iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,772 Blog Posts

JOBS NUMBERS PERFECT; AMERICAN UNEMPLOYMENT 3.5%

Good morning Bear Shitter. I am here to tell you, you will lose a great deal of money today. Apparently, America added another 136,000 jobs today, sinking unemployment to 3.5%. While this might sound fantastic to you, the Third Estate, it’s rather milquetoast. As such, futures are soaring, +35 Nasdicks.

Unemployment hit a fresh 50-year low in September even though nonfarm payrolls rose by just 136,000 as the economy nears full employment, the Labor Department reported Friday.

The jobless rate dropped 0.2 percentage points to 3.5%, matching a level it last saw in December 1969. A more encompassing measure that includes discouraged workers and the underemployed also fell, declining 0.3 percent points to 6.9%, matching its lowest in nearly 19 years and just off the all-time low of 6.8%.

Also, the jobless rate for Hispanics also hit a new record low while the level for African-Americans maintained its lowest ever.

At the same time, the economy saw another sluggish month of growth. The nonfarm payrolls count missed the 145,000 estimate from economists surveyed by Dow Jones; the expectation on the jobless rate was to hold steady at 3.7%.

Is it possible markets will fade this news and tank, making this article totally nonsensical rubbish? Absolutely, it happens all the time. But I like my fucking chances here, mate. I like the odds of me boxing in your face until my knuckles bleed.

Happy Friday!

Comments »

Solid Cock Close — Bought Into a Friday

It was a hard choice. I mulled over the decision for at least 5 minutes. But after careful deliberation, I bought 4 stocks. I think we gap up tomorrow, but who knows? Maybe we get a fucked Tweet from POTUS and maybe some other fucked shit is leaked. Who knows?

One thing that is indelibly clear, and this goes without saying. Exodus WINS AGAIN. The fucker closed oversold yesterday. Are you surprised?

I feed fuckers fish daily. That’s what I do. I will never want to willingly teach you anything, only shove well cooked quality fish into your gullets.

Comments »

I’m Playing This Bounce Like a Giant Pussy

Advertisers love me. Titles like that is what they pay me for. That being said, it was a tongue in cheek joke — because I’m really a Viking Warrior King and Master Fucking Ace Trader (M.F.A.T.). But due to the present condition of stocks, juxtaposed against news flow and seasonality, I am opting for 70% cash or close to it.

This is not the season to be brave.

Granted, get out there kids and buy stocks, but not with all of your money. Hell, if you did that, your head might end up in the basket. Be gentle and take it easy — quit acting like a rapist.

I kicked out TQQQ. I had bought it yesterday and gained 1.85% on the trade. This was the fish I fed my members of Exodus, a delicious fish served over a bed of potatoes with a lemon and butter beurre blanc. You do not need to know how to cook at House Fly, only eat.

I have several other longs, maybe some gold, maybe some bonds. I do a lot of shit. But for right now, I need to head out and I do not want any intra-day risk, so I will likely reserve my next trade for the end of day.

Comments »

Reminder: The Fed is Easing

Lots of rhetoric being flung around by rookies. The economy sucks and Trump is a goner and doom is cool.

WRONG.

You know what’s cool? Making 17% over the summer is cool.

This is what you need to remember, when going thru market squalls like this.

Downside pin-action is temporary. Given enough time, stocks will rebound and do fine. In this particular market, we have the Fed already cutting rates, attempting to get AHEAD of the curve. This is unique and not bearish for stocks.

What to do next?

When shit gets hard, I like to eat a sandwich, except for when shit is fucked up at House Fly. For example, this morning I was awoken to liquid dog shit all over my steps. That was nice. I had to steam clean them first thing in the morning at 6:30am. After that I was so disgusted, I went back to sleep. Do you know why I did that?

BECAUSE I CAN. That’s why children. Some people enjoy to punch clocks and work long hours for little to no pay. I prefer to get paid a fuckload of money while napping.

Back to the serious matter of stocks.

Buy them.

