iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,989 Blog Posts

NO BOOZE, NO CARBS, ONLY TOIL

Most people seek their own downfalls thru superfluous caprices. They afford themselves luxuries and grow accustomed to them and with that newly found verve, recklessly curve their lives into an abyss. Life, sometimes, isn’t easy. And sometimes the cards we are dealt are dreadful — sickness, loss, bad luck are usually the underlying causes of deep melancholy.

But things do not have to go wayward, young chap. You can of course choose a different path. You can, instead of gouging your faces into pizza pies, opt to work out at the gym, eat healthy, and take up a clean avocation. Perhaps you’re low on funds — but are you also low on curiosity? You can quite literally envelope yourselves into a wonderful rich world of art and literature, the best achievements of mankind, right now. There are endless paths you can take to cure your doldrums. Watching movies is one thing — but have you tried to pursue true excellence in cinema? This must all sound obnoxious to some of you — but I don’t give a shit. One of you out there needs to hear this.

STOP DRINKING. It destroys men. Never ever drink while sad.

STOP EATING SHITTY FOODS. You find too much pleasure in the finer things in life. If it tastes too good — it’s bad for you so spit it out.

WORK HARD, at the gym and also in your career. If your career is shit — be frugal and save money and make smart choices with your money.

The relationships you have do not have to define you. They need not break your spirit and cause you to waste away into nothing. I am eternally bullish on mankind — because I can see past the grift and the pettiness and see wonderful things all around me. I am not a religious man — but if I was I would feel blessed for being able to live in these interesting times.

Cheers.

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StockLabs Wins Again

This will be my first of many victory claims here, regarding the mean reversion algorithms of Stocklabs, formerly Exodus.

We flagged on our RARE 6mo oversold algorithm yesterday and here we are today, ripping.

Shut up. I am not telling you this for new subscribers. WE ARE CLOSED TO ALL NEW CLIENTS for a period of perhaps months. I tell you this — not only because I can — but also to fulfill my quota of self-aggrandizement. Yes, I was long a pastiche of TRIPLE UPSIDE ETFs and yes I FESTOONED my portfolio was an array of runners this morning — thanks to our AWARD WINNING volume tools.

Some of my booked trades today

sold $SKLZ +16.2%, $MVIS +13%, $CAN +7%, $SOXL +5%, $DM +4.7%, $RIO -1.5%, $AZN +2.3%, $KO +0.7%, $ORCL -3.8%

There are more — but I don’t care too much about your opinions.

Bottom line: this is an oasis in a vast winding desert of shit. Be sure to take some gains off the table, or press the envelope if you can in order to extract maximum gains now — for the fires are still coming and the doom is certain to cast its ominous shadows over Wall before summer.

Thus far, I am +320bps for the session.

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Oversold Bounce — Mean Reversion

We are entreated to a bounce this morning, one which I hope sticks. Breadth is strong at 80% and all of the small capped stocks are participating. This of course could go sideways and lower — should the weak hands being to flee via margin liquidations later on today.

But it’s important to remember something on bounce days. These are temporary respites. The party isn’t back and will not return for the balance of 2021. You might get a month, if you’re lucky, of 2020-early 2021 trading action. But rest assured, money should be allocated into old man stocks on days like today, slowly but surely, preparing for the fires that are undoubtedly coming — burning bright and furious — reducing portfolios across the nation to cinders.

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Menaced, Mocked, Mauled

I shed 433 bps today, my largest drawdown in quite some time. The market stopped ebbing and just went all the way. After the close, NFLX missed — which will dislocate the FANG trade tomorrow. In Stocklabs, we are most oversold since the March 2020 lows. What this means isn’t clear yet. But what is clear is the market is different now — a new trading paradigm filled with black smoke and charred out brokerage accounts.

I stand before you down 4% in my trading for April, but flat in my Quant. The Quant is heavily positioned in financials, which have bucked the trend. My best guess is for mean reversion bounce tomorrow. If we do not bounce tomorrow, I will execute myself in the public square by way of jumping into a pool filled with sharks.

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Dreadful Pinaction

The death of the momo-trader is in full swing now, masked by benign moves in the general indices. You get these pops and you think it’s like before — but it’s not. It then collapses onto your face and you either have to fess up to your stupidity and cut losses or preside as it wafts lower.

This is the after-effects of a combustible market, led by a bunch of GME-DOGECOIN fucking morons. We have the weakest hands of all time — people on welfare, playing the market with their stimulus checks. The indecorous mess we are in is only matched by the absurdity of the COVID debacle. Far and wide, stretching out as far as the eye can see, people are racing, clamoring even, for a dose of vaccine to be safe and to avoid being stricken by the aerial aids.

It’s a somber somber day at House Fly, off by more than 300bps, losses exasperated by my attempts at recovering from an opening of -150bps. I am officially in a slump, off 2.5% for the month now and there isn’t an end in sight.

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We Almost Rallied

You almost lost your virginity when you were 15, but had to wait ’till 20 — didn’t you? You almost made coin today, but instead fell victim to the pangs of hell. I, myself, shed 129bps, in a rather uneventful turn lower. I gathered up all the gumption I could gather and parlayed myself into risky bets again.

What can I say? I have a penchant for danger.

MTD I am now FLAT — totally immune to the dangers most plebs have succumbed to in the recent weeks and months of tumult.

I am open to changing my mind at any time.

Also, Jim Biden might limit the levels of nicotine in cigarettes. MO and BTI got forked late in the day. There isn’t any place to hide, of course, in a cancel all orders type of pin action.

Let’s pray to the Gods out cryptos rally tonight, offering is a small semblance of normalcy and free money.

