SON OF A BITCH

It takes a special sort of clown to get nailed to the wall in DRIP and again in OSTK and again in SOXS — all in a single day. Logic dictates I should shuffle myself sideways and into cash; but I won’t do that because MUH genius.

Yesterday I doubled down in SOXS and now I have a twelve foot grave.

This morning OSTK gapped higher by 7% and I declared supremacy over all homosapiens because of it. Now I’ve been smacked with the homohammer, as I waltz towards an elegant death.

What the fuck do I have going for me on the upside?

A little TZOO from this morning’s purchase, SSC, YINN, and DUST. All in all, it’s a giant exercize in futility. There’s no fucking way I’d tactically trade for clients anymore. You’ve got to be a god damned moron to put yourself thru the rigors of that, and for what!? Fuck around and catch a C level student from FINRA sending out activity letters to your best clients, pitching lawsuits to them.

Your job is to raise assets and grow them in the most cordial way possible. Pay attention to Sharpe ratios, allocations, diversification, and most importantly Exodus OS signals.

As I approach 42, I got to say, I don’t need this shit anymore — dicking around in volatile names like I was 22. There was a time and place when I’d do it and loved it and truly raped the market on a daily basis. As I matured, I learned there were better, more efficient, ways to skin the cat. Trust me when I tell you, the computers know best — and none better than Exodus.

Fuck this oil shit. I sold DRIP for the quickest 12% drop in my life and rolled the proceeds into a burrito named BZUN. Nothing can stop the great dogged nation of China from achieving supremacy. Ergo, I am very bullish on China, long BZUN, ZX,  and YINN to counteract my position in SOXS.

My OSTK is sprinting higher after reporting miserable earnings. That’s a key tell right there that the stock wants higher.

All in all, I hope the market crashes thru the floor boards and zeroes out the retirement funds of a certain Michael Cohen. But in the event that doesn’t happen, I’m prepared.

Oil is squeezing higher and it might stop and reverse from here — but I needed to draw a line in the sand in order to permit degeneracy to continue in my underwater SOXS position.

Lastly, I bought into TZOO, in spite of recent gains.

Here are the top rated stocks in Exodus right now.

ARWR, SKY, ENVA, TNDM, HEAR, GTHX, NIHD, TZOO.

My dog attempted to savagely attack another fellow house pet this morning. It’s awfully embarrassing, especially at 8am. The woman walking the fluffy little thing looked absolutely mortified, gazing into the teeth of my wild coyote. I’ll have you know, my new gym routine is going swimmingly, as I am partaking in all sorts of exercises and tracking each and every thing I eat via an app. My goal is for a 600 cal deficit per day, shred body fat down to ~12%, then bulk up to ~17%, then cut again down to 12%. This might sound retarded to some of you fat fucks, but it is the only way to build mass without having a fuckload of fat underneath it.

Futures are +100 and oil is screaming higher. I am prepared to have my balls boxed off in my DRIP today. I wanted to short oil because it just seemed too fucking obvious that it’d go higher. Normally the right thing to do is fade the herd, make a pile of cash, repeat. And this trade might still work out in the end. But for now, it’s elevator down.

Walmart is taking a majority stake in India’s Flipkart for $16b. That deal seems very risky to me. What the fuck does Walmart thinks it’s doing?

One small thing to keep track of in the corner of your eye are Greek bonds, up 8bps today to 4.23%. Their 10yr has been weak for a about a week and we all know how Greece likes to scare Europe into crisis every 3 years or so.

Here are other movers this morning.

Trump nuked the Iranian nuke deal today and reapplied sanctions on that devilish regime. In back of Trump, confident, was John ‘Fucking’ Bolton — Trump’s new national security advisor.

"I was struck by John Bolton standing at the door as you saw President Trump exit. Look, this is the regime change crew. They're back in town, they're ascendant.," says @camanpour after Iran announcement.

— Michael Calderone (@mlcalderone) May 8, 2018

German companies have been instructed to wind down operations in Iran.

As @realDonaldTrump said, US sanctions will target critical sectors of Iran’s economy. German companies doing business in Iran should wind down operations immediately.

— Richard Grenell (@RichardGrenell) May 8, 2018

Meanwhile, it’s worth reminding readers that Bolton has been literally calling for war and regime change in Iran for quite some time and even promised to a ‘Free Iran’ captive audience that they would, in fact, be celebrating in Tehran by the end of 2019.

Watch.

Bolton wants regime change in Iran. Promises to 'celebrate in Tehran' by the end of 2019. Trump isn't a neoc… pic.twitter.com/wMjyXOhvF9

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 8, 2018

Friendly Update: Regime change in Syria underway! Israeli jets bomb Damascus!

Hey look at the fake news being spread now, most likely printed last night to sell this reversal in US policy.

