18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,695 Blog Posts

Life as a Value Guy is Bland and Moribund

In my second day as a value investor I read up on the Napoleonic Wars, the 7 Years’ War aka the real First World War, and briefly glanced at my portfolios taking on minor damage. I made one faux pas, a trade in a CHINESE SHIT STOCK, that cost me 8% from my basis within seconds of purchasing it.

The market looks disgusting to me, filled with growth stocks trading at absurd valuations. According to my Austrian Economics handbook, the stock market is 90% overvalued.

Meanwhile, we enter mid November and the Turkey Gods beckon. I am indeed betwixt an austere and deplorable existence as a trader and this can only be cured by a gigantic resolution to the downside. We need some “consolidation”, if I might be so bold.

For those interested in celebrating iBankCoin’s 13th birthday, visit our merch store and purchase collectors items sold at deep discounts before I raise prices by 10,000%.

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Happy 13th Birthday iBankCoin

The site is officially a teenager now and will soon start sneaking out late at night, sneaking soda pop cans into its room — making friends with porn sites. I am showing my age with dated teenage angst. Let me try it again, this time conforming with current social norms.

The site is officially a teenager now and will soon start dressing up like a girl, identifying as a female Sasquatch, sneaking powdered adderall into its room late at night — while blasting the latest K-pop single.

In an era of zero free speech, I am at least pleased to have a venue that I can visit each and every day, calling my readers “faggots” or “fucked face losers”. The stated goal of the site was lost long ago in a company fire, so I forgot why I do this everyday. I do recall in a haze one night chalking up iBC to some sort of fever dream that was going to make me billions of dollars. In the olden and more ancient days, we had lots of writers on the site and the comments section was buzzing. I do apologize for the ghost town vibe here these days, but the noise was too great and I prefer some peace and quiet. Plus, all of the chin-wagging takes place in Exodus now, where hundreds of loyal subjects pay me each month so that I can insult them and drop stock ideas onto their laps.

After we launch COCKLABS, I promise a site redesign and perhaps several new writers. This is going to be the talk of the town, BIG TITS and swinging dicks, a place where gents visit to smoke their pipes and discuss the latest whore they took a taste from. The blackness of the world has led us to this point once again and in the disgusting and vile world of finance, there aren’t any websites worth the heel of my wooden shoe.

In all seriousness, it has been my life’s honor to get up each and every day and pour my heart our into a missive that is met with absolutely zero commentary. This has been the world to me and I appreciate each and every one of you who casually click onto my blogs, read 20 words, and then log the fuck off.

To another 13 years!


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Rotation Out of the Rotation!

As a student of this market and active practitioner of “I know more than you” train of thought, which is incumbent upon all men of distinction, I am wise enough to know that there are times I have absolutely no idea which way the market is going to swing. There are times when I will nail 30 trades in a row and other occasions where I slump for months, trying to figure out a seam to drive into. I wouldn’t say I am catacombed in a poorly wedged seam at the present — but I will acknowledge the fact that my +300% returns for the year, give or take 30%, was achieved much earlier and during much different market conditions.

I have since labored and attempted to time tops at various intervals, all the while trying to maintain a calm equanimity, which of course is necessary when attempting to trade and trade well over a long period of time. Knowing that I am imperfect and subject to whimsical errors, I have hedged my intuitive trading with a more blazoned form of autocratic thinking — powered by my Exodus and Stocklabs algorithms. For those just tuning in, 50% of my liquid net worth, give or take a few hundred million, is invested in a Quant fund, rebalanced once per month for the sake of adapting to seasonal change. This portfolio, mind you, is geared towards alpha and does a great job finding it — presently +14% for November.

My other project is my long term (3yrs) dollar cost average portfolio, which is more or less my best ideas. This portfolio was seeded with $10k this month and I will invest an additional $10k per mo for the period of 3yrs to dollar cost average into 10 picks. The thinking behind this is, the market is presently a ridiculous fucked face bubble and if it crashes, I’d love to buy great stocks at a bargain. Unfortunately, the ride never ends and I am up 4.5% on that portfolio in November.