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The Bounce Is Going to Be Beautiful

You’ll rue the day you were born, if you choose to hold onto those shorts — into the teeth of an already oversold market. Forget about the SPY and the QQQ’s. I am talking about the real market — piece of shit solar and EV stocks. Things are on sale now and if we’re traveling down the haunted roads of 2014, we bounce during May and collapse for the balance of the year.

I have held my butter quite well and have avoided being festooned like the lot of you, all over Wall Street, guts dangling off lamp posts.

Listen to me now: get yourselves vertical and into this shit-shorm now, for a bounce is coming and it’s going to have the biggest tits you’ve ever seen.

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DOGE IS A SYMPTOM OF A MUCH LARGER DEGENERACY

You deserve nothing. You actually get what you get and you like it. The rally in DOGE the past week is just one of many degeneracies plaguing the United Steaks — a meme country with two evenly divided cultures. On on end are batshit crazies and the other is everyone else. Depending on what your bias is, you of course will view the other party as the batshit crazy ones. No one wants to believe that they are in fact mentally addled — ADHD, autistic, OCD, mental midgets. It’s a hard pill to swallow — but once you take it all in — perhaps you can feign normalcy.

Markets have DISLOCATED again and everything high valuation is plunging. This is exactly what transpired in the hellish 2014, a year that shall forever live in infamy for yours truly. This go around, I am smarter, wise, harder to fool — grizzled by centuries of learned knowledge. I have trained my entire life to preside over something like this — the DOGECOIN crowd having their comeuppance. As it happens, DOGE is just about the only crypto left standing. It saddens me to tell you this — but cryptos are rapidly descending into the fires now and will retest Saturday night’s bedlam levels. I know — HODL. But also, go fuck yourself.

The days of easy money and morons on Twitter showing off their tits and profits are over. This is Jim Biden’s American now — the land of active shooters, foreign wars, and a fuck load of losses. BRACE YOURSELVES, however, for an oversold bounce looks probable. Ah, you didn’t see that coming — you piece of shits.

We are OS now and if this is 2014, we might very well enjoy a soiree during the entire month of May. Even during the worst of times there is reprieve.

NOTE: We are not accepting any Exodus/StockLabs new customers. If you are a legacy Exodus member, you have access to SL now and get to enjoy its many comforts. As we are still in beta and working thru FUCKING BUGS, our mahogany heavy doors are closed to the unwashed masses, aka reader class of pleb.

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Bitcoin Flash Crashes, As Leveraged Bets Get Washed The Fuck Out

100:1 leverage bets got BTFO this evening, as BTC flash crashed from 60k down to $51k in a matter of minutes. The event was surreal and it took everything down with it. ETH touched down under $2k and I had the opportune to buy more. The alt-coins got submerged in shit and are still dragging lower.

Why did this happen?

You can thank DOGECOIN and the entire SHIT-COIN complex taking off in recent days that defied logic. Into this recency rally, BILLIONS were leveraged — the largest in history — causing the sell off to cascade and snowball. The dislocation in BTC was most representative by the price fluctuations between the exchanges. BTC was trading $2k higher on Coinbase than on Robinhood tonight. Almost every exchange has lower prices than Coinbase. Litecoin went from $290 to $220s in a matter of minutes and then short-squeezed the fuck higher to $295, only to then slide back lower.

What happens next?

If this were a stock market flash crash, I would all but guarantee a retesting of the lows. This isn’t the stock market, so my confidence level isn’t there to make such a prediction. I will say, without doubt, there is now PRICE MEMORY above here, as normies got blown the fuck out tonight and just want their money back. They’re not used to major paper losses and do not want to see the lows again, so they’ll be selling over the next few days.

Bottom line: if you’re like me, buying every first of the month like a robot — this sell off is a gift. We buy more ETH and we’ll trade some SHITCOINS when the momo comes back. I saw this coming and the sell off was warranted — but it’s not over yet.

If by Tuesday we are back above $60k, you can declare the worst to have passed. If we’re wallowing in the mid $50’s — beware of another rug pull.

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“But the Money is Real”

Countless retards have made small plebeian fortunes long DOGECOIN, following Elon Musk since the Super Bowl, enamored, elated even, with themselves for being so clever. I am not one to scoff at the idea of making coin off dumb things — I do so every single day. But this is a new form of dumb, buttressed by the idea of “never selling”. To have “paper hands” is to be weak and also gay. Well, I must admit, this is a brand new shock to my system — the evergreen on these idiots will survive their fortunes — believe me.

“ONE IN THE HAND IS BETTER THAN TWO IN THE BUSH” was a mantra I grew up on — by people who built wealth the old fashioned way — stock market chicanery. The idea of keeping DOGE because, well just because, is plainly dumb but also it REINFORCES the idea that this party we are in now can last forever.

LET ME REMIND YOU OF CHAMATH.

The SPACs were a great idea. How could you lose? You invested in XYZ because the CEO of XYZ had lots of cash and he was going to buy an EV company or a solar company and you’d all being sucking dicks and drinking champagne for eternity. Until it ended and now you’re just left holding your own dick.

Presently the weakest amongst us are embedded in the crypto space. We are talking about kids who don’t know the difference between BTC and DOGE — just long because it’s fun and because it’s trending and because WOW OMG THE DOG LOGO IS SUPER COOL.

Fuck you and fuck your investments. I will see them down 90% and then chuckle at the tragedy, as you figure out ways to pay down the credit card you borrowed from.

A harsh reckoning is coming for all of you. Brace yourselves, as your stupidity is about to get checked.

In other news, BTC will still touch $100k in 2021.

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