GET ON THE ARK!

The cyber ark — you fucking clowns.

Bought CYBR here without fear, two balls on the table speed chopping one carrot as fast as I can.

Now that I’m no longer in the business, I relish the idea of destroying financial advisory firms, leaving them in tatters and also in ruins. Naturally, if you adopt my quantitive models or your own inside Exodus — you are exempt from my wrath and I’ll also assist you in using it to raise assets.

All that aside, I’m proud to announce the Exodus Quant Alpha Strategy crushed the market again in August, netting a return over 5% — more than 200bps better than the SPY. If you’re curious about it and want to know how I’m doing it — take a free trial and request a demo. I’ll talk your ear off about it and extol its virtues live and in person.

Here are the returns per month, YTD.

August: 5.1% (not final)
July: 2.25%
June: -0.41%
May: +4.5%
April: +1.04%
March: +0.5%
February: -6.1%
January: +6.1%

Net return YTD: +13.2%
SPY return: +8.6%

My active account is up much more than that and I enjoy doing it a lot more — but this isn’t designed for outrageous returns, simply an unemotional approach to asset management using big data and AI to navigate markets, in an attempt to trend follow as well as front run big asset allocations.

So far, so good.

I’ve got a new store and I sell nothing but Lulu Lemon fagWEAR, maple syrup, and of course cannabis. I sell it for medicinal purposes, so that people could get stoned and laugh at things that aren’t really funny.

It’s healthy to smoke pot — because it kills your braincells and ensures you’re not smart enough to worry about life. As you know, stress is the #1 killer, responsible for all sorts of ailments. Do yourselves a favor, go to your local dispensary and acquire some drugs. You can eat them in food, inject them, or simply smoke them. The young whipper snappers like to vape these days, get stoned, and then eat a lot of Mexican food or sloppy Joes. Back when I was a teen, we’d roll blunts and then eat Chinese food, watch some movies, and morph into philosophers and men of letters.

Now that I am old and an odious monster of a man, I do not have an interest in getting high. It’s not becoming of a man of 42, ugly, and bald. Instead, I am the proud owner of shares of CRON and will now profit from the demise of Canadian braincells on an industrial scale.

The trade is simple: sell after this move has exhausted itself, not a second sooner. Stop is at $9. Other stocks in sector moving include TLRY and CGC.

I don’t give a fuck and have no problem riding this into parabolic territory, which would be above $14.

I talk a lot of shop here and I like to boast and brag about my victories; but here’s some advice that will cost you money and without the specter of profit.

Do something fun this weekend.

If you have a family, it’s easy to decide what to do. Visit a park with rides, a beach resort, or take a trip to see something beautiful. But many of you are also single, internet creatures who haven’t the slightest idea what to do with your spare time. I am here to help.

If you live inside a major city, go enjoy the arts, museums, galleries, and then treat yourself to a 3 star Michelin dinner. While single, you might as well improve yourselves with a little culture and experience.

If you live in a suburban hell-zone, might I suggest hopping on an airplane to a major city and doing exactly what I just suggested above?

Other things to do:

Visit mansion museums of historical relevance (Newport, RI, Asheville, NC)
Best beaches in America (Florida, Maine, Cape May, NJ, Delaware, Carolinas)
Golf
Go on tour to find the best lobster rolls in the Northeast
Visit a great park and go for a long hike or bike ride
White water rafting
Paint gun shooting
Zip lines

Botton line: go outside and get some sun. It’s good for you and you’ll feel better for it. Add a little variety to your otherwise monotonous schedule.

As an aside, markets look fine. Exodus Quant returned upwards of 5.5% for August, 200bps better than SPY. Come take a free trial or join now and get the picks for September, which will be executed on Tuesday of next week.

No one knows what exactly is the end game here with the tariffs. I am beginning to suspect he doesn’t want to broker deal, but instead have the taxes in order to reduce the deficit. If you recall, Trump is the one who wanted to remove tariffs with the EU — now it isn’t good enough.

The European Union is coming to Washington tomorrow to negotiate a deal on Trade. I have an idea for them. Both the U.S. and the E.U. drop all Tariffs, Barriers and Subsidies! That would finally be called Free Market and Fair Trade! Hope they do it, we are ready – but they won’t!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 25, 2018

Source: ZH

EU olive branch.

“We said that we are ready from the EU side to go to zero tariffs on all industrial goods, of course if the U.S. does the same, so it would be on a reciprocal basis,” Malmström told the European Parliament’s trade committee. Sending the ball in the Trump’s court, she said that “we are willing to bring down even our car tariffs down to zero … if the U.S. does the same,” adding that “it would be good for us economically, and for them.”

