GLORIOUS MONSTROSITIES

Isn’t it odd that Goldman ups Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] to its “Conviction Buy List” going into April? Gee folks, I find it incredibly odd, considering SWN has been down one April out of the past 21. What does that mean?

Answer: we are in a perpetual loop, repeating the same events—mistakes and all—and we don’t even know it. I am sure the Goldman analyst had no idea SWN is 20 out of 21 in April, but felt compelled to upgrade anyway.  Or, perhaps an advanced race of aliens (not the sort that swims into America) are using our brains, via remote access, as some sort of sick/twisted science project. Maybe, just maybe, they are filming this stuff and broadcasting it back home—as a giant realty show.

Nevertheless, I feel compelled to ignore today’s rally. I am impressed with the Chicoms today, especially [[HEAT]] and [[SORL]] . And, I’ve been reading up on Mellanox Technologies, Ltd. [[MLNX]] and find myself fighting the urge to buy the stock, right here, right now. My current positions are doing great, particularly POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] and Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] .

Natural gas is cheap as fuck. Write that down and remember to start nibbling at some natty stocks soon, prior to the summer hurricane bonanza begins!

While most of you end your quarters in complete disgrace, “The Fly” will enter Q2 a winner. Some of my enemies are running full speed right now, heading for brick walls—hidden behind large caches of dynamite. It is true, my life is not as fun as it used to be, like back in the ol’ “orange days” of ’06, when I’d drink excessive quantities of Monster Energy Soda and devoured oversized portions of greasy chicken wings. With age comes grace: and with grace comes outright indignation—stemming from the lack of panache exhibited by my lesser equals.

Doing what I do, day in and day out, is rather monotonous: talk to people, deny new clients, fire old ones, make a ton of money—repeat over and over again until I cry.

Life as I know it is changing on a daily basis. Some things are rising in value, while others plummet, with regards to the things I like to do of course. As you can tell, I like throwing flaming barrels of garbage, onto the internets, just to see the reaction from some of the stiffly starched characters out there. I will not name names, since it never has been my style; but most of you finance bloggers out there are as exciting as a ham bologna sandwich—not even the good stuff.

Into quarter end, I might as well hold my risk-free position, just in case the “cocaine crowd” decides to take profits.When investing in stocks, always remember to expect the most retarded events to strike, whenever you least expect. You will be going about your business, then BAM, clubbed over the head with the spastic retard stick—sending your bullshit Think and Sink account seaworthy.

In summary, I’ve been eating extraordinarily well, as of late. I’ve all but eliminated fatty foods from my diet and laugh at sugar, whenever it asks me to eat it. I’ve lost  a rather unwarranted 20 lbs. in recent months, allowing Dr. Neutraility to poke even greater fun at the oversized fat horde. Oh, and aside from that, I’m up about 12% for the quarter.

It’s no surprise to know that many of you visit Dr. Neutrality’s blog exclusively, effectively ignoring the market mastery of the other iBankCoin bloggers. In your giant sized heads, you figure “Fly makes me laugh. I like to laugh. Therefore, there is no need to read anyone else.” While I appreciate your sentiments and generally agree with that “way of life,” if you are interested in enhancing your investment experience, you are definitely doing yourself a disservice by ignoring our other bloggers.

Here are some of the recent picks by some of our other bloggers.

Henry Fool

Shutterfly, Inc. [[SFLY]] +47%

IMAX Corporation (USA) [[IMAX]] +32%

Jakegint

Veeco Instruments Inc. [[VECO]] +27%

Cree, Inc. [[CREE]] +36%

Scott Bleier

Kulicke and Soffa Industries Inc. [[KLIC]] +43%

Century Aluminum Company [[CENX]] +34%

Danny

[[HSNI]] +20%

[[VHC]] +18%

Chart Addict

American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] ridiculous day trade

[[SOMX]] 75% (another ridiculous day trade)

Ragin Cajun

[[DCTH]] +19%

Callon Petroleum Company [[CPE]] +21%

Woodshedder

Too lazy to respond to my email. It’s a southern thing.

Gio

Sirona Dental Systems, Inc. [[SIRO]] +18%

Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] +68%

Coming from someone who has been around countless traders/investors, just going about my day to day business, I can say—hands down— iBankCoin has the best group of traders ever assembled on these here internets. With regards to this market: the prospect of World War III cannot derail the Godly robots from Goldman. Obviously, I am simply wasting time in cash.

