Morning Poppers (Equities are for Olde Men Edition)

What are you still doing here and why aren’t you logged into your Coinbase account to trade some Rare Pepe Cash? I’m days away from publishing my new book — about 33,500 words, so if you haven’t read the first part and want to get Grandma a nice Xmas present, buy it now. Once I get iBank Bitcoins up and running, the rare art on that book cover will be worth millions alone. Just think about all of the money you can make on the iBank Bitcoins are will spill out into the world, introducing the younger generation to “The Fly” and his violent ways.

***BITCOIN IS NOW AT 15,375 YOU BASTARDS***

Via Zerohedge:

For those keeping track, this is how long it has taken the cryptocurrency to cross the key psychological levels:

$0000 – $1000: 1789 days
$1000- $2000: 1271 days
$2000- $3000: 23 days
$3000- $4000: 62 days
$4000- $5000: 61 days
$5000- $6000: 8 days
$6000- $7000: 13 days
$7000- $8000: 14 days
$8000- $9000: 9 days
$9000-$10000: 2 days
$10000-$11000: 1 day
$11000-$12000: 6 days
$12,000-$13,000: 17 hours
$13,000-$14,000: 4 hours
$14,000-$15,000: 10 hours

Total market value of cryptos is now $410b.

Listen, I’m very busy right now and do not have time to cater to your every whim. There’s lots of ways to make money today — just quit dicking around and pay attention for once, will ya?

Here’s some news to start your day.

SAGE +46.9% (reports positive top-line results from phase 2 placebo-controlled trial of SAGE-217),
Tesla: Anheuser-Busch InBev (BUD) placed order for 40 TSLA semi-trucks
Galectin Therapeutics target raised to $10 at H.C. Wainwright — The market gets it wrong, again
Mellanox Tech target raised to $70 at Stifel
Edwards Lifesciences reaffirms FY17 outlook, provides FY18 projections, approves new $1 bln share repurchase program
Lam Research upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Nomura
Shake Shack upgraded to Equal-Weight from Underweight at Morgan Stanley
Commercial Metals upgraded to Buy from Neutral at BofA/Merrill
Ctrip downgraded to Neutral from Overweight at JP Morgan
Cummins initiated with a Outperform at Oppenheimer; tgt $192
Yelp downgraded to Underweight from Neutral at Piper Jaffray; tgt lowered to $37 from $38
Goldman Sachs target raised to $300 from $290 at BofA/Merrill; Added to US 1 List

Anyone want to purchase some Invisibl-RARE-Pepe art? You can buy it now — but it’ll cost ya.

Quit saying ‘nothing is there’ you faggots. The art is invisible, but is there, rest assured.

Overall, the Rare Pepe Art market in crypto terms has been on fire ever since Lord Trump stole the election from Hillary. I mean, the value has gone up from $73,000 to $41 fucking million. That’s quite the return. What is the allure?

It’s backed by RARE PEPE ART you faggots. Get on board now.

Just 3 hours after Bitcoin passed the historic mark of 13,000, it has now passed 14,000 — well on its way to 50,000. Total market cap for the cryptos is now $387 billion and only olde people aren’t involved in sizable way. Clearly, decentralization is the only path forward and Goldman and JP Morgan are literally shitting their drawers, just looking the BTC spiral higher.

With this elaborate move higher, the BTC crew from Twitter are have a field day, a digital feast, to let haters know how stupid they are for not getting in at much lower prices. Look, you had a chance, you opted to buy QQQ and make just 30%. LOLz, old faggots.

