iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
15,807 Blog Posts

Asshat of the Week Award: Nicole Miller Regan

 

Friday, February 16, 2007

Congrats to Nicole Miller Regan, from Piper Jaffray (aka Piker Jackme), for winning the first ever “Asshat of the Week” award. Not only did Ms. Regan get bearish on BWLD, during the “holocaust of chickens” quarter, she attributed her bearishness to “higher chicken prices.” It never dawned on her that BWLD could pass those costs along to the inebriated, fat fuckers–who wolf down their “expensive” chicken wings, while watching their sport of choice. For that, “The Fly” (3rd person format was triggered last night) is thankful, having bought a nice block of shares in the high 40’s. The stock is now trading at $55. Hence, “The Fly” would like to present the “Asshat of the Week” award to the beautiful Nicole Miller Regan aka “calculator-less brain.”

Bravo. (applause)
Meanwhile, chicken prices, she wrote in a note to investors, are skyrocketing. After struggling with an oversupply of chickens earlier in the year due to avian flu fears, chicken producers have restricted their production which has led prices to climb, particularly in the last few months.

Regan noted that prices are up 20 percent in the year’s first quarter from the same period last year. The increase, she said, could mean the cost of sales may rise to 32.4 percent of restaurant sales in 2007.

For the current fourth quarter, Regan said she expects the company’s cost of sales to be 30.9 percent of total sales, reflecting lower chicken prices earlier in the winter. She added she expects earnings to miss Wall Street’s estimates by 1 cent at 52 cents per share when the company reports its fourth-quarter earnings after the market closes Thursday.

ROFLMAO!

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Asshat of the Week Award: Guy Adami

Friday, April 20, 2007

Does this man even go on the internets? I mean, he went out on national t.v. and said “YHOO is going to have their best quarter ever.” When “The Fly” heard that statement, I knew he would be getting the “Asshat of the Week Award,” sometime very soon.

Granted, Guy is my favorite character on Fast Money; which is, by far, the best financial news program in all the world. Plus, two of his other cohorts, Timmy and Jeffy, both were fucktardingly bullish on YHOO too–and probably egged Adami into saying such gay things about the stock. Nonetheless, Guy still said it.

But, still, I don’t think Guy even owns a computer, being stuck in the 80’s and all. Yet he is throwing out comments, such as: “this is going to be YHOO‘s biggest quarter ever.” What the fuck!

Asshat!

Personally, I’d rather own 1 Yoohoo chocolate milk, than 1 YHOO share. They fucking suck, don’t you get it? Their website is garbage and their search technology “Panama” was created by many over paid asshats. It sucks too.

Look, GOOG is Godzilla and YHOO is Japan. It’s that simple.

There is not room for both and YHOO already lost the search wars, mainly because they fucking suck.

So, with YHOO‘s disaster of a quarter, coupled with the fact that Guy suggested buying it (to millions of people), prior to the disaster, “The Fly” is giving Mr. Adami a fucking Asshat Award (I have to get these things out the door).

Congrats!

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The Important Matter of iBankCoin.com

As you know, “The Fly” left that shitbox called Flyonwallstreet.blogspot.com, mainly for cosmetic reasons.

In the first place, it’s embarrassing for someone of my stature to bless the internets, via words of wisdom, on a blogspot address.

For example: Just last week, “The Fly” was out on a boys night out, drinking harsh scotch and eating big steaks, when one of my jerk off friends told everyone at the table about my blog, much to my chagrin.

Shortly thereafter, everyone started asking questions, like: “hey, where can I read that stuff?” or “are you make any money doing it?”

Then it dawned on me. Having the word “blogspot” attached to anything “Fly” is gay– and makes me look poor.

After all, you don’t see real people, with real money, blogging from a fucking blogspot address, do you (if so, please email me, so that I may show my hatfucking friends)?

Moreover, if “The Fly” is going to waste inordinate amounts of time, talking to assholes about the market, he might as well own the fucking real estate– and then sell it for a few million dollars down the road.

In short, “The Fly” is the best blogger on the internet– everyone knows it. Therefore, it makes sense to build iBankCoin.com from the ground up, vacuum all the web traffic from weak third tier bloggers, threaten the viability of inferior first tier blogs, like Realmoney.com, then sell the fucker for a warehouse full of euro’s, much to your chagrin.

