Trump Would be ‘Perfectly Happy’ Slapping China with New Tariffs; Futures Rise

If you think you’ve got it all figured out for the week ahead, think again. Trump sent his lap dog out tonight to offer a foreshadowing of things to come.

In other news, China is killing America, more than ever, on the trade front. BTFO.

China said on Monday its overall trade surplus in May was $41.65 billion, significantly more than expected.
Economists polled by Reuters had expected China to post an overall trade surplus of $20.5 billion.

That trade surplus number is so ridiculous, I reserve the right to withhold my opinion on it.

Dow futures are +100. I have a few trades that I’ll be liquidating in the morning, both will be for profit. Perhaps I’ll dive back into gold on this dip — who the fuck knows? I am having my driveway sealed tomorrow, so that’ll be fun. After that, I expect more chicanery and things of that nature.

Trump is going to do something again, and soon. There is fucking crazy in the air — be on guard for it.

You’ve heard about the toil and my plight of keeping a perfectly clean and sterile home whilst trying to sell it. On Friday I was up very late cleaning, scrubbing and mopping, hard and good, in preparation of a showing on Saturday. It came and went and we assumed all went well. Our home is lovely and clean, and priced right.

This morning while taking breakfast, clad in my pajamas, a sudden key entered into my locked front door and voila! — a family of 5 appeared with an old seahag realtor — claiming to have a ‘confirmed showtime’ today. Sitting there, bellowing out from my kitchen to the front door, my wife made it perfectly clear that we were at home and the showing was for Saturday. After a brief moment, the seahag figured out she had made a grave mistake and then begged our pardon. I said we could vacate in about an hour — to which she replied ‘no, that’s too long — my clients need to buy a home today.’

What the fuck? Who buys homes on the spur of the moment like that anyway?

The family and the realtor then proceeded to loiter in front of my home for the next 20 minutes, much to the chagrin of Mrs. Fly — who then quickly ordered everyone to get up and scrub and clean and toil quickly and to be on alert for new surprise visits.

FML.

Scrubbed all last night until my hands were raw from chemicals — making sure I did ‘a good job.’ Exhausted from a week without sleep, crashed after a hot shower at around 2am while watching a YouTube video about cooking on my phone.

Woke up very early to the nervous chattering teeth of my coyote at 5:30am because she had to relieve herself in my yard. As I made my way down the stairs, an allergy attack afflicted me, so I took some Claritin. After the coyote came back in, I washed her paws to prevent her from dragging in mud and giving our home a homeless man aesthetic.

I went back to sleep for another 2 hours and then hopped in the shower and then did some yard work, cleaned some windows, and then turned on every single light in the house — while also packing in a bunch of stuff into my car — to de-personalize the house and make it look like ghosts lived in it.

I sat down at Panera Bread for a coffee and a croissant and my coyote immediately diarrhea’d all over the concrete and my other idiot dog shit a log in the adjacent garden. I had to clean up both — because everyone else was too disgusted and their sensitive natures made it impossible to be of any use.

After breakfast, I drove a car filled with people around to various stores and sat idle with dogs in a heavily air conditioned car while they spent money on meaningless things. After an hour or two (who’s counting?) — I drove back home, shut off all the lights, turned on some Duke Ellington music, and opened up my laptop to write this blog.

Looking ahead, I envision myself eating out tonight, partaking in more toil, crashing after a hot shower — while watching some chef cook something I’m not going to make anytime soon (can’t cook in house while we’re trying to sell it).

Presently exhausted — hoping to catch my first wind.

How many times do these poor people have to get destroyed? It feels ritualistic, as if there’s some hand out there purposely luring people into bearish positions, only to quickly and savagely destroy them. After a week like this, I’ll need several gimlets tonight.

Things at House Fly took a turn for the disastrous this week, with my car needing $6k in repairs (fuck you Mercedes Benz) and the all cash buyer of my home backing out last minute. So now I’m back on the grind, toiling until the darkest hours of the night — making sure each and every crevice of the house could be eaten off from. I will be scrubbing all night long, good and hard, making sure I do a good job.

Tomorrow, complete strangers will cavort inside of my home and point at things they like and harshly critique some of the things that vex them. Most of these people are fuckers who like to house surf, non-serious about buying — wasting time for a living.

As you readily know by now, we canceled free trials at Exodus this week and stock picks will NO LONGER be given on the main site. I keep repeating this point for people just tuning in. After the summer, I might resume with the picks. Some of you don’t give a fuck — others do. Either way, it will not stop me from providing valuable insight. It’s just that, as a matter of fact, many of you good and fine people out there are blackguardly parasitic wastrels — and I mean that in the finest way possible. I love you — because I love what I do here — but we can’t have a symbiotic relationship here with me always giving and you doing nothing but taking.

On the issue of stock picks — I’ve started a new scheme where I’m selecting one stock for overnight holds. Yesterday’s was AYX, booked a 5.5% gain, before that DUST and before that ROKU. Today’s pick was very good, I think. I’d tell you — but it’s for closers only, fuckers.

HAGW.

I’ll tell you how.

It’s Trump, that’s how. The man is obsessed with the fucking stock market and treats his position as means to plunge the market whichever direction is feels like it. He’s no different from one of those Robber Barons you’ve read about — operating outside of the law or within the law because the country was lawless, in order to build extreme wealth for the purposes of sport.

The surprisingly weak jobs report for May, with just 75,000 jobs created, shows that the resilient job market is now being hit by the same weakness cropping up in other parts of the economy.

