Waiting For Apple

Europe is softening into their last few hours of trade and US futures have surrendered all of their gains, setting us up for another “woosh” lower. I don’t think this market can move forward without knowing the status of AAPL. After going up forever, the shares are in a legitimate spiral lower, as Tim Cook fancies himself to be Steven Jobs II, with a keen eye on nothing other than back office operations. Eventually, he will destroy the company and the brand.

Nevertheless, I will be allocating capital into the sell-off, should it materialize in earnest. The more earnest the better.

F regained its investment grade status at Fitch and NFLX is having its dick chopped off in pre-market trade.

My next series of buys will surprise you because of their low risk profile nature. Gone are the days when Senor Tropicana placed his balls on the cutting board, whilst speed chopping carrots. I can’t do that shit anymore. Look at this fucking YELP, cocksucker, dipping me in hot oil on a daily basis. God only knows what those animals will report on 5/2.

It’s time to slow the fuck down and quit the river boat gambling scene. Regrettably, this is not the time of year to bet big. We’re heading into the summer months, traditionally a fucked up time for stocks, so trade accordingly.

We are going to revolutionize the way content is delivered here within a day or two. This will vex many of you who are accustomed to the current design. But it’s for the better, trust me when I say that.

The new design will give more prominence to news and folks posting in the Blogger Network. If you want to be known, I strongly advise signing up and starting your own blog here on iBC.

The theme will be focus on freshness. Literally, out with the old and in with the new is coming here very soon.

Developing…

NOTE: This is a rough draft, without bells and whistles.

Nothing is really working, not even Kellogg’s. I bought some EXK this afternoon based upon SHOMP. Over the past 12 months, The PPT has been flawless in flagging oversold readings for EXK.

See for yourself.

It was small purchase, just 3% of assets. As you know, all of my investable dollars are tied up in YELP, CPST and WNR; but I am 50% cash. I’ve always said “this european shit scares me, it rattles my bones.” And it still does.

The idea of the euro collapsing is too much to bear, frankly. The thought of the entire financial system failing is at best cartoonish– totally devoid of reason, only equal to the declaration of war against magnificent northern masters by the original terrorists: the confederates, long, long ago.

My best guess says we gap lower tomorrow, pushing the weak into crevasses. Margin liquidations will be abundant, as Senor Tropicana follows through on his promise to purchase them!

Surprisingly, our markets are holding firm, following the nazi 3.3% wipe out today. The theory is Germany gets fucked when the euro collapses. Therefore, logic dictates, sell German stocks with reckless abandon.

Are you people out of your fucking minds?

Haven’t we seen this movie before? I know the ending. We get all jumpy, worried about the future of some fucking bozos in Madrid. Then at the last second, like magic, they get bailed out and the markets scream to new highs. Does anyone sincerely believe this will not happen?

But there’s a process, I know. So we need to sift through the horseshit and make believe the whole game isn’t rigged. Let’s just pretend this is capitalism and we’re just going to have to take the hits. Then when the pain gets too serious, we’ll call for a time out and ask for the remedy.

Into diving markets like this, I tend to gravitate towards gold/silver. I’ve been meaning to buy some for the past two weeks and prices have only gone lower. So I think I will buy a little EXK today, if only to feel as if I am doing something constructive with my life as a manager of money. I will buy a little and do so with great alacrity, starting now.

Europe is selling off panic mode style, following the collapse of the Dutch and French governments. I am sure their new governments will conform perfectly fine to their astute colleagues at the ECB. If not, I’m afraid their leaders will be in grave danger of assassination.

So we’re replaying the crisis in Europe again for the 5th time in two years. This version is about Spain and Italy, soon to be France, then finally Belgium, Czech and Germany. It’s about the entirety of the EU and the dastardly bastards who are forcing yields up will not let up until blood is flowing freely in the streets. With select European indices down 3% for the day, our markets are un- investable.

We’re going back to Jimmy Cramer’s DEFCON 2, the precipice of the end series, luxury edition.

I know this is all very singular, as just three weeks ago the markets were in cocaine heaven. But reality has interfered with the matrix and these pervasive issues are quite hard to sweep under the rug. What needs to happen is a great bond auction or some sort of policy statement out of the ECB alluding to their intent to backstop any and all EU debt. Providing we get that, this market will rip tits to the upside. Without it, we’re just gonna panic the fuck out of stocks into bonds again, like medieval macabres manning trebuchets outside the city of Calais.

