Andrew Left Shits on Canada’s $SHOP — Stock Plunges

Andrew Left from Citron Research is calling for the FTC to investigate the company for being an Herbal Life tier scam — preying on retards with promises of becoming a millionaire. I am not surprised, whatsoever. Canadians, innately, lack the moral compass to conduct business without schemes. To back up my assertion, I point you to Blackberry, Nortel, Canadian Goose etc.

So what’s the problem?

Out of the claimed 500,000 websites, Shopify has about 2,500 “Plus” clients and maybe another 20,000 “Advanced”. So where are the other 450,000 + websites????

Funny, this problem was first addressed when Shopify CEO Tobias Lutke knocked on Venture Capital’s door. As we read in a Bloomberg article.

I guess the great minds on Sand Hill Road never thought that the pressure of Wall Street can cause some companies to cross over to the dark side.

Citron will expose the mystery behind those “other web sites”. Just like analyst reports don’t discuss churn, they miss Shopify’s deepest darkest secret.

IT’S A FUCKING SCHEME.
IT’S A FUCKING SCHEME.
IT’S A FUCKING SCHEME.
IT’S A FUCKING SCHEME.
IT’S A FUCKING SCHEME.

The stock fell by 11% today on this report. The stock is up 139% year to date, trading 23x sales.

At a minimum, Left says the stock is worth $55 before the FTC gets involved.

The financial illiterate folks over at the Intercept ‘broke’ a story today, revealing the owner of ~$1b in Puerto Rican debt, apparently hidden under elaborate layers of shell companies. This dog’s name is Seth Klarman, legendary hedge fund manager at the $30b aum Baupost.

The Intercept weighs in.

That mystery has finally been solved, with the help of the The Baupost Group, who unmasked themselves to The Intercept. The Baupost Group, a Boston-based hedge fund managed by billionaire Seth Klarman, owns nearly a billion dollars of Puerto Rican debt, purchased under a shell company subsidiary and hidden from public scrutiny. Baupost acquired the debt through an on-paper Delaware-based corporation named Decagon Holdings LLC, whose beneficial owner had been unknown until now.

Though the island, currently recovering from a catastrophic hurricane, has been mired in a borrowing crisis for years, it’s difficult to get precise information about the creditors. Many of them scooped up bonds on the cheap, seeking an astronomical payout by forcing the island to pay them back at par (or 100 cents on the dollar). This has led to widespread suffering, as punishing austerity has been imposed to encourage Puerto Rico to pay back the bondholders in full. (Only now has some of this austerity been lifted in the wake of Hurricane Maria.)

“What’s incredible about this is these people were actually hiding,” said Lopez. “In the case of this person, he’s in Boston which has a large Puerto Rican community … Our work right now will be about activating our community in Boston, letting them know this person has been hiding and making sure we go to his houses and his companies to hold them accountable.”

What in the actual fuck? These people, quite literally, are viewing the world upside down. Baupost is LENDING Puerto Rico money to provide their people with funding they desperately need. Money isn’t free (I can’t believe I have to explain this) and those with money normally charge a fee to let others without money borrow it. Do the folks over at The Intercept believe Baupost should simply give Puerto Rico a billion dollars for free, out of the goodness of their heart. Do they not understand that the island of Puerto Rico has been living off debt for decades and desperately need to maintain their credit in order to finance life?

Naturally, people on Twitter have demonized Klarman, protesting his capitalistic ways as evil.

Send your letters, or post cards from #PuertoRico to:

Seth Klarman
The Baupost Group
10 Saint James Avenue, Suite 1700
Boston, MA 02116

— GIS?LL? (@voidofchill) October 3, 2017

#Klarman #Baupost #COFINA buy PR debt cheap SHIELDS ID of investors Payback @100cts on $
COMPLIANT IN MISERY https://t.co/5EWmVHyVjo

— Eileen Taylor (@eltpac) October 4, 2017

Wow… #Baupost ? This seems bad. Then again it’s the investment world. #boston https://t.co/99MXkcOnHL

— Madeline Donohue (@MaddyDono) October 4, 2017

CNBC should know better than to report on this as if it was an actual bad thing.

Fucking idiots.

For those unfamiliar with the dot com era (I hope to soon educate you with my story), it was commonplace for companies to change their names to (Company).com, just to stoke a rally in their shares. If you missed out on all of that fun, do not worry — you will get a chance to relive that grandeur.

Introducing Riot Blockchain, formerly known as Bioptix.

Via Bloomberg:

Bioptix Inc., a maker of diagnostic machinery for the biotech industry, is jumping on the digital-currencies bandwagon. The Castle Rock, Colorado-based company is changing its name to Riot Blockchain Inc. as it shifts its focus to buying up cryptocurrency and blockchain companies. Its first move under the new moniker is an investment in Coinsquare Ltd., a Canadian exchange for trading digital tokens. Other companies have proven that a move into the cryptocurrency space is often rewarded by investors, at least initially, as the astronomical increase in the value of digital tokens like bitcoin has lured everyone from big banks to startups. Overstock.com Inc. shares rallied after the online retailer said it was starting a digital-coin exchange.

