UBS: Shut Up, The Fed Isn’t Going to Lower Rates

According to the Fed Watch tool created by the boozehounds at the CME — the Fed is going to cut rates 3 times before year end. This might seem foreign to all of you — but the odds are the odds and betting people are rolling the dice on this occurrence.

Over the past few days, seemingly responsible analysts at Goldman and UBS have countered this notion, suggesting it would be retarded to cut rates with unemployment at 3.6% and markets near record highs.

UBS

“While the Fed may eventually be forced to support growth, especially if the ongoing trade dispute with China inflicts lasting damage on capital spending and employment, we don’t expect a rate cut soon,” says Mark Haefele, UBS’ global chief investment officer.

UBS believes recent economic data has been “mixed,” rather than weak, which don’t warrant an easing of monetary policy anytime soon.

The bank cited unemployment rate “at a multi-decade low of 3.6%,” “robust demand for workers” and high consumer confidence.

Goldman

Although it is a close call, we still expect the FOMC to keep the funds rate unchanged in the remainder of the year,” says Jan Hatzius, the bank’s chief economist.

Chairman Jerome Powell said last week the Fed will “act as appropriate to sustain the expansion.” Goldman said it was not a strong hint of an upcoming cut.

The fed funds futures market is pointing to a nearly 70% chance of a rate cut in July and about 60% probability of three rate cuts this year, according to the CME FedWatch tool.

Shut the fuck up UBS and Goldman — you know nothing. The Fed and their terrible ways have kept markets from achieving a grande eloquence unseen since the 1920s. If it weren’t for the Fed, according to POTUS, the market would be 10,0000 points higher. Ergo, and this goes without saying, The Fed should now cut interest rates by 100bps in order to give the people its 10,000 points.

Do not stand in the way of progress, mate. Futures might be soft this morning, but I bet they wouldn’t if the Fed had DONE THEIR JOB and lowered rates and started buying fucking mortgage bonds again.

Even though I think stocks look weak, especially healthcare, I shall not short them. I am constantly reminding myself that only the biggest idiots sell short. Amongst the biggest idiots short, only the dullest of lamps shatter their faces across the market in a manner that seems both stupid and cruel.

You cannot sell short stocks while an Apex Narcissist is President.

Get that through your thick skulls.

For the day, I coasted, bought an old man stock and also an end of day ripper into the AM. Not much else to say other than ‘see you fuckers tomorrow.’

You’re tempted to sell short now because we bounced off the top and now diving lower. So what? Shut the fuck up already about it. If you’re scared of the market heading lower, raise cash or buy some old man stocks.

This too shall pass. Nothing can stop us now. You’re impervious to any meltdowns. The market is designed to trade higher. Betting against America is a fool’s errand. The jobs market is on fire. Long term cap growth is the way of the future. Nothing can stop progress.

It’s a beautiful thing, truly — lack of inflation and all that. Family healthcare is running hot nearing $2k per month. You have to make $200k to insure a family of 5 in a proper way, otherwise pay cash and cross your fingers that no one gets sick.

Life at the grocery store has never been better, for grocers. Trying to feed a family of 5 organic food will cost you anywhere from $1750 to $3200 per mo, believe me. Couple that with your beautiful non-inflationary healthcare expense, and you’re looking at over $50k in expenses — and we’re not even getting started on cars, cost of living, and of course mortgages.

The United States has VERY LOW INFLATION, a beautiful thing!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 11, 2019

In other news, The Fed has no idea what they’re doing!

This is because the Euro and other currencies are devalued against the dollar, putting the U.S. at a big disadvantage. The Fed Interest rate way too high, added to ridiculous quantitative tightening! They don’t have a clue! https://t.co/0CpnUzJqB9

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 11, 2019

Bear in mind, had it not been for those rascal kids at the Fed meddling in Trump’s affairs, the market would be TEN THOUSAND points higher.

I know, I know…

PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 11, 2019

I too wanted to see vegans BTFO, in spite of my respect for their discipline. See, Le Fly tried being a vegan for about a year and found it to be incredibly hard and annoying. It was, however, good, in the sense that it provided a sense of regimen in my diet and offered me the opportunity to be extreme obnoxious while dining at restaurants.

Ever since BYND started to trade publicly, steakFAGS have been out to get it — and they’ve been utterly and completely BTFO. The stock is +100 points since 5/2 and there is nothing to be said about it, other than ‘nice showing.’

Today, a retarded analyst from JP Morgan, who is more than likely irrelevant in every aspect of life except this, downgraded the shares — with a very cute catch phrase.

