BEHOLD: The Carnage

My bubble index inside of Exodus was off by 4% today, a real drubbing in a deathbed of a tape. Everyone is talking about high growth getting sold down. But I have the numbers. Here are the 1 month returns of some of your favorite companies.

Insane buying opp or top? This is what makes a market.

TSLA -12%
TWTR -22%
SWKS -15%
MNK -17%
QRVO -35%
DATA -15%
AMCX -10%
AGIO -11%
DWRE -13%
YELP -32%
MEG -19%
SSTK -37%
BOX -22%
BLOX -11%
TTPH -13%
QLYS -13%
HHC -7%
BIDU -8%
AVGO -8%
GTN -8%
ISIS -8.5%
AAPL -8.7%
FEYE -10%
STMP -10%
LNKD -10%

For the coming bounce, I’d stick to the old winners and avoid the really beaten up shit in basic materials. You want to gravitate towards quality and avoid trying to make 100% on your next trade. On a reasonable bounce, many of the above stocks will give you 10%. For me, that’s more than enough to get me back near my year to date highs. I have little interest in buying distressed shit and then hoping on a star for some sort of miracle out of China.

More than 550 stocks are down more than 4% today. I want you to behold that for a moment, as I drink my barrel of coffee.

News hit the tape a short while ago regarding the nation of Russia infiltrating and hacking into our Pentagon. This, of course, is bad news for the security of our nation. However, the hedge is that I am long CYBR, who benefits from the insidious, rascal, zealot, Russian bastards– plugging away at his computer terminal, over cold bowls of borscht.

I will keep this post very simple. This is an opportunity for you to buy into stocks that have been mispriced to the upside. As they come in, you should sop them up. Stick to quality, free cash flow generating names, and all will be well.

This is not the end of the world. That is scheduled to occur sometime is late September.

Names on my radar include: AMCX, NHTC, MDVN, JAZZ, EW, ONCE, PANW, RARE

We go through this shit every quarter. Earnings show how ugly our faces truly are and we run about shattering all of the mirrors. Lads, shattering the mirrors will not make your face any less ugly. You’re a beastly person, fit for a cage inside of a tunnel. Once the mirrors are removed and companies do not need to report earnings, rearing their ugly faces, we can run about the wilderness, naked and free.

Until then, you should expect dark clouds and lightening to follow your every step. Men like Bluestar will plague you with photographs of scary clowns and brag about his short selling wins.

Today is a bitch of a day: massive drawdowns everywhere. For the love of God, over 100 NASDAQS have been stolen from the National Treasury, all the while Janet Yellen watches the Hallmark channel while sopping up chicken noodled soup.

My losses are indeed palpable. I am only hedged by my GG position. But that isn’t large enough to offset the chicanery that is running rampant throughout my portfolio. These are the days I wished I had become a garbage man, driving trucks about the city and punching rats in the face for entering my domain.

My advice to all of you is to keep calm; help is not on the way. However, once earnings season ends, all will be joyous again.

Have been stolen from the national treasury.

Any questions?

I always wanted to say that.

Shares of retarded coffee machine maker, GMCR, stand to open down more than 30% tomorrow, off an earnings short fall. The company has been mired with lousy management and poor decisions. It’s also rumored to be the victim of an insidious devil’s witchcraft brew that has swayed an obese customer base away from their machine wrought with mold, in favor of the French Press.

Alas, the sins of an evil corporation have finally come due and the holders of said stock will meet their maker tomorrow.

Separately, shares of FIT are set to explode…to the downside tomorrow morning, as people figure out their fucking iPhone can count steps for them. What an asinine company. People are such slackers; they’ve resorted to a gadget to count their steps. Listen to me: walk or run until you can’t anymore. After you’ve exhausted your energy reserves, rest up and drink lots of wine.

You little fuckers want to know what’s working?

Inside of Exodus, I have a screen running in “the grid” that scours over 4,000 stocks to find the fastest growing companies, who also enjoy the pleasures of free cash flow and strong gross margins. The formula that I’ve set in place is what I believe will net the strongest long term results. As a point in fact, the 120 stocks that are denizens of this screen have netted an average return of over 50% for the past year, crushing the helmets of money managers everywhere.

