Morning Poppers (We’ve Got a Mess on Our Hands Edition)

Nasdaq futures have worsened overnight, now off by 77. Over in Europe, the FTSE is lower by 1.24% — but the pound is higher by 0.95%, so it isn’t really down in absolute terms — is it? Bitcoins are bouncing in value along the bottom of the ocean floor, now higher by 7.2% to $8,200.

Authorities in Austin have increased their rewards to $115k for their local terrorist in the prowl — who just injured two additional people via a FUCKING TRIP WIRE. This is the absolute state of America right now. Go out and walk your dog — fall into a god damned trip wire and get your legs blow off. God damn it — fuck this country, fuck this country, fuck this country.

Oh, I’m sorry — I meant to say God Bless America — I enjoy our many freedoms and everyone is just jealous of out liberty and democracy. It’s so fucking great.

Speaking of which, the government is gonna shut down again because MUH Congress. They have until midnight on Friday to come up with a spending bill else the whole kit and caboodle is gonna be shut the fuck down. Good, I hope it shuts down and never opens back up again.

I’m sorry, what I meant to say is — gee, I hope the Congress can come together with a bipartisan plan that helps all Americans and does it in a responsible, yet compassionate, way.

Here are some other morning headlines.

The UK and EU reach Brexit transition agreement
Arista Networks downgraded to Sell from Hold at Deutsche Bank
NXP Semi resumed with a Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley
GrubHub downgrade details — to Hold at Stifel on valuation; tgt raised to $110
OLED -9.3% (Bloomberg details that Apple (AAPL) is developing its own iPhone screen)
Orbotech to be acquired by KLA-Tencor (KLAC) $38.86 in cash and 0.25 of a share of KLA-Tencor common stock in exchange for each ordinary share; implies approx. $69.02/share; expected to be immediately accretive to KLA-Tencor’s revenue growth model; announced a $2 billion share repurchase authorization
Stewart Info to be acquired by Fidelity National Financial (FNF) for $50.20/share in cash and stock
Jazz Pharma upgraded to Overweight from Equal-Weight at Morgan Stanley
HD Supply Holdings resumed with a Neutral at Goldman
Cummins upgraded to Hold from Sell at Deutsche Bank

Nasdaq futures are off by 31 and you’re all doomed. A great gray shadow has been cast over your heads and there is nothing you can do about it. The President is at war with glow in the dark gremlins at the CIA, all the while the deep state and military industrial complex jockeys hard for more war in the Middle East.

PREPARE TO SEND YOUR SONS INTO HARROWING COMBAT

Maybe we need a war. Perhaps the gladiator mentality is what keeps countries strong and virile. Lord knows we need some more testosterone coursing through the bodies of our youngsters. Men in this country lack seriousness, a byproduct of being comfortable and indulging themselves in luxuries. No one likes to put in the work anymore — go through the meat grinder, exercise grit and determination to execute a plan. Sometimes I gaze into the comments section here, gawking at the weakness displayed through veiled comments, and wonder how some of you are able to function. Weakness is not accepted in this Dojo and will not be tolerated.

CLEAN YOUR ROOM. BE A MAN

Heading into tomorrow’s ax swing to the cock, I am long LABD, SOXS, and a variety of bio-science stocks — degenerate of the first order.

Final suggestion for America:

STOP EATING DOMINOES PIZZA.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Nothing happening today, other than political obfuscation. McCabe got his ass fired for being a faggot two days before retirement. Fuck with the boss — get your ass beatdown. The other nonsense circulating online is regarding Cambridge Analytica, allegedly gaming Facebook to win the election for Trump, in addition to BREXIT. Please. If you believe that nonsense, I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. Just because you think you have AI and money to burn on Facebook, that doesn’t mean you can change people’s minds and make Hillary Clinton into a walking fucking disaster. The amount of chicanery taking place post 2016 elections is on par with nothing in the modern political landscape.

Miraculously, the dysfunction in DC hasn’t spilled over into the marketplace, for reasons that escape me.

Over in MUH Russia, Putin won the elections by 73%.

