The Market is the Honey Badger

It doesn’t give a fuck about Italian yields or whole continents sinking into a fucking sinkhole. It wants to go up, without regards for reality.

As for me, I will be elated to get some of my fucking money back. Like the honey badger, I don’t give a shit.

On a side note, I will be out and about this afternoon, dining with dignity and honor at one of my favorite restaurants. So you know, we are celebrating something of great importance.

Good luck and be well.

Let me be the first to tell you, it is inappropriate to boil water for more than 5 seconds when preparing tea, specifically black tea infused with bergamot. You do realize by scalding the water you are destroying any chance at a proper cup of tea, don’t you? In case you were wondering, “The Fly” spent his day shopping at the Mall at Short Hills. Doing my regular “channel checks” whilst Mrs. Fly made a go at emptying the old checking account. Little does she know, my checking account is like a bottomless pit. It would take her an eternity to bankrupt me. Actually, let me retract that. If Mrs. Fly ever got the urge to invest in stocks, I’d be zeroed out inside of a short week.

Back to the Mall at Short Hills. Women were ripping $5,000 aprons off the fucking mannequins. People had to buy shit and if it wasn’t retailing for more than $300, they were not interested. Dead smack in the middle of the mall was a fucking Rolls Royce. People passed that shit like “so fucking what, I have two of those in the driveway.” Aside from the vagrants found at a certain watch store that does not suit my taste, the mall was delightful. It has a certain feel to it, circa dot com bubble 1999. Life inside that mall epitomizes decadence and grotesqueness. Forget about depressing Italian bond yields and fucked up German hair cuts. Go buy your Grandmother a fucking Louis Vuitton bag for 10 grande!

I suppose you want to talk about the stock market, don’t you? I was afraid this blog would boil down to this. The futures are cordially higher this evening because people want to feel good when it doesn’t count. We are in the off-hours aka “fantasy time,” when investors day dream about German Santa Klaus’s and free money dropping from Bernnake air force jets onto a joyous Wall Street crowd. Obama in a Santa hat and Geithner dressed as an elf, making toys. In the off hours, we dream about a market that was supposed to be, but just didn’t happen because we destroyed the fucking planet.

No worries, your friendly local oil companies will horizontally drill your ass into the stone age soon, depleting all fresh water supplies, parching your family into raisins. As for me, I will continue fighting until my last round. I will attack bears while donning African masks and throw people onto beach rocks from my space shuttle. You do not need to worry about Le Fly, for he is a survivor. In 400 years from now, he will be here, blogging about the same shit, reminiscing about the time he participated in the melting of the moon, while mining for moon-rocks, while punching martians in the face with space knuckles.

Forget about receiving presents this holiday season. The banks are going to zero and you’re all gonna fucking die. The bears will die too; but they will do so happy, knowing their short positions were squirting higher. In the big scheme of things, today is everything. There has never been a more important time in western finance than now. Feel solace in knowing you got fucked when capitalism failed.

That being said, the cocksuckers in Europe aren’t practicing capitalism. Instead, they favour [sic] communism, led by men with big ears and bald heads.

Without further adieu, I am pleased to announce BAC is now trading under $5. I yearn for the day when it trades to $00.00, effectively wiping out the savings accounts of every single American. Berkshire Hathaway will force BAC to issue new shares. The whole game is rigged and Warren is the devil.

Into the final minutes of trade, I expect losses to be felt in a wide array of sectors, FUCKING any and all inflationistas. Effectively, Jim Rogers is having his skull fucked for him, long all of the shit that goes down. Hey, in other news, DECK is now a “store of value,” as bitches buy up the fury boots with great fervor and tenacity. After all, the weather is rather chilly in NYC today, in-fucking-deud.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I92FuSNiTi4

Even though the indices show little changed, under the hood of this market 2011 was an abomination. All of 2010’s momentum, hedge fund favorites, have been dismantled. Expect these stocks to get spiked into the New Year. Why hold onto shit, when you could book the loss and gain peace of mind?

On the other hand, I expect many stocks to be oversold by small dicked failures. Let their failures transform into your success. As the branches of old/stupid money managers fall onto the ground, decomposing into the soil, new trees will emerge, feeding off their demise. That is nature and it applies to every aspect of life and business.

Here are some names that might undergo wholesale liquidations.

CME
CRM
FFIV
FLS
FSLR
BEN
GS
APA
CMI
PH
JOY
MTB
BDX
NFLX
EW
CHRW
SLB
AGU
CTSH
CLF
XEC
WLT
DVN
SPW
BG
MHS
RIMM
MWW
CREE
MOS
SOHU
ANR
ROVI
CCJ
X
NIHD
DLB
YOKU
C
TCK

The above names are down more than 10% for the year and are owned by institutions in excess of 30%. Frankly, the list goes on and on and on. The full list is provided inside The PPT.