And Trump garbage can.

“It’s not good enough,” Trump told Bloomberg News during his extended interview, in response to the EU proposal. The reason: “their consumer habits are to buy their cars, not to buy our cars.”

Trump then said that the “the European Union is almost as bad as China, just smaller.”

If we are to go down this road and protectionism is truly the narrative for 2019, you’re gonna want to allocate into small caps, who are largely exposed to the domestic market, immune to the pangs of trade war.

About $200b in new tariffs will be affixed to cheaply made Chinese wares soon and that is causing people to sell their stocks. Please.

Get a hold of yourself, man. This is nothing more than a weigh station, en route of finer destinations.

The imposition of the $200 billion tranche would be the biggest so far and would mark a major escalation in the trade war between the world’s two largest economies. It is likely to further unnerve financial markets that have been concerned about the growing tensions.

China has threatened to retaliate by slapping duties on $60 billion of U.S. goods. The Trump administration is finalizing the list of Chinese targets and tariff rate, which could range from 10 percent to 25 percent, following six days of public hearings earlier this month.

Trump’s plan to bring down his biggest hit yet on China comes as two-way trade talks show little signs of progress. Discussions between U.S. and Chinese officials last week in Washington yielded few results, thwarting hopes for a quick deal.

Separately, Argentina raised their interest rates to 60% fucked.

All that aside, I took the opportunity to raise cash and book much deserved and hard fought profits. For the love of God, I was in this JG since August the 21st. I just sold it for a 60% gain. Additionally, I sold HUYA and IIPR for 0.6 and 6.5% gains, respectively.

Nothing stops me. I am now 28 for my last 31 trades, 50% cash, eagerly awaiting stupid people to do stupid things.

I am King SAAS and I order you to acknowledge my purchase of AYX.

Do not believe my word, but take the President’s instead. He’s privy to all sorts of non-public information and knows more than anyone how prospective trade deals are developing.

The news from the Financial Markets is even better than anticipated. For all of you that have made a fortune in the markets, or seen your 401k’s rise beyond your wildest expectations, more good news is coming!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 30, 2018

Being a man of sound mind and cool temperance, I look at the tweet above and think ‘he’s not lying.’ He might lie about a lot of things and is suspect AF when it comes to recalling events as they happened, but he knows this. The stock market is his saving grace, the one thing he can turn to and say ‘look how much Wall Street sucks my cock’ and do so with a smile.

Bottom line: Stay long and buy more.

I bought YEXT higher from where I sold it — because I want to play the earnings and hear about their deal with amazon. I also bought DATA — because ‘open field’ running with socks off and all that.

Earlier today, I bought MEDP — because I’m a scientist all all that.

A whimsical market of carnivale proportions. The only thing to do is look at your JG position +60% from your basis and yearn for MOAR.

Top picks into tomorrow: JG, MEDP, YEXT, DATA, TENB, and CBLK

Seeing that everything in my account was on cruise control, steadily and gingerly sauntering higher, I ventured out into my backyard to have a cigarillo under a very large maple tree. It’s an old tree and is one of the many shaded areas in my yard, which is ensconced by countless hours of landscaping — done by my own hand — wild flowers, boxwoods, dozens of trees, plinths, urns, bird houses, and stone benches.

Under my maple tree is a country styled picnic table, wooden and strong. I sat there and drank my coffee and enjoyed my cigarillo, with the tunes of Bing Crosby haunting in the background. The leaves from the ash and the lime trees gently fell onto the ground, as a mild breeze passed through, illuminated by the sun, which was both strong and warm.

I have few cares that concern me, neatly wrapped in a bubble of my own making. The troubles of the world are distant to me, especially since I’m not really part of society. I own a successful business and with the money that’s generated from it I invest in the stock market, which is grand and easy — at least for me. It wasn’t always this easy. Back in 2014, I lamented the market and wanted to get out of the business. I was harangued by client phone calls throughout the day, subjugated to countless hours of toil, clerical duties not befitted for a man of my style and means. One of the best things I ever did with my life was giving up the money and instead pursuing something I enjoyed doing.

Nowadays, I get to do what I like, when I want, and have little to no regrets, other than the loss of income — which is not something to worry about since the market is more than generous and makes up for any burn that I might otherwise incur.

I go to work and I get to write, help ordinary people navigate the markets, making them extraordinary. I know it’s not always going to be like this. There will be a time when we’ll harken back to these days and pine for them — the jarring losses will be hateful and the market will, once again, be something to lament. Until then, enjoy the music as it plays and be grateful for the opportunity we have been given.