The Holidays Are About GAINZ

This is how the market likes to behave heading into Christmas.  The famed ‘Santa Claus rally’ with all its jolly vigor does not officially kickoff until tomorrow, you know that right?  It runs through Monday.  Like greedy children staring day-after-day at a pile of presents under a pagan tree (a sign of fertility) the tendency of man is to want their stocked market gifts early.  They pine and beg and sneak around doing anything to coerce mother [market] into bestowing a gift early.  Look at you, rolling around in today’s gains like swine.  But, I commend you for your efforts because the holidays are all about gains.

You waste should expand no less than two inches.  Hopefully you’ve taken the time to build that jolly saint Nick dad bod for all the ladies to enjoy.  If not, go to your nearest food dispensary and procure a jug of whole milk (not that pansy skimmed diet milk) and a large tin of cookies.  Eat them all in one sitting whilst watching creepy cartoons from the 60’s.

Get long stocks.  You need a sleigh full of risky assets.  I like TNA, UA, LOCO, PYPL, SCTY, TWTR (love Twitter, its my 2016 SOTY **mark it @RC**).  These vessels (extra Hook) will provide your swing book gains while you make moves on all the little elves.

Pump lots of iron.  After all you are packing your body with calories and dollars.  Now is no time to abandon lifting heavy objects.  Make it to the gym, even if it means neglecting your family and friends.

This is the most wonderful time of the year, savor it, all of it.  Kick the xmas tunes loud and late, buy the liter-sized whisky, and celebrate surviving crap 2015 because 2016 is going to be epic.  Note: 2016 is divisible by 3, very important!