You Pigged Out Kid

Stocks are lower, but nothing too dramatic. These sell offs are all too cliche. Just when you thought the market couldn’t go down, shouldn’t go down, wouldn’t go down, you get a pick ax to the cranium. BAM!

It’s important to note TLT is a non-stop ferris wheel of fun, firming up in the month of August because that’s what TLT does in August.  All of my positions are lower, except my HDGE hedge. Plus, my 35% cash position suits me just fine on days like today.

In short, nothing has been decided by the Fed. Therefore, it makes little sense to play Russian roulette with an automatic pistol here. Chill out, relax, and enjoy the bloodshed.

Yesterday I highlighted the honourably venerated “cock and balls” formation. As you can see here with this chart of TLT, way back in the early days of “hyper-inflation,” the cock and balls formation isn’t to be toyed with. Previous cock and balls formations have been seen and discussed on this blog, including WNR, LULU, VXX, YELP  and APKT (yesterday’s pick).

Tonight I bring you several cock and balls formations. Lucky you.

BEHOLD THE RESULTS OF The PPT‘s COCK AND BALLS FORMATION SCREEN:

(these are my picks)

The Cocks

ATML

AH

CCO

INFN

MANT

SFD

WNC

The Balls

MDVN

ATHN

COR

SBAC

N

FCF

DKS

PII

Tomorrow I will tell you which stocks posses both patterns.

NOTE: Which team are you on? (No homo)

I have been dealing with unbelievable problems with this new fucking home today, like you wouldn’t believe. Have you ever seen the movie “The Money Pit”? That’s my situation and I feel like committing arson because of it.

Stocks treaded water. But heavily shorted stocks like APKT, YELP and VHC splurged ahead, impaling shorts along the way.

We’re all worked up ahead of the Fed. You just know they will disappoint. It’s too goldilocks right now and I don’t believe in fairy tales. I should have sold some stocks today, but didn’t due to my fucking money pit. I need to make more money by focusing on the market, since I will be spending it all in the coming weeks and months ahead on this fucking house. I deeply regret not buying APKT, favoring the obscene ongoings of PPC instead. Nevertheless, hindsight is 20/20 and I have no complaints, being up almost  0.5% on a day when I expected nothing.

I’ll talk to you gents later when I cool down.

Even though I am cautious ahead of “The Hole,” I still believe this is a long only market. I’ve said that on several occasions. If you insist on having shorts, pair them with longs to accomplish neutrality.

With the market running again, despite my defensive nature, I’ve managed to gain nearly 0.3% intra-day, thanks in large part to LOGM and VHC. I should have purchased APKT yesterday. It had the look and still does.

I added to my meat trade, gobbling up shares of PPC like a turkey on bath salts. I am fairly certain PPC will be a winner. However, my position will be built slowly, as I enjoy to braise the shorts before eating them (no cannibalism).

YELP is a lunatic on the run, escaped directly from the asylum itself. I am speechless.

Last night I was going over Mrs. Fly’s portfolio, which consists of retail and restaurant names of her liking: absolutely outrageous.  I can tell you this for certain: she definitely knows her shopping. She’s a big fan of ULTA, SBH, TGT, COST, LTD,  FRAN,  KORS, AEO, CMG, AAPL–just to name a few. I queried her for beaten down plays, uninterested in chasing retail up here. The only stock she liked that was down is GES.

Top pick: Long the Bearded Clam

The market is flat and I am up a smidge. However, there is a lesson to be learned from today’s trading session in the shares of YELP.

All of you little creatures of the night, wannabe Einhorns and Ackmans, went short YELP ahead of the lock-up period expiring, which happens to be today. How do you feel about that now? The stock was down a dollar this morning, but then reversed– CONSTANZA STYLE– and is now murdering shorts by the dozen, up almost 4.

Nothing is a given, always remember that.

I have meetings today and will be checking in from time to time. I don’t anticipate much action ahead of the Fed.

You should take this time to stress test your portfolios and prepare for extreme volatility.

This portfolio was built by me (no Obama).

(In size order)

CASH

MCK

NFLX

HDGE

LOGM

Would you like to know what #6 and up is?

I bet you would.

Okay, I need to go buy a new fireplace, travertine and a little cultured stone. I’ve done plenty of damage to my “wait and see” mentality today, through aggressive buys. I still have a decent cash position and HDGE hedge; but I’ve squandered my neutrality because I am a fucking addict.

Naturally, before I put the pipe down, I will take one or two more tokes, buying some more LOGM. But then I am done for good, or for the day.

Truth be told, I can’t help myself.

I bought a little NAK, just in case Romney gets elected and shuts down the EPA. If you are unfamiliar with the story, go read about it. They have rights to mine in one of the largest copper/gold mines in the world; but the EPA is cock blocking them. Should Romney reign in the pigs over at the EPA, we will all get to enjoy black water and much higher stock prices in NAK.

My top five positions are MCK, VHC, NFLX, LOGM and HDGE.

http://youtu.be/qnOmOsQkyKE

I closed out a dark chapter in my life by selling out of MRVL. I lost 12% on the trade. More than that, I lost decency and honour amongst the top hatted gentlefolks at the local whole foods (a place where intelligent life beings congregate to discuss worldly matters, as well as purchase high quality foods).

So, I’ve made it my duty to redeem myself with three new buys, as well as an additional (FUCKING BONUS!!!) idea.

I bought PLCM, LOGM and PPC. The first two are value plays and the third is an egregious play on meat. Do you like meat?

Well, SAFM reported better than expected earnings today, buoying the whole sector. Mind you, this means great things for TSN, HRL, PPC and SFD, all plagued by the CORNACOPLYSE that has stricken them through drought.

I intend to make a great deal of money, or none at all.

Here is the FUCKING BONUS.

APKT is breaking out of a classic “cock and balls” formation and is now threatening to shower short sellers with fire. Keep a close eye on that one, as well as the names mentioned above–for they are built from win.

Europe is down between 0.5-1%, yet our futures are barely changed. There seems to be a complacency issue with American investors. It’s almost as if we’re all mesmerized by giant steaks, unable to sell stocks because we’re too hungry. You can focus on the elections, or The Jackson Hole; but I’m only interested in one thing.

Where will stocks be one month from today?

AAPL is worth nearly $700 billion. How fucking ridiculous is that? It’s cartoon-like, frankly.

I have a few stocks under $5 that I am watching closely. Other than that, I am in box-watch mode, waiting for Federal Reserve resolution this Friday. Without a doubt, the biggest winners in a QE3 environment will be basic material stocks. However, they’ve been dead in the water. It seems to me, at least in the short term, the risk is weighted to the downside.

When the clock strikes 3:10 am, the blogger network will be closed to new members. It’s not that I do not appreciate the drivel you pass off as commentary, but the proverbial line needs to be drawn somewhere.

This is not Seeking Alpha, where dickless vagabonds roam in search of attention, pumping and dumping without restrictions. This is iBankCoin, fuck ball, and I will not tolerate third tier shit.

After this evening, all new blogs will need to be manually approved by myself or another member of the legendary iBC board. If I was you, I’d take advantage of the generosity I am displaying by securing a blog tonight, even if you do not intend to use it immediately.

CLAIM YOUR VERY OWN IBC BLOG HERE.

Now that the iBC Blogger Network is being closed to the unwashed public, indefinitely, I envision active blogs will be sold in the black market for millions of dollars, sold to highest bidders at exclusive Sotheby’s auctions, alongside edible meats of near extinct animals and reptiles.