iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
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PROPER ST. PADDY’S DAY FESTIVITIES ARE UNDERWAY

Back when I was a young lad, my Father would force the family to go see the NYC’s St. Paddy’s Day parade. Anyone who grew up in an Irish household has endured this right of passage. Things have changed since then and I could’n’t care less about some damned parade with leprechauns prancing about the thoroughfare steeped in Guinness.

For those of you who are young and/or ignorant as fuck, here are some quick rules to abide by, in order to have a successful St. Paddy’s Day celebration.

Don’t play yourself wearing gimmicky shirts with fucking shamrocks on them. This is crass bullshit. A proper Irishman wear slacks and a heavy cable knit sweater on this fine day. The sweater should be thick like burlap, uncomfortable to wear, and incredibly itchy about the arms and neck. But you will wear this shit, and like it, because you’re Irish and because you’re a proper Irish gentleman and not some scoundrel clad in wares from Target.

You cannot just make corned beef one way. Treat your guests to a nice variety of flavors by cooking it three ways, like Le Fly. First way is to boil it, like an ancient fucker, with beer, water, and stock. Cut an onion and casually toss it into the pot o’ gold and then toss your brined corned beef. Let that fucker boil an hour and then toss in some potatoes. After another 2 hours, toss in the fucking carrots. Finally, during the final hour of boiling, toss in the fucking cabbage. Dinner is served.

The second way to cook your corned beef is in the oven, in the pan, like a fucking dego. Make a roux out of bacon, Irish banger grease and then deglaze that with a bottle of Smithwicks. Take that mixture and then dump it into a deep pan, throw your corned beef into it and then add your potatoes. After a few hours, add the carrots. DO NOT ADD THE CABBAGE. Instead, take the cabbage, cut it up nice and fine, and then fucking saute it on the stove with butter and lots of fucking mustard seeds.

Lastly, cook your corned beef in the fucking crock pot. To do this, you take two tablespoons of sugar and mix it into a glass of water and two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar and a fucking bay leaf. Dump that into the crock pot, alongside two bottles of ale. Toss your corned beef and potatoes into it and add water until it’s halfway up. Make sure to put the fat side UP. You will need to trim some of the fat. In about 5 hours, add the cabbage and carrots, and take that fucker out in another two for expeditious, gluttonous, eatery.

As far as drinking is concerned, DO NOT DRINK AMERICAN OR GERMAN SWILL. Drink some Guinness or Murphy’s and definitely some Smithwicks Red Ale. After you’ve had enough beer, permit yourself to drink some Irish Whiskey. Try not to drink too much, otherwise you’ll end up looking and feeling like a complete jackass.

Quick reminder: Be sure to have ample amounts of Irish Soda bread.

Lastly, American or English music should NEVER be played on St. Paddy’s Day. You must only play Irish Celtic music, the tunes of Dublin and Belfast, in spite of your company’s requests for American degeneracy. Thou shalt NEVER play rap music. This level of sin will surely earn you a keep in hell during the after life.

Have fun. River dance to your heart’s delight. And raise your fist in defiance against those bloody English bastards who’ve been occupying your land for so long.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: You’re not a fucking leprechaun and you do not know where the fookin’ pot of gold is. Do not demean yourselves by acting like a prairie fairy.

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27 comments

  1. sarcrilege

    not quite exactly as outlined here; unless it all applies to that filthy marxist shithole NYC. true irish in Ireland would think different,
    https://tinyurl.com/y8f3ajp7

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  2. fryguy15

    And stay away from the green beer. But one or two Irish car bombs are permitted.

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  3. tmmdn0

    If it’s ok with Dr. Fly, I plan on snorting some green cocaine as soon as the whiskey drinking starts.

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  4. Lyndon Keltner

    @moon: When was the last time you saw this (yes, burning and/or mutilating another living human being to death done by a non-white mob? If your answer is never, you shouldn’t need to worry too much about how whites will fare in the future.

    Co-exist, we will.

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    • sarcrilege

      You bring up a really stupid strawman. Go to Liveleak and do a search on your own premise and you will quickly discover coloreds are the worst fucking savages walking this planet. I am not going to bother posting shitload of links for you. There are videos of muslim sand niggers burning homosexuals alive, muslim sand niggers burning another muslim by a mistake (accused of stealing mosque’s amplifier which was not stolen .liveleak.com/view?t=2ff_1501741023) but you may like this one, full 6min of niggers burning one of their own. Am I wrong presuming you’re one of them?
      Lynched and burned alive:
      https://www.liveleak.com/view?t=29a_1501167921

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    • moonshot

      Co-exist? Are you seriously saying that as long as there are no lynchings, there is no racism? That is your metric?

      I am asking about racism in the same sense that minorities currently claim they are discriminated against. Things like less job opportunities, academic opportunities, hate crimes, etc.

      I notice a lot of behavior from minorities and even anti-white sentiments in the mainstream press that would be considered blatant racism if it was said or done against a minority group. These minority groups will often claim they by definition cannot be racist because they are a minority. My question is, would you expect this type of behavior to change when whites become a minority group? Or will these minority groups continue their anti-white discrimination.

      I am 100% for racial and other types of equality. I would love to see all these groups getting along equally and have race not be an issue in this country. My concern is that I don’t sense that to be the goal of many minority groups in recent years. It often seems more like they just want to seize power and punish those who they feel have oppressed them or their ancestors, and have no desire to integrate or eliminate race as a divisive issue.

      I really hope what has been happening in South Africa recently is not in the United States’ future.

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      • moosh

        Good luck with that answer. Lk gets off on mainstream generic fed agendas. Too weak minded to research what is really going on in the world.

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  5. tradercaddy

    How about green bagels.
    Always seems to come around this time of year along with shamrock shakes.
    A clear cultural appropriation.
    Deserves punishment and shame in reeducation camp.

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  6. s.k.

    I made mind the ancient way. Tomorrow morning the leftovers will be had with runny eggs over the top. Eirinn go Brach!

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  7. narwhal

    Should said carrots be speed chopped?

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  8. cancel19

    My wife found your second recipe very interesting and wants to try it for next year. Happy St. Patrick’s Day. GLTYA

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    • moosh

      Sprinkling the powder from mustard seeds on cooked veggies reactivates Myrosinase, which is converted to Sulforaphane and is healthy as fuck and otherwise lost in the cooking process, or some shit. Science for the win. Happy saint paddys day

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      • cancel19

        Awesome! Thanks for the info.

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        • moosh

          You got it brotha. According to Dr. Rhonda Patrick the taste of the powder must be pungent and have a kick to it, otherwise it’s probably from China and or old.

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  9. acehood

    Vintage Fly here…the holiday decorum posts are always tip top, well done.

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  10. dmfracer

    I have failed St. Patrick this year. I swear on my County Galway ancestors to do better next year!

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  11. Dr. Fly

    DMF

    my ancestors are from Galway too

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  12. biffer

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcA3MmV6Ymk Dubliners in the old days.My cousin Ciaran Burke(may he RIP) drinkin the beer.

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  13. biffer

    Ma and Da were from Dublin.

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