Egg Prices Hit Record Highs, Just in Time for Halloween

I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, there wasn’t any trick of treating taking place in my neighborhood. We’d put on Jason masks and fill book bags with dozens of eggs and then attack other blocks with a maelstrom of poultry embryos that were so plentiful: they’d blot out the sun.

We’d also take shaving cream bottles and attach RAID bug spray caps to them, or aerosol caps, to make the shaving cream spray far and wide, so that we could destroy people with it. Back in my days (extra 80s), eggs were cheap. We didn’t give a shit about them. We’d hit people in the heads with them, and then laugh.

Nowadays, eggs are like caviar, expensive and rare. Thanks to exotic animal diseases, effectively wiping out 50 fucking million chickens this year, egg prices are through the roof– up 52% from the lows of 2015.

Get this, egg prices rose 32% in June alone, and now stand at the absurd price of $2.97 a dozen.

Fuck.

If I was a kid preparing for halloween now, my mother would smack me in the mouth if I asked for 3 bucks so that I could crack some eggs over Joey’s face.

The best way to play this is via CALM. Look at the profit ramp.

Stay $CALM and eat eggs. Sorry I had to say it.

It’ s the country we love to hate. We teach our children to want to fight wars with them, to conquer their ancient cities. Now we are going to buy their stocks.

According to the Gods of Seasonality, there is no better month than October to be long Chinese stocks. Have a look.

See, only eccentrics like me have this data, because I cordoned off ALL chinese stocks and created my own basket: the Chinese Burritos. I did this years ago…before it was popular. Inside Exodus, all members are entreated to view, and to trade at their leisure, the burritos. I usually conjoin my trading of the burritos with a few wanton lies, just to set the mood, to be more authentic with the host country.

Here are most of the stocks, sorted by market cap.

Naturally, my top pick, as well as largest holding, is BIDU– “the Chinese Google”. (lolz)

The EIA just came out with a report that said wee enjoyed a build of 7.56 million barrels of oil, FOR THE WEEK. Consensus was for 2.2 mill.

We all accept this news as par for the course. Which fucking course are you living on? In my world, I can’t fathom who is collecting all of this oil, and why?

Clearly demand isn’t this erratic, so it means the oil was over-supplied. Well…why?

I’ll sit here and wait for answers.

In the meantime, stocks are up. My BIDU is looking good.

iBankCoin has dedicated itself towards the dissemination of news and opinion since 2007. Over the years, I’ve permitted my caprices with the written word to take me off track from time to time, in order to indulge myself and vent and laugh and cry. With the new redesign of the site, I’ve decided to redouble my efforts in provided news and opinion that I would want, providing I wasn’t so damned jaded.

I am sure you’ve noticed a great change in the amount of content coming out of iBC. The bloggers are working tirelessly, toiling away in dark dungeons, to provide you, the reader class, with information that you can use to eventually bankrupt yourselves. On the front page, you will notice a “Breaking News” box filled with headline news. That station is manned by myself and two others, pretty much 20 hours per day. You can follow it on Twitter @iBC_FN, or keep refreshing the screen here at iBC. It’s free and does just as good a job as many paid services.

Markets are higher, early going. But I don’t trust it. The dollar is strong. Crude is weak. And the Yen is tricky.

Nevertheless, Exodus flagged oversold yesterday, so I’m inclined to bet we bounce hard soon.

Get your Exodus free trials now. Email [email protected] for an unfettered look under the hood of the single best market intelligence platform on the market today.

This is unbelievably ridiculous. The GOP are 100% hell bent on destroying the country…in order to “save it.”

“The trend in our projected net resources has continued to be negative,” Lew said. “I respectfully urge Congress to take action as soon as possible, raise the debt limit without delay, and remove an unnecessary threat to our economy.”

According to Lew, the government is pulling in far less money than previously expected (extra recession), which is why the deadline has moved up. After the deadline is reached, the government will have about $30bill left in the bank, far less than what is needed to run the government on a day to day basis.

