18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
I woke up to sheer nonsense this morning and that trend seemed to carry on through the day. Ludicrous plans were set in front of me, ideas that resembled nonsensical rabble–concocted by a crazy person. Normally, I fight lunacy tooth and nail. But, today, for whatever reason, I acquiesced.
I ended up driving Mrs. Fly & co. to the beach, knowing full well that the beach is an insane idea at 60 degrees inland, which translates to 45-50 degrees near the water. Mind you, the beach wasn’t for any human being–but for the fucking dog. I periscoped three videos of me walking the dog into the frigid waters. My day ended up at some greasy spoon eatery, where I shoveled greasy shit into my mouth, all the while double parked in my $85k vehicle.
Sometimes it’s important to allow people to make idiotic mistakes, in order to ensure dominance in the affairs of scheduling. Unfortunately for me, this will never happen and I can never cede control of the calendar. The struggle, gentlemen, is real.
So now I am back in my home office, perusing emails and getting ready for the final batch of Exodus beta trial invites. I have big plans for Exodus. Like I said, we’ve assembled a sales team to pursue RIAs and wealth managers. Any and all referrals are welcomed. Hit me up at [email protected].
Moving on, I am electing to eat nothing but greek yogurt for the next 16 hours, after today’s “meal.” My dog smells like a fucking sea monster and I have sand in my socks.
FML
Markets will go higher this week, because that’s what they do.
Holy shit this was a good movie. This was one of the first Kubrick movies that I watched after Barry Lyndon and had zero expectations. I thought it’d be dated, hammy, slapstick comedy, in the school of Jerry Lewis. But this movie is just as relevant and fresh today as it was when it was made, in 1964.
One of my favorite actors, George C. Scott, plays a lunatic general in this movie, not so different from the role he played in Patton, only with a lot more comedy. It’s interesting to note that this movie pre-dates Patton and might’ve been the reason why Scott was chosen for that glorious role.
Look you, don’t just take my word for it. Go rent the damned thing and enjoy the splendid horrors of imminent nuclear war.
I had an open forum on the Twitter, permitting the people a 5 minute window to ask me questions, to be answered here, on the blog, by yours truly.
Here goes.
@RaginCajun: Do you miss Staten Island? or prefer the country life in NJ? Favorite Rap song ever?
Answer: I fucking hated Staten Island. Each and every day I felt like killing people. That island is literally filled with the very worst people mankind has to offer. I’d rather live in Pakistan than Staten Island. My favorite rap song is this–
@Loomis66: Is Mrs. Fly talking to the housecleaners?
@Woodshedder: Why did the South lose the war of Northern Aggression?
Answer: Because they’re genetically inferior. The warmer climes, over time, warps the mind turns ordinary people into craven monsters. The brisk winds of the north preserve a man’s sanity and allow him to stay indoors and read, instead of racing through swamps attacking fish with crickets on the end of a fishing rod.
@Remixtrades: Favorite pizza place in NYC? BK specifically. Gracias
Answer: That’s a tough one. I’d go with Di Fara’s in Brooklyn. But the best pizza that I ever had is here, locally, a place called Nomad Pizza. If you’re ever in the Princeton area, give it a try.
Answer: Chuck Norris is old as shit. I’d break his jaw for him in 5 minutes flat.
@Btcoininformer: do you think more money can be made shorting overpriced stocks or going long and holding like you do?
Answer: Considering one can only make 100% in a super successful short, the answer is the latter. Buy and hold good stocks; behave like a human being and stop looking for signs that the world is ending.
Answer: I’m not sure what MFK means, since I do not practice acronyms like some of you younger punks. But I’m gonna blindly choose Mrs. Fly here.
@Kcsoultrain: Im sure my answer will be STFU, but what happen to the battle? The kids, think of the kids.
Answer: No idea what this means. Maybe this is a follow up. My kids always come first.
@lrrykeho: Do you think your anonymity makes you more powerful?
Answer: What is a name, after all? “The Fly” is a celebration to the glory of man–an epic chant of affirmation. To answer your question, watch this video.
@CoderTrader: when will you kickstart up-and-comers?
Answer: NEVER! I hate kickstarter. I want equity.
@WesStull: Biggest looming failure of a company due soley to the ass-hat who’s managing it
Answer: Big fan. I’d like to learn how to fly one so I could spray some gasoline on my neighbors homes and then shoot bottle rockets at them all day. Good times.
Answer: FEYE once raped me. I made about 12% on it in January and then fled like a little bitch, scared to be raped again. I would not buy it up here, mainly due to bad memories. I am long PANW.
Answer: I work out 4 times a week, have flat abs, and strong as shit muscles. I’m currently cutting and have lost about 10 pounds over the past 2 months. I intend to bulk after the summer.
@gregnb: feelings on 3D printers at this point $SSYS/$DDD and when is the last time you had to punch someones eyebrows clean off?
Answer: I was talking about SSYS today. The valuation is the cheapest in many years; but they’re still not making money. In a bull market that is 6 years old, people want companies generating free cash flow. If SSYS can start generating profits, the stock can go up 4x. I haven’t gotten into a really bad fist fight since yesterday.
