18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
I would have bargained for more, if the decision was up to me. Nevertheless, I will take what I can get. And my take for the day was almost 1% to the upside, thanks to heavy exposure to old school mega caps, like KMB, GIS and PEP.
During the afternoon, even my WNR reversed and charged higher. I was partially chagrined by the semis, especially my position in NXPI. After all, they smashed numbers and life is good for the friendly folks at NXPI, always invited to the finest and most elegant affairs hosted by KKR.
After the bell, crickets could be heard around the office, as the sentiment shifted from “wow, we just dodged a fucking errant cannon ball” to “I want more tomorrow.”
Well, be patient dear friends, for we all shall have more tomorrow, except for the bears of course. We will suckle and take company with great whores and suckle some more. Fistfuls of cocaine tossed carelessly into rapidly spinning fans (the metal kind). The markets will massage our temples and violently skin the shorts for their barbarism.
I like to think of myself as a fan of the stock market. Aside from managing money, I enjoy reading, listening and watching people talk about strategies, stocks and macro ideas. Over the years, the Yahoo message boards has been a place where imperious street cleaners pumped and dumped their shares on unsuspecting garbage lovers. Phrases like “TIMBERRRRR” are very popular there and all of the cretins on those boards seem to enjoy a particularly low brand of humour.
In the modern era, I consider StockTwits and Twitter to be the dominate message boards for the markets, places where investors get together and talk shit about stocks. To StockTwits credit, they curate their feed, eliminating scammers and bottom feeders from defiling their stream.
But the over-arching theme every where I look, every where I listen and read, is pessimism. The Hugh Hendrys, Great Roubinis, Meredith Whitneys are very popular indeed. And it’s not because they are very smart, which they all are. To that point, people like to hear them speak because they are bearshitters. There is a reason why Zerohedge is so popular, aside from his incredible work ethic and pristine content. Tyler is loved because he wants the world to end– and he wants that shit to happen immediately.
iBankCoin is the last bastion, the safe-haven of safe-havens, where the speech is free and the bulls roam with their balls swinging in the wind. Aside from the occasional Bleier/Caine assault on good hard working oil and gas personnel, iBC remains defiant in the face of overwhelming bearshitterness.
I just pulled up the StockTwits app and purveyed the “Trending” stocks stream and guess what I saw?
Answer: You fuckers are talking shit again. How can the markets crash when everyone is expecting it?
This new generation of investors have been tainted by the collapse of 2008. These young players really, really suck dick– because they all want to call the next crash. Everyone wants notoriety, calling out companies and combing over books, as if these C student gym rats were PWC audit partners.
Please. Relax, it’s only an Al Qaeda bomb. Clearly, you are in over your head. Stop embarrassing yourself, for the sake of your future children who will learn about your indigent legacy.
Starting out I dealt with the crashes of 1997, 1998, 2000-2002 and I still managed to get 200% long into the 2003 rally. You’re never going to make BIG money betting against stocks. That is a fact. There will be pockets of weakness, in between rip your face off rallies. To believe that “this time is different” is always a suckers bet. By betting against progress and prosperity, via clamoring for stock market disaster, that’s exactly what you are doing.
France was down 2% when I went to sleep last night and S&P futures were dramatically lower, -180. The bearshitters were elated on Twitter last night, rejoicing in the bad news, lathering themselves with the pain of others, declaring victory. I fucking warned them all, last night, that I was going to kill them all. I told them “PREPARE TO BE SHOT FROM CARNIVAL CANNONS” should the market trade up today. Lo and behold, France is up and futures are down 30.
By no means am I boasting. From my vantage point, Senor Tropicana has a lot of work to do, none of which requires chest pounding or early celebrations.
IT’S NOT A GAME ANYMORE.
I said it yesterday and I will say it now: the European move AWAY from austerity is good. The fucking Tea Parties of the world can fuck themselves. Trying to be austere when the economy is collapsing is fucking juvenile. The arch-fiends in Germany need to stop worrying about inflation and understand deflation is the real risk. Once the Europeans embrace their printing presses, world markets will fucking soar.
Spain is up 1.3% and I’m going to slap someone in the face with a hot slice of pizza today. The world is as it should be.
Top picks: KMB, YELP, PEP
THIS IS WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO, IF YOU HAVEN’T DONE SO ALREADY: Sign up to iBankCoin or start a blog here. Contribute! Also, you can link up your twitter handle and we will list you on sidebar. Very soon the GAMIFICATION of iBankCoin will begin and you will want to be a part of it.
Fine, I will broach the subject of bastard French and Greek election results. This should come as no surprise, as the world knew who was going to win. Nevertheless, in true fucktarded stock market form, we’re all drama Queens tonight, machinating about the ongoings in Athens and how it pertains to the Euro.
“The Euro is going to fucking collapse under the weight of heavy Greek lounge chairs, vacationing in Skopelos.”
