18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,225 Blog Posts

Milquetoast Roaring Rally

The fuck sort of roaring rally is this — the type where shit just trades lower? I’ve hardly got gains here. Let me attempt to remedy this situation.

I delved into the Permian Basin and bought some CPE — which I expect to move next week. And for an intra-day gambool — I bought PHUN. Don’t ask. I know — huge piece of shit. Fuck off.

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Markets Set to Explode With Glory to the Upside — Oil Leads the Way

I am going to try to get through this post without delving off into unnecessary prose and just give you the flat unvarnished facts.

CVX for APC with a 35% kicked. Massive news for the oil patch. This is a deal valued at $33b. Big oil does not invest like this, lest they feel strongly about present pricing for WTI. On that note, WTI is higher by another 1.4% this morning, edging towards $65. Trust me when I tell you — get long the frackers — SLCA, EMES, TUSK, FRAC, SND, HCLP etc.

Both JP Morgan and WFC are up sharply on better than expected results.

Lastly, and this goes without saying, markets do not drop on Friday’s.

Happy trading.

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Israel Attempts to Send Spacecraft to Moon — Fucking Crashes and Explodes Into Moon Dust

Back in 1969, a team of really creative Americans ventured off on a LIVE broadcast traveling to the fucking moon — armed with a calculator and tinned foil. It has been 47 years since we strolled on the moon, opting to waste our money on other things — such as sex changes for prisoners and useless aircraft carriers to extend the dicks of all Americans across the globe.

Enter 2019 — armed with all of the finest technology they could steal from America — Israel attempted to send a spacecraft to the moon and got BTFO.

A small spacecraft that has captured the imagination and excitement of people in Israel and around the world appears to have crashed into the moon on Thursday.

“We had a failure in the spacecraft,” Opher Doron, the general manager of Israel Aerospace Industries’ space division, which collaborated on building the spacecraft, said afterward. “We unfortunately have not managed to land successfully.”

The mood at the command center was somber but still celebratory.

“Well we didn’t make it, but we definitely tried,” said Morris Kahn, an Israeli telecommunications entrepreneur and president of SpaceIL, the nonprofit that undertook the mission. “And I think the achievement of getting to where we got is really tremendous. I think we can be proud.”

MoonFAGS will say this was a success. Others might say it was a fiction. One thing is for certain, no one has ever set foot on the moon, aside from us incredible Americans and no one seems to know how to get back there. It’s a damned shame all of the telemetry data from 1969 was destroyed, otherwise we might have something to really look at and enjoy… all of those wonderful moon rocks brought back from there — made from fucking brass.

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Fly Sells: $ADMA, $MTCH, $GNFT, $CPG

Bored of watching the same ticker symbols on my screen, I cleaned house on a few names — selling ADMA (-1.7%), MTCH (+2%), GNFT (+9.9%) and CPG (+15.8%).

I’m 45% cash now and looking for something to buy. Is it me — or did the market suddenly get very boring?

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Cryptos Bogged Out — Sucked Into Blackhole

Yesterday I penned an obnoxious post about Bitcoin bottoming out, relegating people who didn’t agree to having empty heads without brains. Today I am singing a much different tune — especially since I bought RIOT and GROW towards the end of the yesterday’s session and have owned OSTK for more than a week.

Bitcoin is lower by 5% and many of the prominent cryptos are off by more than 10%, so far.

I’ve done some technical analysis on this move. Enjoy it with my compliments.

It’s important that you understand how ridiculous the crypto space is and how it continues to crush the souls of those who believe in it.

Early going, futures are higher — but oil is lower by more than 1%, which means I’ll lose some money in my fucking oil stocks too.


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I Told You Not to Get Involved With Dat Bearish Nonsense

Nasdaq ran higher today — because the Fed nuked the business cycle. We are now in a post-interventionist unicycle climate, buoyed by whorish dollars and cheap men in expensive suits. I bought ribald stocks today, not because they’re good companies or because people like them — but because they’re going higher.

I have a very keen sense of self- awareness and understand when fortune is about to turn my way. Listen to me now, on Jupiter’s Stone — shit is about to go my way in spades. I am Captain now and no one can stop me.

Stay away from the short side, especially with crude elevated and junk bonds steady.

Class dismissed.



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Fed Minutes: Fuckers Leave Door Ajar For More Chicanery

Confused as to what the fuck is going on? The Fed minutes revealed they are, in fact, open to the idea of increasing the borrowing costs of the heavily indebted shit tier country we live in. On that news, rates dropped 2bps to 2.47% on the 10yr. Does that make sense?

The Fed on Wednesday released the minutes from the March 19-20 meeting, where it voted unanimously to not raise its benchmark rate.

Fed minutes stated: “Some participants indicated that if the economy evolved as they currently expected, with economic growth above its longer-run trend rate, they would likely judge it appropriate to raise the target range for the federal funds rate modestly later this year.”

But the minutes also said: “A majority of participants expected that the evolution of the economic outlook and risks to the outlook would likely warrant leaving the target range unchanged for the remainder of the year.”

This is common sense thinking — but the ribald nature of the market has pushed rates even lower — just because. I suppose the path of maximum pain applies here. Market look good and as rates drop — old man stocks look even better.

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