18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,772 Blog Posts


Fuck Syria. Fuck impeachment. Fuck your opinions on anything at all. I care about my fellow man, but not his opinions. I discussed getting right for trading this morning, and most of that is mental health. We live in a world of depression and fucking nut jobs. Do not fall into the thick amber of narratives, beholden to a group of people. I mean this in more than just the political sense. I am not a republican or a democrat. I do not have blanket opinions on anything and I am open to change, since it is the essence of the evolutionary spirit. I am a cynic, calling into question everything that is told to me — and for good reason.

Some of you might get downtrodden after learning you’ve been lied to your entire life. Everything you thought was sacred was expendable and everything meaningless invaluable. But once you can fully extricate yourself from the rat race and truly live without fear of rebuke — you will be free. With this freedom, you can be happy enough to thrive.

What good is your success if you’re living a life tethered to the beliefs of others?

That said, markets have broken backs to the upside, in spite of the news and all of the horrible things that were supposed to happen. It’s as if the trick was laid bare on purpose.

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Gold is in Danger of Spilling Over

I booked a gain in AAPL. I had purchased it about a week ago and took a 4% profit and ran. With today’s melt up, one would think fucking Apple would be up — but no.

On the issue of gold, we have a situation on our hands here. I am the single best gold trader in the world, believe me. Ask around. I’ve been buying NUGT since $13. All of that shit is in danger of ending here, as the insect metal breaches $1,500 with some alacrity. The issue here are rates. We need some deflationary pressure to scare folks back into gold. With QE in play and markets jogging higher, there is little to no reason for owning gold. As a point in fact, I’d probe with short positions if these levels didn’t recover.

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You Can’t Trade If You’re a Mess

Lots of people want to get into this game and go about it all wrong. First, you can’t trade well if you feel bad. The world is a suffocating place with opinions flying left and right, mostly by ideologues who annoy the fuck out of you. Go to the gym and lift weights. If you’re over 40, don’t lift heavy, bro. That ship has sailed. But you need to get the endorphins flowing and tighten up those fucking abs.

If you’re going to lift, you’ll need to cut too, meaning tracking your calories and reducing carbs, otherwise you’ll be lifting for no god damned reason at all. If you’re cutting calories and setting a goal to reduce body weight — you need to eat the right foods — chicken breast over chopped meat, salmon over tilapia. Throw a fucking green in there for Christ’s sake.

Slow morning? Do 50 pushups and 100 crunches. No matter where you are in life, exercising will make it better.

Drown out the negatives.

People around you piss you off? Put on some headphones and listen to music. Hate what you’re fuckhead friends are saying on Facebook? Fuck Facebook.

What’s your stated goal here? My guess is to make some money to be independent, to build something meaningful. The money you make in your lifetime should be passed down to future generations or perhaps you could create a foundation or charity in your name. Why not? Leave a mark on this god forsaken planet. But you can’t get there, you cannot get to do any of those things if you’re trading or investing poorly. Attaining the skills to do it is another topic, but the easy stuff, feeling good of mind and body, is something everyone can do. Sure, we’re all melancholy from time to time and it’s easy to walk the black dog and feel sorry for yourself. Some people even say dumb shit like ‘in my next lifetime I’ll do it right.’ Guess what fucked face, this is it. This is your one shot, so make the best of it.

I know people who got it at 15 and knew exactly what to do. Other people didn’t come into their own until after college. Some people are late bloomers and just started realizing their mistakes after 40. There isn’t a time expiration on success, so quit counting yourselves out.

Now go make yourselves an omelette, some black coffee, and lift something heavy — come back and crush some trades.

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Trump Moves to “Swiftly Destroy” Turkey’s Economy; NATO BTFO

Now I’m no conspiracy theorist, even though I’ve been knows to dabble here and there. We all know certain truths that are uncomfy, but true — such as flat earth, fake space, nuclear bombs don’t exist, and the moon isn’t something we’ve ever visited. Aside from that, I’m a mainstream guy.

But if I was a conspiracy theorist, I’d say Trump is playing RIGHT INTO THE FUCKING HANDS OF PUTIN, who they tell me is my arch enemy, even though I am unsure why that is. Based upon all of the CIA stuff I’ve read, Russia is really out to get me. Question is, are they out to get me or them? If it’s just them, the CIA, should I care? As an American, does the CIA work for my best interests?

Having said that, Trump pulled out of Syria and created a power vacuum. This has led to an immediate mobilization of Assad forces to the south barreling towards Turkish forces in the north. Now Trump just announced sanctions on Turkey, menacing to “destroy” their economy.

“I am fully prepared to swiftly destroy Turkey’s economy if Turkish leaders continue down this dangerous and destructive path.”

Obviously, this isn’t a way to treat a fellow NATO member.

Wait, there’s more!

And this!

Enjoy the show.

In separate news, ABC News got caught shilling like a motherfuckers today; hence the term ‘fake news’ applies.

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I know the market is a little dicey, news flow a little fucked up and small caps suck. But like any good religion, you need faith to believe in this shit. The fact you’re still here reading means you’re looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear. You don’t need some bear-fucker professing end of world scenarios. You want to know that someone out there is in the open seas fishing for whales, not for the oils, but to eat said whales. I am such a man.

Markets should be sharply lower, but they aren’t. Rates are not going higher, in spite of what all of the morons suggest. The economy, aside from manufacturing, is fine. The homies are blasting higher and Apple is near record highs. Ergo, I sense without a doubt — we are going to barrel higher.

I put some more money to work today.

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The Fuck You Mean ‘Hold the Champagne’?

