Don’t Be a Gluttonous Pig

Although I have not done anything major today, I intend to shake things up a little. The jobs numbers were good, yada, yada, yada. Those numbers were leaked several days ago, if you haven’t figured that out by now. Breadth is good, across the board. However, don’t get complacent and do not trust this market to do whatever the fuck you want it to do. Got it?

For bulls, the worm has turned, sort of. We are rallying pretty hard off the lows and economic data has been great. But, stocks like BUCY are up 18% over the past week. It’s a large position of mine, so I’m not bitching. But come on already!

The only thing that I trust is what I am doing right now. And I know this: if I book some profits today, I will feel good knowing I positioned correctly for this bounce.

My strategy is one of precise timing. When I let go of my longs, I expect the market will pullback, allowing my ever-so-cumbersome VXX appreciate in value. It does not matter if I “make money” in VXX, as long as it trades up from here. My concern is the overall health of the portfolio, not measuring my dick size again a p and l statement.

Without a doubt, I am a seller into this leg of the rally. Proceeds will go to cash.

No one gets in front of a freight train and lives to talk about it, over tea and crumpets. If you are interested in ideology, GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG. There are thousands of inferior blogs out there, penned by midgets who mange 4 figure Zeeco accounts, who’d be pleasantly elated to see you on their site. To be honest, as opposed to flat out lying to you, I do not care for your company. While it’s true, I run and operate a first tier financial blog and employ many to relay up to date, top shelf, financial commentary; I fucking hate you.

Please remember, when I use the word “hate,” I mean it in the most sterile/almost medicinal way possible, as I have no emotions with regards to this website or my readership, aside from monumental indifference. I have warned many of you about “the coil”, alongside the seasoned pros here on this site, namely Scott and (CH). However, you chose to ignore and ride the FAZmobile to death. Listen to me, ever so intently: YOU FUCKING DESERVE TO LOSE MONEY. Your loss is a net gain, somewhere in the world.

Just to be clear: iBankCoin doesn’t whore itself out for VC money or any sort of “support.” I could give a fuck if news algos pick is up or if CNNmoney acknowledges my greatness. As far as I am concerned, all of those fuckers can shine my shoes, twice over, after I drop gravy on them. We are self sustained, due to the fact that success breeds success. Got that, Mr. Business Plan?

Good.

Into the bell, I am looooong egregious amounts of TNA, UCO, FAS.

NOTE: For the first time since we launched his service, Scott Bleier, in light of the Labor Day weekend, is extending the gift of FREE TRIALS to his readers and admirers. Once again, Scott is one of those guys you need when the markets get dicey. His service is top notch and is well deserving of your undivided attention. So go sign up now.

Everyone is scared. People with cash are scared to miss out on a rally. Investors long stocks are worried about a double dip recession. And, short sellers are scared of getting scalped by way of a Fed manipulated short covering rally. While everyone is scared, “The Fly” flicks his cigar ashes on his neighbors Persian rugs and proceeds to execute his plan.

Shorting today is a waste of time, since most sectors are green. Look at the animal strength in retail, tech and ag and please explain to me why you are shorting stocks now? If you want to short something, wait until the end of the day. However, that might be a bad idea too, going into the Labor Day weekend. Having said that, I am being extremely patient with all of my positions, as if they were faberge eggs (no homo).

On a separate note, I am most pleased to see FTK march higher. If God is interested in blessing The Fly with early X-Mas (pagan version intentional) presents, he will send the shares of FTK through the roof. That’s right, fuckface. “The Fly” is totally off his rock, vain as fuck, asking God himself to buy a penny stock for the explicit purposes of making me money. Plus, don’t forget, a win for me is a loss for someone else. It’s not enough that I win; everyone else needs to lose.

Lot’s of nervousness out there, oooohh. As far as I can tell, with TLT dropping here, there is no reason to be nervous—fucking pussies.

Breadth is decent and short sellers are in a state of panic, following yesterday’s “surprise sex.” Do not get flummoxed by the rally, for there was never a choice. The market had to rally, just like you have to pay taxes or die. Instead of getting all worked up about it, why not do some vertical push-ups off a fire hydrant?

Very soon, “The Fly” will be back to drinking large quantities of whiskey and devouring the biggest steaks known to mankind (heavily salted, lightly peppered). But until that happens, there is much work to be done. It’s important to note how retarded the people at HPQ and DELL are for this ongoing PAR war. I mean, really, the company is a piece of shit. All of a sudden, the executives at both companies are willing to pay whatever price necessary for PAR? Whoever is making these absurd decisions should be fired twice, then slapped in the face with an egg sandwich.

Look, as long as TLT ticks lower, banks can be bought with impunity. After all, it’s their profit margins we are talking about, no? Should TLT down-tick to $95, I can see BAC trading as high as $17. The problem you need to wrap your little brain around is the ominous seasonality factors. And, don’t forger, Wall Street 2 is scheduled to launch 9/27/10. I fucking told you many months ago the market will crap-the-fuck-out, just in time for that movie. It has been written; therefore, it must be so!

With my money, I am beginning the process of wanting to take profits on my longs. I am not in sell mode yet, as I am impressed with today’s breadth. However, I am getting there.

