Nothing Can Keep Stocks Down

Stocks are supposed to be down today — because the President might lose his job. No one gives a shit. Traders are sopping up any dips and buying them with vigor, all market orders.

New issues have risen at House Fly — now with my bathroom light switch. A good friend of mine will be coming by on Friday to address that and the water heater — which isn’t working — because Honeywell gas valves are horrible. We’ll get it all sorted out on Friday. Then we’ll smoke a few cigars to celebrate the occasion.

Over in stock market land — I have a stock worth selling today — a great big beautiful 1 day profit.

I’m also famished and will fix myself something to eat.

Bottom line: I see oil is up, but I refuse to talk about it. Tech is where your money should be focused and the good times are rolling, rather severely now.

This time it’s really over gents.

Let’s recap for those keeping score.

Trump got elected and declared war on the deep state.

Said deep state appointed a special counsel to eventually execute Trump.

Special counsel has now tossed Trump’s personal attorney, Cohen, and campaign chief, Manafort, in prison.

BOTH WERE FOUND GUILTY TODAY.

On deck is Flynn, Gates, Papadopoulos and about 20 others are expected to be tossed into prison.

There is nothing unusual about criminals heading to jail. However, and it must be stated, there is something unusual about the timing of corruption only first being discovered in DC — under the administration of Trump.

Futures are tumbling on this news, down 79 on Dow and 29 on Nasdaq — because people think Trump is in jeopardy. Why do people think this?

BECAUSE COHEN SAID TRUMP ORDERED HIM TO COMMIT CAMPAIGN CRIMES.

“I participated in the conduct for the purposes of influencing the election,” Cohen said in court.

Worst case scenario, Trump gets impeached and he dies in prison. Pence takes over and stocks recover. However, I suspect there will be a brief interlude of panic, should such uncertainty hit the headlines.

My solution for cleaning up DC.

In a separate related idea, I think all Presidential terms should be coupled with an investigative Prosecutor who is funded limitless, tasked to find crimes at all times. That will clean up DC fast. Can we do this for Congress too? Put a Mueller in every office.

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) August 21, 2018

I bought LITE, WIX, and ALRM to end my recent buying spree.

What can I say? I’m addicted.

Tried to stop me from enjoying massive gains and I’ll twist your arm off and tie you into a pretzel.

Today’s rundown:

SOLD

TLRY +35%
CRON +15%
SONO +18%
MOMO +8%
PDD +5.4%

SOXS -5.3%

BOUGHT

JG
CVNA
IIIV

These next two stocks are beautiful — like two big balloons attached to a decorative basket, with all of the best people inside of it. I own both balloons and power them with hot air until the air gets thin, and lovely, and I can’t go any higher.

I bought CVNA and JG.

The latter, JG, is especially terrific, as a new Chinese IPO trading below its offering price — sort of like UXIN. This is a market where men like be reduce themselves, mind you, to purchase stuff like this.

As you were.

I sold the following stocks, raising cash levels in my trading account to 35%.

TLRY +35%
CRON +15%
SONO +18%
MOMO +8%
PDD +5.4%

SOXS -5.3%

REMINDER: You can access the Exodus algos for free now at FreeStockAlgos.com. I’ll be adding features to that site over the coming months.

It’s over E-tradeFAGS. You had your chance to shine, now it’s time to go away.

Here’s how JP Morgan will bankrupt the litany of online brokerages, including those freeFAGS at Robinhood.

Signing up through the bank’s app can be done in three minutes, and moving money between Chase accounts happens instantaneously. Users can also seamlessly fund their investments from outside accounts. There is no minimum required to open an account.

All customers get 100 free stock or ETF trades in the first year, an offer that becomes permanent for those with Premier-level bank accounts, which require a combined $15,000 held at the bank.

Those with Chase Private Client, a higher account that typically requires at least $100,000 in holdings, get unlimited trades. The bank is currently considering adding other tiers that would incentivize people to pull money from other brokerages.

Users can construct diversified portfolios with an automated tool called portfolio builder by inputting their risk tolerance and objectives. In a recent demonstration, a client was able to quickly screen through ETFs — most of which came from competitors including Vanguard — and construct a portfolio composed of cheap ETFs and a few stocks.

The number of free trades a user has left is prominently displayed on the app. Keough said that most investors don’t typically need more than 100 trades a year, but if they exceed that amount, they’ll be charged $2.95 per trade, which still undercuts most rivals.

