We Need More Fantasy Island

We go through this shit every quarter. Earnings show how ugly our faces truly are and we run about shattering all of the mirrors. Lads, shattering the mirrors will not make your face any less ugly. You’re a beastly person, fit for a cage inside of a tunnel. Once the mirrors are removed and companies do not need to report earnings, rearing their ugly faces, we can run about the wilderness, naked and free.

Until then, you should expect dark clouds and lightening to follow your every step. Men like Bluestar will plague you with photographs of scary clowns and brag about his short selling wins.

Today is a bitch of a day: massive drawdowns everywhere. For the love of God, over 100 NASDAQS have been stolen from the National Treasury, all the while Janet Yellen watches the Hallmark channel while sopping up chicken noodled soup.

My losses are indeed palpable. I am only hedged by my GG position. But that isn’t large enough to offset the chicanery that is running rampant throughout my portfolio. These are the days I wished I had become a garbage man, driving trucks about the city and punching rats in the face for entering my domain.

My advice to all of you is to keep calm; help is not on the way. However, once earnings season ends, all will be joyous again.