iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,449 Blog Posts

Worst Flat Day Ever

Did you see those fucking Chinese stocks again? I am having my eyeballs gouged out in EHIC. My largest position, AAPL, faired well, as well as SBNY. But CYBR was the apocalypse, plunging by more than 3%, effectively putting yours truly into a very brooding mood. If any of you were remotely close to me, I’d throw you into my fired place and watch you burn over a bottle of Bordeaux, preferably 2005. A fine year, indeed.

Aside from banks, Apple, and a few other outliers, today’s tape was completely shit. I fully expect more shit tomorrow. There is a foreboding sense of boredom that overwhelms me. All of the pros are in the Hamptons, snorting cocaine off exotic animal asses, indulging in chicanery that is sure to place all of them into hell, upon death. Back at the old hedge fund, Joe Rookie has strict orders not to fuck anything up, so he’s hedging and taking weak ass bets, like Apple, scared of being whipped across the face by his boss with a nine-tailed dungeon whip.

So here we are, perplexed by Nazis and Greeks alike, jockeying back and forth for world supremacy and depravity.

Brace yourselves for more of the same, insane asylum pin action.

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13 comments

  1. it is showtime

    Gonna be harder&harder (zero homo) (extra zero hedge) to get any dumbass record highs

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    • Dr. Fly

      You are most likely the craziest person I’ve ever come across in my lifetime, and I’ve been alive for over 1,000 years.

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  2. bexpo

    In exact same mood. BUT You make me LAUGH. “Insane asylum pin action” Your writing is Clever & Funnny. Music matches mood perfectly.

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  3. zuulzuul

    This market is going down hard and sweaty (extra showtime)

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  4. fryguy15

    Hell? No such place.

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  5. jonny

    Hmmm, not sure about the continued use of the label, “nazi”, when it comes to Germany. Seems a little off key and a bit archaic. Unless of course you add the disclaimer (extra Don Trump).

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  6. it is showtime

    Must be that comparatively youthful exuberance. Comparatively.

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  7. jacked rabbit

    A more appropriate vintage with fire were the 2003’s, I think.

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  8. matt_bear

    Rick Ross needing extra lemon pepper tonight.

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