Lastly, there is my fucked trading account. As I said earlier, all good and well, up a modest 300% for the year — but has done nothing since August. It is now in a pastiche of value stocks, also forked with a 10% SQQQ position. In other words, it is fucked for the day, but will do well should we rotate out from tech again tomorrow, or perhaps somehow find ourselves in a most gross and untenable position of froth, capsizing sharply to the downside.

The point here gentlemen (I am assuming women do not read high end finance blogs), I win all the time, even when I am losing. Take for instance today — OFF by 330bps in my trading, but also up 500bps in my LT DAC and +475bps in my Quant. That’s what you call blessed and also irreverent to gravitational pull and also sublime.

Tomorrow is iBC’s 13th birthday. I have nothing planned for you, but be sure to thank me for my service all these years, by providing you with the insight to both improve your lives and also stocking your accounts with enough coin to keep your families afloat during these troubled times of record highs.

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Value Guys Stroll Into Work Whenever the Hell They Feel Like It

Markets exploded this morning, NASDAQ +200 and those disgusting growth stocks are at it again. I should know, since both my quant and long term dollar cost average portfolios are up 5% for the session. As a value man, I didn’t find the need to attend work in the morning today, since my portfolio is built of sturdier materials, created to withstand the test of time. Granted, the “doubled sized” SQQQ position and SOXS might hinder it’s growth going forward, I am most confident that greater minds will conclude that to have value in one’s portfolio, in favor of disgusting growth, is of course the preferred metric in this market. I imagine it to be quite the fashion trend setter, if I might be so bold.

I know what you’re thinking and yes it’s true, I am down 300bps in my “trading account” today and yes that is not a number that can be viewed as constructive or conducive with net worth appreciation. However, I assure you, greater minds will prevail over this internet fad and it won’t be long now before HSY and CPB is on the buy lists of every great family in America.

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The vast majority of you plebs lost coin during today’s session. With humor, you tried over and over to buy dips in ZM and got BTFO as a result. While you attempted to buy money sinkholes, Le Fly was actively repositioning into the new new trend: value.

Gone are the days of degenerate Trumpism — fake news and fake tits. In with iced cream cones, German shepherds, and appled pie. By appled pie, I mean PE ratios and slow as molasses dripping off your counter growth. I now view high growth as disgusting and only prefer dividend growers and companies that pack my grocery store with canned goods.

Eat your peas America and embrace the new paradigm, else fall victim to a most heinous rotation out of momentum. This is the 1st inning of this trade. You have been warned.

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Long ago, during another lifetime, the dot coms blew up horrendously leaving me dead in the streets, nearly penniless. At the time I had invested in “new economy” stocks because brick and mortar was boring and old hat. My young 20 something friends and I would make fun of all the older men at the brokerage firm stuck in GE, laughing at their monthly commissions. We pissed on them and they knew it. Then it all ended and the old men rose up and smashed us to pieces with their canes and demanded we buy Tootsie Roll.

I never thought it would happen, but it did.

Looking at the market now, I have an odd sense that Biden being 10,000 years old might usher in a period of value for markets — a proverbial and spiritual return to basics. Like Trump was a loose cannon and shit flinger on Twitter, Biden will be the opposite, less exciting and boring — just like value stocks.

I sold the following an hour ago for gains and have since redeployed a portion into other stocks, mostly value.

LEVI +5%, ARI +4.6%, JMIA +4%, NYMT +3.5%, NAIL +7%

For the session, I am +110bps, but my other portfolios are in ashes, smoked out because high growth plays are still get beaten to death. You’re wishful that we might return to the mean and get back to penny plays; but I am here to tell you that era is over. We are now in a new era, one of value an austerity. Your gains will be small, just like your GDP — and there’s nothing in the god damned world you can do about it.

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Having the oldest President elect on record is ushering in a new era of old man value stocks today. Perhaps this is a preview of things to come. One thing is indelibly certain, Robinhood traders are being racked and ruined today amidst tumultuous crash type losses. My long term dollar cost avg portfolio, which was seeded with $10k this month, is down a staggering 6.5% today, on top of -8% yesterday. High growth “bubble stocks” are being strewn out across Wall with their guts festooned all over the place.

The NASDAQ is lower by 250 and I made it a point to reposition into secular plays now — stocks like SYY and perhaps a military stock or two. I even bought a homebuilder ETF. I even bought KO.

I also doubled up on my SQQQ position.