In the meantime, it’s a bad idea to open short positions here, so early in the morning. Never mind, you’re too fucking stupid to understand anything. Have at it, tinder.

Today represented the largest percentage increase in OVERALL Hybrid Score in PPT history, with the score jumping 33.18% to 3.04. Of the previous 5 largest single day increases, only one time did the market trade higher; and that was the tepid rally of 1/4/2010.

Essentially, with the OVERALL Hybrid approaching OVERBOUGHT and previous percentage increases of this magnitude proving to be “un-fruitful” for investors, I think it’s fair to say “Get Your Popcorn Ready” and “WHERESMYFUCKINGROOTBEER?”

Don’t get too excited, Uncle Asshole. According to the rules dictated by The PPT, the market is bounded to certain mathematical formulas. As a matter of fact, I happen to be in possession of said laws, and much to the chagrin of my fellow investment professionals, I’ve retailed it out to the proletariat for a laughable fee. The following chart I am about to show you is worth billions, yet some of you still bet against me.

Gentlemen, it does NOT get better than that.

At any rate, my point is to remain vigilant in your pursuits of greatness, as I have. Do not let today’s market rally sully you into abject moronism. Instead, learn from past mistakes and be brave. Without courage, a man is nothing more than a set of testicles.

Into this melt up, I am doing nothing. However, I do intend to trade tomorrow. God willing, I will get the chance to sell my TNA above $40, as predicted many days ago.

Be well and enjoy your celebratory dinner.

When you are conducting business, wear the fucking uniform of business. Do you little fuckers even know what the uniform of business is? Go to Barney’s and buy a few suits and a dozen ties. When you are conducting business, put on that suit and behave like a gentleman. Too many of you sub 30 year old JACKWAGONS think it’s “cool” or hip to wear t-shirts and jeans to work or business meetings. It’s not cool. As a matter of fact, it lowers your standard in life by a factor of 10. See, it’s not about being “cool” when it comes to business. It is about respecting the laws and traditions of business—emulating greater men than you, all the while banking so much coin you are able to piss on their graves, with great ferocity. These are men who paved the way for America’s brilliance and dominance on the world stage. I will have you know, “The Fly” is to America what Putin is to KGB.

The problem with America today is its citizenry. They are either fat and stupid or too lazy to make a difference. Get out there and hustle your ass off. Wear the uniform of business and tell your alcoholic friends to go fuck themselves, for they will not make you a rich man.

As for me: I wear the uniform of business all the time. As a point in fact, I am proud to reveal I wear a suit, with tie, to sleep. My pajamas are tailored by Mr. Armani. Who tailors your pj’s, fruit of the loom? See pal, that’s the difference between you and a person such as myself: I am ready to conduct business all the time, while you are ready to be homeless.

As for this tape: I endeavor to sell some of my longs, when The PPT marks OVERBOUGHT. There is no point selling VXX here. Stocks on the sell block include: BUCY, FLS, TNA, UCO, FAS, TBT, ROP, EWZ and CBL.

Your praise is not required, for you are a stupid bearshitter and deserve to take a shower with your favorite toaster then read the scriptures du Fly. There are many mysteries in life, such as “Who Killed Kennedy? or How the fuck did Puma Punku get there? However, when it comes to this stock game, “The Fly” is zipping through outer space with no helmet and shit, dropping 1960’s style metal bombs on your casa.

On a serious note, as you know, I am 100% long in my personals via TNA, FAS and UCO. In my managed accounts, I have a hedge via VXX; but I am fully invested on the long side as well. In short, my longs are far outstripping my stupid VXX, making today and incredible day.

There is no reason why today is up, other than the simple succinct fact that we are. I warned you about TLT/FXY and how they could be used as tinder for an explosive rally to the upside. Well, here we are exploding and shit and you are stuck on stupid—reading Zerohedge—long egregious amounts of FAZ. Indeud.

For all of you PPT subs out there: congrats on the telegraphed win. For all you other fuckers, fuck a goat.

Trailer for “The Fly” “the movie”.

The Fed is purposely flattening the yield curve by buying treasuries, which is fucking the banks and their little scams. Essentially, instead of raising rates to encourage banks to lend money, the Fed is crushing yields so the bastards at BAC will fish for higher returns. That’s why the stock prices of all banks and brokerages have been hit, as of late. The Fed is forcing them to accept more risk and get off the government’s tit. Nevertheless, we have ourselves a very difficult tape to read here, with TLT/FXY through the roof and gold and oil still so damn lofty.

My conundrum is this: if I release my hedges, I risk going into the worst month of the year, historically, fully exposed to the market at a time when red lights are flashing vis a vis the bond market. If I sell all of my longs or some of them, in order to let my VXX run, I risk missing out on an epic rally, which will be fueled by a pullback in treasuries and yen. I think it’s fair to say the market has no fucking idea what it’s doing right now.

At any rate, I’ve been talking to my people, trying to get a clear direction on the markets. When I figure this shit out, I will be sure to let you freeloaders know. For now, I remain steadfast in my ability to eat sandwiches, with aggressive/abrasive manners.