$BTC 14,000 i'm dying lololol

— Downtown Josh Brown (@ReformedBroker) December 6, 2017

Bitcoin $14,000 …so begins a new round of ‘I told you so ‘

— howardlindzon (@howardlindzon) December 6, 2017

Bitcoin:
$0000 – $1000: 1789 days
* * *
$5000- $6000: 8 days
$6000- $7000: 13 days
$7000- $8000: 14 days
$8000- $9000: 9 days
$9000-$10000: 2 days
$10000-$11000: 1 day
$11000-$12000: 6 days
$12,000-$13,000: 17 hours
$13,000-$14,000: 3 hours

— zerohedge (@zerohedge) December 6, 2017

Bitcoin hits…$14,000. #TheFutureIsNow pic.twitter.com/AmJXeP26xX

— Pete Hegseth (@PeteHegseth) December 6, 2017

***BITCOIN IS NOW ABOVE 14,000. I AM LAUGHING AT ALL OF YOU HATERS WHO DIDN'T BUY LOWER…DUMB OLD SHITHEADS…THE FUTURE IS NOW. #BTC50k

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) December 6, 2017

Greetings and salutations lads,

The Bitcoin happy train continues to run over morons in its path, now higher by 10% to $13,188, up more than 25% this week. The total market cap of the cryptos is now $380 billion, now worth more than the market cap of JP Morgan.

While all of this is super impressive and I am sure the gains will continue, uninterrupted, another contender has emerged, something called IOTA. This small little ICO is now worth $11 billion, up a mere 1,000% in 2017 and 202% over the past week.

Perhaps others on the site can redpill us on why IOTA is blasting off. Inquiring minds want to know.

How wonderful. I especially like this short report by Carson Blockhead. The pageantry is very fine. Here have a look at the ‘candid’ shots of Carson doing some analysis on OSIS, which is lower by 25% on this report.

Now imagine yourself long this stock, hit with a margin call, all because Carson and his buddies wanted to front run a high profile media announcement of their short position, a few weeks before Xmas. This is fucked up on a very large scale; but he has a great track record, and as far as I can tell, he’s abiding by all of the laws.

Shares of OSIS have been clown-raped, and are screaming lower.

Markets are moving higher today, but everything else is lower. Most of the small capped stuff is getting obliterated. At the top of that trash heap is my HMNY, thanks to CNK launching a competing service. Does it really matter, all things considered? No. But now I am truly a long term investor.

Oil is tracking lower again, laying waste of oil stocks…yadda, yada, yada.

Who gives a shit right? Stocks go up, down, then up again. At the end of the day, if you’re buying large capped stocks — you cannot go wrong. Just buy more as they drop, and you’ll make even more when they hit new highs.

The only thing I want from Krampus this holiday season is for a sharply higher VIX. We need some panic in the air, a nuclear war, Presidential impeachment, something. Sitting at $14, UVXY looks lonely. You should join it.

There are only two sectors in the market that mean anything: tech and finance. The combined sectors comprise more than 50% of free cash flow reported over the past twelve months. If we are ever to get a deranged move to the downside, both of them need to be destroyed.

Is that too much to ask?

This was one of those cringeworthy moments in financial television history that I knew when I saw it, I could document it for future use in order to humiliate Bob Doll. While no one here is arguing with the merits of US earnings, I think we could all agree that it is patently absurd to suggest stocks cannot trade down, because earnings are so damned good.

Well, that’s exactly what Bob Doll just said. It’s impossible for stocks to even pullback a mere 5-10% because of the power of earnings, so you might as well mortgage out the house, leverage it up, and buy QQQ.

On the issue of earnings and free cash flow, publicly traded US companies have enjoyed about $1 trillion of free cash flow over the past 12 months, on revenues of $11.2 trillion. Total debt is around $9 trillion, most of it sequestered in the banking space, which is tricky to quantify. The total market capitalization of US companies is a little above $23 trillion. Within the free cash flow matrix, here is the breakdown per sector.

Basic Materials: -$82 billion
Consumer Goods: $100 billion
Financial: $330 billion
Healthcare: $114 billion
Industrials: $79 billion
Services: $164 billion
Technology: $253 billion
Utilities: -$751 million

In short, financials and tech make up more than half of the free cash flow generated by American publicly traded companies.

Can anyone seriously argue that we’ve all been a good people the past year — I mean as a whole? Societal upheaval is coming lads and Krampus is going to whisk away your entire families. Sure, you’ve donated some of your excess returns to very nice charities, but that still doesn’t negate the fact that you’re a truly horrible person.

