Brand Nubian – Allah U Akbar

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Much to your chagrin, oil stocks are teetering out here, as men with intelligence quotients north of 90 sell, in order to avoid the pending collapse. I know “The Fly’s” calls of “pending doom” and “outright death” in the oils can get somewhat repetitive, even cumbersome. However, he does not care, especially since your brains are much smaller than his.

As it stands now, oil stocks need to drop by 20%, in order to reach parity with the price of crude.

Young ladies, we have a serious divergence taking place here, within the energy sector.

Now, you can avoid my musings as more “Fly garble.” Or, you can do something about it, like a fucking man with chest hairs, two guns and a mouth full of chewing tobacco.

For a trade, I like DUG, ERY, short XOM and short RIG.

I sold short 2,000 VNO @ $57.86. And, I shorted 1,000 XOM @ $81.55.

Disclaimer: If you short VNO or XOM because of this post, a rich Saudi oil driller will steal your infidel wife. And, you may lose money.

I bought 5,000 VCLK @ $7.15

Disclaimer: If you buy VCLK because of this post, the next time you go to IHOP, you will suffer from food poisoning. And, you may lose money.

I know many of you are HUGE believers in the power of black gold. You sit there, in your low end chair, reminiscing of the days when rich Saudi’s led you around by the fucking ear. You long for the days when paying $4.50 at the pump sacked your checking account.

Now that crude is trading post apocalypse, you swear on a stack of holy Korans that it shall and will return to its glory days. For some odd reason, you believe the dollar will weaken versus the euro. After all, the euro fags are doing just great, across the pond. And, to top it off, their currency is backed by big ol’ bricks of gold (sarcasm off).

Entertain me, if you would. Let’s just assume, for the moment of course, crude does not make it alll the way back. Let’s assume, if I might be so bold, the overzealous activity is equal to that of a bounce in previous wrecked industries, such as banks, homies and nanotech. However, do not misunderstand me. In no way shall we equate the oil sector, in its present form, to that of the nanotech sector of 2004. We shall NOT do that.

However, let’s say we did.

I know it’s a crazy/lunatic idea. But, I’m gonna throw it out there anyway. Just for the sake of having fun and kicking teenagers down extra large storm drains, here goes:

My oil/gas short sale list (for fun of course. Nothing very serious. I promise. Swear on your Koran)

XOM

CWEI

Okay, that was just for “fun.” Those names weren’t simply pulled from some sort of bear bag. They represent the oil/gas companies laden with the most debt and/or with the worst cash/debt ratios, with exception to XOM. I’m just hating on them.

Naturally, it is very uncouth of me to suggest such a thing (shorting oil stocks), especially because you circle head mother fuckers enjoy the price of high crude, as it is a source of funds used to finance a vast array of international terrorist attacks.

However, should the price of crude mellow out around these fucked up prices, you might want to sell short some of the above names, in the event the market ever traded down again—of course. I do concur, it shall be a very difficult campaign to make the case for lower equity prices in 2009.

Nonetheless, I am sure the economy will make its case, with great vigor.

See how stupid gold is? Gold is the champion of losers. Just when it looks like that fucker is about to shoot for the stars, it collapses and vomits on your shoes.

As for oil: this is getting ridiculous. Looking at the equity valuations in the energy sector, you’d think oil is $80 per barrel. It is absolute lunacy buying oil stocks up here. It’s almost as if people think there will be no ramifications, no price to pay, now that oil is down 65% in 5 short months.

Please.

As for the general market:

It’s in the midst of a standard, consolidation like pullback. All of my longs are behaving rather lukewarm, with exception to C; she’s kicking ass. At the present, my favorite long ideas are PFE, C, TBT, ITW and VCLK.

My shorts are just sitting, in their respective idiot boxes, waiting to get beheaded. I just know it. KIM, VNO, XOM and a variety of brainless inverse etf’s are not performing. The only etf that looks as if it wants to deball a few bulls is SRS. Indeed.