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Fly Buy: VMW

I bought 2,000 VMW @ $88.53.

Disclaimer: If you buy VMW because of this post, you will run out of money. And, you may lose money.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Tom Brown

 Friday, March 09, 2007

Without a doubt, this week’s “Asshat of the Week Award” goes to Tom Brown from Second Curve Capital, who also writes tons of fucktarded “bank-tardedness” at Bankstocks.com.

I know Cramer likes to polish this guys knob every chance he gets, but he is a one man wrecking ball– with regards to his fund. Tom has been uber bullish on the sub-prime lenders, recommending and owning shares of NEW and LEND, amongst others. In addition to the sub-prime death spirals, Tom is a big fan of high risk financial stocks, such as CCRT, FMD, NTBK, ECPG etc. Furthermore, he owns the fuckers in size.

On 2/28/2007, Tom recommended, with two pumped fists, LEND, exclaiming:

Given the level of investor panic surrounding the sub-prime borrower lately, I’m feeling very greedy regarding sub-prime lenders these days, and am especially greedy over sub-prime mortgage lenders in particular. (One company among them stands out; I’ll get to it in a minute.) This is one of those times in investing, I believe, when it will pay to be very, very aggressive.”

Clearly,Tom has let old age deteriorate his brain, to the point where fucked up bank stocks “appear” to be good investments.

Also, it’s worth noting, his 800 million dollar hedge fund may be in jeopardy, providing his positions stay down.

I am not aware of his funds agreements, with regards to redemptions. However, I will say, if his partners are permitted to withdraw funds on a quarterly basis, Tom’s 800 million will be substantially less– come March 31st.

Trust me, people smell blood out there and will short the fuck out of his positions, if they knew Second Curve needed to liquidate, in order to meet redemptions.

It has been reported, due to Tom’s asshattery, that Second Curve lost over 8% in January alone and more than 18% in smaller funds. Moreover, according to some of the numbers I crunched, he may be down a staggering 16%+ (not including NEW!), inside two short months of the new year.

To clarify the mess, I had a spreadsheet with Tom’s positions, compiled. However, I do not know how many shares of NEW his fund owns.Considering the current state of NEW, I doubt Second Curve will release that information.

Click here for asshattery.
(spreadsheet of Second Curve’s positions)

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The Important Matter of Japanese Barbers

Just in case you were wondering, I fired my Japanese barber yesterday.

First of all, God forbid I am 5 minutes late– the fucker cancels my appointment. While it’s true, he is a Picasso with the scissors, fuck that. “The Fly” is far too busy and callous, than to arrive at a barbershop on time.

Secondly, that fucker raises his prices–every damn time I’m there. Albeit, we are talking small numbers– 5 bucks here, 10 bucks there. Still, it was getting ridiculous.

So, following yesterday’s hair cut, I asked him, despite the fact he doesn’t speak any English, “what are you using light sweet crude to grease those scissors?” I queried why his prices go up 5 bucks– everytime I visit. However, all he did was nod– because he had no fucking idea what I was saying. So, I said fuck it– and paid the man his inflated, oil adjusted, prices.

I’m sure he would make a great business partner for my Chinese food guy. Couple of assholes they are.

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The Important Matter of General Contractors

Trust me when I tell you, nobody despises general contractors more than “The Fly.” Unfortunately, due to my wife’s desire to constantly build stuff and renovate, I am in non-stop “negotiations” with these jerk-offs.

One guy, named Frank, is obviously in the Italian mafia. He looks like Phil Leotardo and sends a 6’5/275 pound gorilla to “collect,” after every 1/4th of the job is complete. I am constantly arguing with him and his fucking prices are absurd.

For example, he charged me $850 to skim coat and prime a small wall. Whenever I ask him to do a job, his initial reply is: “that’s gonna cost ya.” Then he proceeds to mark me up 300%. Everything starts at 1,000 dollars. Everything.

However, Frank and I have a certain understanding with one another. He probably thinks I sell crack, being so young and able to pay him 30k in cash on a day’s notice. He, on the other hand, has ample supply of “illegal Mexican’s,” who do everything– soup to nuts.

In short, Frank has probably whacked a lot of people to get where he is today. Who am I to debate his inflationary construction bills?

The way I look at it, it’s good for karma. The more money I give Frank, the higher my stocks go.

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