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Not to be confused with Rocky III, the great mother-fucker of all wars is upon us. As a result of North Korea’s “uncivil disobedience” to Obama’s health care bill, we shall send 10 aircraft carriers to their bullshit country and sink it (the entire fucking country). We will give those fuckers the “Atlantis treatment,” whereby their part of Korea is “sawed off” and tossed into the Ocean, alongside the Titanic (I’m fully aware that both respective entities reside in separate bodies of water). In the future, people will wonder about “North Korea” and tell stories about how people, crazy people, used to live there until Mother Earth swallowed it into her bosom.

As you know, with my money, I’m all defensive and shit, waiting for the opportunity to buy your future margin call.

It’s like the 1930’s all over again, yo. Let’s all get onboard naval ships and storm beaches filled with busy turrets.

The amazing thing about this rally, this ongoing rally, is the amount of damage that is being done to the bears. Look, at this point, I fucking hate the market; but that’s only because it is not doing what I want it to do. Well, I need to get used to the fact that the market doesn’t give a shit about what I think. We are trading in some real high level bullshit now and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

I am just so very fortunate that I wasn’t brave enough to short stocks a few weeks ago. Sure, I missed out on some nice melt ups. But, you have to admit, the people who are telling you to “just buy and go to sleep” are mentally ill. It’s almost as if they believe we should go back to all-time highs. Hell, what the fuck am I talking about? That’s exactly what these asshats think: we’re going back to all-time highs.

Do yourself a favor, don’t try to time the top with shorts. If you are nervous, go to cash and eat a sandwich. I am fairly certain that I will be shorting stocks, within a week or so. However, I will not do so without seeing downward momentum or sound advice from one of the shadows near my favorite urinal.

In short, God loves the New York Yankees and stocks. Betting against either has resulted in a lot of foreclosed homes.

Quick note: quit bitching about yields lifting off the floor. Considering how retarded this economy is, we are blessed with incredibly low rates. For those of you who believe rates are about to take off, you need to go fuck yourself with some sort of poisonous cactus. That shit isn’t happening, when you have double digit declines in commercial construction.

Once the big auctions are out of the way, yields will settle down and we can get back to the business of stock market manipulation.

As for the Greek bailout: what a joke. They need to cut spending by 25% or face default. They will not be able to grow out of this hole and any short term funding, from the EU or IMF, will only serve as a bandaid solution. Spain is next.

Step into the crevasse.

You little chinese hat wearing motherfuckers will feel the sharp end of my blade, soon enough. It’s not important that I make money, per se, in [[TLT]] . I want to explain something to you, very slowly, as if you were a retarded giraffe.

See, [[TLT]] is a holding cell for my millions. Instead of leaving it in a bullshit money market account, doing dick, I own lots of treasuries, spitting out a .38 divvy monthly. The fact that it went down a buck or so, over the last two weeks, is not relevant. I lose a buck on $3 stocks; this is simply child’s play. I endeavor to buy your margin call. I see the future and it looks grim for people of your ilk. You are chasing, mind you, purple dragons and yellow elephants, when in fact THEY DON’T EXIST.

The whole premise behind my TLT position is government control. I am relying on their ability to keep rates low, in order to keep the game going. That game I speak of pertains to securities manipulation on a grand scale, the largest ever known in the history of exchanges. If they are successful, we shall see lower stock prices, which in turn will motivate money managers to participate in treasury auctions—effectively keeping a lid on rates.

My [[VXX]] position is nothing more than a hedge against certain longs.

Back to my cup filled with black smoke.

As I sit here, in my car parked in neutral, I sip from a cup brimming with black smoke. Looking into my cup, I see little men, running around with Chinese hats on, praising the communist regime and all of their fuckery. I drink them up.

I see old fuckers in wheel chairs, hitting young kids with hard canes, because they were laughing too loud. I drink them up.

In my cup brimming with black smoke, I see piker brokers calling their clients, suggesting purchase of lunatic stocks that are up only 200% over the past 6 trading sessions. I drink them up.

I see stupid bloggers, who pretend to be meaningful, offer financial advice to space alien magicians. I drink them up too.

See folks, “The Fly” wins all the time, even during periods of neutrality. He might take a few weeks off of his winship space shuttle. But, ultimately, he wins and does so with swagger.

More on this later.