So both France and Greece are moving away from austerity. Explain to me how that is worse for stocks, aside from the fact that German brinksmanship stands in the way?
Stock are knifing lower now because of uncertainty. This is the fucking story that just won’t die. It’s like the boogieman, God damn it, Michael Myers in all of his pomp and grandeur. Shares of Apple are down 16 of 18 days, or something like that. For what? Law of large numbers, plush with $112 billion in cash? I can’t think of a safer haven.
Nevertheless, the men wrapped in burlap will have a lovely sleep tonight, dreaming of nightmarish scenarios, all surrounding around the idea of large capital losses, margin calls and outright death and mayhem. These people are sick and deranged, well deserving of electric shock treatment. Don’t bother poking sticks at me, in an effort to agitate. I am already as mad as can be, heavily long, albeit grandpa stocks, into the teeth of yet another hazard.
Time and effort is what I stand to lose, time and effort. It took a lot of time and effort to get to where I am today. And, it will take even more time to regain all of the fucking money I stand to lose tomorrow. One way or another, I will come out on top, as I have always managed to do. But this shit is testing the outer limits of my controlled insanity to the point of no return.
Having said all of that, I am sure Ben Bernanke is watching the action, whilst smoking his blunts filled with marijuana, declaring “watch, son, I’m gonna get those bitches real good this time.”
Nothing has changed, just the curtains on the living room window.
A lot of people I know have been minting coing long VHC. I used to own the stock at around $14, but sold it because I am a fucking moron. Nevertheless, there is a very interesting story to be told in the name. Long term contributor and friend of mine, Chuck Bennett, alongside the ever elusive “Devil”, have been heavy buyers of the stock and options for months. This is what I can tell you, relating to the story and why they feel it is going to $70.
VirnetX is a patent troll company, armed with some of the best attorneys money can buy. They are claiming ownership of the Secure Domain Names/Registry, in other words: every time you make a purchase via iTunes, VHC expects to get a cut. Their patents were recently validated by a Federal Judge, who ruled against Microsoft, awarding VHC $200 million. They have open lawsuits with a number of companies, including AAPL, pursuing the framework of royalty whoring established by QCOM many years ago.
One of their open cases against CSCO, AAPL, NEC and Aastra pertain to the core products of each company (think iTunes) and amount to $160 billion in sales, ANNUALLY. In layman’s terms, every time someone accesses iTunes via their iPhone or iPad, it violates VHC’s patents. Pretty sick, huh?
Regarding valuation: The company has $60 mill in cash, no debt, with a small burn. Bulls who know the story say the settlements to come may amount to over $8 billion. The bears who are being flamed in the stock point to other patent trolls, like CEVA and TSRA, who shot higher early, only to come crashing down later. Whether this is the next QCOM is anyone’s guess. It’s too hard to predict how a judge might rule. Nevertheless, the stock has been working and is clearly being recognized by investors as a story to watch.
Pardon the brevity of this post. There are people who know the story much better than I do and are welcomed to leave bullet points in the comments section.
Also Related: fuck, fuck, fuck! (note left by yours truly in The PPT many moons ago. There are 26 pages of notes in there.)
These are the top ranked stocks in The PPT, using technicals as a barometer. I’ll be talking about long term PPT favorite, old position of mine and current position of “The Devil” and Chuck Bennett, VHC, tomorrow evening.
Despite what the indices and the dicksuckers on CNBC tell you, the real market is near or at 3 month lows. I have proof.
Inside of The PPT, I set up custom indexes that represent the market. I will post the 3 month charts for you to bear witness to the carnage that has befallen the market in recent weeks. Oh how I long for the days when AAPL would go +10 and the Dow refreshed my somber demeanor with a +40.
Commodity stocks
Raw Commodities
Tech
GARP (Growth at Reasonable Price)–totally unreasonable.
Financials
Foreign Stocks
Social Networkers
This is a work of art, sweet molasses on top of hominy for the ears. Enjoy.
Did you know that if a delicious piece of pastry or donut was in front of my face right now, I would not eat it? Similarly, I will not touch anything but grass fed meat and will only indulge in red meat once per month, if at all. Also, I haven’t had a cup of coffee, aside from that one time when I met long term reader “J” at Keen’s steakhouse in NYC, for over 1 year, after habitually drinking 5 cups per day. I will not do it, due to my desire to reduce caffeine consumption.
On principal, I refuse to use anything but extra virgin olive oil and I never fill my tank with premium gas, only regular. When at home, I only listen to classical music and I’ve never used foul language around my wife and kids. Generally speaking, I don’t like answering my phone, but will reply to an email within seconds. I prefer Bordeaux wine over all others, especially from the year 2005 and I absolutely hate Pinot Noir. I only drink Earl Gray tea, but will refuse if it contains any sugar. I will only drink my tea with honey and a dash of milk (no homo).
