Party Over At Woodshedder’s

Everyone get their rulers, heroin needles and graph paper out and head on over to Wood’s blog. He promised me he would host a fantastic soiree, with lots of charts, guns and Southern paraphernalia on display— for your perusal and liking.

He also posted some pretty kick ass statistical data.

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That’s it folks. We had a chance to take the initiative, but blew it. Blowing today’s opportunity is equal to not asking out that girl you liked in High School. Hell, you could have married her and had kids—lots of them. Instead, you’re just some schmuck watching the computer box, filling out eharmony questionnaires. Now we get to feel the wrath of assholes who profess a “15% correction is necessary.” It’s as good as done.

Following yesterday’s thumping, it was imperative for the market to punch higher today. Yet, at the end of the day, all we got was milquetoast.

Fuck green shoots and fuck all of the inventory corrections. The market has failed and will now resume getting APE RAPED, until old crickety men, like Warren Buffett, rescue the markets, via one-sided financing deals.

Oh well, it was nice playing pin the tail on the bearshitter. Now get ready for fire and black smoke.

Enough of this homo-tape. We need crowbars to the mouth, in order to establish discipline in this market. You know, it really pisses me off that all these retarded talking heads are espousing a “summer sell-off,” or “resting period” for the markets. Guys like THE COMMODITY KING aka Dennis Gartman, who have been wrong since birth, are calling for an extended period of market weakness, due to what? Due to the fucking lines on their charts, breaking meaningless moving averages? You have to be fucking kidding me. Just because everyone believes in the tooth fairy doesn’t make it true, if you know what I mean.

Fuck off and cop a walk.

Nothing has changed from two weeks ago. We are still in the same crappy economy and people are still losers. But is fair value for the Dow 8,300 or the same value of 11 years ago?

People need to chill the fuck out and drink more. You fuckers need more alcohol in your bloodstream and less opinions coming from your stupid mouths.

“The Fly” has allocated zero resources towards tolerating nonsensical prattling, from the likes of CNBC or blogosphere “experts,” most whom have never had to put real money on the line, minus their bullshit 5 figure 401k plans or queered out online trading accounts. Don’t talk to me about your plans or what you think will happen: I don’t care.

I have things to do, important things.

Into today’s dip, OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] and Umpqua Holdings Corporation [[UMPQ]] are buys, to suggest otherwise is plain ol’ blasphemy.

We are at a crossroads, gentlemen. Quit smiling, acting all retarded, this is a very serious matter. The first person caught smiling gets his/her mustache punched off.

We are at a crossroads and we need to sprint higher, or else overweight slobs will dance on our freshly dug graves. With regards to the markets, this is a matter of life and death. Hence, it is NOT a laughing matter.

I’ve been busy thinking of ways to ensnare him (the bear). He is clever and is unrelenting in his efforts to destroy all people associated with the ownership of stocks.

So far, so good, with oil charging higher, the dollar stuck in the sewer, we have a better than average chance to win today. Most of my positions are higher, marginally—except for the whore of a bitch Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . Thus far, my late date ball grab, buying 5,000 [[ERX]] , was accurate, as oil stocks lead the way higher. And, I am pleased to report, [[ENTR]] is not acting like a soon to be bankrupt sinkhole.

Nonetheless, we are not out of the woods yet. The market needs to move 100 Dow points higher, in order to grab the attention of pigeon brained money managers. We must lure them into ideas about “window dressing” and showing their idiot investors how smart they were this past quarter.

At the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of FAZtards and FAStards, battling it out for some worthless currency.

The following stocks were mined, in a very environmentally unfriendly manner, using my custom OVEREXTENDED (possible short sale set ups) screen, using The PPT.

Palm, Inc. [[PALM]]

Tempur-Pedic International Inc. [[TPX]]

Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]]

[[CAB]]

The Cheesecake Factory Incorporated [[CAKE]]

Whole Foods Market, Inc. [[WFMI]]

Savient Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[SVNT]]

Dendreon Corporation [[DNDN]]

Isle of Capri Casinos [[ISLE]]

That’s right, I’ve done lost my mind, posting charts and shit.

What that means is none of your concern.

More on this later.

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“It is gift opening time.”

Life isn’t about outfoxing the next guy, via wit and ingenuity. It’s about offering a butterfly knife to your enemies eye, then BBQing it for a late afternoon snack. In other words, crazy people were shorting stocks last week, while me and my ilk were popping champagne corks like faggots at an art gallery.

I thrive off of adversity. I am not happy when things are going swell. It seems, I tend to ignore my own advice, in order to create custom made murderholes, built for men like me to dig out of.

Instead of hedging my bets, as discussed earlier, I bought more. I swear, sometimes I look at my moves and think “WTF did you do that for, asshole?” But, eventually, it all works out, like a sloppy Joe on a toasted bun.

My reasons for buying [[ERX]] : my balls told my brain and my brain forced my hand to click the mouse. Fairly straight forward, balls to brain indicator, if I might be so bold.

Today’s losses were fairly “chockful,” led by oversized scum bag stocks and whores represented by letters of the alphabet.

God willing, money managers will pebbles the size of cantaloupes will buy tomorrow’s opening decline. However, my end of day gut check suggests I am in for a fierce “punching off of the face” first thing tomorrow morning.

I bought 5,000 [[ERX]] @ $27.80.

Disclaimer: Don’t bother.