Elon Musk is Selling Flamethrowers Now; Prepare for Charred Teenagers

If I had a flame-thrower available to me as a teenager, I would of assuredly burned down my apartment and accidentally charred friends. Elon Musk is now selling flamethrowers, that emit flames under 10 ft, via his Boring Company website. While I do want one and probably will buy one, I need to ask the question that all of us are thinking right now.

How many people will die from Elon Musk’s Boring Company flamethrower?

Musk then proceeded to have fun on Twitter, whilst shilling for his deadly weapons.

The Boring Company flamethrower guaranteed to liven up any party! https://t.co/n2FiZimJia

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

When the zombie apocalypse happens, you’ll be glad you bought a flamethrower. Works against hordes of the undead or your money back!

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

Obviously, a flamethrower is a super terrible idea. Definitely don’t buy one.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

Unless you like fun

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

The rumor that I’m secretly creating a zombie apocalypse to generate demand for flamethrowers is completely false

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

You’d need millions of zombies for a so-called “apocalypse” anyway. Where would I even get a factory big enough to make so many!?

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

ATF says any flamethrower with a flame shorter than 10 ft is A-ok. Our design is max fun for least danger. I’d be way more scared of a steak knife.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) January 28, 2018

For a limited time only, Musk is selling 20,000 flamethrowers to a weapon crazed, psychotropic filled, ‘Merica.

The price of ethereum is rising sharply this evening, quickly and fervently catching up in market cap to Bitcoin. At the time of this post, ETH is at $1,248 with a market cap of $121 billion. Bitcoin is at $11,788 with a market cap of $198 billion.

More importantly, shitcoins are running higher in tandem. I’m presently exploring the purchase of a 4th alt-coin, to go alongside my portfolio of STORJ, ELF, and INS.

HINT: I’m interested in storage.

Dow futures are +55, Nasdaq +9. Nothing can stop us from achieving monetary greatness. I want all of you to participate in this rally, so that you too can survive on a champagne diet this summer — cavort around the country, hedonistically dining at all of the finest restaurants. Don’t forget to snap picture of said food items before eating them — because nothing says “I’m living the life” like an aesthetic photo of a Beef Wellington drenched in a red wine reduction.

Sadly, Le Fly must head out soon, off to do his Sunday grocery shopping. Aside from building an Orbital Space Cannon (OSC) for offensive purposes only, I also enjoy to both eat and prepare fine foods.

Heading into the week, I favor MYSZ, VNET, JT, FTK, and NUGT — but that all could change as events unfold in real time.

He was never a very good investor — but he was one of my favorite hedge fund talking heads, back in the old CNBC Europe days of 2008-2012, when it was hosted by Beccy Barr and others. I used to stay up all through the night watching Geoff Cutmore preside over the broadcast, interviewing all sorts of well mannered Brits, like Bob Parker.

I can honestly say it was the best financial TV I’ve ever seen.

Hugh Hendry shut down his fund recently, after returning -9.8% in 2017. Redemptions were rampant, reducing money under management to just $30 million. Summarizing his collapse, Hendry complained the markets were wrong and ‘it wasn’t supposed to be like this.’ Tell me about it.

We’ve all been there and I sympathize with Hendry, having gone through my own trials and tribulations, ups and downs in a post QE/POMO world that has perverted the ancient laws of finance.

In a brief, yet entertaining, 10 minute clip — Grant Williams interview Hendry to discuss his fall.

This is for your chartFAGS out there. I just did your job in 1 second, what would otherwise take you hours to find. You people truly are relics, old creatures living under the staircase. Start utilizing technology you fucking idiots.

Courtesy of Exodus.

SPPI
ATRA
RCKT
VXTX
SAGE
ACER
MTBC
SNSS
OSN
SRAX

This is some Ocean’s 11 type heist. Hackers snatched over $500 million in lesser known crypto currencies on Friday from Coincheck — a Japanese exchange run by retards.

On this news, shitcoins are higher.

Coincheck said that around 523 million of the exchange’s NEM coins were sent to another account around 3 a.m. local time (1 p.m. ET Thursday), according to a Google translate of a Japanese transcript of the Friday press conference from Logmi. The exchange has about 6 percent of yen-bitcoin trading, ranking fourth by market share on CryptoCompare.

The stolen NEM coins were worth about 58 billion yen at the time of detection, or roughly $534.8 million, according to the exchange. Coincheck subsequently restricted withdrawals of all currencies, including yen, and trading of cryptocurrencies other than bitcoin.

Cryptocurrency NEM, which intends to help businesses handle data digitally, briefly fell more than 20 percent Friday before recovering to trade about 10 percent lower near 85 cents, according to CoinMarketCap. Most other major digital currencies, including bitcoin, traded little changed on the day.

Coincheck management said in the press conference that it held the NEM coins in a “hot” wallet, referring to a method of storage that is linked to the internet. In contrast, leading U.S. exchange Coinbase says on its website that 98 percent of its digital currency holdings are offline, or in “cold” storage.