Pray tell me…

It's so amazing that Russians are the only one's who know how to affect elections. What a unique trait!

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) March 18, 2018

Back to Trump, he’s going to propose the fucking death penalty for opiod dealers. Personally, I’m not a fan of life sentences and believe it’s better to just kill people via firing squad. I get how some will become ensnared by the corrupt justice system; but overall, the death penalty will be for the greater good. This country need to execute drug dealers on an industrial scale. Forget about long sentences — give them death with zero chances of clemency.

Also noteworthy, Trump called out Muller by name. SHOTS FIRED.

Why does the Mueller team have 13 hardened Democrats, some big Crooked Hillary supporters, and Zero Republicans? Another Dem recently added…does anyone think this is fair? And yet, there is NO COLLUSION!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 18, 2018

Futures are slightly lower and SHITCOINS are bouncing a bit here.

As an aside, MFIN is the #3 rated stock in Exodus. This is the NYC Medallion company, formerly known as TAXI. Is this a sign that Uber has peaked and the Yellow Cab is resurgent? Does anyone in NYC bother with yellow cabs anymore?

This is me post St. Paddy’s Day, following a night of drinking, completely shit posting about Bitcoins tumbling down a hill and into a fucking sewer pipe.

via GIPHY

Believe me, your loss is also my loss. I have money in cryptos too — but I love nothing more than to see newly minted investors bathe in the fires of scorn. This is your initiation into speculation young lads. Get used to it.

Total cap is now $295 billion, down more than $500 billion from the highs. Let it be stated, this is only the beginning of your painful journey. Bitcoins are, inexorably, fucked for at least 15 years.

Ciao.

Back when I was a young lad, my Father would force the family to go see the NYC’s St. Paddy’s Day parade. Anyone who grew up in an Irish household has endured this right of passage. Things have changed since then and I could’n’t care less about some damned parade with leprechauns prancing about the thoroughfare steeped in Guinness.

For those of you who are young and/or ignorant as fuck, here are some quick rules to abide by, in order to have a successful St. Paddy’s Day celebration.

Don’t play yourself wearing gimmicky shirts with fucking shamrocks on them. This is crass bullshit. A proper Irishman wear slacks and a heavy cable knit sweater on this fine day. The sweater should be thick like burlap, uncomfortable to wear, and incredibly itchy about the arms and neck. But you will wear this shit, and like it, because you’re Irish and because you’re a proper Irish gentleman and not some scoundrel clad in wares from Target.

You cannot just make corned beef one way. Treat your guests to a nice variety of flavors by cooking it three ways, like Le Fly. First way is to boil it, like an ancient fucker, with beer, water, and stock. Cut an onion and casually toss it into the pot o’ gold and then toss your brined corned beef. Let that fucker boil an hour and then toss in some potatoes. After another 2 hours, toss in the fucking carrots. Finally, during the final hour of boiling, toss in the fucking cabbage. Dinner is served.

The second way to cook your corned beef is in the oven, in the pan, like a fucking dego. Make a roux out of bacon, Irish banger grease and then deglaze that with a bottle of Smithwicks. Take that mixture and then dump it into a deep pan, throw your corned beef into it and then add your potatoes. After a few hours, add the carrots. DO NOT ADD THE CABBAGE. Instead, take the cabbage, cut it up nice and fine, and then fucking saute it on the stove with butter and lots of fucking mustard seeds.

Lastly, cook your corned beef in the fucking crock pot. To do this, you take two tablespoons of sugar and mix it into a glass of water and two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and a fucking bay leaf. Dump that into the crock pot, alongside two bottles of ale. Toss your corned beef and potatoes into it and add water until it’s halfway up. Make sure to put the fat side UP. You will need to trim some of the fat. In about 5 hours, add the cabbage and carrots, and take that fucker out in another two for expeditious, gluttonous, eatery.

As far as drinking is concerned, DO NOT DRINK AMERICAN OR GERMAN SWILL. Drink some Guinness or Murphy’s and definitely some Smithwicks Red Ale. After you’ve had enough beer, permit yourself to drink some Irish Whiskey. Try not to drink too much, otherwise you’ll end up looking and feeling like a complete jackass.

