18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,556 Blog Posts

Markets Tossed Around like a Rag Doll

Major fuck you candles underway this morning, as the NYSE cracked asunder from dozens of trading halts and acts of grave depravity. I was entreated to a leveraged long book down 2.8% at the open, only to see nearly breakeven inside 15 mins. Then I got fooled, made some bad trades, and stand before you in the middle -1.2%.

I’m presently hedged via SQQQ at 15% because I have no idea which trap door will appear next.

This of course is part and parcel of any cosmopolitan market — one befitted with the finest people and firms.

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I finished the session +240bps, OFF 50bps from the highs. Although sad over this COLLAPSE on my PNL, I believe I remedied this by LEVERAGING LONG at 140% of my equity into that I believe will be a grandiose short squeeze, by which the skulls of the bears will be pressed heavily into a vice — cracking them like graham crackers, causing their brains to spill out into the sewers below.

I don’t care if I give back here, for I am +8% MTD and can afford to give back 4% in a session and still be on pace for outperformance. I will, you should know, be correct most times and most times make markets gains of the exceptional varietal.

I am where I am now, at RECOURD HIGHS, not because I am a good stock picker. There are plenty of those to go around, some even better than me. I am here at RECOURD HIGHS now because I understand how to manage risk during the bad times and preserved my gains carefully, babied them, in order to extend my fist into the market during ebullience.

Explaining this to you is on par with a rocket scientist telling a class filled with 9th graders how space works.

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It’s worth noting the SMH is +15.5% MTD, which represents the biggest return for January since 2001. For those of you who recall January of 2001, it was a gallant era — the height of the AUGHTS — just prior to its demise. We all basked in the not so distant past of being dot com pioneers — dreaming about the day when Amazon dot com finally overtook Barnes and Noble as the chief distributor of books online. Our Lycos browsers were on auto-refresh — and we gleaned ideas from Mr. Pink Esq inside the Yahoo message boards.

Then February came ’round and reminded us of our sins. The degenerate behavior of 1999-2000 revisited in January was revoked in Feb — with the SMH tumbling an electric 29%. I recall the time, quite vividly actually — since my brokerage firm had just moved into brand new offices and remembered my cold callers getting hung up on more than usual. It was the beginning of the end — which was later topped off with a CRASHING OF THE WORLD TRADE TOWERS in September of that year.

Perhaps we too might enjoy some kinetic energy of that sort, perhaps even, if I might suggest, a major war that causes congress to reinstate the draft.

Markets are quite boring. I am +295bps and 105% long. Today is the first day of the NEW Stocklabs WEEKLY QUANT, which I refresh as needed from time to time. The point of the weekly quant is, frankly, to force me to be long. If it weren’t for this discipline, me being the horrible bearshitter that I am, I’d miss out on all rallies. When I see a bear salient forming, I simply apply margin and sell short to hedge.

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And you’re nothing.

Asshole, what the fuck are we talking about here? We’re making coin again — that’s what the fuck we are talking about. You want to compete with me, +266bps for the sesh? I don’t think so.

I’m 100% cash now because that’s what I do each Monday: I GO TO CASH. I then wait until after 12pm to relocate 100% long based on astrological charts.

I look at the planets and the moon, and directly into the sun, and decide the fate of myself and my family in that manner.

The market is hot. Everything is exploding. I’m not the only person making coin here; but I will outlast and outshine 99% of you on a long enough time frame.

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Finally Some Time to Do Some Chores!

Off to do some weekend chores right now, such as returning a water filter for my fridge which is the wrong size and buying yet another laptop charger, since mine is once again frayed to the point I am all but guaranteeing fire and shock. These fucking cords, made from cheap plastic, break all the time. It’s a scam.

I had dinner at the country club last night, served an undercooked steak and wilted greens by a waitress who was probably 18 and didn’t know anything about the menu.

My nightcap was to watch the movie THE MENU, which I saw alone because Mrs Fly was under the assumption it was a cannibal movie and she only watches murder films without the eating of the flesh. I was pleasantly surprised and unless I missed something, I saw zero acts of cannibalism.

This is usually where I’d boast about how great of a trader I am and how you’re all missing out on so much inside COCKLABS. Fuck off. Don’t join. Remain poor and keep trading in a foolish manner.

The bull market looks to be back but it’s probably all a ruse. Believe me, I’m always on the lookout for such things.

Current books I’m reading: DARK LAUGHTER, NOTES FROM THE UNDERGROUND, and a Napoleon biography on audible, which I use in the car, and in showers.

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The Bull is Back

I will keep this simple and direct.

I was a bear, but now I am not. I want the market to trade down 99% — but it won’t.

I have survival instincts and want to believe; therefore I shall almost always respect what the price action is telling me. I cannot be more emphatic about this close and how important it was: The Bull is Back (at least for now).

The true test will be on Monday when markets usually dip.