I should be shorting gold stocks here, particularly LIHR, SA and AU. Maybe I’ll get around to it sometime today.

For the most part, ag stocks should be shot and buried, yet they’re bouncing too. The textbook says to buy SMN here, now that gold, which is a strong component in the etf, is breaking down. Much to my chagrin, I am long SMN and not loving it—thus far.

When 2009 is over, mark my words, there will be ample amounts of pain to spread and share amongst those who sucked the pants off of Gov’t and bought stocks. With my money, I’d rather throw it into large vats of acid, than go all in on the long side.

In Government we trust.

I was in a house with lots of extravagant and elaborate vases. It was quite gay and somewhat disturbing, considering this man looked like he could break a brick wall with his face.

I’ve noticed, through my adventures meeting people with money, it (money) corrupts their fucking brains. The more money one has the crazier that fucker is, generally.

Some people get extremely cheap and like to play the welfare scene, with 20 mil in the checking account, picking aluminum cans out of the garbage. Others like to flaunt it with lambos and diamonds the size of televisions. Oh, let’s not forget art/rugs. Really rich folk love to splurge on that shit.

Don’t get me wrong: having money is my preferred state of existence. I’ve been through the worst of times and the best, with regards to money. Take me at my word: it is better to be a crazy boat shining rich dude, dancing on the hoods of Ferraris, than living in a housing tenement, with good marbles, in the Bronx.

Generally speaking, poor people lack confidence and accept a low standard of living. They pride themselves on “making a living” or a “decent wage,” providing the job includes fucking benefits. When, as a point in fact, they were not meant for greatness to begin with—so there.

The point of this article is to waste your time, as you now know—albeit in a very entertaining way. Just think about it, you are sitting in your “middle class chair,” waiting for some magic stock picks— and instead get nothing but jibber jabber and/or exteme bullshit. Believe me, “Horatio Clawhammer” aka “The Fly” aka “Plutonium Petey” aka “Senor Tropicana” will bring extreme heat to you fucking blogging faggots in 2009, via ridiculous stock picks. It is my gift. And, The PPT is absolutely incredible.

At the end of the day, there is no other website on the internets worthy of my blogroll, yet I have one anyway.

I am a kind Fly, indeed.

UPDATE: You know things are bad when the recession hits the rap scene.

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Incidentally, “The Fly” was sheltered from today’s inane melt up, via long SRS, short VNO, short KIM positions. My losses totaled less than 1%, mostly due to the run up in XOM and run down in DUG.

Also, my early purchases proved to be fruitful, as gains in BAC, TBT, C, ITW, VCLK, PFE and FAS extended throughout the day.

Life is all about killing the next guy. With that in mind, let me remind you that “The Fly” will eventually discard of you too, while chuckling at your most eventful capital losses.

Most people only remember the questions, without regard for the answers. I, on the other hand, remember both questions and answers, with the efficiency and acumen of an IBM super computer.

The idea that the “rally is just starting” is somewhat silly, considering how far we’ve come so soon. What is not silly is the mortuary state of the U.S. economy.

You can sit there all you want, collecting block headed Barack Obama collectible coins, while circle jerking to the likes of Dennis Kneale. However, “The Fly” will always be around to drop anvils and gay pianos on your head, when least expected.

With that being said, bear in mind, “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly. My condition is one of perpetual success. My unremitting winning streaks are rarely interrupted for a period longer than 2 weeks. Hence, I warn you; with the seriousness of a stone cold killer inside, lurking, in the dressing room of Jim Cramer, don’t fuck with me—for sometime soon you will feel the sharp blade of “brick walled revenge”—effectively leaving your bullshit portfolios in a very bad/egregious “zeroed out” situation.

NOTE: One of my internet friends, Phil Pearlman, just started blogging. He’s a smart guy, who likes to collect Barack Obama coins and SHAM-WOW rags. Definitely worth blogrolling.

UPDATE: For my Southern brothers!