Quick reminder: Be sure to have ample amounts of Irish Soda bread.

Lastly, American or English music should NEVER be played on St. Paddy’s Day. You must only play Irish Celtic music, the tunes of Dublin and Belfast, in spite of your company’s requests for American degeneracy. Thou shalt NEVER play rap music. This level of sin will surely earn you a keep in hell during the after life.

Have fun. River dance to your heart’s delight. And raise your fist in defiance against those bloody English bastards who’ve been occupying your land for so long.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: You’re not a fucking leprechaun and you do not know where the fookin’ pot of gold is. Do not demean yourselves by acting like a prairie fairy.

I have very little regard for the UK and even less on St. Paddy’s Day. Once upon a time, they had an empire. Now they’re an island filled with absolute manlets — weak and impotent. Their government is oppressive, even more so than ours, and they’re influence decreasing with every passing day. That being said, the women are fine and the Scots are great.

It’s time for iBankCoin readers to prepare for National Beer Day. Regardless of your background, I dub thee Irish from now until tomorrow. Get out there and buy some ale and some stout, 5-10lbs of corned beef, and a heavy bag of potatoes, two cabbages, and prepare for festival.

My trading was supreme today, although somewhat interrupted by a short raid on my new AMTX position. From what I gathered, those people will pay dearly come Monday. I am expecting some fire to encapsulate their brokerage accounts come Monday, forklifting yours truly to even greater heights.

The boats are back in play. Names like EGLE, SALT and DRYS are sprinting higher again. Truth be told, I’ve always had my balls boxed in playing these shippers; but I think this time is different.

I stepped in here like a man and bought DSX.

Also, I understand some GIGANTIC FAGGOTS with internet newsletters are shorting AMTX. These people are indecorous criminals and shall be dispatched into the pits of hell. I shall never waiver, never surrender. We will be victorious.

My brokerage account is rising like a blizzard today, succored by two gigantic fucking wins — one in SEED and another AMTX. I booked the SEED for a +62% and am up the same in AMTX, an open position from $1.89 — currently trading $3.

This shit is timestamped and emailed in Exodus — real time. Hat tip to @Tgir for the AMTX idea.

My next play is GEVO. Come see how similar the keyword searches are with GEVO and AMTX. I am long GEVO from low 50s, basically a call option on continued degeneracy.

I booked gains in SEED, a genteel +62% from my basis from a few days ago. If you annualize that, I stand to make 6,000% on my money for the year.

Moving on, I am delving into the carnivale world of bio-fuels. This is all about converging science and industry. As such, I’ve taken out new positions in AMTX and AMRS. Both are up, but they do wonderful things. The latter, for example, makes fuel out of fucking plants. That’s some Back to the Future part II shit for you there.

I’m only interested in the best stock, the best plays, which is why my positions are often the top gainers for the day.

Always remember, no matter how hard you try, you will never been as good as Le Fly.

On this holy day ahead of St. Paddy’s Day, I’d like to cordially invite all of you to pretend that you’re Irish for a day, drink copious amounts of beer, eat some fatty meats, and beer boiled potatoes and cabbage, and river dance in your homes until you pass out like a drunken goat.

As is customary at House Fly, I am throwing a party, replete with lots of Smithwicks and Guinness beer — corned beef, potatoes, cabbage, and soda bread to break up the fat and the booze. While you’re feasting and drinking, you should only be playing Irish Celtic music like what I have below.

As for success, I cannot describe the happiness I felt when I woke up and bore witness to SEED +30% in the pre-market. I am sure there is news, something ado with Frankenfood on the blockchain — but I don’t give a shit. I merely accept these gracious gifts, tip my hat, and jog on into the sunrise river dancing with a fucking stout in tow.

On a side note, the most memorable St. Paddy’s Day I ever had was in 2004, bar hopping in NYC with my cold caller — who had come back from the war in Iraq. Imagine 20-30 US Marines swashbuckling through the city, at the time considered victorious heroes, charging into pubs singing the songs of Ireland. It was indeed a scene to behold.