Daily governmental expenditures often reach $60bill per day.

Great, mark that date on your calender boys and girls. Fucked.

Futs up 13, Europe through the fucking roof, dollar up 0.58% v euro, oil down, gold up, any questions?

Higher

Earnings on roids: DXCM +13.9%, TTM +6.9%, XLNX +5.1%, UN +4.9%, MTG +3.2%, PM +1.8%, UNH +1.2%.

Euro-trash stocks trading up: SNY +3.5%, GSK +1.4%, SHPG +1.4%… Other European names higher with strength in overseas trading: SDRL +4.4%, ARMH +3.5%, ASML +2.1%, SAP +1.4%.

Enter the Casino, the House Always Wins: LVS +4.7%, WYNN +4.3%, MGM +3.5%

TTHI +30.6%; reports study for Alzeimer drug), RXII +11.1%; phase 2 nonsense, FBP +10.5% (mystery), GSVC +9.6%; this company is a total piece of shit, BOFI +8.9%; after 30% decapitation, it bounces),MBI +5.5%; the Puerto Ricans talk to treasury over a plate of plantains, OPK +3.9%; CRAMER PUMP, UTEK +3.2%; who cares?, PBR +2.8%; executive board shenanigans, ZFGN +2.2%; applying vise to short sellers, CCL +1.9% (mystery), OFG +1.9%; Puerto Ricans talk to treasury over plate of pastelles, AFMD +1.6%; investor bought more, UTHR +1.6%; board approves to waste $500mill on buy back,  SNDK +1.5%; momo, MXIM +1.1%; merger rumors

C up 3%; crushes estimates

Analyst horseshit: AZN +1.6% (added to Europe strong cock List at BofA/Merrill), NMBL +0.9% (initiated with an totally erect at Barclays), FB +0.9% (upgraded to hard from flaccid at Argus), CSCO +0.6% (initiated with an Fantastic at Barclays), AAPL +0.4% (initiated with an This is a Good Company at Barclays.

Lower:

Abysmal earnings, truly shameful: IMPR -25.8% (every bank under the sun downgraded these clowns), QUIK -15.5%, MTW -12.6% (also downgraded to piece of shit at Stifel, to OMG this sucks at Robert W. Baird), GRMN -10.6% (no one buys their crap anymore; this isn’t 2005), HCA -10% (Obama-care fail) NFLX -4% (blame it on the rain), GS -1.5%, JAH -0.7%, (share offering).

CXRX -10.9%; the news is they suck,  THC -9.5% (Obama-care still sucks), VRX -7.5% (discloses it recently received a subpoena from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for ripping off sick people), CYH -6% (Obama care still sucks), YGE -3.6% (chillaxing after yesterday’s 25% rippage), LSCC -2.6% (shitcanning a bunch of people), TEX -1.5% (because MTW sucks), WMT -0.9% (everyone hate them, literally)

Analyst circle jerk: XRX -0.8% (initiated with an offal at Barclays), NTAP -0.4% (initiated with an garbagio at Barclays

That title came off a little racist, calling them “The Asians.” But I promise you, I meant it in the least hostile of ways. After all, some of my largest positions are Asian (BIDU).

Following America’s shit-filled session, Asia took the torch and burned down the fucking short sellers with it.

China is +2%, Hang Seng is up 2%, NIKKEI is +1.2%. It’s a good day to be Asian today.

Both European and U.S. futures are up 0.6%. But you know how that shit works, men lazily clad in pajamas fucking around with the computers, making things go crazy. I’ll believe the U.S. market will go higher after I see it close higher.

Of course the big story is the dollar, weaker again versus the euro. Should it break $1.15, I suspect you’ll start to hear rumblings about it, which might stoke the flames of many a beaten down commodity stock.

REMINDER: We are doing free trials for Exodus this week. Email [email protected] for access.

Jack Dorsey is going to be CEO of two publicly traded companies once Square IPOs. A little daylight on Square.

