IT’S OFFICIAL: CARL ICAHN IS GOING TO DESTROY BILL ACKMAN

If I was Bill Ackman, I’d cover the entirety of my HLF short position tomorrow and let Carl have the company.

Just a short while ago, Icahn announced a very long position in HLF, acquiring 12.8% of the company–joining Dan Loeb in a whimsical quest to eviscerate the sexual deviant, Bill Ackman. I wonder if they really even know anything about Herbal life?

What’s more dangerous than a 76 year old man with $15 billion in the market, hell bent on putting you out of business? Let’s face it, Carl isn’t going to quit. He just made $600 million saving NFLX; now he’s going to place Bill “Mars Attacks” Ackman inside of a “Brazen Bull” to see him cook–ever so slowly.

Shares of HLF are up so much in the after-hours, Bill Ackman defecated his pants (no Carnival Cruise Ship Triumph).

If Ackman doesn’t come out on top of this one, his reputation will be ruined. Carl has publicly humiliated Ackman, questioning his investment acumen, and now he’s going to make him pay with his partners capital.

With this move up, Carl just made $100 million and Bill lost $200 million.

Icahn will be interviewed tomorrow, on CNBC, to shovel more dirt in the face of Ackman–must watch teevee.

Let the games begin!

***EXCLUSIVE***: Footage of Bill ‘Mars Attacks’ Ackman upon receiving the news of Carl Icahn’s position.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofSp-j1R4fw

The god damned tow lined snapped and people are now vomiting on one another, let alone slipping on fecal matter along the deck. The company, totally devoid of reason and rational thinking, offered their 4,200 passengers “full refunds” and coupons towards another cruise.

ROFL.

There are 10,000 well educated Jewish attorneys waiting at dock for  sewage soaked passengers to being filing claims. If I was on that ship (“The Fly” doesn’t travel on cruise ships, but privately owned aircraft carriers), I’d sue CCL until every single member of their counsel died. I’d sue them for the rest of my life, for an unprecedented amount of money. With the wins, I’d take the money and short more CCL–until it hit $00.00.

“There’s poop and urine all along the floor,” Renee Shanar, of Houston, said from her cellphone aboard the ship. “The floor is flooded with sewer water … and we had to poop in bags.”

The ship was in sight of the Alabama shore Thursday afternoon when the tow line broke.

Until the repair is complete, the ship is “dead in the water and when they reconnect safely, they then proceed on their way,” Coast Guard Petty Officer William Colclough said.

The 14-story ship still has to negotiate a tricky shipping channel before it could dock. Before the line broke, the ship was traveling about 5 mph.

Television images from CNN showed passengers with signs of “Help” and “I love you” hanging from their cabin rooms. Others walked around the deck, some waving to the helicopters flying above. People in boats, presumably officials from Carnival, the Coast Guard and Customs, have boarded the ship.

Shanar, who is on the ship with her husband, said the couple had a cabin with no windows, so they have been sleeping outside for days. She said the food has been distributed on the 9th floor, and some of the elderly have needed younger people to bring it to them. They were initially only given cold cuts, like turkey and vegetable sandwiches. Then another cruise line dropped off hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, but the line for that fare was nearly four hours long.

“And then people started getting sick from the food,” she said.
source

There is a whole new breed of animal on that boat, marinating in sun baked urine– sustaining themselves on raw onion sandwiches.

The company has disputed the accounts of passengers who describe the ship as filthy, saying employees are doing everything to ensure people are comfortable.

Imbecille!

 

“It says the room smells like an outhouse, there’s no air conditioning, cold water only,” Lanier says, holding up his cell phone with the texts. “She says the toilet hasn’t worked in three-and-a-half days.”

Another Houston resident with a wife on board the ship, 49-year-old Mike Padilla, was in high spirits as he arrived at the port today and said his wife was handling the situation well.

“She said it was like a tent city, that it was like a big camping trip for her,” Padilla says. “She said they were still having fun and still trying to make the best of it.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA8TXLrmIJY

And this…

Comments »

I have zero interest in gold/silver miners. That trade died when Romney got taken to the woodshed this November. All of the “hard money guys” feel a great sense of dejection and have ceased buying gold stocks. Without a doubt, gold and silver are the very worst places to put money now and have been for the past two years. If you’re still holding a portfolio filled with them, just know, you’re an idiot.

