Here Are 5 Reasons For You to Be Bearish AF

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Let’s make this simple.

1. Dollar strength. This spells doom.

2. China trade war.
3. Riskiest stocks heading fast towards recent lows.

4. Catching knives is fucking retarded.
5. Traders have hard-ons for retesting lows.

We’re 400 NASDAQs away from recent lows and the breadth is terrible today. If we gap higher on Monday, I’ll likely switch my bias again. Bear with me as I figure this out. But as I do, I’m doing it with a small portion of my investable dollars. Heading into today, I was 55% cash. Closing out the day, I am 70%. Perhaps that’s what you should take from me most today, uncertainty.

Admittedly, I had it all planned out. I was going to preside over my Thanksgiving table, which would be festooned with festive flowers, and rich foods and meats, proudly declaring to be thankful for having accurately “NAILED THE FUCKING RAM TO THE WALL”, making bounties worth of coin in the stock market. I’d viciously rip into a turkey leg with my teeth and declare the feast to be live and ongoing. While my kids cringed at the moment and slinked into their chairs and below the table, I’d produce a properly frapped champagne and pop the cork into the face of my least favorite guest — by accident of course, and then wildly splash the wine all over the table and over my head. Then I’d crash out of the window, onto the yard below — running off into the sunset en route to the green fields of Romania to spend the balance of my days there, tending to goats and mountain people.

Instead of all that shit happening, I sold out of my SAAS plays now. Losses ranged between -2.5 to -9%. Stop losses will be adhere to at all times.

With some of the proceeds, I bought 3x ark, long TMF — because markets are crashing again and America is a safer haven. Our military might will see to it all buy our bonds, one way or another.

Presently, I am long CANG, TMF, LABD, DBX, DOCU, and TLRY. My cash position is 70%.

My theory: markets crater next week and retest and make new lows. Then we’ll bounce off the lows and rally into Turkey Day.

PROVE ME WRONG, FUCKERS.

I bought some LABD today, because FUCK SCIENCE.

The earth is of course flat and the moon is an alien planet base, hollow and advanced, which will one day fly away and leave our oceans to flood and destroy the planet, just like it did in the times of Noah. You’re gonna need an ark young man, believe me.

Everything is bad, except TLRY. It seems to be behaving very well.

So what the fuck is going on with this chart of the Nasdaq?

I’ll tell you what the fuck is going on. This market is fixing to retest those god damned lows. Any idea how painful that will be? Believe me, a lot. Now we can change all of that shit, with a little verve and positive energy. Everyone form a circle and hold hands. While you do that, I’ll sacrifice the  baby goat and pour its virgin blood over your heads and then light a chicken on fire. Very delicious, believe me. After that, I have these Jim Cramer voodoo dolls that I bought in Haiti. We can stick pins in them and pray to, err “The Gods”, for stock prices to reverse crescendo and lift, the fuck, higher.

I’m getting my cock chipped away at with TLRY. I was up 30 points and now I’m down 5. ‘Tis is life. One second you’re on top of the world, the next a homeless bum seeking out cigarette butts.

Look, I realize you’re confused and do not know what to do. Relax, no one really knows what to do and we’re all guessing and making bets based upon assumption. But you can control a few things, such as position sizes and stop losses. Do not let the smoke from the fires blind you to where you’re trying to go.

Still long a bunch of declining stocks, and also DBX — 60% cash.

My issues look to be somewhat resolved in Exodus. We have a brand new API for data and the latency is very low, and clean, and beautiful. I was out all day, cavorting around Princeton in my corduroys and vest, Americano in tow. I’m not a dandy, mind you. Look at me sideways and I’ll bust your jaw for you.

I see stocks were down and tech down miserably. I sold out of SQ today for a 7% loss and my cash position is now 60%.

I gave back much of my praised and glorious winship in TLRY today. I’d like to blame it on the fact that I was literally not at my desk for a single minute today; but that’s no excuse. I merely looked at it, saw it was only 5% of my portfolio, and decided to let it ride. Had I been at the desk, I would’ve sold it — almost assuredly.

Tomorrow should be a normal day for me and I really do need to unwind a little bit. Between my poor sleep habits, stress at home and at work, Le Fly’s life expectancy is quickly barreling towards zero.