The point here is something is incredibly different about today. Volume is off the charts for risk averse names and you can clearly see the rotation happening. Perhaps this is merely the air coming out from the bubble. These sort of blood lettings are good for the body and the soul. Is it, perhaps, a foreshadowing of things to come?

We shall wait and see.

My trading account is weathering the storm +50bps. Everything else is trashed into hell.

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I cannot recall the last time I got skinned alive like that. I was down sharply at the open — because in spite of what the indices read — all of the current winners like ZM were getting castrated. You know — because we cured COVID-19. Then I attempted to trade and made matters inexorably worse. My losses are so staggering, it’s hard to even believe it was a real day.

Markets jerked off for the Dow, +800, yet the NASDAQ crumbled like the piece of shit it is — off by 190.

My losses are as follows:

Trading -420bps
Quant -510bps
LT DCA: -820bps

Outrageous losses, yet I was entreated to a pastiche of ABSOLUTE FAGGOTS inside Exodus all day who must’ve been holding BA and airlines for months, boasting about 1500bps returns. Well, fuck you.


Who the fuck knows? Maybe new Hunter Biden cock pics will be released tonight, all part of the QANON plan to get Trump re-elected. Perhaps we might see some new developments in this arena and perhaps we all get JO-fucked tomorrow, amidst news of fuckery on a scale only Obama could dream of.

One thing is for certain, if this is The Era of Joe feels like — sign me the fuck off.

god damn it.

NOTE: In spite of today’s losses, my MTD returns are as follows:

Trading +0.4%
Quant +12.4%
LT DCA: +5.6%

Today’s carnage

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Everyone is Up 10% Today But Me — FUCK YOU

You know, sometimes you’re the goat and other times just a goat. When I saw futures skyrocket last night I had wondrous visions of cocaine rallies starring myself sashaying throughout the office, ensconced in winship. I was going to be terrific, boasting and bragging about my IQ and how it permitted me to foresee the rally to come. The Era of Joe was to kick off with Le Fly gallivanting through the markets like a naked champion, chiseled, dragging a 10 inched cock.

But instead of all that, for whatever cosmic reason out there, I am getting clobbered — as if stocks were down 2,000 points. My Quant is -225bp, trading -250bps and my new LT dollar cost avg portfolio is -500bps. These are not returns you simply wash over and ignore. This is the sort of stuff that causes a man, a man such as myself, to spiral into a manic outrage — punching holes in the sheet rock, blaming random relics around the room for my misfortune.

Luckily for me, I have a great sense of humor and have discarded my ego some time ago. However, this rally is built from play dough and it looks like it will soon unravel and fuck everyone severely.

Or, it will keep fucking me, and I will lament the Era of Joe as if it were a toxic poison that needed demonic exorcism. Hopefully brighter times are ahead during this new paradigm. So far, I hate it.

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This is what happens when the deep state wins.

We have a COVID-19 vaccine on two fronts today — Pfizer and also Moderna. Pfizer is actually ready to deploy by next month!


Also, since The Era of Joe is beginning, look for a major stimulus package to pass the house — and it will save everybody. We are looking at BACK TO NORMAL stocks in the real estate, airlines, and hospitality sectors up more than 20% today. Hawaiian Air is up 50%. No big deal.

On the other end of the spectrum, social distancing stocks are getting stormed, thrashed lower by 8%.

OSTK, ETSY, PTON, ZM, DOCU — all lower by 20%. Also, not a big deal. This is totally normal pin action.

The Dow is +1,200 points and most of the online brokerages have fucked the fuck down, reported outages whereby plebs are LOCKED IN, forced to bear witness to either carnage or euphoria.

Also, as a side addendum, WTI is higher by 10%, gold is -4%, and the US 10yr is +11bps to 0.93%.

In other words, we are back to normal again. Who knew all we needed to cure COVID-19 was a nice democratic election!

I moved to 100% cash, down 220bps for the session. I have since bought 6 stocks for trades. Also, my long term portfolio is down 500bps and my Quant is down 280bps, so this feeeeeeeels like a down day to me, especially since I was positioned in stocks doing well now, not so much Feb of 2020.

UPDATE: My Quant is now down 1% and LT down 2.3%. Things are broadening.

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