortunately, not everyone has fared so well.

For the most part, the basic material sector has been raked to pieces in 2012. This has been a sector, traditionally, that tracked the market closely, offering outsized returns during periods of “risk on.” This has NOT been the case in 2012. Those investors are down for the year, suffering under great piles of metals and farm equipment.

Like last year, there is a good chance we give back all of our gains here, heading into the somber summer months. And, once again, I called the top and positioned for it, yet find myself fully invested into the fucking vortex of the correction. History repeats itself because people never learn from their mistakes. By the time people “get it,” they die.

All in all, today’s tape is dreadful. I haven’t even bothered to open up my trading platform, as I have no intentions to buy or sell anything. I am not selling because of stubbornness and I’m not buying because the sellers are in control.

Nevertheless, this panic mongering and subsequent market sell off will be dealt with in the same manner as the previous set of crises: central bank intervention and free money. This is all show business and none of it will lead to the collapse of the EU. Like it or not, they are “all in” on this EU experiment, as demonstrated by their LTRO actions.  In recent years, betting against the stupidity of policy makers, ironically, has been the dumbest trade of all.

I remember when DELL was the shit and the markets were cratering (and I mean cratering) back in 1998. The stock would go up $3 per day, whilst the rest of the market crapped out. During every big run, there is always an “anointed” stock, a place where money managers and retail park cash for safety and growth- dual purpose. Apple is no longer your tell, unless you own AAPL. The market can drop 400 today and AAPL will close up 40 cents.

You need to watch the sectors that have been leading the market to see if they are rolling over. Inside of The PPT, I set up custom indexes, in order to serve this purpose. Banks and commodities have rolled over the hardest, threatening 3 month lows, believe it or not. Social networking and tech have held up much better. In the middle of everything is my GARP (growth at a reasonable price) index. These are stocks, hand picked by me every 6 months, that represent growth but with good to great valuation metrics. Some index members include: GMCR, AAPL, ADS, ARUN, WYNN, FOSL, CAT etc.

Here is the 3 mo chart for GARP:

What do you think?

From my untrained, disdainful eye for technical analysis, it looks top heavy, ready to fall.

We’re all relying on mystical governmental powers to buoy stocks higher here. But keep in mind, those rapacious dicksuckers want lower gas just as much as higher stocks. How do you get lower gas? Deflation scare.

Under that scenario, stocks trade lower and TLT goes back to $120. I take it upon myself, through the foraging of information from every corner of the globe, to identify inflection points well in advance of my peers. Regrettably, thanks to the sorcery and smoke screens of The Fed, I have no fucking idea what is in store next. All I know, like a blind man using instinct when crossing the street, danger lurks around the corner and the season to be defensive or bearish approaches with celerity.

“Let  me tell you what is coming. After the sacrifice of countless millions of treasure and hundreds of thousands of lives, you may win southern independence, but I doubt it. The north is determined to preserve this union. They are not a fiery, impulsive people as you are, for they live in colder climates, but when they begin to move in a given direction, they move with the steady momentum and perseverance of a mighty avalanche, and what I fear is that they will overwhelm the South with ignoble defeat.”

BEAS,1861

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxDP6q6C5mE&feature=youtube_gdata_player 603 500]

Macabres rejoiced into the bell, sending the Dow Jones Industrial average down a staggering 130 points.  Investors ran for the exits in big cap names like AAPL, which was up just 0.4%. Oil, and other commodities of that genre, plunged amidst renewed concerns that Spain was filled with deadbeat spanish people and the Irish are still drunk and violent.

Memories of the bull market of just yesterday have faded and been replaced with the starkest visualizations known to mankind, such as BLACK SMOKE, CHARDS OF METAL and AAPL up just 0.4%.

As for me, I simply marked time, with heinous losses in MAS, CPST abundant and clear, but offset entirely by YELP.

Facebook bought Instagram for an outrageous valuation, resulting in a 40x profit for venture capitalists who funded it just last year (shout out to Phil Pearlman for nailing Instagram at iBC’s annual dinner last August). As a shareholder and fervent supporter of the superfluities of Howard Lindzon, I look forward to StockTwits being acquired for no less than $2 billion, over the next months or years to come.

Finally, iBC is looking to start investing in start-ups, mainly because we are flush with cash.

Times are tough for a Space Alien Magician (SAM). Gone are the days when people in wheeled chairs parked near open manholes. These days I find myself forced to exert energy to throw those fuckers to their “wheeled deaths.” And, the fucking stock market is fucking people again, with marksman precision.

http://youtu.be/oZbfuHJW8TQ