The firm downgraded the stock to “neutral” from “overweight” and kept its price target of $120. The alternative meat company reported stronger-than-expected earnings last week — its first report since going public. The stock is “beyond our price target,” J.P. Morgan analyst Ken Goldman said in the note to clients. The share price has already exceeded the price target of every analyst on Wall Street and short sellers have lost more than $400 million betting against the plant-based burger maker’s stock since it went public, according to research firm S3 Partners. “This downgrade is purely a valuation call,” J.P. Morgan said. “As we wrote last week, ‘At some point, the extraordinary revenue and profit potential embedded in BYND… will be priced in’ – we think this day has arrived.”

Fuck off.

Listen to me as if your head was trapped inside a giant trombone.

Stocks are designed to trade higher. You only lose money in them when you veer off the plantation and into small capped shit. Providing you own the same stocks House Dupont and all of the other illustrious houses own, you will do fine. If you try to circumvent the circle of trust, you will be eliminated. If you attempt in any way to get splendidly rich in a manner that is viewed untoward by the elite, the IRS will imprison you. There is a certain method to the decorum that is demanded here and the only way to achieve lasting, generational, wealth, is to be a sheep and go with the status quo.

Failure to adhere to these warnings will result in a life time of poverty, toil, and misery.

If you do not know how to do this, I can show you how it’s done in the Exodus Quant. Join and find out.

It was a solid day, with many leaning in short at the end of the session — hoping for a reversal in the AM. I took out another End of Day trade for an overnight hold. My last 5 picks have been of the most supreme quality. You’d be wise to view them below.

I bought PINS on Friday and sold it today for a +9.5% gain. Very simple and easy — even an idiot moron can do this.

As you were.

Tired of winning yet? Not only do you get a roaring stock market and a great big beautiful southern border wall paid for by Mexico — you also get lower interest rates, because Trump wants stocks higher by another 10,000 points from here. If you short stocks now, you will be dickless for sure. There is nothing on this planet that can stop Trump, not even Mueller. He is, essentially, impervious to the pangs of civil and non-civil society. He is able to operate inside and outside of the law without regard for ramifications or collateral damage.

If he wants to blow up Iran on Tuesday — he will. If he chooses to sink the Dow 900 points on Wednesday, nothing will stop him. He does as he likes, at his pleasure, whenever he wants.

Trump declares tariffs are a ‘beautiful thing’. In other words, prepare for MOAR.

President Trump doubles down on his tariff strategy after a border security deal reached with Mexico.

“People haven’t used tariffs, but tariffs are a beautiful thing when you are the piggy bank, when you have all the money. Everyone is trying to get our money,” Trump says during an impromptu interview on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.”

Trump says his threat to impose tariffs on Mexico encouraged the country to agree to stronger immigration enforcement, and he predicts the strategy will be successful with China.

Keep your rape kits handy, especially if you’re heavily invested up here. We are just 1 caravan away from Trump rescinding on the Mexican deal and 1 failed meeting with China from Trump flowering Xi with another $300b in goods to be heavily taxed by America, the Piggy Bank.

I bought ZM at $94 on Friday and sold it now at $102. Just like that, real easy — like stealing diapers from a baby.

I’ll be doing another end of day overnight hold in Exodus today.

Last 4 picks (I’ve only been doing this for 4 days):

ROKU +6.4%
DUST -2.9%
AYX +5.5%
ZM +8.5%

What the fuck is going on here? How is it that markets are more or less at all time highs, unemployment is at record lows — yet the fuckers at the Fed are going to cut rates THREE TIMES before 2020? This is now being priced in. I want you, the unwashed reader class pleb, to explain that to me.

In other news, CRM is buying DATA in an all stock deal. What else would they use — cash? Pffffff. This should light a fire under SAAS stocks. Since I bought on on Friday, I am pleased.

On the heels of Google buying analytics startup Looker last week for $2.6 billion, Salesforce today announced a huge piece of news in a bid to step up its own work in data visualization and (more generally) tools to help enterprises make sense of the sea of data that they use and amass: Salesforce is buying Tableau for $15.7 billion in an all-stock deal.

The latter is publicly traded and this deal will involve shares of Tableau Class A and Class B common stock getting exchanged for 1.103 shares of Salesforce common stock, the company said, and so the $15.7 billion figure is the enterprise value of the transaction, based on the average price of Salesforce’s shares as of June 7, 2019.

And then we have a litany of Trump tweets to not discuss. I’m tired and bored of the same routine. We should simply expect to be surprised at all times.

Oh, and Justin Bieber challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA styled fight on Twitter.