All American Rejects: Gives You Hell

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“The Fly” has multiple events to partake in, within minutes of this post ending. Therefore, I’ll be brief.

People are panicked over a potential BAC bankruptcy, while bidding up commodity/Chinese stocks. It’s rather insane out there.

All of the economic data is rock bottom abysmal, yet many of you big booted clowns are bullish.

Why, fucktard, why?

Into the bell, I will be long FAZ, SRS, DUG, ERY, TZA, EEV, CHL, FXI, MT, JRJC and BUCY.

I do not expect to make a killing with such a convoluted composition of financial instruments. However, it is not my intent to do so. Indeed.

In a period of outright trickery, I have no interest in taking on a lot of risk. As you notice, the lion share of my long positions are chicoms, mainly because they are masters of “the art of fuckery.”

Best case scenario: the market dives and my chicoms go up anyway. Shit like that can only occur in the great walled country of the angry panda.

I assert, with a stiff backbone and chest full of hairs, this market is about to get “RiverTwiced” in a very hideous Zach Karabell sort of way.

Oh well, you cannot say “The Fly” did not try to be bullish.

Ladies and Gentleman, the bull market of 2009 is over, despite only lasting 2 hours. As you sit there, in your Chinese outfit, sipping on disgusting black tea, you lose money.

Naturally, my Chinese securities are still green (CHL, WX, JRJC, FXI). You might ponder or wonder in amazement, “Mr. Fly, how is that so?” I would tell you, if it didn’t require me punching a jelly donut into your fucking face.

The banks and the CRE shall and will be punished through large capital losses.

People I know, in the business of shorting stocks to zero are pointing their guns at stocks like MAC, KIM or even SLG. Let it be known, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER is having a glorious day, with his longs up shorts down.

To summarize my day in one blog post would be disrespectful to the laws of reason and honour. All of you bottom picking motherfuckers are about to get an early burial.

I am “ostrich trading” today, ignoring the news, buying the orient.

Thus far, I’ve built up decent CHL/FXI positions. Now, in an unbelievable twist of events, I am buying JRJC, and a little WX (thin trading), with several others on the soon to be bought list.

I know the news is bad and I am still saddled with lots of short positions. However, for today, I feel like throwing a few old dudes under moving buses.

Some of my long positions include: MT, BUCY, PFE, MOS, CLX and even a little MVIS.

Sometimes life throws unhittable curve balls at you. It is my job to kick the catcher in the chest, throw dirt in his face, then proceed to take first on a passed ball.

As for the banks:

Sure, they’re fucked. But don’t tell that to the idiots buying GS up at these levels. Those guys are serious about losing money.

In short, get drunk and buy a few chicoms.

I bought 10,000 JRJC, just south of $9.30.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 WX @ $5.62 (tester position)

Disclaimer: If you buy JRJC or WX because of this post, the next time you visit China a tank will run you over. And, you may lose money.

Finally, we have someone to do the news on iBankCoin. His column is not officially up on the front page yet. However, we will have it all set up by tonight.

I give you CRONKITE.

The point of his blog is to deliver the news, sort of like Fox News without all the fair and balanced shit. He is an industry pro with more experience than all of you assholes combined. If you have any news tips or suggestions, feel free to drop him a note.

Another win for the Godly folks at iBankCoin.

As I sit here, drinking copious amounts of vino, like a fucking catholic priest, an epiphany hit me like a bag of rocks under a busy overpass: buy China.

Just do it. There are so many laughable reasons to spit on their graves, stemming from their make believe shopping malls to their hilarious unemployment problems. Just know this: most riots will be met with tank shells being lobbed into small villages.

My bearishness is so ridiculous right now, I am my own contrary indicator. For fucks sake, the world isn’t ready to end yet. I haven’t even advertised iBankCoin on CNBC yet, talking shit about Mark Haines and his fat fucking stomach. And, I have yet to sky dive into a giant bowl of jello.

Plus, Howard is writing books and shit. I am a much better writer than he is, as everyone north of Atlantis knows.

So, where am I am going with this post? For all you know, I could be fucking with you, writing this shit as a joke, in order to sucker punch some of you with poisonous peanut butter sandwiches.

No, seriously speaking, I will commit X amount of dollars to “Chinese fuckery,” mainly because it makes me feel like a sophisticated “man of the orient.” I wear the garb and talk the language, when ordering food on the phone; I might as well “go all in” and buy up millions of dollars in equities too.

Here are some stocks in my shopping carton:

CHL, CSKI, YZC, COGO, LFC, NTE, CHA, STV, WX and EDU.

NOTE: There will be more “Chinese Burritos” worth perusing, many, many more.

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Men with burlap shirts bought a variety of stocks today, mainly to “test the waters” and fish for a market bottom. Unfortunately, those same men will soon become victim to gruesome financial castration, as the deflationary vortex settles in.

Mind you, I’ve been buying “all things Chinese,” as of late. However, I do so, not necessarily to curry favour [sic] with a certain Chinese official, but instead to take advantage of wholesale, and rapid, Chinese fuckery.

Only a grande [sic] country like China can seemingly buck the current trends, with up equities in a down equity world. Having the great displeasure of being cursed with gifts of insane investment skills, “The Fly” is forced to hedge his short bets with longs.

Just to recap: the market tricked lots of people into egregious long positions today. Under the surface, STI, GE and BAC are in grave danger of credit downgrades, which in turn will cause sheer panic on Wall Street.

Life is like a game of scratch off lotto. Every once in awhile, it makes sense to buy a bottle of Snapple Iced-T instead. However, I’ll have you know, this is not one of those times.

NOTE: Ignore all “bitch of a whores” on CNBC.

NOTE II: Internet guru, investment genius, Howard Lindzon has a new book out: “The WallStrip Edge.” If any of you are interested in building a web venture, I strongly suggest buying this book. Despite Howard paying me to write this, the book is a good read.

I bought 2,000 CHL @ $45.37.