Now you might be asking yourselves now: what sort of person wakes up and types that sort of shit into his computer at 7am for thousands of people to read the minute they wake up? I will have you know, “The Fly” transcends space-time and has seen the future and I am here on a mission of mercy, for Christ’s sake.

In related news, I finished my book. I will be proof reading out the retard mistakes I made and publish it before Xmas. You can buy it for all of your friends and family members before Krampus whisks them away. In all, it came out to 33,500 words, about twice as long as last book. It ended on a bit of a cliff note and to be perfectly honest, I probably won’t get around to writing part 3 for a long time, since I am reentering money management and will be quite busy. Nevertheless, I think you’ll like it.

Eurostoxx 50 stocks are getting their dicks cut off this morning, with the Dax off by 0.9% and Asia pummeled into a losing streak not seen since 2015. On a related note, Nasdaq futures are -13, WTI -1.3%, AND BITCOIN IS +8% to 12,600.

The yield curve is now just 53bps, new lows. I remain short BAC.

Here are some other headlines worthy of your time.

Chemours downgraded to Neutral from Buy at Goldman
Walgreens Boot Alliance to acquire 40% interest in Chinese pharmacy chain GuoDa
Henry Schein downgraded to Underweight from Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley
Square CEO Jack Dorsey tweets: ‘Turning on Bitcoin for a lot more cash app folks right now’
Pattern Energy upgraded to Buy from Neutral at Goldman
Snap initiated with a Underperform at Evercore ISI; tgt $7

Fox News is reporting that Trump’s finances were not subpoenaed because the republican controlled House Intel Committee refused the request. As such, today we learned that Mueller wanted to get his greasy hands on the Trump records, but couldn’t because republicans blocked it. The net result makes the news look fake and Mueller look like a lunatic. Perhaps that’s the desired effect.

A source with knowledge of the investigation tells @FoxNews that there has been no subpoena from Robert Mueller's office sent to Deutsche Bank asking for information on @realDonaldTrump finances

— John Roberts (@johnrobertsFox) December 5, 2017

Schiff reveals that Republicans on House Intel refused to subpoena Deutsche Bank for Trump Organization financial records. He says it's a "troubling double-standard" bc Rs sent subpoenas for Fusion GPS bank records

— Manu Raju (@mkraju) December 5, 2017

The Germans celebrate Krampusnacht on December 5th (today), each and evert year, a day reserved for celebrating the fabled life of a certain Krampus, a half goat elf of Santa Claus who whisks away all of the naughty children. I do believe he does this at the behest of the very kind Santa Claus and I do believe he eats said children after he’s done. I do not know what type of food Krampus lives sustains himself on. But I am pretty certain small, naughty, children should be hiding this time of year.

Stocks are officially in idiot mode, the odd period just before Xmas where the volume is low and the opportunities sparse. Mostly everyone had a fine year and have wrapped up operations, fearing an end of year surprise that could jeopardize bonuses and fees. With only 33% of stocks higher today and my well diversified quant portfolio off by 0.28%, I am certain a great many of you naughty children are hiding out in the market now — wishing you had already sold.

Today’s big standout, aside from HMNY getting crushed down to the pancake, is copper — off by 4.5%. Whenever Dr. Copper hurries lower, people get to thinking China is somehow screwed over. I believe this is an idiot’s mentality, especially since China’s stock market performed best in 2017. I think it’s fair to assume markets will never really trade lower, not in our lifetimes. Best thing to do is diversify your investments, glance over at them every so often, and eat lots of sandwiches. The active manager stuff makes for a good drama, but it’s really overrated and I do believe I’ve proven that with my Quant strategies.

During 2018, I am shifting from weekly adjustments to quarterly. I will do this because the portfolio that I will build will be of supreme elegance, built to crush the S&P 500 with little to no effort. For a more timely portfolio and to keep the blood flowing, I’ll probably do a monthly one too.

As for my discretionary account: they’re pretty much filled with lottery tickets and have an insane quality to them. I am way more interested in automating my investments, than having to bother digging through the mud for a few choice trades. But I might be saying that now because ABC News induced me to buy more UVXY last week. Who knows?