NOTHING CAN STOP ME

I have three stocks up double digits today: BITA, ZUO, and IQ.

What are you doing with your lives?

Discretionary account up a cool 5% today, long a double dipped average upped BITA from the $23’s. I edged into that fucker sideways and have now turned up vertical — skyrocketing with my balls flapping in the wind heading for the sun.

Let this be a lesson to all of you ham and eggers out there: never bet against “The Fly”, do so wittingly, end up in the back of a courtroom during bankruptcy proceedings.

I bought into ZUO in spite of today’s jump — based off better than expected results. These guys make a killer app for SAAS companies. At this point, buying stocks that fuel growth in SAAS is the single best place to put money. I cannot stress this enough.

My current SAAS portfolio includes: SMAR, ZEN, HUBS and ZUO.

Other stocks in my discretionary account ripping tits are BITA, IQ, and ENPH.

I cannot be stopped and will never lose again.

UPDATE:

Trump tipped off markets.

Looking forward to seeing the employment numbers at 8:30 this morning.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 1, 2018

The U.S. economy added 223,000 jobs in May, while economists polled by Reuters expected a gain of 188,000. Average hourly earnings, meanwhile, rose 0.3 percent last month while the unemployment rate ticked down to 3.8 percent.

Yesterday’s trade war fears are in the rear view mirror now. Futures are +190, but WIT is off by 0.7%. It really looks like seasonality has taken hold of oil and shot it down for now.

Europe is up across the board, led by the enslaved Italians +2.3%.

May was an excellent month, except if you were long mega caps. Stocks over $100b in market cap returned just +1.28%. I was smartly positioned in the $1-5b market cap quintile and netted a return of +4.54%. The overall market, encompassing more than 5,000 stocks, returned +2.3% for the month.

Here’s how the returns broke down via market cap.

$1-5b: +5.4%

$5-10b: +2.53%

$10-50b: +0.76%

$50-100b: +0.3%

Over $100b: +1.28%

Under $1b: +4.83%

My positions actually underperformed the overall quintile I was in — merely a case of bad luck. This rarely occurs. Overall and year to date, my quantitative portfolio is up a headache free +8.6% — this includes the hedging escapades I’ve been on via GLD and TLT.

For June, I’ll be positioning in almost all new stocks in the same market cap quintile, and both my GLD and TLT positions will be reduced to 5% and 0%, respectively.

Some of you are really smart, but at the same time extremely dumb and lame. Your skills aren’t transferrable and your methods cannot be passed onto your children. If your investment process isn’t repeatable, it isn’t relevant, and it certainly isn’t desirable for investors who require a methodology to place stakes.

Machine learning is going to ravage the Investment Advisory industry over the next two decades, especially displacing those who refuse to use tech to manage their investments. Gone are the days when an advisor can simply show his clients a bunch of useless charts and get money to invest in those dog-shit stocks with fleas.

Money is to be managed with a plan, a process that is measurable and could be passed onto future generations.

This is exactly what I am doing in Exodus Quant — and I am happy to announce we fucking ripped off the skull of the S&P 500 and ate its brains this month. It was a meal that was as delicious as it was grotesquely violent.

Here was the portfolio for May.

This portfolio yielded a return of ~4.5% — 230bps better than the SPY.

We’ve beaten the SPY every single month of the year and will continue to do so — because it is a better process — rooted in logic and fundamentals.

My new portfolio will be published inside Exodus tomorrow morning.

Before

After

Canada’s President, Trudeau, said US tariffs were “totally unacceptable” and issued his own set of taxes to be levied against US products. Over in Europe, they did the same and I’m sure down in Mexico too. It’s the greatest nothing show the world has ever known — men clad in burlap outer garments trying to act tough, but in reality they have zero aircraft carriers.

The United Steaks can literally wipe Canada off the face of the planet, occupy all of Europe and force them to speak our brand of English, especially during business meetings.

I suppose some people are concerned about the tit for tat nature of these tariffs, but I’m not. I’m sure this is more Trumpion economics, the proverbial art of le deal. Very soon, Mr. Donald Trump will appear glowing from this blessed grandeur, a negotiating machine, inking new deals — saving the American people billions. People throughout the world will like it too, because a good deal is good for everyone, right?

This being the last day of May, let this serve as a reminder. Tomorrow the Exodus Quant portfolio gets an adjustment. For the month of May, returns looks to be at ~5%, sharply crushing those of the SPY. For free trialers wanting to join the league of gentlemen and become a proper paying customer, pleas wait until your trials have expired.

All in all, today was a fine day to eat sandwiches and ignore the market. I stepped in and bought SMAR and that worked fine. Maybe tomorrow I will sell BITA, once it gallops above $30. We’ll see.