@Voltefaceinvest: do you think the whole oil complex is oversold and bottoming as the lone sector in all markets that’s actually washed out?
Answer: I think the oil sector is grossly overvalued at this stage, post run up. People are half-retarded and are ignoring the fact that oil is down 50% in recent months. I prefer to be long airlines here, especially SAVE.
Answer: Great question. The smug answer is no, people are what they are and nothing can change that, which is 100% bullshit. I never apologize for my actions because I meant it when I did it–no matter how fucked up it was. You always have a choice. If you think life is pre-ordained or some sort of destiny awaits you, you are a moron and wrong.
Answer: Marketing bullshit. Wall Street will always be 1.0. While the faces and players might change, the rules will remain constant.
@Affluenzavirus: who wins the election in 2016? When will rates get hiked? Celebrity death pool?
Answer: Hillary will win. Rates will never go up. Not sure what a celebrity death pool is, but I like the sound of it.
@mcampbell839: Who would you Kill, Fuck and Marry-GO
Answer: Here’s a man who gets straight down to brass tacks. I’d kill Jihad John over and over again if I could. Since I am married, I am hesitant to answer the next two questions. However, since Mrs. Fly despises the site and never reads it, I’ll go with Charlize Theron and Charlize Theron, mixed in with a little Sara Rafferty.
Answer: My first website was called FlyonWallstreet. I went under the name “Broker A”. People just started to call me “The Fly.” I think Howard Lindzon might’ve been the first person to call me that, actually.
@WesStull: favorite stock for a year, 5 years, & 10
Answer: That’s a tough one. I am a big fan of casual dining. I think SHAK and HABT will be huge one day. However, I think television content is truly king and like AMCX here and over the next 5 years.
@DavidRamsey: is now a good time to buy gold and silver stocks?
Answer: It is NEVER a good time to buy gold/silver. Find better avenues to make money.
@TrentjSmalley: If programs and designations like CFP, CFA, CMT matter.
Answer: They matter if you’re in a corporate setting and need those titles to justify landing a billion dollar pension fund. However, for most people, all they care about is your ability to communicate clearly and make them money. I would never waste my time on those courses.
@TDLavergene: how margins will expand on gold miners since oil has fallen 50% vs gold!
Answer: Margins might improve, but not enough to offset the fuckery that persists in that space.
@AbiolaHP: deindustrialisation in Northern England
Answer: The world is changing and economies shift. Adjust or get left behind.
@Spyder_crusher: how to comport one’s self with dignity in a bull market
Answer: By reading my blog and giving thanks to my advocacy of such a market.
@Chris_Hadrick: how you would go about losing a vast fortune in todays bull market (without shorting)
Answer: Two reasons. 1. I used to run a moderately popular political blog and had assholes call my house and mail me shit. 2. There is power and a sense of liberation in being able to talk without having to account for them, personally. I am all about expression and transparency. However, when it comes to my creative writing and running the world’s finest finance blog ever known to mankind, one man cannot simply fill those shoes. It has to be an ideal, something more than a name. That person is “The Fly.”
@Kcsoultrain: you once said you would stop cussing, for posterity, for the kids.
Answer: Ah, here’s that guy from before. I actually went 1.5 years on the site without uttering a single curse. Since then, I’ve concluded that such restrictions only hurt my ability to communicate. I do not, however, post profanity on the headlines, something I used to do often in the old days. But, I think if done with style and a little creativity, words of a hugely profane nature can be fun to read. Did I answer your fucking question?
Fun day in Flyville, as I get to speak to my tax attorneys and corporate ball jugglers for the discount rate of $475 per hour. Now some of you midwesterners, persons living about parts of the country where flying over it is the single best characteristic to a person such as myself, $475 per hour is 100% tragedy. Often times I wonder if it’s cheaper to kill them. Nonetheless, “The Fly” remains compassionate in the face of never-ending assaults upon my castle.
Do you know why markets are up today?
Because they’re open (rim shot!)
Look you, life hasn’t always been this easy for me. I grew up on the sidewalk and had about 1 fistfight per week, hardly any of which were necessary endeavors. I am aggressively on the prowl at all times (no rapist). Right now I am in pursuit of happiness, which is very hard to attain, especially for a person, such as myself, who sees the very worst in mankind and clamors for an end of days scenario–catching people completely by surprise.
Nevertheless, I trot on–because that’s what I do.
Take everything away from me: my business, my house, car, valuables, this blog, The PPT, etc. and guess what? I’ll have all that shit back before you can scream “bloody murder.”
Why, how?
I have the toolset necessary to duplicate success, like a well oiled machine that only knows how to churn out money. Circumstance and “good luck” had nothing to do with my success. Zero doors were opened for me. I fucking kicked them shits down and hit everyone inside those rooms with gravity hammers, to get what’s rightfully mines.
Top picks: B. Fucking Gross as JNS, JAZZ and BITA.
I would make this war as severe as possible, and show no symptoms of tiring till the South begs for mercy.
-General William Tecumseh Sherman
Hello people south of the dixie! How yawl doin’ tonight? Today is the 150th anniversary marking the historic conclusion of America’s civil war, via THE SURRENDER AT APPOMATTOX.
