DEATH TO VINCENZO

Just in case you’ve been unsuccessfully trying to visit this Goldy website wondering: “WTF is going on with this geocities type, slow, piece of shit offal of a site,” I can tell you the problem.

VINCENZO.

We have two IT guys on iBC: Jeremy and VINCENZO. Jeremy created all of the good stuff: web design, widgets, PPT etc. VINCENZO is in charge of the server and bandwidth concerns. We keep him holed up in a “cold room,” where he keeps busy with his spaghetti and meatball meals, large vats of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. From time to time, he causes catastrophic, irreversible damage to iBankCoin, such as now.

Early reports indicate that VINCENZO dropped an entire pot of gravy on our servers, slipped on the scattered pasta, then accidentally kicked an entire basket of bread crumbs into iBC’s server rack. As a result, the site as been intermittently offline. As I write this, VINCENZO is mopping up the gravy and picking out small pieces of embedded sausage from iBC’s expensive hardware. I authorized the purchase of new equipment and the suspension of VINCENZO, for an undetermined length of time.

God willing, the site will be running smoothly, able to handle all of the auto-refreshing cocksuckers, who bog down CA’s busy trading room, first thing Monday morning.

As an aside, I blew out of 50,000 FITB, north of $7.90 and I bought another 25,000 FTK, around $2.60. Into the bell, I like stocks, but feel comfortable raising a little more cash. I will sell out the remainder of my FITB position, north of $8. And, I sold out of my ATHR position, north of $18.85.

UPDATE: I sold out of MWA, north of $4.25.

UPDATE: I have been raising my cash levels, through various sales, and now possess a cash position just north of 10%. Over the weekend, I will post my top 10 positions and strategy, exclusively, on The PPT.

This market is very hard to keep down. I would not be surprised to see a late day rally punch the chest hairs off of overzealous bearshitters. Already, I am seeing signs of strength amongst numerous industries. ATTENTION BEARSHITTERS: You’re better off letting off a few rounds of a howitzer, into your face, than fuck around shorting this market.

I have numerous chores to attend to today, such as dealing with asshole general contractors. Needless to say, this post has to be brief.

Just know this: I will buy FTK, FNSR, OVTI and GME on dips. Into strength, I like FITB, ENTR, ARD and SD. Bottom line: we rally hard into the bell, much to your chagrin.

I was on the phone with Mr. Woodshedder this evening, when all of a sudden, a loud thump echoed throughout my office. I told Wood “it was likely a painting that fell off the wall.”

Upon further inspection, I was correct. A painting did indeed fall off the wall.

The bad news: IT WAS A PAINTING OF A RAGING BULL, as in BULL MARKET.

EEEEEKKK. Hide the kids. Lock the doors and quit molesting your birds. An ominous sign of apocalypic proportions has befallen Senor Tropicana. I felt is was my duty to inform the underbelly of the financial community, aka you, of such enormity.

Nah, I’m just fucking with you. Alphadawg is going on vacation/life journey and will not have time to fuck around with the internets. Despite never speaking to Alpha in real life, I greatly appreciated his efforts to iBC and PPT. He was a true professional and will be missed, in a very non-gay, testosterone laden way.

Should he decide life just isn’t the same, without the internets, Alpha can have his blog back whenever he wants. In the meantime, I will convert his blog into THE ALPHADAWG MUSEUM OF FINANCE and EGREGIOUS TRADING ACTIVITY, for all new iBC’ers to visit.

Alpha: you will be immortal my friend.

As for today’s tape, I made “fuck you money” in a variety of names, including an intra-day purchase of UNG, posted in real time, on  The PPT.

Also, I had gains in [[ATHR]], [[DELL]], [[ARD]], [[MWA]], [[FITB]], [[ENTR]], [[FNSR]] and [[SIFY]].

I regret selling [[ERX]], [[CROX]] and [[LVLT]]. However, that’s life.

Regarding LVLT, the company is definitely a takeover target. Starting next quarter, they will be cash flow positive and would make a ton of sense for [[S]] to just swallow them whole.

At the point in the rally, I am no longer looking for themes or new angles on how to play the tape. I have shifted my focus from “aggressive degenerate” to “how do I keep these gains, without being a pussy?”

In short, I need to start taking profits. I started selling yesterday, via my 2nd largest long: ERX. I suspect this rally will continue, providing the dollar/oil relationship continues. Into strength, I will lock in 75%+ gains and step aside or get small.

My goal is to be in a 50%+ cash position my July 4th. Until then, bearshitters: fuck off.