Having said that, I closed 143% leveraged long, no hedges. I traded myself out of an early hole today, due to some massive shorts held overnight and closed +1.04%. This isn’t great performance and I know it — but that’s ok. My gains of 5.6% YTD are pedestrian and you’d expect it from just about any civilian long this market. That’s ok too.

My trading has been careful and deliberate — but I am grateful for what I can achieve, as long as it’s progress, and I look forward to finding my tape that will result in some outperformance. This happens to be the perfect tape for me: momentum oriented climbing a wall of worry. All I need to complete this bespoke environment is a theme. I might have one soon.

Stay tuned and join Stocklabs you miserly pieces of shit. iBC ad rates are into the floor, practically zero. How else do you expect me to feed ANTIFA FLY in Boston away at school?


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Every morning dip is purchased. All trash is bought. Every single decline is a buying opp. This appears to be the realty we are once again in.

I made an index inside Stocklabs of Fallen A List stocks. These aren’t necessarily great companies, but stocks that used to be good and fell hard last year. Risk is most definitely on in 2023 and the best stocks are the worst and the worst performing stocks are the one’s that you’d think should be up — just such defense contractors.

NOC is down 19% YTD.

I have a pre set portfolio of longs that I’m gonna leave alone today. I only closed out my fucking hedges and added UPST to the mix — because UPST is a piece of shit that is perfect for this bizaaro market.

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This happens on occasion. I let the hubris get the better of me and completely fuck myself. It all started this morning when the market opened and ended when it closed. I had great successes, but squandered them like a fucking moron — because I was greedy and felt entitled to more. There is no lesson in any of this because I already know what I did wrong and how it happened. I only get to deal with consequences and those results are DOWN 0.57% for the day.

Now I know what some of you losers are thinking: “Hello Dear Fly, chin up my boy — down 0.57% isn’t much to get yourself rabbled roused about. Have yourself a pint.”


My expectations were to make money today and then come on here and tell you about it. Instead, I get to recount a tale of failure and permit license to some of my enemies to laugh and feeeeeeeel good about my plight. Well, and I will have you know now, I do intend to seek out a vicious form of revenge and will not rest until I do so.

For the year, I am +4.5% and I have not even begun to extend my cock into this market. Dare I suggest and even say with certainty — I shall stand before you yet again vicious and with the severed heads of my enemies hanging from my belt buckle — as I actively saw off the legs of the others in my way.


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The US continues its economic and military dominance post WW2, uninterrupted. Russian advances in Ukraine stopped due to the western alliance and Ukraine is given full NATO membership post war. Investment in post war Ukraine mirrors that of the Marshall plan, Germany 1945, and provides western contracts with billions in additional revenues.

Due to the Western victory, China falls back in line and warms to the west — providing a fertile environment for investment in a unipolar world.

Pax Americana is refreshed and invigorated by the western victory and demand for dollars soars to record highs, amidst a celebration of what is called “rules based order” by democratic countries in the west. The status quo reigns supreme and the market decline of 2022 is negated — led higher by big tech whose role in a victorious west will be to adhere to government edicts.

GDP growth recovers and American spending hits record highs, as deficit spending increases so does the average wage — giving renewed life to the housing market.

Green energy polices provides investors with fresh avenues of investment whilst also reducing western reliance on unreliable sources of energy. Monetary policy normalizes amidst 2-3% CPI growth, providing investors with a future of potential Fed easing and years of growth and comfort.

Unemployment remains at record lows, providing cause to permit millions of illegals into the country to fill voids. The spike in population will contribute to US GDP growth, while at the same time increasing government spending — which is viewed in a benign manner since the dollar is solidified as currency reserve.

Markets soar to record highs — leading to a spike in alternative investments like Bitcoin.

All is well and everyone lives happily ever after, all gay — some tranny — birth rates drop to zero amidst the whites and the world is soon covered with new people who govern in a fair and equitable fashion — eschewing the colonialism practiced by the former landlords.

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We just peaked out at $31.4T and now the treasury will dip into reserves, which is usually about a month of non Ukrainian world spending. Very soon Congress will raise limit and we can get back to laying the groundwork for the total destruction of western finance and the dollar.

On the war side, there are so many things to be alarmed over — from Russian anti-aircraft batteries being placed on top buildings in Moscow to massive new weapons commitments to Ukraine to a seemingly insane cadre of comments from western leaders, on par with the nonsensical jargon heard during peak COVID forced vaccination times. It’s like these people really are lizards — not of human quality — and make decisions based upon their most severe insecurities.

If you asked me to take a guess on the chances of NATO entering a hot conflict with Russia I’d immediately say 100% chance.

Stocks look bad today, but nothing insurmountable. Breadth is at 40% and you can tell buyers want an excuse to buy more. I had closed out my 45% weighted hedges at the open but soon after reapplied a 20% of SQQQ to my 100% long book. I’m not sure if it’ll be a good trade or not but really do hope for the best, especially since I’m a good person and really do feeeeeeel I deserve to have more money.

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