Comments »

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: NO MORE FUCKING FREE TRIALS

I feed people fish on a daily basis in Exodus. I do not make empty promises to lowly people to “teach them how to trade”, which is equal to teaching a dog how to fly. I do not teach anything — I feed people fish. I take the fish and place it into your face. That’s the concept of the service. We have predictive algorithms and lots of data and a wide open community of fuckers who trade in real time; but at the end of the day — they come for the fish.

I need to wrap this up now.

This is in response to an email I received from someone who thought he was in a free trial after signing up and paying money.

FREE TRIALS ARE CANCELED, INDEFINITELY. I will not be changing my mind in this regard. I am a fisherman who travels the ocean, far and wide, in search of delicious fish. Sometimes I cram the fish into your face and you choke on the bones. Other times I get sushi grade tuna and you love it. This is the nature of Exodus.

Good day to you, Sir.

Comments »

IS IT WISE TO SHORT INTO THE HOLE?

All we have are weapons and the stock market. Without them, we are nothing — meaningless fat slothful nation of racists and weirdos living in overpriced hellscapes. So the question I pose before you is simple, if not philosophic.

Is it wise to short or hold shorts into the hole?

Just a simple academic question from a deep thinker.

I closed out my TZA short today for a 4.7% overnight success and now hold a fuckload of cash, a few defensive positions, and one or two longs. If forced to make a move, I mean absolutely forced, I’d close my eyes and go long into the final hour of trade — with the intent to sell tomorrow.

Comments »

It’s Really Happening Again — WELCOME TO OCTOBER

BIG developments in stock land today.

We’ve got VIX above 20. Panic mode.
We’ve got oil getting hit and oil stocks smashed.
We’ve got gold and bonds tough as nails, ripping upwards.
And we’ve got today’s special high yield and leverage loans shredded soup.

Last year was different, or was it? It’s happening again — just like it did then. Who am I to stand of the way of reversion? Get your pees and qs in order, son — for if the shit hits the fan this time around –it’ll be for keeps. Millennial faggots trapped to death inside of their commission free Schwab accounts — ironically bogged out. Maybe we rally, or maybe we don’t. Feeling tough? I bet you are, but not for long.

I have more than 50% cash in my trading account and have been that way for a few days. There was a disruption in the Matrix which caused me to miss some trades. Now I find myself long TZA in an overnight trade from yesterday.

THAT’S WHO I AM — and you’re nothing.

Fuck you, go home and play with your kids.

Comments »

BURN

Small caps got BOGGED the fuck out. I bore witness to the carnage while luxuriously cavorting with men of leisure, East of Sheridan. Private clubs only, so fuck off and go hang out at your local arcade.

I sold out of my TVIX position, redeeming myself and locking in well earned gains. I’m heavy cash now, still hedged, betting on a continuation of this drop. God willing we can truly drop tomorrow and begin the end — into the new year — fucking everyone. Crash EEEEEET.

The end result, whichever way the winds blow, will be winship at House Fly. Look at the stats.

Comments »

AND JUST LIKE THAT (dot dot dot) “THE FLY” IS BACK

I had a 4x position or 20% of my account long TVIX into this fucking tragedy. I just blew it out for a fantastic gain. All of a sudden, I find myself 75% cash and 5 winning trades in a row, a very successful and distinguished man.

See kids, let this be a lesson to you. Good men, truly great traders, always come out ahead. Just yesterday I was lamenting over retarded trades gone sideways. Today I am a champion amongst champions, stallion with the biggest dick ever.

What’s next?

Stay tuned Exodus.

Comments »

GET IN HERE MILLENNIALS: Dr. Fly is Now Presenting a Picture Show

Now one of the youngsters, just like you, Dr. Fly is now going to educate you about today’s tape via pictures. Us millennials are all genderless avocado toast eating, bitcoin tax loss having, pot heads. We don’t have time to read books or news. We want our info in memes or pictures.

So here goes.

WOWZERS!

Comments »