Economists say it’s now likely the Fed will move to cut rates this year, possibly as early as July.

Treasury yields, which move opposite price, continued to fall sharply, and the futures market moved to price in an almost three-quarter point rate cuts by December.

Now we’re factoring in nearly a 100% chance of a July rate cut. Today’s jobs report pushed it over the ledge. What’s hilarious is as you go down the line towards December — the rate cuts get more and more severe — with some pricing in 100bps in rate cuts.

What else can I say? Markets haven’t been free for a long time. Now the manipulation is ribald and gauche and in your face, like a neon green summer jacket and it’s disgusting, but at the same time easy to see and even easier to pick pocket.

You can buy growth and make a fortune. I’d argue that now is not the time to dive headlong into growth, but you won’t listen anyway. I’ve been doing a pick of the day inside Exodus, which is designed to be an overnight hold. Buy in late afternoon, sell in the morning. Yesterday’s pick was AYX — surging 6% today. I sold. You’re welcome.

You will see how much you miss my stock picks here in due time.

In the meantime, I wanted to show you something.

LOOK AT IT. That’s the winning sector today, during yet another melt up. My old man portfolio is up nearly 400bps this week. Why? Because as treasuries plunge, people who vie for income need to find yield, so they swap out of bonds and into high paying dividend stocks. The best dividend stocks are slow growth, high free cash flow, generating machines. REITs, Utes, consumer staples etc.

If you position there now, I’m fairly certain you’ll be set for the summer months, and you’ll even look like a genius if the market should reverse lower and those aforementioned sectors resist the selling hordes — because of their defensive posture.

Massive miss in the May nonfarm payrolls.

May Nonfarm Payrolls 75K vs 180K

No one gives a shit, sans the bond market — who are chimping out now hardcore — pressing the 10yr to 2.06%

U.S. 10-year yield plunges https://t.co/2lV78SsiUJ pic.twitter.com/Q7WyLVk80i

— Bloomberg Markets (@markets) June 7, 2019

In case you’re wondering why futures are +100 while yields are getting crushed — here it is.

S&P SPDRs futures spike on headlines that the U.S. has decided to give some China products additional time to avoid tariff hike

See: Trump is a fucking brainlet. He just does things out of impulse and then quickly corrects his first instinct with a more measured approach. This is fine thinking, if it were not for the fact he was President and his actions causes stocks to plunge and surge with every god damned tweet or idea that emanates from his empty head.

I have such fond memories of Barnes and Noble’s. When I was young the library was the primary place to get books and do research. Later on, Barnes and Noble’s came to the scene and was viewed as this giant corporate bookstore that was menacing small shops out of business. If you’ve ever seen the 90s hit movie “You’ve Got Mail” — you’d know the film was talking about good old Barnes.

As a young adult and father of 3, I visited the store at least once per week. We loved it there, especially because it was so big and even had Starbucks inside of it. As a young stockbroker, it was one of the first stocks I pitched to prospective clients. The pitch was easy — Amazon was a flash in the pan competitor who would eventually fail — because Barnes had the real estate and the true connections to their customers. People ate it up.

Now with the benefit of hindsight, that was all horseshit. While BKS came to the scene as a giant corporate monster ferrying small bookstores to the waste bin — they ended up the small bookstore being executed by the new and bigger evil corporate monster — Amazon.

Funny how that worked.

End of an area — Barnes and Noble’s has agreed to be acquired and will be going private.

Barnes & Noble to be acquired by Elliott Advisors for $6.50/share in cash, or approximately $683 mln (5.96)
The $6.50 per share purchase price represents a 43% premium to the 10-day volume weighted average closing share price of Barnes & Noble’s common stock ended June 5, 2019, the day before rumors of a potential transaction were reported in the media. The announced transaction with Elliott is the culmination of an extensive Strategic Alternative Review conducted by the Special Committee of the Barnes & Noble Board of Directors, which was announced on October 3, 2018.

Thou shalt not short stocks. The exchange is now managed higher by the government. Come to think of it, providing you buy big companies — this is the easiest money you’ll ever make. Whenever things start to go wrong, simply sit there and laugh at stocks. When you see people tweeting about shorting and betting on zero, find solace that you will soon own their homes and be the cause of their divorce.

Look at how the market looked bad just last week. Now we’re running hot and higher. You cannot stop it.

Borrow money from the mafia, or local loan sharks, and margin it out on the Nasdaq. There is a nice arb there, believe me. Can’t fucking lose.

It’s impossible to short this tape. Semis were down 25% the past month and the only appropriate approach to that price action was to laugh and snort a loong line of cocaine. Trump is a fucking retarded orange ape who is blatantly manipulating stocks for reasons unbeknownst to me.

All I know is — this news is fucking stupid on top of stupid.

So Trump says Mexican is gonna get the hammer and then immediately reverses that decision and decides to, ummm, delay it? This is called petulant fucking moron, playing games with markets for the sole purpose of either greed or avarice.

This is not an anti-Trump screed. This is an anti-moron screed and I’m sick and tired of everyone interfering with the natural order of markets.

Self inflicted wounds cure immediately by faux elixirs. This has been occurring for the better part of 2 1/2 years — ever since he got elected.

The main takeaway: Trump is too narcissistic to ever let stocks decline. Buy all dips and never sell short, or hedge, because it’s a waste of time. Let’s be honest. All of you TSLAQ faggots out there will get the rope too.