18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,399 Blog Posts


I lost money today, cucked, and forced to watch other lavishly praise themselves as gurus for making a good amount of coin today. You saw the NASDAQ +128, but it was all NVDA and other mega mega caps. Actual breadth was 37%, which meany most stocks lost money for traders and if you played the AH’s earnings gambits, well then you might’ve stepped on a few landmines.

Shareholders of PTON, LTHM crushed under a plethora of sell tickets, whilst BILL, BIGC and DDOG rose.

Earnings season is always a dice roll and I’d be lying if I did not admit to liking the danger of it all. By the way, if you’re a sub of Stocklabs — use our newswire for earnings news. If you’re not, I have something for you too — a free newswire.

I closed out very long but with a TZA doubled sized hedge which will do very little if we tank, other than to assuage my emotions to feel safer when I’m really not. I am wholly and magnificently exposed and down 90bps for the day with another 70bps in the AHs due to my excursions.

It’s important to remain calm and place things into perspective. If the bunch of stocks held in my account is wrong, I can fix it tomorrow. Down days doesn’t mean down forever. It only means I have to try a different combo — perhaps a theme or perhaps contrarian. One thing we do have working in our favor is seasonality. It is rare to see stocks suffer for long in November, and this includes cryptos — which are coming in now.

Just last month NVDA looked dreary and today it went haywire above $300, acting like a crypto currency. Today’s trash is tomorrow’s treasure and vice versa. Although down today, I will trade great again — maybe tomorrow or perhaps Monday.

WE SHALL NOT TRADE LOWER FOR LONG BARRELING INTO TURKEY DAY. It is settled science and there is no debating it.

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Time to Rest Before Turkey Run

I’m expecting to drawdown a bit whether I like it or not. I’ve always felt to be invincible and in all of my years trading TODAY was the day I’d skirt the market trends and once again finish victorious presiding over a heap of charred cars and molten metal. I am expecting the market to pullback before Thanksgiving and I’m also predicting me trading like I can skirt this correction and only in fact fall victim to it and once again curse the heavens for the plague scorned onto me.

The Stocklabs market timing wizardry is now showing an OVERBOUGHT condition which means little without backtest data (which we have) other than to suggest the market is overheated now. How people respond to a very strong tape is an entirely different story. In many cases momentum begets more momentum and you can see that plainly in stocks like NVDA and AFRM. We have tossed out idle notions of fundamental valuations and now propel stocks to 100x sales, when about 15 years ago anything more than 10x would be viewed as wildly overvalued.

Everything looks tired, including BTC. Gold and silver are jumping off because, frankly, the Fed seems to have a hidden mandate of HIGH inflation. How else can one justify keeping so loose with this inflation and jobs market — labor shortages causing spikes in wages. I read a large number of plebs in the service industry have QUIT THEIR JOBS recently due to gains in SHITCOINS. The vast majority of said gains were under $50k, hardly enough to retire off from — but it speaks to the much larger narrative of aspiration and how people really feel about hard work. They don’t like it at all — conditioned to want leisure and take short cuts throughout their lives, such as buying vanity coins and vanity NFTs and entering into extreme mercantilism in order to extract true value in the form of currency. While these people will hem and haw and remain inexorably in ETH or SOL. Eventually, they’ll come back to shitty dollars and take said profits to their local Porsche dealership for a new car — because extravagant things means you’re an important person and being important equates to, at least what we’re told, a better life.

Alas the Fed and all of their wisdom deem it more important to afflict ruinous inflationary pressures onto a small subset of Americans who are not part of the investment class and cannot fend off, or hedge, the widely higher prices at the pump and grocery store. After all, if your grocery bill is up 15% this month and your portfolio is up 20% this month — are you less rich?

The rationale for higher inflation is to the benefit of a heavily indebted nation and the gambit, being currency reserve, would be to stoke the flames under asset prices, reap generational wealth under the currency reserve, and then taper. Once we taper, it’s hard to imagine a scenario where we do not enter a bear market and really drawdown from the lofty dreamy highs of 100x sales. Perhaps a more sanguine market will compel some of those SHITCOIN thousandaires to get back to work and I can enjoy service without too long a wait.

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A Fine Day — Let’s Pray to the Gods For MOAR

I had a great session, +300bps, and figured I’d chance my luck into the AHs via two earnings plays: FSLY and RVLV.

Imagine my delight whilst reviewing FSLY soar by 20% upon release of its numbers and then imagine my horror to see the stock masquerade lower in clownish fashion up only 5% now into the call. Then RVLV came out and beat — but the stock was beat down. I have all but been robbed of all of my +100bps of AHs gains and now need to pray hard to the Gods and hope they answer my prayers and offer me monies in exchange for obedience.

I propose the Gods entreat me with non-stop returns in order to compensate me for all of the traitors and caitiffs around me. May my enemies die horrible deaths and drown in the futility of their own extravagances.

I see my gains have tripled as I write these nice words and I am thinking about blogging for the next hour or two, or until my +100bps gains have been recaptured. The important stat here is I am +6.5% for the month, aka more than you.

IT APPEARS RVLV is now +5% and I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. If only the Gods would make FSLY trade up to +20% again and attain “meme status” amongst the misfits who prevail over these things — I would be most pleased.

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Market Rampages Higher After Fed Pisses On Inflation Data

The Fed doesn’t give a shit and there’s not much you can do about it. They will continue to pump until you’re paying $20 for a gallon of milk, providing it helps the stock market ramp higher. The moment inflation begins to hurt stocks is when you’ll see the Fed tighten.

To curb this tax, you should be very long stocks. Also, you should be very long cryptos because the dollar isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. But that’s a rather glib and useless comment, since the dollar in fact can purchase many things and lead to a life filled with wanton hedonism, providing you attain enough of them.