I don’t give a shit about market drawdowns — Italian elections, or anything else for that matter. I’m gonna make money regardless, or as some of you absolute morons like to say ‘irregardless’, and that’s all there is to it.

I added a third SAAS stock to my active portfolio, buying new issue SMAR.

Software sales is the new boiler room. Lots of money to be made there.

Prove me wrong.

Morning lads

I saw futures plunge and European markets fall in tandem and began to worry about those god damned Italians again. But then I looked at Italian bonds and saw they were rallying, offering me a well deserved sigh of relief.

Then I got curious about the drop in the DAX and all of the recent chatter around DB — a fucking stock down more than 45% this year, and voila — I found the news.

It was already a terrible week for Germany’s largest bank, when the Italian turmoil sent its stock price below €10 for the first time since the bank’s existential crisis in the fall of 2016, and it just got worse this morning, following reports that the Federal Reserve has designated Deutsche Bank U.S. operations to be “troubled condition” which the WSJ said was a rare censure for a major financial institution and is being reflected in its price this morning, which is now down over 5%, at €9.35, and rapidly approaching the all time low of €8.834 hit in September 2016 when speculation was rife that Germany would bail out Europe’s largest lender.

As the WSJ reports, the Fed’s downgrade took place “secretly” about a year ago, and hasn’t been previously made public until today.

In short, the Fed put DB on their ‘to worry about’ list last year and revealed it today, so now everyone is running around with their hair on fire. Please. Buy stocks.

Gains in the euro have dissipated and the Dow is off almost 100, the Nasdaq is higher. While DB is a horrible bank with fraudsters at the helm, only interested in bonuses, I do not think their $50 trillion derivatives book blows up today. Higher rates doesn’t help — but last time I checked — German 7yrs are in NEGATIVE territory, so higher rates isn’t really an issue in Germany.

Is it?

In today’s edition of fake news, Trump apparently told France’s Macron that he was going to stop those pesky Mercedes Benzes from driving down 5th avenue, implying he’d slap the shit out of Germany with tariffs.

The catamites at CNBC are quick to disseminate.

President Donald Trump is preparing to block German luxury carmakers from the U.S. market, according to an exclusive report by German magazine WirtschaftsWoche.

Citing several unnamed U.S. and European diplomats, the weekly business magazine reported that Trump told French President Emmanuel Macron last month he would maintain his trade policy with the aim of stopping Mercedes-Benz models from driving down Fifth Avenue in New York. The report didn’t give any further details on what polices would be used to effectively ban the premium carmakers.

The report comes less than two weeks after the U.S. Department of Commerce launched an investigation into automobile imports to determine whether they “threaten to impair the national security” of the U.S. That could lead to tariffs of up to 25 percent on the same “national security” grounds used to impose metal imports charges in March.

Europe’s autos sector was trading lower shortly after the report was published Thursday, with German automakers leading the losses during mid-morning deals. Shares of Daimler, Porsche and Volkswagen were all trading off around 1 percent on the news.

Volkswagen was not immediately available for comment when contacted by CNBC Thursday, while Daimler refused to issue a statement.

The White House did not immediately respond to CNBC’s request for comment.

In other news, Trump is also crushing the people of Mexico and Canada, by imposing evil taxes on steel and aluminum. It is widely rumored that both nations will need to find other things to do with their time now, such as farm for maple syrup or make pinatas in the shape of donkeys, in order to make ends meet.

The United States is likely to impose steel and aluminum tariffs on Canada, Mexico and the EU Thursday, according to a source familiar with the decision.

The source, who preferred to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the situation, said the tariff decision is coming this morning and is “99.9” percent done. The U.S. expects the EU will retaliate in due course.

Metal producers in the countries affected had been granted a temporary exemption from the tariffs earlier this year, but they are due to expire Friday.

The tariffs were originally announced on March 1 when President Donald Trump said that the United States was being treated unfairly.

“People have no idea how badly our country has been treated by other countries. By people representing us who didn’t have a clue,” Trump said, arguing that trade trends “destroyed” American steel and aluminum industries.

On Wednesday, a trade delegation led by U.S. Commerce Secretary, Wilbur Ross, met with European Union counterparts in Paris but those talks appear to have failed.

Prior to the expected announcement, the French Finance Minister, Bruno Le Maire, said Thursday that Europe would take “all necessary measures” to respond. The EU has previously said it will impose its own tariffs on U.S. products such as motorcycles and jeans.

Also, Morgan Stanley downgraded MU this morning — because they have no idea what they’re doing and wanted some press.

Nasdaq futs are +10, WTI -1%, Eurostoxx 50 +0.4% and the Euro is +0.3% — because the Italians have been put in their fucking place — back in the kitchen and the garden, where they belong.