No, I will not give you the names. Fuck off.

The house always wins, except when your host government bans cigarettes and a wide assortment of debauchery, which of course is part of your business model.

I was going to discuss how badly China sucks now and the albatross it has become with regards to commodities and industrials. Then I took a gander at some of the earnings misses and wins and decided to broaden the discussion to risk, over-all.

What are your goals/intentions?

Do you fixate on intra-day movements? If so, you’re a moron.

Are you widely diversified?

How much risk are you exposed to?

Unsure?

The bad news is, you have no idea what you’re doing. The good news is, “The Fly” just completed an algorithm to grade and monitor risk that will be implemented in an Exodus Professional iteration, sometime in 2015. The good folks over at iBankCoin have many irons in the fire, and we strive towards perfection. Once complete, my risk analyzer will permit you to live a life of wanton leisure, as my robots safeguard your portfolio and alert you from impending doom.

As an aside, my average down in ONCE today ended up doing quite well. Overall, the market was milquetoast, a non-impressive offering, one that would bore any God, the old or the new, into a one thousand year slumber. I look forward to a cessation of summer activities and a resumption of the cold winds of the northeast, in earnest, bringing with it profits of the outsized varietal, spearheaded by your local cocaine addled hedge fund manager.

Good day.

I haven’t cursed in a headline since the day I was born, in 1976. But this market has me pissed the fuck off, Iranian without nukes mad because Israel is having all the fun. I’m so very happy that our empire has aligned itself with Iran. It seems like the perfect fit. Our Ayotola (sp?) and theirs have so much in common.

Ever since we elected our first muslim Manchurian candidate, a true citizen of the world and Kenya, our foreign policy has been straight fire. Look at all of the friends we’re making abroad. The French love us again and the Asians are super-friendly with us, especially online. Let’s not even talk about how cool we are with Russia and the towel washers in Afghanistan.

Stocks are plunging from their intra-day highs and everything is turning to shit. A good rally can still be detected in several areas of the market, remote to most humans who play this game with vigor. Nevertheless, it’s still early, right? Anything could happen (rolls eyes and then vomits onto rug).

I’ve added to my ONCE position, out of pure reflex. So far, that move has been 100% wrong.

Moving on, my 1.35% gain has all but vanished. I am now flat for the day, desperately hoping for something tragic to befall all of the short sellers who harangue me with their positions.

In order for Le Fly to be pleased, CYBR and CRM must rally like mad. The winds of war must sweep them into their vortex and thrust them upon the market, like a brazen bull whose inhabitants suffer greatly because they bet against them. What else am I supposed to do, other than wish horrible things for the people who threaten my person with extinction?

In another blog, I mentioned I’d discuss my daily diet. Look you, I’m not Arnold and do not consider myself to be a model citizen of fitness. However, I am in good condition and harbor very little body fat.

Here is a typical day for me, diet wise.

Breakfast: greek yogurt, coffee (black as hell, spanish roast). Sometimes I partake in eggs, rarely any panned cakes or lots of potatoes.

Snack: more coffee, sometimes latte.

Lunch: Tuna’d fish sandwich (fuck you, I eat bread). Or perhaps I will eat grilled salmon or maybe some lunch meat (roasted beef is my favorite).

Snack: more greek yogurt

Dinner: steaks, chickens, yams, fish, sometimes a little potato of the baked varietal, grilled veggies. I drink copious amounts of wine, rarely beer.

I don’t ingest creatine at this time because it requires that I drink lots of water. I don’t feel like having to urinate all day long, like a dog, just so that I could lift an extra 50lbs at the bench. Also, whey protein is something I’ve been avoiding, as of late, due to its shitty digestive properties. I’ve come to grips with the fact that I am not a body builder and couldn’t give two shits about deadlifting 500 pounds.

