VOLATILITY IS COLLAPSING

The VXX is dropping, despite grandiose calls of apocalypse.

The Italians are throwing meatballs at one another and the Spaniards are shoveling large quantities of paella down their skinny necks. Yet, here we are rallying hard off the lows.

The bearshitters have attempted to derail this market for many years, only to fail and drop into tar pits lit aflame.

I am not buying here, but I am not fucking around either. I am long VXX puts, DECK calls, WNR calls in my personal and long a variety of “well to do” companies for managed.

In short, I fucking fade you and your edgeless position. The rubberband is pulled back to the extreme. If you dare stand in front of it for too long, you will be smashed to pieces by large boulders and cinder-blocks of cement.

I’ve noticed emotions are running high these days, especially amongst the cabin class historians. Here on iBC, you like to throw meatloaf at one another, supporting one ideology over another. Case in point: many of you left of center readers are appalled by the words of Senator Gint. You disagree with his politics and extrapolate a whole bunch of shit from that, most of which is entirely untrue. I know Mr. Cement Head and he is one of the nicest, most honest, people you will ever make acquaintance.

Back in the early Bush days, I was a political ideologue too, fervently against all who thought differently from me. One day, while expressing my view points, alienating good friends of mine in pointless arguments, it dawned on me that none of my debating was making me money. As a matter of fact, my fervent support for “freedom ketchup” was holding me back from making money in Heinz, if you get my drift.

Although sometimes my ideologies surface when emotions are high, the truth is I really couldn’t give a fuck about politics. It is the sandbox of retards and men who opt to waste their lives being groupies for dishonest people.

All joking aside, let’s get back to sharing some money making ideas, and tune out the noise. It will never make you any money and you will regret wasting such valuable time, down the road. At the end of the day, we all want to eat, drink and have a few laughs, no?

Into the debt ceiling vote, I remain steadfast, 60% long, 40% cash. Should we dip to 11,800, I will add to positions. For the most part, despite the sell off, I am pleased with today’s action, for my stocks.

At the present, my top two holdings are WNR and DECK.

Okay, we have European markets spiraling lower, due to Italian bank fears. In addition, people are worried Congress will “TARP FUCK” us with a debt ceiling vote gone bad. The ISM were disappointing. However, the economy has been vomiting on itself for awhile now. The truth is, we need some more free money bitch. Like crack addicts, the markets needs that good Bernanke shit, in order to get us going again.

Fuck all of the fears of inflation, if I might be so bold. Should we let things roll down hill, the deflation will be so ridiculous, you’ll be coerced into sawing off your own heads. That’s how painful it will be.

Going into Jackson Hole, like a hooker looking for her pimp, ALL EYES ON THE BEARDED CLAM.

Let me be clear (NO OBAMA), should Bernanke sit on his hands and watch us melt the fuck down, I am a 10x seller of this market. Should he implement QE3 or Congress allow corporations repatriate assets back into the US, tax free, I am going gorilla long to the upside. Everything you see now is simply child’s play. No one gives a shit about 8/1/11 @ 10:43am. Only pikers are relying on today to set the tone. The real money will be made from September through January.

Don’t get your brains twisted into pretzels. Go eat a fucking sandwich or two, chill out, and try to exhibit a semblance of patience, you ADD addled misfit.

Oh well, so much for the big fucking rally. Everyone with a Zeeco account sold the news and now here we are dealing with the aftermath. My gut says this sell off is a headfake. However, the aggressiveness of this train derailment is infectious. To me, jumping onboard the “sell the news” crowd is the most reprehensible act of non-violence one could possibly undertake.

The ISM numbers (big miss) will be blamed for the sell off. However, the truth is, every dicksucker with a series 7 license is trying to outsmart one another.

All in all, this is the reason why I am 60% long and not 100%. For now, I will let the dust settle and focus my efforts on real tangible moves, all pertaining to the arts of upside earnings surprises.

Developing…

NOTE: I will be busy tomorrow, all day, slinging fireballs from my perch.

Fuck you. I am not giving you shit.

Instead, I will offer you a question. The rest you can figure out for yourselves.

There are two newspaper stands, both on the same block. One guy sells “UPDATED NEWS, Live and Real Time.” The other guy sells “CLASSIC NEWS, OLD AS SHIT, BUT BETTER.”

Who will sell more newspapers?

Stay tuned next week for more “FREE BLOGGING LESSONS.”

Oh, by the way, S&P futs are +17 as you read this. Prepare for extreme SHOMPERY via WINSHIPPERY.

The rhetoric on CSPAN is amazing, callers and democrats alike are going in on “CORPORATE JET OWNERS.”

The return of the fucking horse and buggy is coming.

Watch vote here. It’s coming soon.

Well, we’re diving into the bell. I can’t blame people, given what is being said by our fucking Congressmen on teevee. I am betting, to a small degree, a deal will be crafted. I took large positions in some stocks, but my largest position of all is cash.

I do not trust Congress, yet feel they can’t be so dumb as to allow this fat nation go without hamburgers for more than 1 day.

With that being said, I’ve made my bed and I will now lay in it, praying to magical beings to murder all of those who get in the way of a debt ceiling deal.

Once again, I am playing the higher probability outcome, by positioning long into the carnage. With today’s GDP numbers, the asshats in Congress cannot afford to tip the ancient scales of reason into the crevasse.  A deal must be made, which in turn will lead to a sharp snap back rally. About 3-5 days into said rally, I shall liquidate again and spend the remainder of my summer at the beach.

As told weeks earlier, 15% of my book is in DECK common and calls. As you can see, it is having a grand day. I knew the stock would rally hard because idiots were selling ahead of imminent analyst upgrades. How did I know? Well, Q2 is always a light quarter for DECK, as no one buys winter boots in the summer. The novice saw a big build of 210mill in inventories as a net negative. However, I viewed it as DECK planning to sell a shitload of boots this fall. Needless to say, I was right and my position is a winner.

In my personal account, I am heavily long WNR calls, VXX puts, DECK calls and common and some GSVC. For managed, I bought monster positions in FLS, TEX, WNR and a little SWK. I reduced my cash position to 40% and will hold that line until the debt ceiling issue is resolved.

Also, with Q1 GDP revised down to 0.4%, look for THE BEARDED CLAM to have a word of two, during this years summit at Jackson Hole, regarding Qe3. The tepid growth is no longer benign and it poses a grave threat to this economy. It is the responsibility of policy makers and Mr. Clam to provide free money and lots of cocaine.

Trade accordingly.

NOTE: Should QE3 stay off the table and American austerity takes hold, I will be net short by Fall.

NOTE II: I added to GSVC.

I am back, in a big way, long WNR, just in time for their earnings party. In addition, I bought CVI, FLS, TEX and more VXX puts.

UPDATE: I bought SWK.

Current cash position: 40%.