I compiled a list of distressed stocks that I will be researching. Feel free to chime in, as you become acclimated with the names.

Is it time to jump back into the coal mine? Time will tell.

Bottom line: this is a bull market and I am up 0.4% for the day, 100% invested on the long side.

Old man Buffett is buying ketchup. He’s a cynical type. Perhaps the government will begin inserting drugs in our ketchup, in order to maintain a docile mob. Either way, I think it’s fair to say mergers and acquisitions are back. Men of banking have their swagger bag.  Million dollar bonuses and the private jet life are their rite. Soon enough, the ipo market will boom and private equity will become increasingly active–which is why I am long GS and BX.

Just so you know, BX has been a very big buyer of foreclosed properties over the years and now hold a portfolio of more than $3 billion. Not only is BX your best private equity play–but it’s also a great way to play the housing recovery.

ANGI is going absolutely gangbusters this morning. Naturally, I missed out on the run, even though I was a fan. Here is a snippet of a convo I had with RC about it, on 9/11/12–when the stock was at $10.

This has become a regular occurrence. It takes patience to hold distressed assets, a character trait that I am lacking in some regard. I am very patient with stocks that I believe in–but not so much in names that are shrouded with uncertainty–as was the case with ANGI.

Seeing ANGI  soar makes me want to buy back NAV. The company is struggling and in the process of attempting a turn around. The valuation is so cheap, it’s almost worth the gamble. If they’re successful, the stock will quickly head back into the mid-$40’s.

Aside from taking Mrs. Fly to a Valentine’s Day lunch, I intend to research some distressed companies today. I will only buy them if the fundamentals scream value. Otherwise, they’re just dogs in a rip roaring market.

The first thing you should know this Valentine’s Day is that diamonds are coveted, by all women. From the grotesque to the anorexic, feel free to bestow diamonds upon her person–always of the GIA certified type, VS1 and higher. If you are buying diamonds from the shopping mall, just know, you are a vagrant and unsuited to purchase anything of value.

Remember, once you discard or divorce your present valentine, you can always execute a “claw-back” and resell the diamonds for at or near cost. The DeBeers family has a firm grip on the diamond trade, paid for with the blood of a warrior African class. There is nothing wrong with giving your wife a gift that is really a clandestine store of value for your hard work and labor.

Chocolates are traditional on Valentine’s Day. But make sure to buy her dark chocolate only, instead of the bastardized American version of chocolate, which is laden with superfluous amounts of milk and sugar. If your wife doesn’t like dark chocolate, too bad. She will learn how to acquire a taste for it. Plus, it has much less calories and will not transform your beautiful female friend into a fat undesirable troll.

After you give her the diamonds and chocolates, surprise her with florist grade flowers. This is a very important point I am about to make to you. Listen to me you cheap bastards.

Women do not like super-market grade flowers, that were picked by filthy animals, placed inside of glass vases. Moreover, the crap sold at 1-800 flowers or Proflowers is an embarrassment to the botanist community. Do yourselves a favour and head on down to the florist and order several dozen roses–placed in crystal. The price tag will cost hundreds of dollars–dependent on where you reside. But you will leave with a full heart knowing you did your best.

By the way, NEVER GIVE STUFFED ANIMALS. They are stupid and without class.

Lastly, you must take your wife to dinner. If you intend to drink, order a driver from a black car company (not the vagrant sort). Gentlemen never drive while intoxicated. As a matter of fact, gentlemen rarely drive themselves to events or gatherings. You should know these things already, so this may be redundant.

Dinner should be at a tier one restaurant, preferably Michelin rated 2-3 stars. This means reservations would’ve been made months in advance. True gentlemen of the first order plan ahead and never find themselves without a backup plan. If, by chance, you’re at your winter home– in an undesirable city that is without Michelin rated eateries–make sure to at least reserve the very best seat at the very best restaurant.