Shares of MGT Capital Investments Inc., the cybersecurity firm with ties to controversial anti-virus software developer John McAfee, soared after the company announced a move into bitcoin mining, though the stock has since pared its gains. Formerly known as Venaxis Inc., Bioptix bought out BiOptix Diagnostics Inc. in 2016, which wasnâ??t the best move, according to Chief Executive Officer Michael Beeghley, who said the company wasnâ??t in a big enough market and noted its significant cash burn. â??When I got on the board, they had made an acquisition that we decided as a board did not make sense, so we closed that down and then decided to change our focus,â? he said Tuesday in a phone interview.

We looked at the sector and said, â??How can we participate in this, and how can our shareholders participate in this very exciting industry thatâ??s like the beginning of the internet? Riot is paying a few million dollars for about a 12 percent interest in Coinsquare, and has warrants to increase its stake to 20 percent, Beeghley said. Next, the CEO is looking to buy companies focused on bitcoin mining, blockchain and security software. He plans to fund the deals with a combination of cash on hand and stock. â??Weâ??ve had a lot of success taking companies where we have closed down operations and identifying new sectors to invest,â? said Beeghley, who became CEO of Bioptix in April. â??The most recent is Polarity — ticker symbol COOL — which we took public in March.

When this news broke, shares were up as much s 21%. Since then, the stock has traded lower, as profit takers stepped in. Over the past month, the shares have been en fuego.

With upwards of $74 billion in municipal debt, Puerto Rico might win the debt-forgiveness lottery, post Hurricane Maria. In an interview with Fox, Trump said Puerto Rican debt should be ‘wiped out.’

“We are going to work something out” regarding Puerto Rico’s debt, Trump said.

“We have to look at their whole debt structure,” Trump said in a Fox News interview Tuesday. “You know they owe a lot of money to your friends on Wall Street. We’re gonna have to wipe that out. That’s gonna have to be — you know, you can say goodbye to that. I don’t know if it’s Goldman Sachs but whoever it is, you can wave goodbye to that.”

Today the President’s spokesman is trying to walk those comments back. But it’s too late. Debtfags are getting BTFO.

“I think what you heard the president say is that Puerto Rico is going to have to figure out a way to solve its debt problem,” Mick Mulvaney, director of the White House budget office, said in an interview Wednesday. “We are not going to bail them out. We are not going to pay off those debts. We are not going to bail out those bond holders.”

Puerto Rican bonds getting clobbered after those Trump comments about wiping out the debt https://t.co/g58phdIeAW pic.twitter.com/XICGmgUJXH

— Joe Weisenthal (@TheStalwart) October 4, 2017

Former Sec. of Treasury, Larry Summer is shitposting on Twitter about this, praising the idea of simply canceling the debt burden.

Treasury Secretary @stevenmnuchin1 should follow his boss this time. Write off Puerto Rico's debt.

— Lawrence H. Summers (@LHSummers) October 4, 2017

If ever there was a case for a full debt write off, it's Puerto Rico.

— Lawrence H. Summers (@LHSummers) October 4, 2017

Any dollar of Puerto Rico debt paid to Wall Street is a dollar more of taxes on Main Street.

— Lawrence H. Summers (@LHSummers) October 4, 2017

I have an even better idea.

While the government of Puerto Rico is beset by massive debt loads thanks to decades of corruption of retarded governance, the people are the one’s truly bearing the brunt of Maria. Agreed? Instead of canceling the municipal debt, which could always be restructured, why don’t we offer the people of Puerto Rico a true gesture of generosity and CANCEL THEIR CREDIT CARD AND MORTGAGE DEBT?

Why the fuck not? We could have a real life Fight Club scenario playing out there. I am certain the benevolent do-gooders at JP Morgan and Bank of America will support this idea.

One of the potential losers in all this is the evil Baupost, who owns PR debt. How dare they lend them money!

Klarman's Boston-based Baupost Group holds ~$1 billion of Puerto Rico's via shell called Decagon https://t.co/KpVPiWRGGN 2/3

— ACRE (@ACREcampaigns) October 3, 2017

Good morning Spaniards, get ready for insurrection.

The King of Spain held a television appearance in which he expressed his serious dismay with the dogs of Catalonia. It is illegal to claim independence and anyone who thinks the Kingdom of Spain will accept the secession of Catalonia will be vanquished from the face of the earth.

He called it, “an unacceptable disloyalty towards the powers of the state — a state that represents Catalan interests.”

It is believed Catalonia will tell the King to fuck off and declare independence within days.

This is profoundly bad news for the ECB and highly indebted EU states.

Spanish stocks are reeling lower, off by 2.4%.

Italy is just behind her, -1.47%.

