What a stupid expression, ‘taking off to the fucking stratosphere’. What am I some rube from Brooklyn, intermingling the price of equities with physical atmosphere? There’s a lot of expressions that should be banned, such as ‘ciao’, or ‘bro’, or ‘having another case of the Mondays I see.’
Markets just legged higher all day…just because. There wasn’t a catalyst. Headlines imply the Buffett buying of Apple as a reason, but that’s poppycock. I suspect it has to do with Trump delegation in China. If those talks are successful, we’ll be off to the races on Monday.
Or, if they fail, we’ll all have a terrible case of the Mondays and might say ciao to any idea of gains. Know what I’m saying, bro?
Just green candles and shit, all day
My quant is +1.1% — but my active portfolio is flat — thanks to getting hemmed up nicely in SOXS. That shit is really nailing the ram to the fucking wall, if you know what I mean.
It’s a very clean rally, very nice, very good — with 75% of stocks higher. Only retail is soft for the day, and of course precious metals — because who needs them?
Dollar up, yields down — causing gold bugs to be raped of their money and honor…again.
The Dollar is +0.6% v Euro today, but gold is hardly changed.
Markets are angling sideways for a move higher off the pivot line, saddled with a hammed sandwich now, so anything could happen.
My bets are exacta. I have all bases covered. Literally nothing can stop me.
Lower yields? Long DRN
Lower stocks? Long SOXS
Perversion? Long YINN
Soda Pop? Long FIZZ
More China gambles? Long ZX
Frankenfood? Long EVGN
Blockchain fever? Long SSC, OSTK
Fuck gold? Long DUST
All of that shit turns out sour, place majority of assets in quant fund that chases alpha and crushes indices.
Like I said, “The Fly” wins all the time. Get used to it — you fools.
Unemployment is at 3.9%, which means you should stop with your fucking #NFPGuesses threads on Twitter. I am going to kill you people for clogging up my timeline with utter horseshit. A great man once said ‘literally everyone is employed now’, and that rings especially true today. Stop making a big deal about jobs.
U-6 has been running just at or above pre-crisis levels — today changed that. Now at its lowest since 2001. pic.twitter.com/pGuc3eyGAQ
1. Yields are dropping. The 10yr is now 2.92%
2. Futures are -90.
3. Trump’s economic China hating team is in China
4. LPNT is being obliterated
5. Dollars are rising hardcore v Euro, +0.6%.
Look you, we’re in a tough tape. This isn’t 2017 and the fucking FagLords aren’t gunning the market higher each and every day anymore. This means we all need to be tactical, swap out of losers fast and try not to exhibit too much zeal when trading. Get out there and get yourselves an Exodus subscription, tap into “The Fly’s” computer brain and behold the grandeur of our AI and mean reversion algorithms.
If you’re going to do this for real — you’ll need to invest a little time and money into the damned job, god damn it.
On the bright side, it’s Friday and Derby Day is tomorrow. I reckon many of you have plans to consume some bourbon with friends and family? Cheer up, Francis, life has a multitude of enchanting things to explore. You only have to look around to appreciate it, the small reveries of life that make it all the more meaningful.
An unusal man on 3555 Farnam St. in Omaha, Nebraska bought an astounding 75 million shares of Apple this past quarter for a small sum of $13 billion. His entire position in Apple is now worth more than $42 billion — because he likes the company and has nothing else to do with his large cash hoard.
“It is an unbelievable company,” Buffett says. “If you look at Apple, I think it earns almost twice as much as the second most profitable company in the United States.”
Warren Buffet has more than $116 billion in cash at Berkshire, an amount so fucking autistic it’s hard to put it into perspective, especially when considering he has another ~$25b in WFC, $20b in BAC, $18b in KHC, $17b in KO, $15b in AXP, $10b in PSX and much, much more.
It’s hard to hate on olde man Warren. He still lives in his piece of shit house back in Omaha and eats a fuckload of junk food on a regular basis. He must be eating children in his basement at night — because anyone else would be dead drinking all of those cherried fucking cokes.
No one will ever replicate what Buffett did. No matter how hard you try or really want to do it — it’ll never happen. Anyone trying to be the next Warren should instantly kill themselves and do all of us a favor from having to cringe so hard at the prospect of another person thinking they could amass this level of wealth from merely investing in household names.
While it’s true, Warren got involved in brand names at exactly the right time in America, post WW2, and then rode the wave like a fucking champion for the next 70 years — it’s also a fact that no one else has ever done it like Warren, which makes him profoundly unique. Obviously, nothing of what I just said it remotely intuitive or interesting, just a random observation as I look at Buffett’s picture. He’s awfully robotic in his mannerisms. I would not be surprised to learn he’s the Oracle of Omaha, like literally, and is in charge of the simulation we’re all part of.
Like Buffett, I too bought my first stock at the age of 11; but unlike Buffett, I’ve been bedraggled by a sundry of fucked up markets and personality disorders that have stopped me from achieving a net worth of $75 billion. Tits to dicks, we all want a piece of the Buffett pie. It probably tastes delicious and is what the American appled pie is made from. But we’re never going to truly have it. We can only gaze at it and relish in its sweet aromas. The second we angle ourselves sideways and go in for a slice, an angry factory blade will lob our arm clean off our torso.
Markets have purged some of the excessive downside action today. There is nothing, at all, to celebrate — unless of course you believe a flat market is something to behold.
