IN A CAR MADE FROM DYNAMITE STICKS HEADING FOR THE SUN

I added to CYBR (now 12% of assets), serial underperformer, “reader class” performance metrics in a sea of unchecked hedonism, on this fine day. I pop champagne corks into and around your fucking face, then bash in your skull with gravity hammers.

I am going to win this and burn this homosexual opera house down to the fucking ground– then erect a statue of me holding your severed head in my bloodied hands.

I’m not sure why restaurant stocks got humiliated yesterday, nor do I care. All that matters to me is that SHAK is coming in. It still needs to drop by at least another 30% before I’m interested again. Truth be told, I thought you were all crazy buying it at $90, at 30x sales.

I bet you, in the history of all the stocked market, no restaurant stock has ever traded at such an absurd valuation. To be plain, I believe the underwriters of SHAK should be placed on a gibbet and beaten with a nine tailed dungeon whip.

We need a good freezing up of private capital in order to stop the insanity. The vulture capitalists are making all of the money, while we sit here with our dicks in our hands, waiting for insiders to liquidate at already insane valuations. This would’ve never have happened a decade ago. Now it’s almost impossible to buy an IPO at a reasonable price and hold it for long term gains. By the time these greedy fucked faced bastards IPO, it’s already Uber.

Fuck this shit.

The best way for us to bank coin now is to buy liquidations or get lucky with biotech lottery. Sadly, that is what this market has come down to.

Just when you thought there weren’t any NASDAQS left, thirty more make their way into the national treasury.

I don’t look at the news anymore. I don’t watch the teevee. I don’t even talk to people about stocks.

I just sit here and collect NASDAQS, regularly, because it’s what I was born to do.

News isn’t relevant. Global warming is stupid. Deficits bore me. GDP growth or lack thereof are merely news clippings floating away, like embers, from my flaming barrels of garbage. Nothing matters.

CHAMPAGNE CORKS firing off into your fucking faces tomorrow. All of that shit you sold this afternoon, small dicked scared of shadows trading theories, out the door with your careers.

I am leviathan and you are food.

Did you see those fucking Chinese stocks again? I am having my eyeballs gouged out in EHIC. My largest position, AAPL, faired well, as well as SBNY. But CYBR was the apocalypse, plunging by more than 3%, effectively putting yours truly into a very brooding mood. If any of you were remotely close to me, I’d throw you into my fired place and watch you burn over a bottle of Bordeaux, preferably 2005. A fine year, indeed.

Aside from banks, Apple, and a few other outliers, today’s tape was completely shit. I fully expect more shit tomorrow. There is a foreboding sense of boredom that overwhelms me. All of the pros are in the Hamptons, snorting cocaine off exotic animal asses, indulging in chicanery that is sure to place all of them into hell, upon death. Back at the old hedge fund, Joe Rookie has strict orders not to fuck anything up, so he’s hedging and taking weak ass bets, like Apple, scared of being whipped across the face by his boss with a nine-tailed dungeon whip.

So here we are, perplexed by Nazis and Greeks alike, jockeying back and forth for world supremacy and depravity.

Brace yourselves for more of the same, insane asylum pin action.

My stocks suck today, aside from my largest position: AAPL and maybe my SBNY.

But the others, CYBR, ONCE and many others, are getting shot in the face.

Basic materials are getting poleaxed and anyone who bought chinese stocks yesterday are having their fucking faces ripped off today.

But do not fear, lads. “The Fly” isn’t afflicted with episodes of black rage just yet. I am permitting my winship to recede a little, in order to lure my enemies to rush towards the shore, so that I can overwhelm them with tidal waves later.

“The Fly” is a barometric force of outsized proportions. I invite and entreat you to sell short CYBR and continue to tease me on down days. This all makes for marvelous tinder and I enjoy it like a glass of champagne, lightly frapped, on a hot as shit summer night.

You’re all gonna die, eventually. But “The Fly” will still remain, immortal and constant, banging out winning trades because that’s what he was born to do.

Does RARE ever go down? I was gonna take a stab when it broke the magical $100 plane, just to see what would happen. Now look at it: a buck thirty and climbing higher.

The banks are where you want your long term capital. Super regional names like BOFI and SBNY are my favorites.

Avoid basic materials like the plague. We are enduring a period of deflation. Let’s be clear about this salient point. Oil is a trading vehicle, not an investment.

Biotech is hot for two reasons.

1. Big pharma is flush with cash and they need new drugs to fuel their growth. So instead of hiring talent and discovering treatments via R & D, they’re buying other companies at crazy valuations.

2. Biotech investors are living the dream and aren’t hamstrung by revenue or earnings growth metrics. Investors are dreaming of FDA approvals, subsequent billion dollar drugs and mega deals with big pharma. As a result, sky is the limit.

And of course there is a AAPL. If you’re going to be invested in U.S. equities, you must own the company with $190 billion in cash. You’d be foolish not to.

Then there’s the Internet security software names, all growing fast, but mostly losing money. These are high beta/risk/return plays.

Retail stocks are being dismantled by the AMZN juggernaut. The only online store that is growing faster, believe it or not, is M. The only aspect of retail that hasn’t been crushed by online vendors is footware, which is why FL, NKE and SKX are crushing it so well. Consider FINL for a long term turn around.

Lastly, we have China. Those maniacs should never be taken seriously, since their companies can’t be trusted. Trade them small and fast and don’t look back.

You can pretend that my winship is a consequence of luck or happenstance. The truth is far less complicated than your moat of disbelief.

I control all of the NASDAQS, for they are mine and Exodus is a gift to a generation of spoiled brats, hamstrung by psychotropics and a sense of entitlement not seen since the Gilded Age.

I’ve ballooned my position in CYBR, once again, depleting all available cash–leaving me running in the wind, naked, freely spirited amongst the wolves, rocks, and peace doves.

The bastards from Wall Street 2.0 blew up your brokerage accounts again, in a sublime manner. There’s no doubt as to the panache and style of the zerohedge volcano squad, tirelessly toiling away with diabolical news clippings by their side.

Why, this time, at least you thought, was going to be different. Six years worth of central bank planning was going to be undone by feta cheese eating grape farmers. All of the stocks you sold short were going to zero and the world was heading into a Chinese-Greek led grande depression.

Now look at you, disheveled, naked, fucked, forked radish.

I don’t give a shit about stocks today. I’ve decided to live the life of leisure I was born to lead– at least for today.

What is Le Fly doing on such a Tuesday afternoon, in the midst of a gorilla raping rally?

So sorry, that’s classified.

But feel comfort in knowing that he is enjoying the fruits of his labour and–thoroughly–comporting himself, graciously, in victory, just as effortlessly as he comports himself in defeat.

If I cared, I’d advise you to lead similar lives, sucking off the silver chalice of defeat with equanimity; but I couldn’t care less, so the whole lot of you can bugger off and slip into cracks of the earth–ending up on milk cartons and shit.