Most importantly, remember that you are never to receive anything but affection on Valentine’s day (no pervert). Gentlemen should not accept gifts of any sort, asking the lady to “please return this, as I am unable to receive it”–if such an awkward occasion arise. It is not your place to accept gifts on such a day. If you do not wish to insult your loved one, kindly ask her “to please reserve this for my birthday or Christmas, as I will be joyously overzealous to accept it then.”

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Aside from my positions, which are curated (no Stocktwits) to conform with my emotions, I am a huge fan of many companies and industries–powering this market higher.

One stock is CREE. I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll said it again: the incandescent light is to LEDs what kerosine was to the incandescent light. Eventually, all lighting will be of the LED variety. CREE is the main player and will continue to do well.

I am amazed at NFLX, not only because I sold 20,000 shares at $65–but for what it stands for. As much as I complain about the market, I am always looking for spectacular opportunities. I had one with NFLX–but didn’t possess the edge needed to hold through the tough times. Carl Icahn did and has been richly rewarded for it.

That’s what we are here for, not only to invest our nest eggs wisely, but to have a chance at hitting that elusive homerun. I know in a previous post I warned you about swinging for the fences, but that pertained to position sizing–not the concept of wanting to hit one.

I want to hit one and badly. I might have one with VHC–but it’s taking too long to materialize. A good friend of mine is a so called expert in biotech and has been pitching me about his ideas–but that sector is too unpredictable for me.

I know if I hold long enough, I will make plenty of coin in MTW, USG, BZH, BX, GS, MOS, RH, and WNC. But what else am I missing?

How about social networking?

Shares of FB and LNKD have done well; and YELP has managed a fair return, despite its high valuation. Perhaps it is time for GRPN, ZNGA and BCOV to surge. I believe GRPN is very undervalued.

Look at TRLA roaring today. How can you sit there and ignore the fact that housing is back? Zillow must follow suit, wait and see. But how about ANGI? My contractor pays ANGI $300 per month to bump to top of search results. That sounds like a terrific business model for them. He gets about 1-2 new clients per week using it. To him, it’s a highly profitable investment. Subscription based models are very attractive to potential suitors, due to predictability of cash flow. Unfortunately, The Street. bomb (TST) has failed in that regard.

The only way to save TST is to start over from scratch. Forget about Cramer and his idiotic salary.

JIVE is a name that seems ripe for the picking, as well as NXPI–who benefits from electronic and auto industries.

Remember GSVC and SVVC? Those stocks haven’t moved in ages. I believe GSVC still owns a chunk of Twitter. Perhaps it can make another run higher too.

The point that I am trying to make is– don’t limit your horizon to the view from your window. Sure, the volume stinks and not every sector is ripping. But we’re steadily climbing higher, while volatility and bonds get crushed. This is the proverbial sweet spot of investing.

From refiners to airlines, there have been countless winners. Find the next winner, or at least try your hardest. I know I will.

I added to my BZH position into this maelstrom of selling.

The ongoing calamity on the Carnival Cruise ship, ironically named “Triumph”, reminds me of an old movie called The Exterminating Angel.

‘People are fighting over food and stuff – that’s a bunch of savages. It’s ridiculous. Carnival has nothing at all in plan in case something like this happens.
source

In the movie, a fine assembly of aristocrats join for dinner–but for reasons unbeknownst to anyone–become “stuck” in a room, unable to leave. Soon enough, they turn into savage animals–killing each other along the way.

I reckon the same thing is occurring on the ship right now. 4,200 people went aboard, hoping for the time of their pathetic lives, only to end up on the receiving end of grave misfortune.

Human nature will never change. We always devolve to the lowest form of depravity, when adversity hits us hard. How many people are killed in nightclub fires– due to trampling and disorderly exits?

Panic is our #1 enemy. It is the very worst characteristic of man. It makes us do things we would never do under normal circumstances. When panic sets in, our brains turn off and we transform into cavemen, cannibals even, fighting for survival like stark raving mad lunatics. Pray tell me, if the majority of man believes in God and the afterlife, why do they become so desperate to save their lives?

Perhaps they are fighting for status quo, in order to see their family grow old, to enjoy the World Series and such.