NOTE: As of 3:47pm, “The Fly” was up another 1.75%.

You sit at your desk, with sweaty palms and a messed up hair do. Your enemy, the ASSHOLE MARGIN CLERK, approaches. She wants you to “magic jack” out of your positions, due to a potentially dangerous negative equity situation.

See, you’ve been shorting the nasdaq, via QID, for more than a month. It was your belief that the United Steaks of Fat Ass Americans were going to stop eating, drinking and wasting money on $500 shoes. In retrospect, you now realize how woefully wrong you are, short into the teeth of the sharpest reflation efforts in U.S. history.

Unfortunately, it is a lesson paid for with your soul, alongside your bullshit brokerage accounts.

The game is over. The clerk is taking matters into her own hands, since you chose to hide unde your desk, like a little bitch. Gleefully, she will liquidate your bullshit QID position at the least opportune time. She will wait for it to print a new intra-day low then fill your market order.

The moral of the story: never bet against the man in the time machine.

Top picks: UNG, ARD, FTK

I always say: “it’s not a game anymore,” because it isn’t. If I was a 5 year old, I’d take large permanent purple markers and graffiti your face, for being so stupid.

You’re the Donald “Bankruptcy Expert” Trump of this stock game, while I am Ty “steel tips in your chest” Cobb, but with an aluminum bat—not that wood shit. It’s like I’m hitting small rubber balls with a clown sized titanium bat; and you’re running into Wrigley field-esque brick walls trying to catch them.

With the mini melt up this morning, I like FiTB, FNSR and ATHR. Naturally, I am talking my own book.

On dips, I like FTK, TRID and MWA.

Bottom line: dollar down + oil up= fire your phone company, I’ll see you next time. Oh, and I will see you bearshitters later, around 2ish, when your margin clerks start magic jacking out of your positions, effectively throwing gasoline on today’s rally fire.

and…

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjtEQjLwqf4 616 450]

I am too good to address you hapless bastards directly, so I will talk to myself.

Tropicana: Hey Fly, you did pretty good today, especially with your egregious FTK positions. The bears really do suck goat balls, you have to agree.

Fly: Yeah, I agree fuckernutter. But, I also think that you should shut the fuck up and quit trying to be my friend. If you need a friend, go feed the homeless. The way I see it, I win all the time, while you just sort of roam around the office all the time, dressed in that faggot robe and sandals.

Tropicana: (takes a swing at Fly, but misses)

Fly: Ha, ha. I win again. (throws contents of diamond encrusted chalice on Tropicana’s face)

Tropicana: Fine. Have it your way. Just know this, the next time your picks go bad, don’t come crawling back to me, begging like a little bitch, all worried and shit about your homo stocks.

Fly: I don’t need the likes of you. You are a fucktard, best suited for hospitals, getting your appendix ripped from your torso.

Tropicana: On the contrary, my little insane friend. You are a big mouth show off, who would not last a minute in the S. Bronx, without having to give up the car keys to your bullshit Lexus.

Fly: Fuck off, jelly donut man. I bank coin. I’d rather fuck an aardvark than drive my car into the S. Bronx.

Tropicana: Well, I’ll have you know, I was up 5.55% today, stretching— mind you— my year to date gains to north of 75%.

Fly: Oh, yeah, well, I was up, ummm, 5.55% too.

Fly & Tropicana: Asshole (spoken simultaneously)

The beige book data indicated economic contraction, into early May. However, there were signs of a rebound in housing. Nonetheless, the data was Yankee bullpen shitty, with the overall theme pointing towards deflation.

Well, shiver me timbers, oil is breaking the necks of lower class commuters and the metals are acting as if “global growth” is back in full force. I realize, deep down, the next sick trade will be on the short side. I am sure there will be an empty elevator drop over the next 3 months. My plan, as always, is to be in cash, during such said events.

There is so much money being printed now; it will be hard to stop this runaway train. The new money is not only plugging holes, but chasing assets. It’s obvious, as well as evident, those fiat dollars are chasing stocks, like a gorilla in a banana tree.

There is nothing legitimate or legal about what world governments are doing, via manipulating prices. But, as a manager of assets, my job is to determine the future move in equity valuations, not bitch and moan about the fucked up nature of the collective printing presses.

My money is better off alongside the criminals than with the likes of you, which in a fucked up way makes me an accomplice to a crime against humanity. Try and catch me, see what happens, fuckface. I’ll knock your sideburns to the front of your head, then off.

Top picks: FTK, OVTI