iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,443 Blog Posts

Unspeakable Truths

I’ve been in executive meetings all morning with Mr. R.W. Pelican, discussing the current state of iBC affairs and how it correlates with the delivery of fresh fish in Manhattan. Being CEO of iBC Security Forces, Mr. R.W. Pelican has taken it upon himself to implement some “sweeping changes” to the iBC “look and feel.”

As you know by now, our liberal President wants to partake in offshore drilling, further solidifying my belief that George Bush and Barack Obama are actually the same person, disguised using alien space masking technology. Is it really so unbelievable?

With the bad ADP data this morning, expect the market to go up another 40-45 points today, as it is God’s will. God loves three things: the Yankees, Goldman Sachs’ trading robots and organic arugula. Prove me wrong.

How much should the market be down today?

Answer: anywhere between 150 and 900 points. Nevertheless, get your dumbasses in line for your daily 40.

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29 comments

  1. Buffalo Pete

    So lets say the market goes up anywhere from 39-41 points a day, for say, another year? At what point do you just pull all your money out of the market and forget it ever existed?

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  2. Le Fly

    If you guys want them, i can have them made for you. I will charge at cost and have it delievered. Rc is the mug guy

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    • MOOBS

      I want a mug.

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      • lindsay

        of course, that would be great but one with R.W. on it would be even better (can you make that work RC??)

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      • Heaterman

        Free mug with a PPT subscription or renewal !!!!! You heard it here first.

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  3. Le Fly

    Ever see mars attacks, when the aliens wore human masks?

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  4. Le Fly

    Sold grs ages ago.

    We will get order entry request forms up for mugs

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  5. Rand

    Industries involved in oil exploration have been gearing up for weeks now, and full blow work will be starting soon. Especially manufacturing plants in and around Houston. Also hear some movement in the space insustry as well, but that is only a rumor.

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  6. Rand

    Blown, not blow. Stupid iphone program!

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  7. Le Fly

    R.w. Is rumored to stand for “real wings” but we cannot confirm

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  8. Yogi & Boo Boo

    Where can we get a copy of the iBC kawfee [sic] mug that Scott was showing off this morning?

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  9. TraderCaddy

    God also loves the Tampa Bay Rays because he put a team in St. Pete.- God’s waiting room.
    Does this make Barbara Bush and Michelle Obama one and the same?

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  10. Sebaco

    And in other news…

    Borrowers who caught up on overdue mortgages outnumbered people who became newly delinquent on insured home loans for the first time in almost four years, according to an industry trade group.

    In February, 68,675 homeowners with privately insured mortgages fell into default, compared with 80,758 who got back on track, a report today from the Washington-based Mortgage Insurance Companies of America said. The trade group last reported a number of recoveries that exceeded defaults in March 2006.

    “The government modification programs are starting to have an impact,” said Matthew Howlett, an analyst with Macquarie Group Ltd. Recoveries outpacing new defaults “signals a turning point” for mortgage insurers, he said. “It’s enormous.”

    Mortgage insurers on fire: MTG +9.6%; RDN +7.9%; PMI +17.8%

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  11. cardiffgiant

    What’s up with GRS? Its dropping like a stone. Do you still hold this?

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  12. ZenProfit

    “Gluten-Free Goat Cheese and Arugula Free-Form Ravioli” Recipe at The Whole Foods website:

    http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/1997

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  13. lindsay

    R.W. did a fly by over PPT on his break after your meetings and is already issuing several dress code violation
    warning tickets (yes, i got one…sorry)

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    • Teahouse On The Tracks
      Teahouse On The Tracks

      I got fined for browsing without a local license … WTF!

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      • lindsay

        R.W. is one tough guy Teahouse. Fly really knew what he was doing on that hire. I’ll have to meet with the other girls in the PPT and see what we should do re dress code as the tuxedo thing won’t work so well. But clearly trading in jeans is no longer going to cut it with R.W.

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  14. nola_pinot_drinker
    nola_pinot_drinker

    God loves the New Orleans Saints now. The New America’s team. Do not forget that the Dow would already be 1,000 pts less if not for CITI and the other loser being removed form the Dow and replaced by Cisco and
    (forget the other replacement).

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    • Indie

      nah. god doesn’t love the saints or new orlean. actually he doesn’t really love anybody but himself. he’s just feeling guilty from the last heavy handed clean up. mark my word. god’s a bastard.

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  15. sniper6

    Mr. R.W. Pelican should stick to delivering babies and crunching on Vlasic fucking pickles…gherkins, I believe.

    Oh wait, that was his low rent cousin Mr. Stork… disregard. My mistake, fullest apologies.

    What’s R.W. stand for anyway? Right Wing?

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  16. Frank White

    Actually, I’m owed 70 today cause we were only up 10 yesterday. Hoping for some domestic terror to get things ripping.

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  17. MX2101

    Good to see Mr. R.W. is not a Black Swan.

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  18. mrkcbill

    Pelicans are always funny….a new brand is born

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  19. YaBollox

    <>

    Of course God loves overpriced NY shit!

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  20. Treepart

    40 points and a mule.

    yes sir!

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  21. YaBollox

    Pelican looks different today.

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