Nevertheless, CCL is a short. Their accidents have become legendary and is bound to hurt business in the short term. Knowing American ingenuity, they will likely branch out to unsuspecting countries, like Nigeria, and offer cruises to see the Statue of Liberty. I am not touching the stock, either way.

Back to the subject of panic. How many times have you lost money or missed opportunities because you were scared, frightened to lose too much? More often than not, these feelings are a legitimate concern. What you should be asking yourself is “how can I avoid feeling panic in the future?”

The antidote is simple.

Never bet more than you can afford and be somewhat traditional with your allocations. The idea of turning $12k into a million is very nice indeed. But you cannot replicate lightening in a bottle. Anyone who tells you there is a formula for “quick get rich schemes” is simply lying to you for his own benefit.

A few years ago, I turned $100k into a million–but I was jumpstarted by a very large position of mine (FTK) tripling in value. I then proceeded to exercise leverage at 225% to play the ranges, using TNA and TZA as my tools. The PPT was my guide and I was impervious to defeat.

Then I took it to the next level and started to play options in a big way. I’d bet $250k on a single, short term, strategy–using greed as my vice. There was nothing remotely intelligent about this form of trading and eventually led to a 50% drawdown, before I closed out the account to finance the purchase of a new home. I didn’t need that money, per se. But it became a very big distraction for me, so I eliminated the distraction. Very simple.

If you are interested in longevity, especially if you are managing other people’s money, keep your position sizes below 20% and more regularly in the 5-10% range. Own a wide array of industries and never become fascinated with glamorous stories of stock market ascendency.

Like the lottery, only a select few will ever make money that way. The majority of people will lose their entire investment and more: their friends, families and retarded items of value etc.

I’ve been telling you about asset managers, Japanese exporters and of course a certain patent litigation play that is sure to make Tim Cook cry. But I haven’t really touched on my top 5 position, MOS. We are now in the planting season, small men reading the internets. Last year farmers received rail spikes through their stupid faces, thanks to mother nature bestowing dust bowls upon their property and livelihood.

To be clear, nitrogen and potash are going to be needed in great quantity this year, to stave off catastrophe. Yields need to be better this year, else prices are going up again. The Chicken Gods and King Obama will not like that.

There are many ways to skin this cat. You can play the water side of things, via irrigation plays LNN or VMI. Or, you can go straight to the source and buy MOS, TNH, CF and AGU. POT used to be in play; but now they’re just some stupid Canadian potash company that is poorly operated and unable to make its shareholders any money.

DE is always in demand and their earnings were good. Grain elevators will be needed (ANDE) and genetically modified corn is all the rage these days. You might as well join the dark side and buy MON.

Bear in mind, most of what MON stands for goes against everything that I believe to be sound and just. But making money is not about ideology–but realism. Go ahead and make some money off MON, then use the proceeds to buy your family some food from WFM.

Quit being such babies.

In my next post, I have two underdog internet stocks worth a dice roll.

“The Fly” closed the day punching off chest hairs like Bruce Lee, up 13% for the year. Through clever limit orders, I managed to partially divest from my gargantuan VHC position. I had to do it, so shut your cantaloupe heads and go back to playing second fiddle.

I’ve made millions this year and with the +13% year to date, I am only 15% from my all time highs. When I hit that number, and trust me I will (you can bet on 10,000 bibles), I am going to shut this stupid site down for an undetermined period of time. You’re all spoiled brats. You want picks from me, Chess, RC and everyone else. Yet what do you give?

YOU DESERVE NOTHING.

You offer nothing but drivel and when things go on pause for a few months, all of a sudden, you’re a financial guru–qualified to tell Le Fly how to run money.

Let me tell you something, little trollop: I’ve been doing this, successfully, since the 90’s (started from dirt). Keep listening to complete retards with no skin in the game, no real experience in managing large swaths of money. See where it gets you in the long term. I do more volume in one month than all of these clowns combined, over the course of a year.

A pathetic man once said “officer, some man in a black cloak just walked in here, with a giant bowling ball, and threw it at all of us, knocking us into the back of the lane.”