18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,225 Blog Posts

Bitcoin Has Bottomed, Agreed?

I think it’s fair to say Bitcoin has bottomed. Anyone with a solid head on their shoulders and not some empty container of brains knows it’s true.

Look at it.


While it’s true, people who own crypto-currencies are the laughing stock of the world. Wall Street ruined their party, pissed in their punch, and shit on their lawn. But all bad things end in time and perhaps it’s time for revenge of the nerds — as the digital currency presses higher and increases it’s attractiveness for degenerate gamblers.

Personally, I have a portfolio of shitcoins, but really prefer to play this move via the stock market. OSTK is my preferred method. Keep an eye on it today and tomorrow — for the stock is cheap and all of the weak disabled hands sold out of it yesterday.

Comments »

Already Cashed Up — Readying to Get Back In

Yesterday on a whim I sold out of everything that was down — netting me a 40% cash position. Today the market drifted sloppily lower — without panic of any signs of discord. There was an easy calmness to this drop — a perceivable nothingness to the burger and I did nothing at all, other than watch the contractors working inside my house muck things up and trip over themselves trying to maneuver neatly.

With my cash, I’ll try to reallocate back into the market tomorrow. I can’t complain, really, as nothing of important traded too much lower and all of the signs of a continued rally are still present.

I’m exhausted, had a long day — fuck off.

Comments »

DUMB BURGERS: Burger King Takes Down Racist Chopsticks Ad

I’m not at all PC — and often say reviling things to people. But this is just plain stupidity on behalf of the shitheads at Burger King. In what world did they think this would play right?

You’d think these mega-brands would learn by now — not to create racist or insensitive ads. Look at what Gucci did back during Black History month — played themselves by promoting an $890 black-knit women’s balaclava — armed with fucking black face.

Comments »

Junk Bonds Are Flat — Market Is Not Going Lower

I know your stocks are down today and you feel like killing yourself — but hold off lad. Wait for better prices. Even though it looks grim out there, President Trump wilding out with more trade wars and such, you should know these parlour tricks are designed to steal your stocks from under you.

I already sold a bunch of shit yesterday and have about 40% cash in my trading account. That’s me winning while losing.

On a personal note, I have contractors in the house today — painting and making a general god damned mess. I intend to sell this money pit soon and head down south to a fine plantation to grow my crops and drink sweet tea on a wide wrapping porch. While down there, I’ll likely open an office and keep it open to the public. However, just know that to enter my office you must be appropriately attired — top hat and dinner jacket — white gloves — and patent leather shoes. Vagabonds will be discarded at the door and possibly punched in the mouth.

I’m also dealing with more tech issues. ‘Tis is my fucking life.

Oh, as for the title of this post and what it means — HYG is flat, which means people aren’t worried about credit — so you should not worry about stock prices.

Comments »

Trump Slaps EU With Tariffs After WTO Ruling

The days of Europe cuckholding the United Steaks are fast coming to an end. Emperor Trump, thanks to a ruling by the US controlled WTO, will now affix tariffs on $11b worth of faggot EU products — and there is no one in Europe man enough to stop him.

This of course bodes negatively for stockFAGS; but I suspect this too shall pass — just like the Chinese trade wars. This new front in Trump’s wars means more victories, after artistic deal making. More wins equals higher stocks. Might as well buy now.

Comments »

WTI Hits $70 and All Hell Breaks Loose in the Oil Complex

I hope oil goes back to $140bbl. Traffic is too bountiful and the Third Estate needs to be corrected. The country is very rich and fat — also greasy. Janitors are walking around with $500k in their 401ks. The time has come for this game to end and all of the excesses washed out from the system. When it’s all said and done — only gold and the dust from the local crematory will be left standing.

In the meantime, I bought some TUSK into the bitter minutes of the close — legging into a zombified market fueled by the blood of the disenfranchised. You will attempt to stop me and I will rip out your arms from your body and kick your legs out — cracking them like stale pretzels.

I have a violent rage seething inside of me — and I find my solace in cooking food — a wonderful distraction from the day to day fuckeries that preside.

Into the close — this is my trading account — 40% cash. Take a free trial for Exodus and bear witness to what needs bearing.

On the issue of crude — $70 crude marks breakeven for a lot of fucked up wells around the country. The closer we get to it — the higher these fucking frackers will go.

Comments »


I’m here bored as bored can be — looking at a bunch of bullshit stocks — many of which from China — barreling lower. I asked myself “why do I even own these pieces of offal?” Unable to answer the question cogently, I sold them all. Fuck it — all gone.

I wiped out nearly half my account — Thanos’d those fuckers and now I’m sitting with cash. The market had ebb’d when I hope it would flow. Ergo, and this goes without saying, I needed a clean slate to work from. I had disgraced myself and blackened my good name by buying a sundry of ne’erdowell stocks that didn’t make any sense now. It’s important that I remain clean and fresh, brightly lit at all times for new readers — fucked faces traveling the windy roads of finance for the first time — young and overzealous — stupid and unable to invest properly.

“The Fly” is a beacon of hope — a symbol of wanton prosperity and a reflection of what the best of American industry and society has to offer. Having said that — off for another sandwich.

Comments »

Fly Buy: $BOOM — Just Because God Damn It

I still don’t know why BOOM is going higher every single day. I know they have some oil field exposure and they’re growing fast as fuck. I really should’ve done more research before I bought it — but I’m sick and tired of watching this thing go higher without being in it. I’m not a cuck and I don’t like to watch, so fuck off.

Long BOOM.

Comments »

Eat One More Sandwich and Come Back

Markets are plunging — down 160 and gaining speed. Normally, I’d advise you to panic and do something rash. But oil is still strong and there are pockets of strength, such as my GNFT.

My best advice, as of now, is to relax and eat a heavily meated sandwich. There isn’t much to do anyways. Are you going to buy TVIX or TZA? I didn’t think so.

Gold looks good and so does ETH. Bonds are flat and nothing makes a lot of sense now — other than the undeniable fact that we’ve run up very fast and are entitled to a pause — before sprinting higher again.

Comments »