“The Fly” can punch a hole straight through your face, without the help from HGH injections and stupid diets that detract from the grandeur of life. I eat clean and protein heavy, around 2,000-3,000 calories per day, maintaining the same weight for more than a year, deviating no more than 5 lbs at a clip.

First, I’d like to preface this blog by saying that I am up 1.35% for the day. Almost every stock in my portfolio is punching Blustar in his Hawaiian face, but one. That one stock just so happens to be my top biotech holding, a stock that I made 18% the last go around and was up 7% on before today’s blood-letting.

The name of the ticker is ONCE.

An interesting name, suggestive of a singular occurrence. My experience with this shitful company is multi-faceted. The stock is down because the company used certain words in their earnings report. See, nothing really happened, since they are pre-revenue and have nothing to sell. Their drugs weren’t declined or delayed; and their data wasn’t poor. The stock is merely down because, well, biotech is a sick bastard game of chutes and ladders.

You climb all the way up, sweating like a beast to get to the top, only to be expeditiously dropped, like a fucking anvil in a cartoon, down a chute into the black abyss.

With today’s drop, I am merely down a little more than 5% from my basis. As a point in fact, this is a great buying opportunity for yours truly. But I wanted to focus on something else now, which is the fucked up nature of dealing with earnings season.

No one is safe. All of your positions are at risk from the chute. One second you’re as happy as a clam. The next, you’re being shucked and swallowed whole, adorned with hot sauce and copious amounts of lemon.

“The Fly” is partaking, if you will, in summer debauchery. He is not available to hold your hand through every miscue. Men in the northeast corridor of the United States value their summers because they know they’re fleeting, unlike you heathen from down south and out west. Men of the north partake, if you will, in a leisurely life because we won the civil war and are entitled to enjoy the fruits of our labor, only during the summer of course.

Texas is being led into depression. Their landscape is littered with guys like this, morons who eat bacon from machine guns. The vast majority of oil stocks are down over 50%, since March. Oil isn’t coming back any time soon, neither is copper, natural gas or fucking rice.

Jim Rogers is without bow’d tie.

But eggs are going higher, thanks to the avian flu. Get your CALM shares for the banana run towards the $6 egg.

I bought GG today, in order to gain exposure to gold. I am not a fan of gold, so understand this is just a trade. The month of August is a fine one for the yellow metal. Risk appears to be waning and everyone is retarded, so now might be as good a time as ever to make some money off gold.

Stay away from oil. They haven’t bottomed yet and most will disappear (extra David Copperfield) and take the entire state of Texas with them.

I’m glad that I sold AAPL north of $130 before earnings. Now that everyone hates it again, I might add to my position.

This is a market for old men, led by banks, wheeled chair stocks and the medicine man reigns supreme. All of your hi-tech, silicon valley ideas are rapish. None of your plans are working out because the market only respects the bottom line, or the absurd. Companies stuck in the middle, like YELP, TWTR, LNKD, are hated because they can never fill their big ass shoes. Their feet are too small.

Le Fly has the biggest feet you’ve ever seen and he’ll mud stomp you for less than a sideways glance.

I was up 0.25% for the day, on a day off galavanting about town in search of leisure.

This is fucking depressing. I got my watchlist out and swinging low and no balls to execute a trade. The risk appetite in this market blows and nothing is lining up for me. QLYS is smoking shorts, EZ Wide style, fast and hot, which bodes well for my CYBR. But it’s barely up a buck. Give me a fucking break.

I have a few biotech names that I want to own too. But that problem with that is the asinine valuations of pre-revenue ventures, coupled with the mood of the market right now. If I am not careful, I am liable to get my fucking head blow clean off.

The only safe thing for me to do is to chill out and drink barrels of coffee, while the market dicks all of you. I can simply bide my time, if you will, and attempt to purchase one of your famous margin liquidations, which is always a treat. No?

Please do not contact me via email or Twitter. Also, if you’re coming to the 2nd Annual iBankCoin Investors Conference, or the VIP after-party, DO NOT try to figure out who I am. I will have eyes and ears everywhere. People have been killed for less.

For now, biotech and banks are leading the way to, umm, fucking nowhere. But they’re strong and virile.