Mcdonald’s is active in killing people through their food. As a result of their “success”, the shares of MCD have soared and will likely trade higher. Recently, the slobs from MCD re-introduced the McRib. YUMMY!

Basically, the McRib is a piece of shit, mixed with pig innards, organs, tongue and lots of salt– all glued together and pasted on a bun. It’s entirely poisonous and will likely kill many people.

The stock market bears similar qualities to the McRib. It too is a piece of shit, cobbled together by the glue of the Federal Reserve. You eat it because you like money, similar to pork aficionados devouring multiple sandwiches of McRib.

The commodity trade is dead. The tech trade is dead. The bank trade is dead. Tell me, what trade is left?

ANSWER: McRib.

It’s rather ironic, is it not? I don’t mean to whine about the trials and tribulations of investors; but the whole matrix is broken. Look at GS. If that doesn’t spell trouble, I don’t know if trouble exists.

Once again, we’re diving lower. Money is getting airlifted into TLT because systemic failure is ’round the corner, courtesy of Europe.

The ZNGA IPO debacle is the icing on the cake for a year that was plagued by venture capitalists and desperate underwriters stealing from investors via mispriced ipo’s. There is no difference between Goldman Sachs shorting CDS while selling them to clients and these upright walking pigs aka “venture capitalists” knowingly ripping off investors via absurdly priced ipo’s.

The henchmen at brokerage houses get the deals done, lured by concessions. From ZNGA to GRPN to LNKD to ANGI to AWAY to P to Z to RENN to YNDX to DANG to ZIP to FFN, the market has rejected these names and  have cast them aside into the dustbin of stupid things hated by all. Did the investment bankers, Goldman, Jefferies, Morgan Stanley, Jp Morgan and others do their due diligence? How did they arrive at such ludicrous valuations? Pray tell me, were the valuations proposed by the fucking slobs at the VC firms, trying to “get liquid” on the stupid people?

It’s a funny thing with these venture artists. Talk to them in private and they mock people who buy these deals, even late stage purchases on private markets. However, put them in front of some investment bankers and they have nothing but praise for their companies.  In other words, like thieves in the night, they are committing premeditated acts of theft, felonies, against people out of the loop.

See, people get lured into these names by their reputation. Everyone wanted a piece of GRPN and ZNGA because they were well known entities, being “hot tech companies.” However, what they didn’t expect was their fucking investment bankers to behave like boiler room stock brokers, circa 1995, by pricing the deal to fail.

I guess these banks are really desperate and will do anything to procure investment banking fees. However, shit like this is killing investor sentiment and will lead to the closure of the ipo market. Fucking asshats.

It seems the world has turned on its axis, fucking up a certain order of things. Just when I thought a crisis page could be developed, I later realized it could not. That being said, I will still furnish you, the unwashed, with a great utility page, but by no means will it be crisis.

I apologize on behalf of myself and my ancestors, dating back many a millenia. The idea of having a “crisis page” overtook me one evening, as I dazzled my guests with displays of magic and conviction. As it so happens, the data overlords of data prohibit such pages and have made sure through the use of half-brained barristers.

As soon as this un-illustrious utility page is completed, I will toss it at the bottom of iBankCoin, where it will serve as the ass of this website for many years to come.

For those of you who are too disheveled to afford a bloomberg terminal, the Godly folks at iBC are happy to present  (THE CRISIS PAGE HAS BEEN REMOVED, TEMPORARILY, AS  YOU ARE UNDESERVING OF SUCHNESS, AT THIS POINT IN TIME. DEVELOPING…) On this glorious concoction of a page you will find CDS, european bond yields, select bank stock quotes, futures and commodities, alongside currencies. Keep in mind, this is a work in progress and we will be adding to the page as I DEEM FIT.

Any suggestions will be ignored and entirely discarded into the trash heap of history.

Thank you.

I’m wrapping up the week with titanicesque losses, channeling John Paulson into a “fuck cab” and driving it into a wall of plutonium. Yesterday I was blessed with a 10% haircut in DECK; today I get GSVC. On Monday I expect some other position to drop by 10%, maybe LULU or EXK.

It doesn’t really matter at this stage “in the game.” I got my javelin in hand and I am ready to fucking launch that shit through faces.

Nothing you say will make me feel better or worse. See, I’m getting my fucking Paulson on–TITANIC losses aboard, nosediving off cliffs onto hard rocks. While other people swim in warm waters and drink pina coladas, “The Fly” swims with chum attached to his face and cock, in sub zero waters, littered with sharks.

Last I checked, I was still up for the year; but I don’t really give a shit about that anymore. I am resigned to lose it all. Let it all blow up in smoke and vanish before my eyes. I will perform great feats  of magic by showing you millions, then POOF, making it vanish into thin air as if that shit was aerated into the ozone.

In closing, I am full of money losing ideas and intend to make great use of them by converting hard currency into atmosphere.