Iranian troops are, apparently, making awkward movements, staring at the sun sideways and spitting on the ground like camels. For that, the state of Israel is on the highest of alerts and is calling up reserves. No shit, they really are. Also, and this goes without saying, bombs should be flying soon — because the Iranians are, mind you, an evil scourge on this planet — an obtuse and imminent threat to our way of life. It should be noted, and readily so, they are not a democracy and pal around with brutal dictators like Assad and Putin.

Very soon, America and her allies will strike deadly blows to this evil regime in order to usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, until of course more peace is needed, which will cause us to repeat this process, ad infinitum.

As for my investments, they’re doing swell. Quant account is jogging on +0.4%. My trading positions are okay, with exception to my DRIP position which is getting ball boxed hard, thanks to nonsensical hysteria. That is offset by my gains in OSTK, YINN, and SSC.

To be honest, it’s all a bore, until something actually happens.

War with Iran when?

Why not now?

There’s not a lot of rocket science with this trade. Stronger dollar means less reason to store money in useless gold bars. There is a fairly good correlation between gold and dollars now, one that I encourage all to pay attention to.

To play this, I’m long the 3x purple faggot ETF, DUST.

Moreover, and this goes without saying, oil is way over-priced at present levels. Perhaps The House of Saud needs higher crude in order to IPO their state owned oil company. Or perhaps Trump is truly on Team Putin and is helping to needle Brent higher, in order to place some rubles in Vlad’s pockets. Either way, this shit is fadeable.

To play this, I am long the yellow nostril monster, DRIP.

Markets are flat and eagerly awaiting Trump’s 2pm announcement on the Iranian deal. I have no intention of trading the headlines for this announcement — because it should not have a material impact on stocks. I’m not saying there will not be a reaction, traders are fucking stupid. But, over a longer time frame, this is a nothing burger.

Off to the gym, fully loaded with 5gs of creatine.

Trump will probably nix the Iranian deal today, reducing US diplomacy to a hilarious farce. That being said, this should not make crude go higher. After all, what the fuck are we pricing in — nukes in Iran?

At $70 WTI, I like the prospects of lower crude in the immediate term, priced heavily in dollar terms — extra FAGLORD Gartman.

Markets are modestly lower. There is strength in biotech — but I have no interest.

All I want and require is sharply lower stock prices, especially in oil, gold, and semis.

At least for a short while, time enough for me to exit out from my positions. I doubled down in SOXS yesterday and have an interest in short gold, so I’d be remiss if I wasn’t somewhat rooting for the market to pull in a bit. Perhaps the President will nix the Iranian nuke deal and perhaps that might cause tensions to rise in the middled east. Sometimes it’s important to remember that most of us are pawns in a much larger game being played, a stupid game created by malevolent people who do not truly understand the meaning of life. They take their little positions of power and wield it wherever their small cocks point and use it to hurt people.

Nasdaq futs are -16 and gold is flat, crude down -0.7%. The dollar is rising again, higher by 0.44% v the euro. This should be an albatross around the necks of gold bugs and I believe it’s only a matter of time before there is a reckoning.

Youtube has banned iBankCoin and so has Facebook. Twitter has given me two suspensions over the past two months and I’m not even discussing politics anymore. It appears there is an active program that targets certain people and I’ve found my way onto a blacklist of some sort. Perhaps it’s because of my time writing for Zerohedge, or perhaps it’s because of my early advocacy of Trump — or maybe it’s just bad luck. Whatever it may be, admittedly, it really takes the fun out of sharing crazy ideas and thoughts, being original and wanting to make people laugh. At the end of the day, I perform satire and use hyperbole to make people laugh and I’ve been doing it for more than a decade. I’ll always have iBankCoin and I don’t need their platforms — but it’s unfortunate that they feel a need to do this.

Here’s the morning movers, courtesy of Briefing.com.

In reality, he’s a fucking NYC billionaire who belongs to an elite circle of people who dish the dirt on the political elite on a regular basis. Blackmail is what keeps this house of cards together.

Note, Trump predicted a grotesque end to Schneiderman in 2013.

Weiner is gone, Spitzer is gone – next will be lightweight A.G. Eric Schneiderman. Is he a crook? Wait and see, worse than Spitzer or Weiner

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 11, 2013

For those out of the loop, the AG of NY is being accused of physically abusing multiple women — mainly because he’s a piece of shit. Lawyer shit — the absolute worst kind of human being, feces with legs.

The highest-ranking law enforcement official in New York —> https://t.co/dlnMNt9UXN pic.twitter.com/FwdQFNMz8J

— Shane Goldmacher (@ShaneGoldmacher) May 7, 2018

Worth noting, one month ago Eric Schneiderman shut down the investigation into what we now know as the Nxivum sex cult of upstate NY, starring the girl from Small World.

Nothing will happen. Deal gets axed — oil goes down.

Deal gets done — oil goes down.

From now until the end of January, oil is dead money. Move on or prove me wrong.