When I penned my morning post the market was down 350. I was kicking men out from their wheeled chairs and into the gutter. I sashayed to the gym, took a little sun by the pool, and then watched the market melt higher. I said to myself ‘this is a good thing’ since it’ll lure many of you into a false sense of security. You’re now out in the streets naked, preparing to be run over by giant lawnmowers.
However, the Trump delegation is en route to China now to discuss trade. I suspect the pin action on those talks will be bullish. Because of this fact, I sold out of my LABD for a 2.5 point gain and segued those funds into YINN — big dicked upside China ETF. I remain, inexorably, long SOXS — because I feel it’s important to wear SOXS whilst running.
All of this equity business is pure garbage, when compared to what I have going on in the cryptos. If you were wise, which you are not, you’d buy some STORJ and ENG.
In short, today’s victory for the bulls is tomorrow’s defeat. You’re weak now, degenerated by perversion. “The Fly” is gaining speed and strength, lifting heavy things again, consuming large quantities of protein. It won’t be long now before you’re lying on the floor, bleeding out from a broken jaw and clavicle — broken by the floods.
Time for me to run along now. My hard boiled eggs are ready for consumption.
I warned you to ‘clean your room and to put on your SOXS‘ — but you chose not to get involved. I had a vision of spastic retards prancing about the green fields of Wall, only to succumb to a most egregiously large TSAR BOMBA death device.
The time for half measures and soft words are over.
GET THE FUCK OUT; PUT ON YOUR SOXS.
If you do not want to bet against the semis, then bet against the bioFAGS. To do that, go see about LABD. I own it too.
The only other avenue of salvage is TLT — because rates will sink. If rates sink, then REITs will go higher. To play that, buy DRN. I own that too.
It’s important for you to be reminded of the evergreen spirit that built this blog from the SHITHOLE it was into the palatial confines it is now: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when it appears he’s losing badly. Many bloggers will run thru these halls, like a sickness in July, but very few will stand the test of time. The pressure is too great and the burden wearisome. After everything is reduced to ash, and the world is a smoldering cauldron of nothingness, Le Fly, as he’s popularly known in France, will remain here, steadfastly blogging into the hot summer nights — shitposting and chuckling until the world as we know it ceases to exists.
A few weeks ago, CNBC reported on Elon Musk sleeping on Tesla’s factory floor, trying to meet deadlines for Tesla auto production. Last night, apparently, his sleep deprivation turned him into a despondant retard, flippantly ignoring analyst questions and hanging up on what he considering ‘boring butthead questions.”
Here’s the money shot.
Batshit Elon Musk melts down on conference call last night — hanging up on boring analysts, refusing to answer "dry" questions. $TSLApic.twitter.com/EnyrSf7myF
I had a most eventful day, perusing the new gym, starving myself of sustenance in order to achieve peak male fitness. I’ve been at the gym for the better part of the past 6 years, but have slacked the past year or two, not really being serious about dieting or fitness discipline.
All of that has changed today, this being the beginning of May — the month of my birth and beginning of warmer climes. The grams of creatine are being generously absorbed. Protein and animal fat are being consumed. A heuristic journey of peak physical fitness has begun at House Fly, which will end in a massive punch to the nostrils of my most hated enemy.
The gypsy siren is screaming this evening, and I hope you could see to it to unmoor yourselves from your pornography, for a great black tornado is whirring towards your house. Stocks are going to get de-cocked, in ravenous form, and with it your liquid assets.
Meanwhile, cryptos are edge lording higher — exhibiting an air of invincibility in the face of a Tommy Rotted tape.
Top picks: STORJ, ELF, INS, ENG, SOXS, LABD, OSTK, SSC.
Sleep tight. Back to drinking a most disgusting brand of plant protein, a leftover from my vegan days. This shit should be banned in all 50 states.
The black flag is now permanently hoisted on the mast of iBC, designed to instill fear into the manlets and numales who stumble upon this holy site. If you’re eating an avocado toast, and swishing it down with a craft ale, and posses a fairly thick set of spectacles and beard, you might be visiting the wrong site. This site here is designed for men who smoke cigars, eat 2 1/2 inch ribbed eyes, and guzzles large quantities of whiskey — because it’s the only thing on earth that can keep us from killing thy neighbor.
If you are, in fact, a 99% dark chocolate eating faggot, do not fear — all hope is not lost. “The Fly” is fully equipped and can restore you to whatever glory you might’ve be capable of, before you lost the culture wars. It’s worth noting, this does not include Canadians and British fish and chips eating red coats — for all hope is lost in those parts of the world.
Markets Mcplunged lower today and I am long SOXS, LABD, SSC, and OSTK. Check my fucking resume, as I bowl on your pinheads with violent vigor.
“Oh Fly, please tell me, what is the Black Flag and what does it mean?”
Observe.
I like your zeal. Now get out there and put your SOXS on and quit being a victim of circumcision.
Ticker symbol is IMTE, typically trades ~400 shares per day. But today is lit AF, trading millions, going up in all sort of manners.
Stock closed under 2 bucks yesterday, but printed $40 today — totally normal pin action.
Is there news on this shit? No idea and I don’t care. They do 3d printing, but they don’t really do anything. There’s 237,000 in the float — a clown show mafia scam stock. I do hope, however, that certain penny stock newsletter short sellers get caught up in this shit and sent directly to the funeral parlor in a short squeeze for the cemetery.