I am pleased to be in a 53% cash position; but chagrined to be 47% long. Nevertheless, it’s only a matter of time before this market panic is met with a policy response, as it is demanded in order to keep the ponzi scheme running. Bank on that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TmmfFKpoRXI&feature=related

It’s important to remember– at all times– to avoid dealing with people from mountainous regions of the country. In Ecuador, these people are identified as “serranos.” They are a  mountain people, well known by the coastal crowd as “gratuitous potato eaters”; due to the poor soil quality, the knife wielding “serranos” are restricted to eating starch rich foods, like potatoes. They deal from trick decks and are generally a reprehensible people. After getting ripped off from a potato eating, goat fucking, mountain range illiterate, a person from Guayaquil might say: “see I told you not to do business with those fucking serranos, cabrón.”

With regards to society, social networking stocks have been getting hammered as of late (1-2 weeks). This is perfectly normal, as the fucktards who trade from trailer homes wash out, firm hands grab hold for the long term. Providing you are a GRPN or P investor, the long term is looking like an eternity right now. But, for the most part, the core lot of the social networking space has been a mixed bag over the past month.

Here are the winners and losers, courtesy of The PPT.

If you are curious about the results of YELP, motherfucker, it’s flat for the month, +1%. So quit getting all bitchy and shit, pondering about your financial future long a stock that has all but circle jerked over the past month. Sure, it would have been divine (no holy homo) to sell my fucking position when it was +50%; but I didn’t do that, so there’s no point in wallowing in the sewer water about it.

At the end of the day, we all get what we deserve. This has nothing to do with destiny, or other religious bullshit ideas. I am talking about Darwinism, the type of shit that shines the light in your fucking face and let’s you know you suck at baseball and will never make it to the pros. Most of you reading this gospel will not make it as an individual investor, either due to lack of depth in your resources or because you are retarded. Either way, your potato eating asses will come back here, to enjoy the splendour that is iBankcoin, bearing witness to the greatness that is “The Fly” and his holy disciples and army of skull cracking gentlemen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=xAl7zvdYKKk

If your stocks are languishing today, that’s because investors are, ever so quietly, shifting focus away from high growth into stodgy dividend payers and traditional businesses. At the moment, the whole “social scene” isn’t quite working. Oil and gas has been hit or miss; but CHD and KMB have been on steroids.

Going into the month of May, look for more of the same, as people move away from risk into reliable names, like K, GIS and KO. Now that I have more than 50% of my assets in cash, I intend to put my money where my mouth is and begin a campaign of buying some “stodginess” on Monday. In addition, the refiners are a go, providing Brent-WTI spreads can sustain $15, which I think can easily be accomplished.

I have to run along now but that’s where my mind is for the moment. PPT members can find my watchlist titled “Immediate buy list.”

Ciao (the most annoying form of goodbye)

This has to be the stupidest holiday, reminding people to be nice to the Earth and shit. What the fuck?! If I feel like throwing plastic milk cartons onto the side of the road, I will do so, regardless of Earth day. Fuck you Nanny state jackasses, always sucking the knobs of bureaucrats  who do nothing but send your sons into wars to be killed or maimed.

Fuck Earth Day.

Having said that, I do like the green natured folks over at CPST, them and their little turbines. If you have an interest, watch the CEO’s interview on Fast Money last night.

Futures are higher; but I don’t trust this market. The Euro is higher, but so are Italian and Spanish yields. Now I don’t want to stay in cash, unless it is absolutely necessary. In other words, I will be avoiding the comfort of the tall grass in exchange for the bank robbery scene, fully knowing I may get shot in the process.

More on this shit, and other stuff, later.

Shot out to Woodshedder, RC and the other southern plantation owners on this site.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfefScAfD6g

Thanks to the miraculous late day recovery of YELP, coupled with today’s moonshot of CPST, my losses were negligible. I sold out of 60% of my stocks when the market was up. In a way, today was a win, even though I lost.

The summer is around the corner and “The Fly” is hellbent on stepping up his game. I found a home worth renovating and my focus is now fixed on stocks. No distractions, nothing but me and the screen.

The CEO of CPST will be on Fast Money today. I suggest you watch that fucker spin his yarn. He is very persuasive. I am sure his presence will only help the cause for CPST longs. All in all, today was okay–only because of the late day surge. Other than that, AAPL is in sell mode and stocks are fucking suspect until Europe just tells everyone to “shut the fuck up, we’re gonna print new euros until we’re blue in the face!!!” (note 3 exclamation marks)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYNcBcDmFTs