Making Up For Yesterday’s Transgressions

I hope you enjoyed our little April Fool’s day prank. So you know, iBC will always observe April Fool’s day with the same seriousness and dedication as Christmas.

God has ordered the market higher today, to make up for yesterday’s sins. The data was fine, yadda,yadda, yadda.

Back to my positions.

Finally, the funding crisis for Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is over, albeit with horrendous terms. However, they now have a lifeline through 2012 (just in time for the end of the world). There is absolutely no reason, whatsoever, for the stock to remain in the 1’s. With the new cash, the company can focus on its chemicals and drilling parts businesses.

Out of my longs, I favor [[CBD]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] and Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] the most, based upon valuation. My [[TLT]] position just paid another .38 divvy and [[VXX]] is the biggest piece of shit known to mankind, even more so than [[SRS]] .

It’s April! The sun is out and the trees are fixing to drive people crazy, via egregious bouts of allergy attacks. Seasonally speaking, Weatherford International Ltd. [[WFT]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] , Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] , Ultra Petroleum Corp. [[UPL]] , Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] , amongst others, should outperform over the course of the next 30 days. Somehow, someway, I will put my pessimism aside and add a few positions to my current “pastiche.”

BREAKING: After being escorted from the iBC HQ, Mr. R.W. Pelican was seen partaking in the most egregious actions possible.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arpIBn7AH_0 616 500]

You’re fucking fired.

Reason: Ruining April Fools’ day, amongst other abominations.

Developing…

I really need to get something off my chest. You stupid fuckers on twitter make me want to go out with flamethrowers, throw sauce on people, then start some “Q-ing.” Some of you are pretty good and deserve to gloat a little, especially if that means making others look stupid. However, the large majority of you are fucking retarded goat fuckers— who thought Ford Motor Company [[F]] was “cheap” at $14 and BSC was a “steal” at $99.

STOP GIVING REASONS TO BUY STOCKS. Don’t you fuckers get it? It does not matter. Does it make sense that Clean Energy Fuels Corp. [[CLNE]] is pole-vaulting higher everyday or Massey Energy Company [[MEE]] or Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] ?

Answer: of course not.

Stocks are nothing more than “trading shells” these days. The good shells are favored by the investment community, while the bad shells are spit upon. Fundamentals do not matter, when banks are permitted to hide their losses and inflate their gains. So, the next time you find yourself sucking your own cock, for nailing a trade, give proper thanks to the real dick-suckers at some of our largest investment banks.

On a side note, [[TLT]] is trading strong, ahead of the monthly dividend. And, going with the Obama drilling initiative, take a look at some drilling plays.

UPDATE: Dog versus Cop car

I’ve been in executive meetings all morning with Mr. R.W. Pelican, discussing the current state of iBC affairs and how it correlates with the delivery of fresh fish in Manhattan. Being CEO of iBC Security Forces, Mr. R.W. Pelican has taken it upon himself to implement some “sweeping changes” to the iBC “look and feel.”

As you know by now, our liberal President wants to partake in offshore drilling, further solidifying my belief that George Bush and Barack Obama are actually the same person, disguised using alien space masking technology. Is it really so unbelievable?

With the bad ADP data this morning, expect the market to go up another 40-45 points today, as it is God’s will. God loves three things: the Yankees, Goldman Sachs’ trading robots and organic arugula. Prove me wrong.

How much should the market be down today?

Answer: anywhere between 150 and 900 points. Nevertheless, get your dumbasses in line for your daily 40.

Courtesy of The PPT, here is a screen that produced some institutional favorites, measured by the net number of shares purchased by institutions, with market caps over $5 billion and forward PE’s over 25 aka “leadership” or fat and rich pigs.

No.	Ticker	Net shares bought/sold (by Institutions)	Market Cap	Forward PE
1	CCI	11,586,382	11,036,354,288	282.23
2	WYNN	4,831,776	9,475,326,265	121.77
3	C	246,828,126	119,376,215,807	58.14
4	HOT	2,435,358	14,694,073,419	56.64
5	RRC	3,395,166	7,471,740,657	54.80
6	AMZN	1,976,670	60,067,115,243	53.70
7	SHLD	1,648,476	12,601,890,952	49.62
8	BIDU	1,871,057	20,686,738,835	49.23
9	AMT	3,390,337	17,222,172,590	48.76
10	GOLD	4,270,152	6,186,972,921	46.16
11	LVS	3,813,062	14,434,668,956	43.89
12	PCAR	5,018,168	15,977,236,580	40.75
13	VMW	3,098,306	5,638,154,427	38.51
14	GG	2,114,319	27,483,426,960	37.82
15	RHT	4,717,543	5,314,079,711	35.60
16	YHOO	56,711,794	23,187,343,116	32.50
17	STM	8,228,202	8,730,635,646	32.40
18	CLR	1,553,886	7,007,333,583	30.12
19	BAM	14,742,853	14,772,318,703	29.08
20	LFC	1,199,453	134,408,093,796	28.02
21	ATI	2,574,385	5,472,614,610	27.89
22	CX	2,552,624	9,911,839,048	27.54
23	HK	17,986,077	6,015,145,907	26.60
24	CERN	3,684,214	6,909,870,943	26.50
25	KMP	3,032,963	13,433,724,482	25.67
26	PXD	6,339,261	6,288,248,523	25.52
27	TM	1,595,397	126,976,909,016	25.18

UPDATE: Scott has a great post up, regarding the market and other important topics.

Everyone seems to be a bond bear these days, especially the low IQ’ers on CNBC. Despite the numerous warning shots of deflation, you fuckers still think rates are poised to jack-stomp higher. Well, as always, you were made to be proven wrong. My cup, if you could only see it, is brimming with winship—all to do with my market hand. Watch very closely as the bond bears get their hair pieces peeled off by pointed grape shot.

I have the patience of an Ox and a carbon footprint of a ww2 era Russian tank.

I bought another 5,000 shares of Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] today. I am fairly balanced between my longs and counter-market positions. So you know, I do not own any shorts, just yet.

Life is a grand elephant; go ahead and eat it up!

Even though Europe was red, across the board, we are hanging in there, basically flat-lining. When I penned the title of this post, I intended this blog to be humorous, mocking the current rally and all of its mechanic glory. However, in the event some of you silly fuckers actually miss the deeply embedded sarcasm of my posts, know this: the fucking market is going to shit itself one day, then cliff-dive into a tall stack of lit dynamite sticks.

The way I see it, we have 100 points up and 900 down. If you like those odds, then have at it—fuckface— the market is all yours.

Should the market sling-shot to 13,000, I will not hate on it, like others. I will marvel at it and say “wow, that was fucked up.” But, I will not hate on it. My only beef is with the people who sit there, on my fucking teevee, or BLOGGING on the internets, trying to justify Dow 13,000. THERE CAN BE NO JUSTIFICATION for Dow 13,000, since it defies logic on a grand scale. But, once again, if it happens, it happens.

My job is not to hit homeruns. I am hired to bank coin. As such, I go about my investing differently than most of you. Don’t attempt to copy cat my moves, for they are tailored for space alien magicians only.

Thanks.

How coy of the market to not be up 40 points! As you know by now, the robot overlords have programmed this market to advance, totally undetected, just 40 points per day—indefinitely. Despite news of ww3 breaking out, or startling suicide bombings inside major cities, the market shall advance just 40 points. Have solace in knowing, should we enter a nuclear winter and all forms of electronics were rendered useless and you had to live out your days underground, in some sort of bullshit subway, the market would advance just 40 points per day for the rest of your life—making you a very rich man indeud.

On the plus side, for a villager like myself, the bleeding out in [[tlt]] has abated. That’s all. Life is pretty boring when all you have it some bullshit treasuries, cash, and a little bit of stock.

On the eyes of the Pope himself, I am begging Mother Market to bring down this market, so that I may buy it. I am like a fat, bratty child, inside of a candy store, who happens to be on a diet, unable to eat all of the cotton candy. I want to just eat it all up, but my mother keeps throwing buckets of hot water on me.

As an aside, Mr. R.W. Pelican has taken it upon himself to renovate iBankCoin. Prepare for some change that you can believe in!

Top picks: robot oil, [[tlt]]

Our latest executive member of the iBC team. Everyone give a healthy round of applause.

CEO of iBANKCOIN Security Forces, Mr. R.W. Pelican

Famous for saying: “Fuck you, you’re banned”

It’s only been 3 months, but feels like an eternity. During the quarter, I has some pretty awesome trades, as well as some stinkers. Some of my biggest booked profits were in Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] (29%), Mechel OAO (ADR) [[MTL]] (33%), [[CBD]] (22%), Ctrip.com International, Ltd. (ADR) [[CTRP]] (15%), Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]] (26%), Lennar Corporation [[LEN]] (15%), Petroleo Brasileiro SA (ADR) [[PBR]] (12%), Ethan Allen Interiors Inc. [[ETH]] (11%), Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] (13%), United States Steel Corporation [[X]] (11%), Jarden Corporation [[JAH]] (10%) and both ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] and Flowserve Corporation [[FLS]] at 8%. Within my current holdings, I still have solid gains in ICICI Bank Limited (ADR) [[IBN]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] and POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] .

My losers were not so dominant in numbers. However, in sheer horror factor, they are fairly, umm, horrific. At the present, I am saddled with double digit losses in SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] (both carry overs from 2009) and I just booked a 20%+ loss in U.S. Global Investors, Inc. [[GROW]] . When you take everything into account, throw it one big fucking blender, and drink it: I am up 12%—woop-de-fucking-doo. Had I put my reservations aside and just traded what was in front of me, I’d be up 25% now—without a doubt. I sold out of Green Mountain Coffee Roasters Inc. [[GMCR]] (last sale $82.27) way too early and didn’t even give my brilliant Cummins Inc. [[CMI]] thesis a chance to pan out. Oh well, time to move on.

Going into Q2, I will be looking for a whole new set of ideas and investment mantra. Even though I believe the market is way overbought here, there are numerous sectors that are cheap, deserving of my investment dollars, such as refiners and natural gas. Additionally, I believe many tech names have been overlooked and are too cheap to ignore.

If there is anything from my experiences that you should take heed from and remember, it is this: asshats and space alien magicians were not invented overnight. When Michelangelo was commissioned to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, I am sure he didn’t sketch out a few cartoons then tell the Pope to go flog a sinner. It took that magician over 30 years to complete his work. Pardon me if I take more than 1 month to finish my “art.”