Update on Champagne pouring:

THE PRESIDENT TOLD ME ON FRIDAY THAT ‘PHASE 1’ OF THE DEAL WAS COMPLETE. I was supposed to get another big breasted rally to motorboat in. Instead, Nasdaq futures are down 30 on news that Chinese state media is tossing a wet towel on what was agreed during the meetings. The fuck you mean?

Chinese state media appeared cautious about celebrating the partial U.S.-China trade deal, and warned Washington to “avoid backpedaling.”

The U.S. has suspended a tariff increase to 30% from 25% on at least $250 billion in Chinese goods that were set to take effect on Tuesday. A tariff hike implemented in September was not rolled back and plans for another hike just before the the Christmas holiday on Dec. 15 remain in place.

“While the negotiations do appear to have produced a fundamental understanding on the key issues and the broader benefits of friendly relations, the Champagne should probably be kept on ice, at least until the two presidents put pen to paper,” wrote China Daily, the official Chinese state-owned English newspaper.

So do you mean to tell me Trump was fibbing? I refuse to believe it.

While it’s true, it’s early going and shit can change fast. It’s also true I am long and strong and totally exposed to the market winds — which are blowing east Mr. Dickens. This is not complicated. All things rest on this singular news item. Should we come to find out there is no trade deal to be had — we’ll sink lower until Trump figures out a way to tweet something bullish.

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Here is 1 Fish For You

Driving in North Carolina is a lot different than up north. The people here tend to be a lot more aggressive, which probably correlates to IQ. They are overly aggressive in situations that do not call for it, such as letting other cars merge into double lanes turning into one. We’ve all been there and it’s basic decency to allow another fellow in ahead of you in order to avoid getting smashed up against some wall or dropped into a crevasse.

On the issue of infrastructure, everything is new here, but planning isn’t too smart. On the side of each narrow road is a V shaped crevasse. If you fall into said crevasse, unfortunately, you will die.

Last night I visited the beach town of Wrightsville, which had a nice beach — but woefully under-developed in comparison to the fine beaches in NJ. Then I traveled to Wilmington,NC — a denizen of ill repute. It was a very lively scene, with tap dancers in the fucking streets, live bands, and scores of homeless people soliciting for money. As I left the old southern city, I spied a man pulled over on the side of the highway taking a shit. That’s right, a shit.

As I traveled in the right lane, I spied a pissed off car to my left pull an unbelievable maneuver on the car in front of him, obviously because he wasn’t going fast enough. I think we were traveling at around 80mph and he wanted to go 100mph. So he jumped in my lane and quickly merged back in front of the car that was formerly in front of him and then slammed on the fucking brakes — slowing to about 30mph, just to fuck with him. This is the sort of stuff that can only be scene south of the Mason Dixon.

All in all, I find my time here to be fine. But the people are without question reprehensible. I now know why General Sherman burned the south down.

On the matter of fish, Exodus is overbought. This condition, in the past, has led to fanciful gains over the next 10 trading days.

Stay long and avoid the temptation to time tops.

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Congrats to Tanker and Furniture Store Players Out There

Last week was the epitome of bullshit sectors melting up. Historically, I’ve prone to chasing the tankers — probably due to my long term desire to be a one-eyed pirate. I wouldn’t want to lose my eye, per se — but keep a patch over one in order to appear more menacing than I already am. But that’s besides the point.

Earlier in the week I was catacomb’d in a most horrendous losing streak. I couldn’t punch my way out of a wet paper bag. By the end of the week, however, my cock grew long and my profits bountiful. I nailed the ram to the fucking wall, winning double digit returns in both FRAN and PRTY. That is not a typo and is typical of what the market was, this past week. With Exodus, I am able to scour the market in real time for breakouts. I will show you now what the highest rated stocks are and what sectors led the path higher. Total and complete refuse.

Unlike other ‘gurus’ who disingenuously promise to teach you how to trade — I offer nothing of the sort. As a point in fact, that works against my interests and can only offer you fish. Big long delicious fish, right into your mouths — both delicious and lemony. You may want to know how to cook the fish or even catch the fish yourselves, but you will not find any recipes here and the only fisherman is Le Fly, who is also a pirate with one eye (maybe?) and a patch with a skull on it.

My software can provide anyone with insight to trade the market well. If you’re relying upon TD Ameritrade or SCHWAAABBB or God forbid StockShits for insight, you’ve already lost. On that matter, I am diligently working on Exodus 2.0 — but there is much to be done in order to do it right. It will be a magnificent denizen for all people, stripes and colors. We will be fitted with transgender bathrooms and special places for A-sexual furries to watch anime. Rapists will NOT be allowed inside the software, however. I am a most traditional liberal, standing up for zero rights and in favor of harsh monarchial rule.

Off to the beach now.

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Our perfect President won over yet another trade war and the bears are now left in the streets with their tongues hanging out from their faces. Like cows, the bears were led to their death — by way of their nose and their greed. You thought you were going to eat corn, but instead ate a sharp steel blade to the face.

Markets are up nearly 500 and I am 80% long and also gloriously awesome, having booked some double digit gains this week. My losing streak is of course over and Le Fly is back to winning again — kicking clowns down steep and hard flights of stairs — causing broken bones and torn ligaments amongst my enemies.

There is nothing more to say, other than Ciao and Fuck off.

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Unsure if this is total bullshit, but it looks like Trump got a ‘partial deal’ that enables him to call a truce, which might mean a cessation to the tariffs.

I sold PRTY for a +12.5% gain and FAZ for a 3.8% loss. I am now allocating to the long side with my 40% cash. I won’t spend it all, but I like this fucking vibe.


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