Following the Fed statement to not hike rates the market took the fuck off. Conversely, the morons at Zillow continue to sink down into a grave, after news that these morons used an AI to AUTO BUY homes which led to quarterly losses of $380m and caused them to need to fire 25% of their workforce. In a just world, the CEO would be tried and executed. Alas, he will continue to jog on and invent new innovative ideas to fuck both shareholders and employees.

I am up nearly 3% for the session, looking to get 100% long by the close.

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REMINDER: Markets Do Not Trade Lower into National Festival

This morning I was scared out of my shares, things were stolen from me, as I looked at handsome profits of +2.6%, fully long, afraid of drawing down. I liquidated before 10am and they shot higher after 10am. Had I kept my shares, nothing would’ve been stolen from me. The fact that I am a victim is merely a byproduct of my own cowardice. Instead of falling prey, I could’ve spit into the face of the market and shot it dead with my Colt-45 Baldwin special. But instead, I now find myself in the inexorable position of having to reacquaint myself with the tape — a tape by the way that is REWARDING small caps in favor of large — very bullish.

We have been drifting nowhere since 11am and I had to take some Ls on some short squeeze plays. But alas, here I am back in the saddle with a mug brimming with the black and a chest filled with bravery — readying to dive back into the market with all of my monies and wit and humor.


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This is Who I Am Pal

I booked an after-hours runner in BBBY for a 70% rip. During the day I ripped out CRTX and SDIG for 10%, closing out the session +550bps.

See pal, that’s who I am and you’re nothing.

The narrative is to be long stocks heavily shorted. GAMMA SQUEEZES abounds and there’s nothing the bears can do but cover their shorts and lose their resolve.

I closed 100% long.

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The widely anticipated GORILLA RUN to $100,000 BTC has been long awaited, in what some believe will be the open salvo to an eventual run much higher. I have stopped trying to rationalize any of this and instead view cryptos as a speculator would view railroad stocks in the 1860s. This is the Wild West and although there will be Squid Coins getting rugged from thousands to zero in a second’s time, many of the principle cryptos will survive as a parallel internet. There I go trying to justify my 15x return in ETH in a little more than 1 year.

Over in the milk and honeyed lands of Stocklabs we have applied our AWARD WINNING market timing algos to cryptos, just 107 for now — but will expand upon this after my programmer comes back from his sledding expedition.

One thing is indelibly clear, and this goes without saying, we’re in a bull market! In a bull market bullish things happen. This is not the time for FUD, but instead it is time for FUN. Be grateful for having the opportune to personally enrich yourselves and escape the horrors and the pangs of middled class poverty. While Americans might be entreated to shit healthcare, schooling, and government — we are an industrious type and I believe there is value in that — being at the forefront and leadership of the SHITCOIN extravaganza. It’s all fun until you get rugged. Alas, many a railroad in the 1860s went bust and many a railroad also produced industrialists — spitting out men like Commodore Vanderbilt for all of us to gaze at his amassed wealth and castles built across the east coast of the United Steaks.

For the session, I am +70bps, genteel but firm, eagerly positioned into BITO Dec calls — optimistic that BTC is en route towards an APE RAPING RUN to $100k by New Year’s.

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A Never Sell Stock Approaches: Black Rifle Coffee

It’s rare when I like something immensely to the point of never wanting to sell it. Such is the case with today’s SPAC SBEA upon news of acquiring Black Rifle Coffee company. Although led by neocon scum and the preferred coffee of Bill KRISTOL, I cannot help to recall both vivid and fond memories of Luckin coffee before the fraud and subsequent demise.

Accounting fraud aside, I cannot remember a time when a coffee stock did not work out.

I bought the stock today and am telling you fuckers now because I don’t think I’ll ever sell. Look at me, I work at the company now.

Life is about balance, doing shit that feeeeeeeeels good and burning down factories when they’re in your way. This investment feeeeeeeels right to me and I’m a very emotional man, always to and fro, harping on this or that. On occasion I am emphatic, as is the case now.

In other news, we’ve lost our god damned minds. CAR more than doubling because MUH ELECTRIC CARS.


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Ripping Close — November Starts Off With Pageantry

I managed to correct earlier mistakes and position into the final hours correctly, higher by 62bps in trading +252bps in best ideas account and +135bps in the Quant. My feelings are largely irrelevant, as I tend to hate markets all the time but force myself to adhere to trends.

We are in November. Thanksgiving and Xmas is ahead. We will not trade lower.

That said, it’s still a traders market and if you entered today long big caps you were cucked, forced to see idiots bank inside pennies whilst you did exactly nothing. This trend isn’t new and we’ve been meandering from pennies to tera caps on a regular basis now. It is RARE to see everything up all at once, as Mother Markets works overtime to fuck with people even in bull tapes.

I closed almost filly invested, 15% cash reserves, without any after hours runners in my designs because I could not make up my mind what to buy. In the end, I underperformed because I traded poorly but I still managed to make coin. Into tomorrow I’ll be hard pressed not to sell the morning again, as I do not trust the tape and have been conditioned to absorb morning fades. Nothing about investing in the momentum portion of the market has been easy. If played right, it can be rewarding — but it’s not easy, not now.

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I sold out of my positions this morning and waited in the tall grass for a brief period and then dove right back in with verve and pure thoughts of profit — eschewing fear aside and propelling my person forward with ideas of both glamour and decadence.

Several hours later, I have sold out from all of those enterprising ideas — taking with it mostly all of my profits for the day!

I now stand before you naked, up merely 18bps, with an aura of stupidity encircling my person like a halo around an angel.

Into the close, I endeavor to increase the girth of my gains via more enterprising ideas.

Stay tuned.

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