“Sign that shit, bitch.”
After the civil war ended, the Northern Masters sent large armies to occupy, police and rebuild the southern states. In many of these states, most of which were ardently backwards and barbarically racist, Northern Masters educated the people how to pay others for work done on the farm. The south soon transformed from a slave state, of the old traditional Roman kind, to a capitalistic haven filled with craven bible thumping gun nuts.
To this day, people of northern persuasion chuckle at the south’s obsession with guns, knowing they didn’t know how to use them when it counted. Nonetheless, we are sure you did try hard to win the war– and meant no malice by enslaving an entire race of people for the purposes of profit. The bible isn’t very explicit in that regard and murder is certainly something that is condoned, especially if the cause is mandated.
At any rate, I am sorry to interrupt your festivities and your pledge of allegiance sleep over parties. However, as a citizen of the United States and proper gentleman from the north eastern corridor of this vast land, I wanted to thank you for surrendering and permitting my people to educate you and to join its armies for wars designed strictly for offensive purposes.
Now I will play you a song that your friends and family might like, ’round the olde dixie fireside.
The market is never, ever, ever going to go down. The best part of this market is knowing young punks, like many of your friends, are disinterested in the market. They’d rather snort cocaine and chew on viles of crack cocaine all day, instead of becoming a gentleman of ‘extreme vigor and substance.’
Listen to me. You’re embarrassing yourselves, at this stage in the game. “The Fly” reigns supreme over you ham and eggers and has a violent streak in him to track you down, isolate you, then toss you into a flaming volcano.
As an aside, I am pre-ordering Ben “smoking blunts while saving the planet” Bernanke’s new book, a memoir of sorts. It’s the least I can do, considering he saved the country and all.
Bottom line: you’re playing yourself and everything you’ve ever known about stocks is wrong. Very simply, fall in under the umbrella of my winship and embrace the fortitude that is extended to me by the Gods, both old and new.
I bought into DSKY today, not because I like the company or am a ‘fan’ of its business in the traditional sense. I simply have a habit of buying chinese burritos when they get hot. It’s like placing a burrito into a microwave and removing it when it beeps. By default, I buy these shit stocks when they go up.
Any of you pencil dicks make all but a peep when working in my boardroom, I will personally see to it that you are tied to a post and whipped until your spine breaks in half. Also, for the fuckers at PIMCO: all of your monies are now mine.
Janus Capital, formerly a shitpot cesspool for vagrants and neanderthals alike, now has the panache it needs to become a world class organization.
How you seen its shares recently? Quite nice, might I add.
I know the market is soft today and you’re like “where’s my fucking winship on this very day?” I invite you to exhibit a modicum of patience, young man.
The market is only flat for the year, all the while the homosexuals in europe are up double digits. The dog eaters in Hong Kong are up to tremendous levels, thanks to a recent law change in China, permitting further mutual fund investing in it. Who fucking knows about these asshole law changes in China and how it might affect investor behavior? When I sold out YY yesterday, as it was up 8, I felt a sense of escape from like a rape or something. I am so accustomed to be violently treated by Chinese burritos that I was unable to truly enjoy my magnanimous win.
I rolled into BITA, hoping for a repeat, which is a ridiculous idea in the first place. I do own BABA, another entity from the orient. But they are a real company with immense free cash flow. Simply put, if BABA doesn’t trade north of $100 inside of 6 months, I will build a bonfire from scraps of wood and old furniture, douse myself with citronella (I hate mosquitos), and then toss myself into it–live on Periscope!
The time to sell out of oil is now. Being proactive about a possible sentiment shift in May is what you’re paid to do, so start doing it.
I just got back from hell. I went to the Benzinga Fintech awards, in order to isolate all of my enemies in one room–just to peruse the place and see what my ‘competition’ had to offer. When I say ‘competition’, naturally, I mean it in the colloquial way–nothing at all formal. As a man who is aggressively pursuing his financial software destiny, one that is super-charged with the power of many thousands of race horses and other things equally as fast, I left that room feeling the same as I entered it–100% superior in every way humanly possible.
The highlight of the event, by far, was Josh Brown, aka The Reformed Broker. He must’ve been hammered while up there–because he was annihilating anyone who came close to him in laugh out loud fashion. If we do an iBC conference this year, I am going to pay him several bags of gold coins and at least 40 camels to host it.
By the way, I am 100% sure the help was spitting in the food. I refrained from eating any of it.
Moving on, I was there with several decoys, persons who may or may not be me. So if you thought you met me and had a nice time chatting, think again–it’s entirely possible you were talking to my stunt double.
The hell I speak of was on the ride home, one designed in the fiery pits of hades itself, forged in middle earth and delivered to me in the form of the Holland Tunnel. It was so tragic and heinous, I am electing not to speak of it any further.
But guess what? The markets are going higher again and I keep making grandiose amounts of coin, the sort of money you smack people in the face with. Dare I say, even MOAR winship awaits us?
FYI: Another 50-100 Exodus beta trials are going out today. Thus far, reviews have been flattering and very helpful. Thank you.