NOTE: Yesterday’s purchase were executed under the assumption that prices might come in. The idea was to be long from now until Turkey Day. That theorem still applies and I will use said cash to double down on my present positions.

Whenever I upload a video to Youtube with Cramer in it, the fagLORDS from NBC have it removed. I suppose Cramer is a very valuable person to attract ad dollars and NBC will be damned if the plebs get to enjoy his brand of propaganda anywhere but NBC. They own his ass.

The big news today: OIL ENTERS BEAR MARKET.

Cramer opines on that, providing some rationale, and paints a grim picture for crude.

Dare I say “BOTTOM”?

Day three of my crisis.

Dear diary

My quotes in Exodus aren’t operational, rendering most of the platform a useless piece of garbage. Since I am without tech, I am forced into the streets with a tin cup filled with money, offering it to the passerby codes-men to assist me. Every once in a while, I get someone to take some of my money — but they fail to fix it. My subscribers are getting restless and soon, I suspect, will begin picking at the castle walls with their rakes and shovels. I’ve tried to temper them with comedic acts and winning stock ideas, and that has worked for a short while — but I can tell tensions are rising and they’re beginning to hate my guts.

At the moment, I have two codes-men having a look at it and one is trying hard, the other, not so much. He does have a real job, after all, and the money in my tin cup isn’t much interest to him.

For now, I press on — very sad and downtrodden. I haven’t eaten in 10 hours and refuse to find pleasure in most things, instead opting for a punitive existence.

I guess markets are resting after yesterday’s ejaculation. Maybe it’ll go to sleep now, wake up tomorrow, and then ejaculate again next week.

What a glorious day. See how much better I am than you, as far as investments are concerned? I’m probably a better writer, faster reader, cook, cocktail maker, joke teller, and have a better sense of fashion too. But that’s as far as I’ll go. I lost my hair a decade ago and that was really sad; but now I don’t give a shit. People ask me, ‘Fly, if they cured baldness, would you slap some hair on that there cue ball of yours?’

The answer is, inexorably, no. Fuck hair and fuck your shampoo. That shit has cancer in it. I wash may head with god damned soap, a big old bastard bar of soap. I’m not at the shave your head baldness yet, as I like to pretend there’s still something there to maintain. But I don’t use no god damned shampoo.

My TLRY is +22 points from this morning. None of you can hold a candle to me, zero.

That being said, I’m here to help, your stock monkey who toils away at the hot laptop spitting out outrageous stock picks for absolutely no reason at all.

In other news, Sessions is gone. Good news for Hillary haters. Finally, that bitch can find herself into a prison cell. Thank God. Also, maybe Trump has Mueller arrested too?

Remember who called this shit, you ingrates.

Good times!

My spirits are rising, with the good fortune of my stock purchases. Markets continue to rise, as predicted, heading towards, and herding tightly, Turkey Day.

I bought the following stocks this morning. Try and stop me. I’ll rip your arms and legs off.

SQ, TLRY, NEWR, HUBS, DOCU, DBX, TEAM.

Cash is 55%.

Don’t ever leave messages in the comments section alluding to GNC as a stock that might go higher. GNC will go bankrupt one day — because Amazon says so. I just bought a flurry of stocks, none of which is any of your concern. Like I said, dour mood and all that. My cash position is down to 55% now and the reserves will be left for safe keeping, just in case I’m suddenly wrong, after 21 successful trades in a row.

Right now I have a bunch of shit running through my heads, things I’d like to say to you, all very mean and cruel, but I won’t say them. I don’t really mean it anyways; I just have a warped mind that thinks darkly.

THE ELECTIONS ARE OVER AGAIN. All of the democrats in NY and LA are jerking off to pictures of Barack Obama. They have the house again and now Trump is really gonna get his due — that racist homophobic bastard.

I am 99.99999999% sure markets go up from here. As a matter of fact, if we’re not higher by Thanksgiving, I’ll donate this website to charity and let some homeless dude take over the mantle of The Fly. He’d probably trade better than half of you losers. There I go again, saying things I don’t mean.

I’ll have you know, I’m a really nice guy. Ask anyone who has ever worked for or worked with me, a regular charmer.

At any rate, if I’m right about the market and you’re wrong, I get to cut your throat and see you bleed out. Deal?

Let the games begin.