German markets are flat. But more importantly, the 10yr yields on Spanish debt is rising, higher by 4bps — wider vs the German bund by a new recent high of 133bps.

Nasdaq futs are -10, gold +0.4%, dollar +0.25% v the euro, and nerves are on edge.

Got a date with the god damned auto mechanic today. In the meantime, here’s a snippet from the rewritten part of my book/long story (not sure how long it’ll go yet).

Let me tell you this right now, if Neel Kashkari is appointed to be next chief of the Federal Reserve, I will, quite literally, cut my balls off. I know that sounds a bit extreme; and I am offered zero upside to this bet. After all, should I win, whoopee-doo, someone else is running the Fed. But if I lose, I will then have to undergo the pain process of cutting my own testicles off with a dull knife.

The bond bozo, Jeff Gundlach, believes Kashkari will be the next Fed head — because MUH easy money.

Gundlach said that Trump needs someone who will keep rates low in order to keep his populist reputation and help his base voters and that’s why he’ll pick Kashkari.

“A stronger dollar is not good for achieving that agenda,” he said.

The current betting favorite on Wall Street for Fed chief is one-time Fed governor Kevin Warsh, but Gundlach says he doesn’t believe it’s going to be him. He also said there’s no way the president’s chief economic advisor Gary Cohn gets the job because of his close connections to Goldman Sachs, where he was the No. 2 executive. Last month, Trump interviewed them both for the job and current Fed governor Jerome Powell.

“I think I’m the only guy on God’s green earth that believes it will be Neel Kashkari,” said Gundlach.

Damn right you fucking idiot. It’s not going to happen.

The funnies never end with Trump. Would I rescind my vote after seeing what he’s become as President of the great United Steaks? Absolutely not. You mean to tell me a Hillary Clinton regime would be this funny?

Behold, as Trumptard congratulates himself and Puerto Rico for only having 16 people dead after Hurricane Maria — admonishing them for ‘throwing the budget out of whack.’ I certainly can respect the Ebenezer Scrooge like demeanor with regards to the people’s purse.

He also paid homage to the ‘very special thanks to the navy.’ He ‘saw the ships flying in’ and said ‘boy this looks like very big stuff.’

How many airlinefags are out there, pleasantly banking coin today? At the old brokerage house, I used to know a guy who only bought airlines. He bought those fuckers right into the ground and was buried with them — forced to leave the business for being broke.

Today’s airlines are different. They’ve learned to collude with one another, avoid price wars, and gouge customers over every last cent. I hate the airlines and try to avoid them whenever possible. Year to date, LUV is the best performing American airline, up 17%. But today’s all about Delta, buoying higher after guiding up. The entire sector is lit — higher by 5%.

Delta shares were 6 percent higher in early afternoon trading, on track for their biggest one-day gain since January 2015.

The airline told investors earlier Tuesday that Hurricane Irma, which struck its Atlanta hub and important Florida airports, would cost it $120 million in the third quarter. The carrier canceled 2,200 flights in the southern U.S. and the Caribbean because of the storm.

Delta said including the impact from Hurricane Irma, its passenger unit revenue, which measures how much money the airline is making for each seat flown a mile, likely rose 2 percent in the three months ended in September.

Shares of other airlines also rose. United and American were each up close to 5 percent, and JetBlue traded more than 6 percent higher. Southwest added close to 3 percent.

Delta is scheduled to report third-quarter earnings in the middle of the month.

La Croix has a new flavor out today, ‘Sang Humain’ and it’s absolutely delicious. I noticed all of you beta males have been quiet today, scared to get into heated and violent arguments with me. I understand, frankly. I used to toss people like you into mailboxes during pre-school — kick you until you’d give me your GI Joe toys.

In light of yet another harrowing day in FIZZ, I stepped in with the balls of a brass monkey, and bought the stock. Whoever thought Coke would buy FIZZ is outright retarded. Pepsi will buy them — because they have no choice — and must repent for their sins.

All of the finest dandies in America are stocking their refrigerators with this fancy faggot water. I hope you come to understand that I cannot lose here. Even if the stock went down and I undertook a temporary vacation at a gulag, I’d make it all back, and more, and end up kicking you in the stomach for your GI Joe’s again.

Pepsi much acquire FIZZ for 10x sales, or $240. When it happens, we will all celebrate, prance about the courtyard, laughing and frolicking — eating finger sandwiches and smoking cigars.

I awoke from my slumber and then sashayed (no homo) downstairs to make myself a grotesquely large mug of black coffee. I didn’t even bother looking at my stocks — because I already knew they’d be higher. Being a pescatarian and all, I didn’t have many choices of food to nibble upon — so I scrounged up a piece of bread, toasted it, and then placed some lettuce on it. I then devoured it whole, in one single bite.

I then opened my bullshit Apple laptop and perused, mind you, my winnings.

Voila.

Fuck you, what are you doing today?

See, that’s who I am, pal, and you’re nothing. Good Father, fuck you, go home and play with your kids. If you want to read here, CLOSE.