They suck and hemmorage money. Annual losses are in the range of $150 million. Combine that with the hundreds of millions Twitter loses and you have the world’s biggest money loser in @Jack (the fuck).

via the S-1 out tonight:

Our business has generated net losses, and we intend to continue to invest substantially in our business. Thus, we may not be able to achieve or maintain profitability.
We generated net losses of $85.2 million, $104.5 million, and $154.1 million in 2012, 2013, and 2014, respectively. As of December 31, 2014, we had an accumulated deficit of $395.6 million. For the six months ended June 30, 2015, we generated a net loss of $77.6 million. As of June 30, 2015, we had an accumulated deficit of $473.2 million. We intend to continue to make significant investments in our business, including with respect to our employee base; sales and marketing, including expenses relating to increased direct marketing efforts, referral programs, and free hardware and subsidized services; development of new products, services, and features; expansion of office space and other infrastructure; expansion of international operations; and general administration, including legal, finance, and other compliance expenses related to being a public company. If the costs associated with acquiring and supporting new or larger sellers materially rise in the future, including the fees we pay to third parties to advertise our products and services, our expenses may rise significantly. In addition, increases in our seller base could cause us to incur increased losses, because costs associated with new sellers are generally incurred up front, while revenue is recognized thereafter as sellers utilize our services. If we are unable to generate adequate revenue growth and manage our expenses, we may continue to incur significant losses and may not achieve or maintain profitability.

If it’s of any comfort to you, the company just raised $150 mill on October fucking 5th, from the government of Signapore. Before that, they were strapped for cash, dying on a vine, and speculated to be up for sale.

Why?

Because Square isn’t a real business. Apple Pay and Paypal will eat them whole like a fucking leviathon.

I am sure the stock will rocket on its first day of trade. After all, Goldman Ball Sachs is an early investor. VCs want the fuck out of this and @Jack is looking to become a very wealthy man.

The point: if given the opportunity, sell short Square whenever possible. Trading at twice the valuation of Paypal, losing money like morons, this unicorn is destined for the tech ipo trash heap, like ETSY, TWTR, YELP and so many others.

Another day passes by, another day of wasted time. Having lasted in this racket for almost two decades, I can tell you there’s never been a boring day. It’s a non-stop drama, with a comedy of errors, full set of changeable actors (although their roles are always the same), and the sacrificial lamb, who offers himself up to the market as a token of selflessness to help all others succeed.

People like to fade each other. “Look at that Fly guy, he’s buying BIDU. Let’s go fucking short it then blow up an animal hospital.”

Do not discuss the Yen and how it threatens Japan, as it is only up 1% for the month. Moron. Do not discuss how WMT is a harbinger of doom. They are a welfare state. I am not here to discuss the merits of the economy, for I know it sucks.

Case in point, look at the pin action in the homies over the past month.

I only care about the next trade, the remainder of October. You can keep the rest. We have NASDAQS to recover. I can’t wait to see you drown.

NOTE: We’re doing free trials this week for Exodus. Judging by this tape, you might catch one of our lauded OS signals. Email [email protected] for credentials.

Two of our beloved Dow 30 stocks are being dismantled today. One is down because they outfit themselves as a government DMV office, masquerading as a general goods store, who only employs former inmates and persons on the dole. You will never, ever, find a helpful person there and often will find employees listening to loud music, stealing food, and have a joyous occasion amongst each other.

The other is an airplane maker who has been trying to making a flying fortress (extra spruce goose!) for as long as I can remember. Delta came out and talked shit about it today, so, naturally, the stock is down 5%.

Aside from that, it’s a benign day, with the NASDAQ down about 0.3%. It’s the never ending grating of the soul that hurts the most, the animals spirits being snuffed out with the realization that we will never enter a bull market again. The great elixir of all things, easy money, is desired by all nations. Therefore, as logic dictates, when all want something, no one will get it.

I’m still holding onto my positions. My top three are BIDU, GILD and SLCA. What else am I supposed to do? I sit here. I brood. I lose money. I plot revenge.