Here Come the Margin Clerks

Brokers are idiots, in general. Seriously, I know like 2 people who have skirted this meltdown unscathed. Many of these series 7 Gods of finance are heavily margined and are praying for a dog bone or a rally, to bail them out. Unfortunately, they are unable to withstand the market fuckery and are forced to blow out of Chesapeake Energy Corporation [[CHK]] and other asshole stocks, at very low prices.

It’s typical for these men of money to wait until the end of the day to sell. That’s when the margin clerk comes into their office and throws hot coffee on their necks for not selling the day prior.

From 2-4pm, expect the market to get raped, until it doesn’t, due to margin call selling.

Also, unfortunately, since we have failed to rally, expect the market to fuck itself tomorrow, as it does on every Friday. Who knows what will happen over the weekend?

Ooh, scary.

Best case scenario:

We flush out today and tomorrow, then run higher first thing next week.

Worst case scenario:

We are met with multiple bankruptcies Sunday night, sending the Dow reeling to 7,000.

Place your bets.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $31.03.

I am hearing a lot of “we’re going to zero” jargon these days. All of my ‘smart friends’ have been wiped out, under a pile of equity shit and now fear for God and Country. After all, the country of Iceland is going out of business.

Don’t you find it amusing that news actually means something these days? I mean, I remember getting all pissed off and shit a few months ago, over the markets reluctance to acknowledge bad news. Now you Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] fuckers are in a grave. I wish you no luck.

However, at the same time, I am looking for a little bounce action in the banks, via being long egregious quantities of [[UYG]] .

During today’s tape, I’ve been adding to UYG and [[TBT]] , while selling Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

Without a doubt, should the market get back to normal, TBT will sprint higher.

As an aside, “The Fly” is about to go to Dunkin’ Donuts for a little “coffee fun.” But, as many of you know, I am embarrassed to be seen in such a grotesque place, which doubles as a hangout place for blue collar jerkoffs, who drive in police cars and build homes. So, I’ve decided to stand outside and ask someone to buy me a “cup of Joe” (blue collar slang), sort of like how teenagers ask adults to buy them beer. As always, I will be disguised under hat and fake mustache.

Here’s my pitch: “Hey you, do me a favor ova here, take this 5 dollars and buy me a cup of Joe. You can keep the change, ova here.”

Top pick: TBT

The pungent smell of death is in the air. All of a sudden, people are panicked about the prospects of Ford Motor Company [[F]] and General Motors Corporation [[GM]].

Shocker.

There are incoherent calls for a market crash and the banks are doing their part to support such theories.

Personally, I feel like a jackass getting long [[UYG]] . But, my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] positions, so far, have cushioned the wrongness of my banking mishap.

Aside from [[UYG]] , which I think is a must own here, I do like commodity stocks for a trade.

By the way, the dry bulk shipping rates hit another new low. On any turn, get long [[SEA]] for a little shipping fun.

Finally, I spit on people who are piling into bonds at these levels. I am very close to initiating a short position on treasuries, via [[TBT]] or [[PST]] . Yields are at historic lows. One would have to be a fucking asshole to think there is meaningful upside to bonds.

I say short them.

UPDATE: I bought 100,000 [[UYG]] @ $9.85.

UPDATE II:I bought 5,000 [[TBT]] @ $59.92

While it’s true, it appears we are doomed to repeat the asshattery of our Grandfathers. It’s also true, the stock market doesn’t have to go down another 50% this week.

We’re down 14% inside 5 days. I hate charts. I know they’re for morons. For example: how many of you bowling alley lovers got flamed going long when the Vix hit 45 again? But, how much lower would you grave diggers like the market to go?

I guess the decision at hand is: will the financial system melt down, right now? Not in 1 month or 1 year. Right now. That is exactly what the market is telling us.

However, things are being muddied by hedge funds folding, mutual funds tax loss selling and people panicking to blow out of their bullshit 401k plans, because of the mass hysteria in the media. Call me a mentally ill gorilla gone apeshit if you must, but I like to buy when blood is in the streets.

If you have heavy losses, I suggest selling everything and starting new. Nothing clears the mind more than having a clean slate. It will empower you to make smart decisions, instead of worrying about the same garbagio that has been punching you in the scrotum for the past year.

If that means selling Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] down at these levels, so be it. The name of this game, as always, is still stay in it. Because once you are out, it’s very hard to get back in.

NOTE: Bill Miller from Legg Mason, Inc. [[LM]] is still the worst investor on the globe.

I must admit, I did not see that coming. What was that, 300 points down in 15 minutes? People are just getting banged out, via egregious margin clerks.

Maybe the world is ending after all?

Brutal.

I ended up losing some coin in [[UYG]] , but did alright in The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[DIG]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

The only thing left to do is chase the rabbit down the hole, if needed.

Thank God for ample cash supplies.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXpBugFT7R8 450 300]

I made my bed; but I will not lay in it. I’ll just stand around it and admire its perfect symmetry.

I have zero interest in the moonstruck intra-day fluctuations of the market. I am not a day trader; but it’s worth noting, I could do it if I wanted.

Again, the world is ending, until it doesn’t. You can fuck around with short sales, amidst epic valuations, or you can man up and think clearly.

Don’t believe for one second we are going lower. Tell those naysayers “Dear Sir, fuck you and your Mother.” If you close your eyes real tight, all of  your wishes will come true, sort of like fairy tales with dragons and magic dust and shit.

“The Fly” is leaving, victorious once again.

In my truancy, be sure to be cordial to one another and NEVER click on my ads. I could get in trouble for that.

TED spreads easing. The Fed and Co. are on the ball. Fear for God and Country is rampant in the American psyche.

This is perfect.

Originally, I was going to get all flaky on you pikers and go small. I changed my mind.

I am buying buckets of The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , [[DIG]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , [[UYG]] and Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] .

However, I will not put both balls on the line today, just one.

I will keep my cash position at 30%, until I run across more celestial buys.

I bought 20,000 The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $35.13.

Disclaimer: If you buy MOS because of this post, your dog will bite your balls clean off. And, you may lose money.

While it’s true, markets usually bottom after such severe beat downs; oddly enough, it’s not happening.

Energy stocks are getting mauled to death, as if their lines of credit have been cut off.

Hmmm.

The credit default swap market is 64 trillion big, larger than all the worlds economies combined, yet it remains entirely unregulated. That makes no sense. And, to make matters worse, only 10% of swap owners actually own the underlying notes.

Some economists say it’s all air. One big disaster waiting to happen.

Did you know a version of cds’s were banned back in 1909, due to the market makers inability to prove it wasn’t gaming?

Look, all I can tell you is the market is setting up for a “classic bottom,” during “non-classic times.”

Just know, I have put my buys on a scale, considering the knifing action. For National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , I will buy a certain amount every 3 points. For [[UYG]] , I will buy a certain amount every point.

Finally, I am shocked to see Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] back down to these levels. Those idiots made a mammoth mistake by waiting to raise capital. The the stock was in the high 30’s, last week.

To sum things up, until this storm passes, I will hold a 50% cash position, 4% gold [[DGP]] , and begin to allocate the rest into egregious longs. I cannot justify selling short down at these levels.

These are trying times and “The Fly” is here to pawn them.

UPDATE: TED spreads have reversed and are easing here. Get long something, you pussies.