For instance, TD Ameritrade and E-Trade charge $6.95 per trade. Charles Schwab charges $4.95 a trade. All three offer free trades for a fixed amount of time for new clients who deposit enough money. Bank of America offers customers of its Merrill Edge service 30 free trades per month, but that perk begins at $50,000 in balances. Otherwise, trades cost $6.95.

Shares of TD Ameritrade and Schwab were lower in premarket trading Tuesday.

The next phase for J.P Morgan is for investors who want to be more hands off. Start-ups including Wealthfront and Betterment pioneered the so-called robo-advisor, or automated investment managers. Big banks including Morgan Stanley and Wells Fargo have since released their own robo-advisors. Most charge between 0.25 to 0.50 percent of assets under management per year.

J.P. Morgan will unveil its own robo-advisor under the You Invest brand in January, Laskowitz said. He declined to say whether the bank will make good on Dimon’s threat from 2016 to give away the service for free.

“If you think about our pricing structure, it will be very similar with what we’re doing with our brokerage platform,” Laskowitz said of the robo-advisor. “We’re rewarding people for doing more with Chase.”

Thank God the online brokerages have business relationships with advisors, otherwise their B2C models would be blowing up right now.

If I could own shares of a publicly traded crack vendor I would. But for now, I am only permitted to legally own shares of LEGAL pot dealers. These wares are peddled around junior high schools and high schools, promising the youth nutrients and brain stimulation with just a few puffs. Parents encourage their children to smoke pot these days because MUH hemp is a miracle plant and it cures all ailments, included, but not limited to, CANCER.

For Xmas, I fully expect children across America will receive large bags of pot under their tree, strong and potent strains of sativa designed for recreational and medicinal use.

Shares of TLRY and CRON are shooting, the fuck, higher this morning. I am long, strong, and anticipate to bank some coin today.

Bad news on the plumber front. The hot water heater is broken, but no one quite knows what’s wrong with it. Grown men dressed up in plumber costumes cannot figure it out, so they tell me to just change the whole thing. “Just do it.” Also, they go to google to learn about their job on the spot and I educate them about gas valves and where they might find one. I will be invoicing them for my advice on how to do their jobs later on today.

In the meantime, House Fly is without hot water. Cold showers course through this cold and sallow house, making the people inside even more angry and bitter. I view it as a penance of sorts, punishment for my recent success.

Also, my light switch broke yesterday, in the downstairs broom closet like bathroom.

Home ownership is one of the great big scams of life. The alternative is worse, however. Being a tenant must suck, beholden to other people and their rules. I’d rather own a money pit, than rent someone else’s.

Ok, back to doing drugs.

Today the plumber stopped by my house and my coyote nearly ate him. I could tell he had been smoking pot, probably because it’s legal and nutritious for you. I brought him downstairs to have a look at my water heater and he immediately said ‘bro you need a new tank.’

I retorted ‘but you haven’t even looked at the damn thing.’

And he said ‘bro, dude, this thing is shot man. You need a new one.’

‘How about just swapping out the part? I don’t want to change the whole heater now.’

‘Good luck finding the part. They don’t even carry it anymore. Go to Amazon and buy it. We’ll plug it in for you.’

And then he left, leaving behind a $125 invoice.

America is a wild ravenous place, filled with degenerates and drug addicts, all chasing greedily after paper money. If you’re fortunate to have some of it, others with less will try to take it from you — sometimes by force.

The beautiful thing about the stock market is that it displays these horrible traits in real time and on a very live stage. We’re all in the arena trying to rip off one another — duping someone with our shares because we’re done with them and couldn’t care less if the buyer went bankrupt buying them from us. It’s an indecorous game of capitalism, unrelenting in its viciousness and divisiveness. It just so happens that I am a superior being when it comes to trading — the very best the world has ever seen.

Case in point, I entered today long TLRY, SHSP, SONO, MOMO and I edged into CRON and HUYA throughout the trading day. My winning streak is going to be the biggest ever. My last streak, enjoyed two months ago, was 38 wins out of 39. This time around, I intend to win 50 straight times, without even the smallest of downticks. The market is in my wheelhouse now and there is nothing that could be done to stop me.

The stock Gods are dead. I am the stock God. Bow down before my presence.

I added to my pot exposure by buying NEPT.

The HUYA purchase is me future signaling a resurgence in the China-com trade — which has been dead for a month or so now.

I sold out of DOMO for a 1% loss and remain very long SONO, MOMO and many other delicacies that are making me rich-er.