Upwards of 90% of my wardrobe is dry clean only.
In the House of Fly, the food is organic and a regular snack consists of almonds and dried cherries.
I wake up every morning at 6:48 am, without failure, and my favorite composer of all time is Phillip Glass. I especially prefer Symphony no.9, mvt II, and play it in my home with great repetition.
I don’t sleep much, as I am either too concerned with the markets or reading a book. I rarely read anything but classics. At the moment, I am stuck on page 700 of Bleak House by Charles Dickens. Oh, and I don’t buy paper books anymore, just on the iPad.
My point: I am a creature of habit, highly disciplined in a number of ways. When I make up my mind about something, nothing can deter me from completion. These same behavioral traits can be noticed in my investing methods. Throughout the years you’ve noticed my stubbornness in FTK, MVIS, HANS, BWLD, GSVS, WNR and most recently CPST and YELP translate into unmitigated or negotiated winship. However, the times are changing and the mood has become exceedingly dour.
There was once a time when nothing could stop me, not even time itself. However, over the past few months, Le Fly has been plagued by a number of nuisances, most readily seen here on iBC through my investment malfunctions. In real life, there have been some truly unbelievable things gnawing away at my soul, attempting to sap my energy and vanquish my person from existence.
HOWEVER, let it be known, I shall not bend to the caprices of some asshole “star God” and will fight this cosmic curse thrust upon me until I am dead. On the hair of Hector, I will not negotiate my surrender, under any circumstances. This might very well come at a great expense to Mrs. Fly, who grows weary of the stock exchange and how it refuses to comport to my demands.
Let it be known, my path is being set, trail-blazed with the fire set by my soul. If you dare to follow me, be sure to wrap yourself in a fireproof cloak. This path is not for the faint of heart or weakest of skins.
Before the storm begins here, I want you to know grandpa stocks are doing just fine, dozing off on the porch, pleasantly going about their day without a care in the world. My positions in KMB and GIS are the envy of the market. But I also have a whole basket of other shit, behaving in an entirely different manner.
The jobs numbers were bad because we are repeating last year. This is almost identical to the fuckery that was 2011, only this time it will be sprearheaded by the fucking faggots in Spain. Why don’t you pussies revolt already?
Expect the data to get progressively worse, leading up to the Fed coming in and raping all shorts in broad daylight, with one of their fucked up plans. Then, miraculously, as the election nears, the data will improve. We will enjoy a terrific Q4 rally, as if this shit never happened.
Back in the old days, when a stock broke the $100 threshold, the shares were split 2 for 1. Only a handful of stocks kept their share prices at obnoxious prices, most aligned with the Great Fucktard himself: Warren Buffet. Do you know why companies don’t split their shares anymore?
Answer: because they don’t give a shit about the retail investor. The retail investor is no longer an integral part of the market place. They have been eviscerated by trading robots, cordoned off into corrupt areas of the market, such as 3x ETF’s. Gone are the days when you could value a company on its FCF and FPE.
Now to my point. The majority of people that I meet in real life are flawed animals, depraved beings with infected minds. Naturally, the internet is no different. I would never walk into someone’s home and throw meatloaf against their wall– and insult the caretaker or host of such a dwelling. Many of you are quite comfortable in flaunting your vagrant behavior by trying to rub salt in my wounds, declaring “I told you so” and gleefully walking about my website like a happy homo in the east village.
That’s where you are wrong.
This shit here is NOT for your entertainment. I am not the jackass clown in the glass box, waiting to be dunked into the water below. I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, rip apart your limbs (legs, arms, head, chest cavity)–crush your bones into dust. All of you will be banned, all of you. I have already banned over 800 people, creatures of the blue lagoon, perverts, men addled with chemical imbalances. I have no problem carting you off to the crematory, so don’t fuck with me.
On a more pleasant note, I am being smashed like an accordion today, played by some monkey in a small Italian village. My WNR has been chopped and I’d rather not discuss YELP anymore. I am, without a doubt, the angriest man in the world.
First things first, I hope my personal hell hasn’t tainted the rose flavored water that you keep in storage. I like to think my feelings regarding Yelp were transparent and my ominous sense of doom clearly communicated.
The truth of the matter is, I am cosmically cursed. I haven’t made any sacrifices to the Gods for over 6 months and they are punishing me for it, in spades.
The jargon left in the comments section is repulsive and regrettably puported by small minded goat fuckers, who have seemingly escaped my lash.
The mainspring of this post is to serve as a reminder that I have a murderous rage inside of me and will make you pay your “fair share” for disturbing me on a day when my largest position was down 10% on good news. This is the quarter to accumulate Yelp, as they close in on profitability.
You are without top hat.
Tomorrow’s jobs numbers will set the tone. My mood is dark, so I am not optimistic about my prospects in the near term.