The Japanese exchange said it did not appear that hackers had stolen other digital currencies.

The Coincheck hack follows news in December that a South Korean cryptocurrency exchange called Youbit lost 17 percent of its digital assets. Its parent Yapian filed for bankruptcy.

An analyst from Morgan Stanley estimated in late 2017 that ~$630 million in bitcoin has been lost to hackers so far. If you enjoy to rob banks, clearly the best way to do it these days is to simply hack a crypto exchange, as their seems to be no way of identifying or stopping these crimes from occurring.

Let me demonstrate.

Obama's stock market pic.twitter.com/cCQ0SKrmef

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) January 26, 2018

Trump's stock market pic.twitter.com/iEjiUJpyOP

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) January 26, 2018

Closed out the day heavily long. Top picks RAS, MYSZ, VNET, NUGT, and FTK.

One of the advantages of having an actual time machine is being able to know the future. I can tell you with a certain degree of extreme certainty, crude is going back to $100, as part of the deal President Orange forged with the evil Saudis. In return for arresting Prince Alaweed (sp?) and ransacking his fortune, Trump agreed to push WTI back to $100. While this might seem petty to some of you, the President does have his caprices.

With WTI pressing higher, you’d be wise to position yourselves in fracking stocks. Once WTI breaks $70, all of the absolute faggots on CNBC will begin to travel to North Dakota to see if another oil boom is underway. They will find oil drillers fracking their hearts away, blackening the land with their chemicals — laying waste of environmentalists — killing off weak animals and vegetation at rapid rates.

Stocks like FTK, EMES, PUMP, FMSA, and HCLP will triple from current levels. The oil sector, while being the worst sector of 2017 next to retail, will in fact by the best in 2018.

All that aside, I am making gains in MYSZ and RAS. You might want to check your opinions at the door before entering House Fly — for you’re small experiences and stores of knowledge are absolutely shit compared to mine.

Markets are ransacking higher. Intel is +10%. Nothing you say or do can stop investors from expressing themselves through the purchase of stocks. In this regard, President Trump is a great champion, a hero of capitalism and business.

That being said, Le Fly took another trip into the jungles of the orient and purchased VNET. I like the MUH chart and believe, with all of my heart, that once it break 10 dollars per share, it will jump immediately to 20.

Indeed. This is the way capitalism works. If you disagree, you’re probably a racist.

The President will be talking extremely greasy in Davos, lecturing the marxists on capitalism and making America great again. In anticipation of his eminence, futures are +70. This is almost getting boring.

I’m very exhausted and feel like sleeping an entire day — but the show must go on. Just crossing the wires, both AUY and EGO caught upgrades by Credit Suisse. That should be good for a +10% rally in my EGO position — however gold is lower this morning so it’s anyone’s guess.

WTI is flat and the dollar is getting crushed by the euro by 0.4% — which is promising for commodities. The Bitcoin is being thrashed about by the cheek and gums — off by 6% to $10,400.

Welcome to Friday, the last day to make extreme dollars for the week.

The feud between America’s largest movie theater chain and the largest subscription service for movie theaters has reached a new fevered pitch tonight, which was brought to light by a random tweet by a Moviepass subscriber who complained on Twitter about her inability to use the card at an AMC theater.

In the thread, the official Moviepass twitter account confirmed the company was no longer working with AMC — which is likely a ploy to extract concessions from the company. My guess, they want in on the hot dog and popped corn sales.

The CEO of Moviepass, Mitch Lowe, responded to the drama with a brief statement.

“As of today, you’ll find a small handful of theaters are no longer available on our platform. Our number one goal as a company is to provide an accessible price-point for people to enjoy films the way they’re meant to be seen: on the big screen. Many exhibitors have been receptive to this mission, and we’re excited to keep working with theater chains that are closely aligned with our customer service values.

As we continue to strive for mutually-beneficial relationships with theaters, the list of theaters we work with is subject to change. We advise customers to always double check the MoviePass app for the most up-to-date list of participating theaters.”

According to Deadline, AMC stands to lose $2 million in weekly sales as a result of the ban.

It has been long rumored that AMC would, at some point, ban Moviepass from AMC theaters. Moviepass has made it clear they intend to extort concession stand revenues out of movie theaters by pursuing a purposeful ruinous business model which is intended to gain scale and importance, leading to power and mafia styled extortion. During AMC’s past conference call, the CEO insisted he would not ever share concession revenues.

AMC CEO Adam Aron: ”MoviePass paid AMC, according to our records, $11.88 for each and every ticket that it purchased for our mutual guest. That’s quite a gap, $9.95 a month versus $11.88 a visit. I must point out that’s very gracious of them and we appreciate their business, but I think it’s also important to make clear that despite claims they’ve made to the contrary, AMC has absolutely no intention, I repeat no intention, of sharing any – I repeat, any, of our admissions revenue or our concessions revenue with MoviePass.”